"What do you want me to do Mark? I've been watching him destroy himself for almost 4 years using your sister and my friend as an excuse. I can't do it anymore. I'm done." Benny yelled going into his room as Collins sat on the couch silently.
"What the hell am I gonna do? I can't do this alone." Mark said looking at Collins.
"Mark, we can't help him until he wants to be helped. Otherwise, we're just fighting a losing battle." Collins told him calmly.
"Why am I the only one who wants to help him?" Mark asked pacing the apartment.
"Because he doesn't want us to help him. You tried everything. He just keeps going out and using. Nothing is working." Collins told him looking back at him.
"How did it get this far? I was supposed to take care of him. I promised her I would." he told him sitting on the window seat.
"Mark, you can't beat yourself up. You are not responsible for him. He's a grown man. You did everything you could do." Collins said getting up to join him.
"Collins, she was my best friend. How am I supposed to let the love of her life die like this?" he said looking over at him.
"He wants to die, Mark. He hasn't been the guy that we knew since she died." Benny yelled coming out of his room.
"Do you remember the day he asked her out?" Mark asked looking over at her.
"Yeah, I do. But that's not who he is anymore." he answered looking over at him.
"He came to me and asked me if I thought she would say yes before he even asked her out. God, he was so nervous. I mean, here he was, the cool Roger Davis coming up to me asking if my sister was seeing anyone. He looked like he was gonna throw up or something." Mark said looking at Collins as he remembered that day in school.
"I never pictured Roger being nervous when it came to asking a girl out." Collins said laughing.
"Oh he was. He'd been talking about asking her out since the 7th grade." Benny laughed looking up at him.
"And then you should have seen him when I accidentally told Mandy that he was nervous about asking her out. He was so embarrassed." Mark told him smiling as tears came to his eyes.
"What did she say?" he asked smiling over at him.
"She thought it was sweet. She thought everything he did was sweet. And when he was with her he was. You should have seen him. You wouldn't have recognized him then." he said smiling back at him.
"She did. It was so sickening." Benny laughed looking over at him as Mark got a real serious look on his face.
"Mark, I understand you want to help him. I really do. But you lost her too. It's not fair that you feel so responsible for him." Collins said putting his hand on Mark's shoulder.
"The night she... my mom was supposed to pick me up from my film class at the community center, but she was late. I was sitting on the steps when Roger pulled up. When he told me she was gone, I felt like the world had ended. My sister Cindy never wanted me around, but me and Mandy were so close. She always looked out for me. Even with her snobby friends. She never left me out of anything. I never thought I would get through losing her. When me and Roger got to the hospital, he wanted me to go in with him to see her. You should have heard him. He kept telling her how much he loved her and their baby and how he was never gonna forget them. And he kept apologizing to her. He felt like the accident was his fault. She hated driving but she had to pick up her dress and she didn't want him or my mom to see it, so she went out alone. She went to the garage where Roger worked to surprise him while she was out. She was on her way home to get ready when this drunk driver ran a stop sign and hit her. The cops said she never had a chance. He hit the drivers side door. Her and the baby died almost instantly. I told her I'd take care of him. She always wanted us to be friends. But how could a friend let him get this far gone?" Mark explained crying uncontrollably.
"You didn't let him. He let himself. Numbing the pain of losing her and their child is the only way he can breath. He needs to deal with losing her before he can actually move on." Collins told him comforting him.
"How can he deal with anything if he's high all the time?" Mark asked looking up at him.
"He'll wake up. You'll see." Collins told him wiping Mark's tears.
"Yeah, when? April killed herself 3 months ago. He hasn't been to a doctor. He doesn't have medicine. At this rate, he's gonna die just like he wants to." Mark told him sniffling.
"When he's ready, then he'll deal with it." Collins told him as Roger stumbled into the loft and went straight into his room, without a word to the three men who occupied the living room.
"I'm gonna go in and talk to him." Mark said wiping his eyes as he went to Roger's room.
"Do you think that's such a good idea? Now?" he asked looking over at him.
"Will there ever be a good time?" Mark asked looking up at him.
"I guess not. Good luck." Collins said going into his room.
"Roger, it's Mark, I'm coming in." he told him opening the door. When he entered the room, Roger was laying on the bed. He was rolled up into a little ball crying and he was shaking. "Roger, we need to talk." he said carefully approaching the bed.
"Can it wait, Mark? I'm kind of not feeling too hot." Roger begged as Mark put a blanket over him.
"Roger, what's the matter? Are you sick?" he asked feeling his head.
"I'm fine, it's just been a while since I scored and I really need it." he told him wiping his eyes as he pulled the blanket tighter around him.
"No you're not. You're going through withdrawal." Mark told him sitting on the bed.
"Yeah well, I don't want to go through withdrawal. I need to score and I'm out of money." he told him angrily before laying back down and clutching his stomach in pain.
"Roger we need to talk." Mark said looking down at him.
"What do you want?" Roger asked shivering.
"You need help. You can't keep using and avoiding the fact that you have HIV. You really need to get to a doctor and get off of the heroin." he told him firmly.
"Mark, now's really not the best time." Roger told him in pain.
"Well Roger, I'm really sick and tired of watching you go on like this. Mandy wouldn't like seeing you like this." Mark told him as Roger struggled to sit up.
"Don't you talk about her. I don't want to hear anyone talk about her. She doesn't belong here. She was kind and gentle and pure." he yelled before grabbing his stomach again.
"I get to talk about her, Roger. She was my sister and I lost her too. I lost both of them. I loved them too, you know? You act like you're the only one who lost them. You're not. You're the only one not honoring them. Do you think Mandy and your child would want to see you like this? Killing yourself. Wasting away like this?" Mark yelled getting off of the bed breaking down as Roger did too.
"Mark, I was gonna spend my life making her happy and loving her. I decided that when I was 16 years old. And now they're gone and I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. The songs I wrote were for her. Every breath I took was for her. I can't do it anymore. God, you say that you're my friend but you don't act much like a friend when you expect me to go on after losing them. Nothing that happens to me could ever compare to what happened to me that night. The night that was supposed to be the greatest night of my life. The night I was supposed to marry her, became the worst night of my life. Nothing can compare to that. I just want it to be over. Why can't you understand that?" Roger yelled crying to him.
"Come here, I wanna show you something." Mark said wiping his eyes before grabbing Roger's arm.
"What the hell are you doing? Let go of me." Roger asked resisting him.
"Roger, you better walk or I'm gonna drag your ass. Now walk." he yelled as Collins came to the door to see what all the yelling was.
"Mark, what are you doing?" Collins asked looking down at him.
"What I should have done a long time ago, but was too afraid to." he told him as he and Roger went into the living room.
"Let go of me, Mark." Roger yelled as Mark threw him on the couch.
"You're gonna watch this and listen to what I have to say because you owe me that much. For her." Mark told him putting the movie on. "Look at you two." he yelled pointing to the sheet hanging on the wall where the images of Roger and Amanda were.
"Turn it off. I can't watch this." he told him looking away.
"You have to watch it, Roger. Look at her. Would she love this strung out junkie you turned the man she loves into? I don't think so." he yelled at him still pointing at the sheet.
"Mark turn it off, damn it." Roger yelled seeing himself and Amanda laughing at the diner on the screen.
"Why? You can't stand to watch this? Seeing how happy you two were? Look at him, Roger. That's who you are. Not this pathetic excuse for a man you are now." Mark yelled as Benny came out of his room.
"Mark, what the hell are you doing? Are you trying to throw him over the edge?" Benny asked rushing to the projector as Collins stopped him.
"No Benny, he has to watch this. We've tried everything else." he told him as Mark held Roger down.
"Look at her, Roger. That's the love of your life. She was carrying your child then, remember? You mean to tell me that this is the man you want to be for them?" Mark yelled as Roger quit struggling and directed his attention to the sheet.
"She was so beautiful, wasn't she?" Roger said crying as he watched her. She was playing with his hair as he was holding her in his arms.
"Yeah she was. And she loved you. More than anything in the world." Mark told him as tears formed in Benny's eyes watching her.
"Jocelyn and I were so jealous of you two, you know?" Benny told him smiling at the screen.
"You were?" Roger asked looking up at him.
"Yeah, everybody was. You guys were perfect together. You never fought and you knew you wanted to be together. You were the spotlight of every school dance." Benny told him sitting down.
"That was because of Mandy. She was so beautiful and full of life. She gave me a chance." he told him watching the film. Mandy was sitting on Roger's lap and he was nuzzling her neck.
"I remember your first date." he told him smiling.
"At the pizzeria. She told off Margaret and the bitch squad that day." Roger remembered smiling at him.
"Yeah, they never really liked you." Benny said starting to laugh.
"I told her that my girl was a better cheerleader than her and the only reason why she was head cheerleader was because Mandy quit." Roger told him laughing.
"You actually told her that?" Collins asked laughing.
"Yeah, she was giving Mandy a hard time for dating me. She quit the squad because of it." he said looking up at him.
"She quit the squad for you?" Collins asked moving closer to him.
"Yeah, and then one morning I took her out for breakfast and Margaret was there. We had been dating for 6 months then and I was sick of her hassling Mandy. She usually handled it, but I loved her and I hated seeing her have to put up with that for loving me back." Roger told him as he watched himself give Mandy a piggy back ride on film.
"But she didn't mind. I remember Jocelyn one time asked her why she put up with all the crap Margaret, Addie and Jamie gave her over dating you and do you know what she told her?" Benny asked leaning forward as Roger shook his head no. "She told her that it was because loving you and being loved by you was worth dealing with anything they threw at her. That what you guys were the real deal." he told him smiling as Roger crumbled to the floor.
"Why did she have to leave me?" he asked between sobs.
"She didn't leave you, she died. She never would have left you. You know that. She loved you more than anything in the world. But she loved that you, not the one you are now." Mark told him sitting on the floor next to him.
"I know. I fucked myself up pretty bad, huh?" he asked looking up at Mark.
"Yeah you did. But you can change. All you have to do is want to." he told him putting his arms around him.
"She would have really kicked my ass, wouldn't she have?" he asked beginning to smile.
"Yeah, she would have. If she ever saw you like this, you would have so been dead." Mark told him laughing.
"I know. Did you know, I never drank or did any drugs in high school? I never wanted to. I had her. She made me so happy." he told him wiping his eyes.
"I know Roger. You need to get to a doctor and quit the heroin." Mark told him as Roger looked down.
"I know. I don't want to die. I have to be a rock star. That's what she wanted me to do." he told him beginning to smile.
"She was willing to fight my parents so she could go to NYU so you could do it." Benny told him smiling down at him.
"Will you help me Mark?" he asked looking up at him.
"Of course I will. I'll help you in any way you need me to." Mark told him as he picked Roger up and they all watched the rest of the reel.