Chapter: Aleinn um jolin Part II

He didn't even feel like plotting. It was too cold outside, and he was too tired. They were rude to not have invited him, again, but that was all. They weren't even being particularly noisy.

And really, he was getting used to not being paid attention to if he wasn't causing trouble.

He accepted that he was lonely. And he could pretend it didn't hurt, but he knew it was a lie. That was one thing the malfunctioning invention had fixed. He could suspect Sportacus of lying, but what really happened was that he knew the lies he told himself.

He curled up in his chair, wishing he owned a blanket. He closed his eyes, and temporarily let the hurt wash over him before he pushed it back again.

So what if it wasn't fair? So what if he was lonely? It didn't matter. When he slept, he wasn't lonely. When he dreamt, it was of things he could never have that left him bitter when he woke up.

He had resolved a long time ago to be awake as little as possible.

What, really, was the point in eating healthy food when he liked the junk food better?

There wasn't a point.

He shivered and curled up tighter. Normally he would have the television on, but he didn't feel like listening to the noise. He wrapped his arms around himself, and let his mind wander.

When he was younger, he had a dog. He remembered now. A huge shaggy dog. It probably wasn't huge, it had just seemed like that to him as a child. He remembered that he used to curl up against the dog for comfort, and be buried in its unruly fur.

It struck him as disappointing that he couldn't remember the dog's name, or whether it was a girl or boy. He sighed, and let his mind wander.

He drifted between sleep and wake, not caring that in his mind, he was curled up against a large furry dog, safe and warm and not alone.

This was the scene Sportacus saw when he rolled silently out of the pipe. He swallowed back a flood of guilt, seeing Robbie curled up so tightly in his chair, looking like a child.

'Everyone is probably worried about where you are,' a voice in his head said. 'You should get back.'

'Robbie's all alone,' another chimed in. 'He's always all alone.'

'So he'll just be alone again. He's used to it. He won't want help anyway.'

Sportacus took a deep breath.

He wanted to see Robbie smile again.

"Robbie," he whispered, touching the man's shoulder. Gray eyes snapped open and focused on his.

"What the hell do you want?" came the flat reply. Sportacus cringed, but resolved to stay firm.

"Come on," he said. "There's hot cocoa with your name on it."

"Like hell," Robbie muttered. "It's probably sugar free."

"No, it has sugar. I didn't say I would be drinking any. Come on."

He tugged on Robbie's sleeve, trying to get the man to stand and follow. Robbie was being stubborn, as usual, and staring defiantly back at him.

"Why?" Robbie asked finally. Sportacus froze, and cursed in his mind. Leave it to Robbie to ask the one question he didn't know the answer to.

"There's a lot of cookies and other food," he said in response, avoiding a direct answer. Please, let Robbie be hungry enough to just accept, please…

"You're avoiding the question," Robbie remarked. Sportacus cursed internally again. He grew nervous as Robbie's face adopted that sly look he had only seen once or twice.

"So why is it you suddenly want me to go to this stupid party?" Robbie continued, sensing the hero's unease. "Come on, now. I know very well heroes aren't supposed to lie."

Sportacus did cringe then.

"I…" he started. Robbie was watching him like a hawk. "I know you want to come. That's why." Robbie eyes narrowed dangerously.

"And why, Sportakook," he said slowly, standing up from his chair. "Would you know that, and only come to this revelation now, halfway through the night?"

Sportacus panicked.

"You didn't deny it!" he said desperately. Robbie shrugged it off.

"It doesn't matter at this point, does it?"

Robbie advanced, and Sportacus found himself backing up, until the back of his legs hit a table.

"Because now, I know that you were spying on me, sports elf."

Sportacus shook his head, but Robbie laughed.

"How hero-like," Robbie chuckled. "Spying. How odd." He paused, and looked contemplative. His voice lowered. "Usually, it's me that does the spying. How very strange that you seem to have picked it up."

Sportacus felt like he should run. Just bolt, and scramble up the pipe and go back to the party and forget everything that happened. Go back to before. The voice in his head was saying 'I told you so, I told you' and it felt like his legs might actually give out from under him. Robbie was standing not a foot in front of him now, and he could feel the man's breath on his forehead. Robbie was smiling down at him, and it wasn't a nice smile.

"I-I wasn't," he defended. "I was looking for Stephanie's hat! It's not my fault you were out there, talking to yourself!"

"And just how much did the hero hear, hmm?" Robbie shot back. Sportacus shivered at the tone of voice Robbie was using. It was something smooth and taunting.

"It doesn't matter," Robbie answered for him. "So you heard me. What are you doing now? Going to drag me to the party and expect me to be happy?"

"You… you sounded lonely…"

Robbie's eyes narrowed again, and his face closed.

"And what of it? What good will come of me being around them? Just what is it you want, Sportaflop?"

"I want you to smile!" Sportacus finally broke, shouting. He closed his eyes, tensing up as the words just poured out of him. "I want you to be happy! What's wrong with that? I want you to be happy and know that people love you!"

There was a hissed intake of breath, but Sportacus kept his eyes firmly closed. He felt Robbie lean in even closer.

"And what good would that do me?"

Sportacus bit back an uncharacteristic whimper as the breath rushed past his ear.

"Love. You apparently have a very different definition of love, sports elf. You love everyone. But that's loving no one. How very sad."

He wanted to open his mouth and tell Robbie he was wrong. But he felt trapped and cornered. His voice wouldn't come.

"Love," Robbie continued. "Is something like an addiction. Undoubtedly, this is why you avoid it like the plague. But it's the worst addiction in the world, worse than junk food, or gambling, or any other vice. Love is a sin that devours you, mind and soul. Love destroys who you are, and if you're lucky, remakes you into someone not you. You want that? No, what you want me to feel is that soft flimsy thing you call love, but is really nothing. Easy smiles and laughter, nothing but the paltry half-hearted motions of affection."

"That's not true!" He found his voice again, but it was weak.

"That's what you want for me? To be trapped as you're trapped, playing at connections to other people?"

"It wouldn't be like that! You don't know anything!"

Sportacus opened his eyes then, and glared defiantly up at Robbie's blank face. Robbie leaned back slightly.

"Go back to your party, Sportakook."

"No. I came to get you and bring you too."

"You'll be wasting your time," Robbie replied easily, stepping back. "I know you, even if you don't know me. Dragging me into the midst of your friends and trying to assimilate me into them won't work. You can't make up your mind."

"What are you talking about?"

Robbie sighed.

"You can't decide," Robbie explained. "If you're a hero or not. And further, you can't make up your mind about what being a hero entails."

Robbie leveled a straight-forward look at him.

"Frankly, you're more confused and lonely than I am."

AN:

A bit of a cliffhanger. You guys can handle it. I update often enough!

I'm a few paragraphs away from coming to the conclusion. Woo! It's a short little fic, but I like it. Don't worry guys. You still have at least 3 or 4 chapters after this one. I like this chapter. A lot. Because it's the start of Robbie's lengthy retaliation. And it shows exactly what his take on love is. I'm proud of it!

In other news, I started a sequel to Peanbut Butter Banana Sandwiches. Help me. I can't stop. My elbows are bruised from hours spent writing propped up on them. I've taken to staring off into space and randomly coming up with new plots. My brain is in overdrive, and like the Speed movies, I can not slow it down.

That said, enjoy.