A/N: Woo hoo! 100 reviews! Thanks so much to everyone who's reviewed. I really appreciate it! My 100th reviewer was IddamSoyt (a extra big cookie for you!) so thanks! Oh, and I forgot to say this in the last chapter, so I'll say it now. My 110th reviewer (I was going to make it 100, but yeah... I forgot) can be in the story as one of Katie's brother's girlfriend in an upcoming chapter (or boyfriend... you know, whatever floats your boat). But only if you want to... Yeah. But I can't ask if you leave an anonymous review, so if you want, you can just say what you want the character to be called, it's appearance, etc. And the first person to review this chap can have a character named after them, too. Because I'm too lazy to come up with my own. :D
Anyway. This is actually the longest chapter yet. Something like 3255 words... again, not including the author's note. And for some reason, the author's note is a long one... again... hmm.
Thanks to my reviewers: (you all recieve a special prize!) Banoffee, shadow929, snuffles101, MotherCrumpet, the Lovely Lucinda, sarcastic spastic, shayacatalystscifigirl, PrincessPotter16, IddamSoyt, CatherineMcq and scared-of-open-spaces.
November 12th
Alicia, Lee, Fred, Angelina, George and me walk across the grounds at Hogwarts. We've just come back from an eventful Hogsmeade trip.
It's an icky day, and the clouds are all dark and grey and it smells like it's going to rain. When I mention this, my buddies look at me like I'm crazy.
"What did you just say?" Ange asks, stopping in her tracks.
I shrug. "You know, it smells like rain."
"You can smell rain?" Fred asks. "Cool. I can smell the sunshine, you know," he adds solemnly.
I grin and give him a shove. "No, you idiot. It just smells like rain."
"Yes…" Lee says sceptically, putting an arm around my shoulder. "Don't hurt yourself thinking too hard."
"Shut up. I'll have you know, I am very intelligent." I say proudly.
"Oh?" George asks, as we start wading through the ankle deep snow. "We need proof!"
"Well…" I have to think a bit. "In first year, I got top marks in Defence!" I say triumphantly. So what if it was four years ago… it's not like my talent has suddenly disappeared.
"Katie," Alicia frowns, "that was only because we had Professor Nubert, who, if I remember correctly, is you fourth cousin thrice removed. It's called favouritism."
"Was not," I say, sticking out my tongue. "Anyway, she divorced the man that was actually related to me, so she's not technically my fourth cousin thrice removed, now. I think it's more like fourth cousin four times removed…" I shake my head. "Whatever. How do cousins even get removed, anyway?"
Fred and George (who surprisingly, know a lot about this sort of stuff) start explaining it to me, but I just nod and go, "uh huh. Oh? Really?" It's all a bit too advanced for my liking.
"Hey guys," I say, stopping near the lake. (I know, I know. Why would I be near the lake? I was actually just checking to see if it was frozen enough to go ice-skating… it wasn't.)
"What?" Lee asks, coming over beside me.
"What do they look like to you?" I ask, pointing to a set of funny shapes in the ground.
We all stand around, staring at them. "Dunno," George offers finally. "Some sort of stamp…"
"A calling card," Fred announces. When we all give him a weird look, he adds, "you know. Like owl droppings…"
"We know what they are," Alicia cuts him off. "But they're not poo."
"Maybe a little first year was trying to dig a snowpit," I suggest. Needless to say, no one feels compelled to answer that.
It's Ange who realises what they are first. Or close enough, anyway. "Footprints!" she shrieks.
"No…" says Lee slowly, a look of realisation dawning on him. "Pawprints!"
Why is there pawprints next to the lake? Just as I'm all set to solve a mystery, I remember that plenty of people at Hogwarts have cats.
"Maybe," I say softly to Lee, "it's The Thing's prints. Maybe it's come back to get revenge!" I shriek the last part a bit too loudly, so the others sort of look at us all weird.
"What's The Thing?" Lee asks, confused.
"You know, that orange furball," I reply. At the others' questioning looks, I say, "don't worry."
"Nah," Lee shakes his head. "These are too small for that."
I raise my eyebrows doubtfully. Just how big did Lee think the freaking cat was?
"Whatever," George says, already bored. "It's probably just a cat."
"Yeah, Hermione's cat that got rid of ickle Ronniekin's fat rat," Fred replies, and the two simultaneously burst into laughter.
Okay then. Because that's real normal… "Let's go," I say, looping my arm through Ange and Alicia's. "We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Loss!"
"Shut up," Alicia howls, as her and Ange laugh hysterically at my expense.
"Fine then," I reply, miffed. We walk up to the Gryffindor common room, and I run up the last flight of stairs ahead of the others, so that I can be first in the room, and then be all, "haha! I won!"
But when I get there, there's already a few people there, standing around strangely. And I take a closer look, gasping, "Oh my god! Someone tried to assassinate the Fat Lady!"
"What the hell?" Ange runs up and stares too. Where the Fat Lady used to be is a huge slash on the portrait and she's gone. All the other portraits are grumbling about "youths these days" and stuff.
"Someone go get Dumbledore!" Percy Weasley yells, as he comes up behind Alicia. Is everyone stalking us today or something?
"Harry?" Alicia says, but he doesn't hear her. He's staring at the painting, looking as white as a ghost.
"Coming through, coming through," Percy calls, as he moves up the line behind Dumbledore, who's just appeared. The crowd moves to allow him through, but just as Percy tried we all come back together and he has to force us apart. "I'm Head Boy, you know!"
"Order a search of the castle for the Fat Lady," Dumbledore says solemnly to Filch, as he peers over his glasses at the mangled painting.
"No need, Professor," Filch replies in his smarmy voice. You know, the one that he turns on kids who he finds in the broom closets. "She's right there." He points a gnarled finger up at a painting on the next staircase, and we all push and shove to get near it.
She's hiding behind a stripey horse. And she's all, "it's him, you know. The one they all talk about!"
And Dumbledore says calmly, "who did this to you, Madame?"
She shakes a bit more for dramatic effect then announces, "Sirius Black!"
Everyone bursts out laughing… no, just kidding. Everyone starts yelling and shouting and Dumbledore orders for the school to be put under a lock-down and for all us Gryffindors to go down to the Great Hall.
Poor Harry looks even paler than before, and Hermione starts whispering something to him, whilst Ron shouts, "bloody hell!" Then again, he even said that when Fred showed him his magically enlarged finger, so it's not something unusual.
"Do you really think it was?" Alicia asks.
Nah, Alicia, the Fat Lady just wanted to cause a stir. You know, shake things up a bit. "Maybe it was your long-lost cousin!"
"Huh?" Lee asks, looking at me all weird.
I roll my eyes. "Maybe it was your long-lost cousin," I repeat.
"Huh?"
I sigh dramatically. "You know, since you're related to everyone."
"I am not!" Lee says, pretending to be offended.
"You are," Fred says, coming up on his other side.
"Sorry, good lad," George adds, walking beside Fred. "You are."
"You could even be related to Katiekins," Fred says cheerfully. "So just think-"
"-When you're snogging her-"
"-In a broom closet-"
"-You could be snogging-"
"-Your third cousin twice removed!" Fred finishes, grinning at us.
"Incest!" Angelina yells, pretending to vomit.
I almost throw up, and give Lee a sideways glance. I mean, I don't think we're related. Oh my god I'm RELATED to my BOYFRIEND!
"Just kidding," George says quickly when he notices my greenish tinge. "You're not really. If you were, I'm sure my mum would know."
"Your mum would know if I was related to Lee?" I ask sceptically.
Fred shrugs. "Sure," he says. "In fact, I think we're related to you," he says.
Oh no! What if I was related to Gred and Forge? My life would never be the same. In fact, I wouldn't admit it! I'd be turned away from jobs, have apples thrown at me… the horror!
"Yeah right," Alicia says. "You, being related to Katie?"
"Hey don't forget me!" George pouts as we walk into the Great Hall, and see that the Slytherins are already in there. Oh, joy.
"You could be related to Angelina," I hear Lee say to Fred as we look for a decent place to sit.
"Cool! All your babies would be mutants," George says excitedly.
I laugh. Ange is going to have mutant babies!
"How about; none of us is related to the other," Alicia says quickly, as Fred goes to retaliate.
"What about George and Fred?" I ask smugly. Ha. Bet she didn't think of that one.
"They don't count, since they look the same," Lee answers, and we grin at the indignant expressions on the other's faces.
"Maybe your mum and dad are related, and that's why you're so strange," I say conversationally to Fred, as we find a corner all by ourselves and far away from most of the Slytherins.
"And maybe you were hit by a Bludger when you were a baby!" he says hotly.
Whoa. Down, boy. "Yeah," I say instead, "I think it was Chris."
"How many brothers do you have, anyway?" Ange asks.
I'm shocked. The woman has stayed over at my house countless times, been my best friend for almost five years and she STILL doesn't know my family. It's a tragedy. "Three," I reply, sounding a bit piqued.
"Yeah, I knew it was a lot," Ange dismisses.
She really needs to take Arithmacy.
"Wow," Fred says, sounding surprised, "it's dark already."
Well. That was a random change in subject. "They could be trying to fool us," I reply. "Like a conspiracy…"
"You watch too much television," Alicia laughs.
Television… that funny box with people in it, right? Whoa, Muggle-speak is hard. It's like learning a new language. Which is especially difficult if you rarely pay attention, like me.
When everyone's gathered in the Great Hall and seated, Dumbledore goes up to the podium and addresses us. "Students," he says, "as you all know, there has been a break in at Hogwarts. While the person could not, in fact, access the Gryffindor common room, he damaged the portrait guarding it severely and so Sir Cadgoden has valiantly offered to guard the Gryffindor common room."
There is a loud chorus of groans at this news. Sir Cadgoden- or 'Caddy' as Fred and George call him- is a raving lunatic. Seriously. I mean, do NORMAL people go around shouting, "ahoy there!" when they're not even pirates?
And there's the whole issue of him trying to fight people, when he's stuck in a painting and can't even climb on his fat donkey.
Dumbledore looks amused, then resumes his solemn expression. Jeez, he could get a job at that Muggle place- McDonald's. All the people there look all sad and depressed, 'cos they have to work at a place that has a scary clown with Weasley colour hair as their mascot.
"The teachers are scouring the castle now, but I expect the culprit will not be caught. Please remain alert at all times, and lights out will be in thirty minutes. Good night." Dumbledore turns around to talk to Professor Flitwick.
"How cool is this?" Fred asks excitedly.
Alicia glares at him. "Hogwarts is supposed to be impenetrable," she answers. "If that… person could get through, what makes you think Dementors won't?"
I roll my eyes. "Duh. Maybe Sirius Black died, but remained a ghost and he went through the walls," I reply. How cool would that be? A ghost threatening the Fat Lady to open the door, even though he could have just floated through it. It would've been better if Nearly Headless Nick had got him, then they could've had a ghost fight. Can ghosts even strangle each other? Do they die again and again? Maybe they're like cats. You know, the whole nine lives part, without the furballs.
"As if," George scoffs. "How could he put that mark on the painting then?"
Hmm. The man has a point. I look around to see who'll retaliate, then realise it was me who said he was a ghost. Damn. "Peeves dumped the bucket of pink paint on Lee that time," I remind them, "and was that or was that not real paint, Mr Jordan?"
"Um. Real?" Lee says, raising his eyebrow.
"Aha! So you see, ladies and gentlemen, it is possible for a ghost to do real things. Defence has nothing further," I nod to George solemnly.
"Well I'd like to call upon my witness… Miss Alicia Undine Spinnet," George cackles.
Undine? And the girl's parents aren't even magical! I mean, it's sad when a magical family gives their children retarded names. But non-magical? That's bordering pathetic. My parents are pathetic too, for naming me something remotely normal. Katie Bell. Is that the most boring name you've ever heard of what? Yeah. Thought so.
Everyone spontaneously bursts out laughing at her name, and Alicia goes bright red. "Shut up, George Alfredous Weasley," she says smugly.
I laugh again. Alfredous! Classic.
"Oh yeah?" George says, glancing evilly at Fred. "It's not as bad as Frederick Galarius Weasley!"
Oh my god. That could sound like a swear word, if you weren't really paying attention… I bet if I said that within a mile radius of my mother she'd wash my mouth out with lavender soap. I mean, then I'd stink. And the whole issue of having bubbles pouring out of my mouth. I wonder what that'd be like. Yeah. I'm going to try that when I next see her…
"Well," Fred says, having got over his embarrassing middle name, "at least mine isn't Angelina Horacia Johnson."
Hahaha. Fancy having that as your name. How would you feel? Like a loser, probably. This is so cool- we're having a competion to see who has the most retarded middle name!
Angelina grins and pauses thoughtfully. "Got it!" she exclaims. "Mine isn't as bad as Lee Barnabas Jordan!"
I fall about laughing, until Lee says, "what's the prize for the worst name?"
"You have to share a sleeping bag with Katie!" George yells, and him and Fred start laughing all over again.
I just hope Fred doesn't win. He has smelly feet.
"In that case," Lee grins slowly; "I should tell you that my real name is Leroy Barnabas Jordan the third."
"What?" I scream. "My boyfriend's name is LEROY and I wasn't notified of this trivial information?"
"Yeah, man," George says as he wipes tears from his eyes, "that's a bit harsh."
Lee shrugs, smiling like the cat that got the cream. "What can I say? My parents have issues."
Oh yeah. Mr and Mrs Jordan must have serious issues for calling their kid LEROY. I mean, that is beyond strange- it's cruel! It's worse than Stormie. I am so glad my parents love me after all. One time I told that that they must hate me, because I only had a normal name instead of a really long one like all my friends and they said one day I'll thank them. Well, I think that day has come.
"What happens if I win?" I ask suddenly. I mean, I don't want to share a sleeping bag with myself! Then I'd be lonely. And we can't have that.
"Depends," Fred replies, looking at me curiously. "What's your name?"
"Katherine Elithabethmentia Bell," Leroy supplies. I love calling him that- I'm going to make him regret the day he announced that his real name was Leroy.
What the hell? It sounds like I have dementia, or something. "No," I reply. "Guess again." This is great, 'cause they'll never think of a plain boring one like mine.
"Kathleen?" Alicia ventures. I realise I've never told my friends my name. If it wasn't so sad it'd be funny.
"Nope."
"Kaitlina?" What sort of a name is that?
"No."
"I give up," Angelina sighs. "What is it?"
I roll my eyes at her, cross that she gave up so easily. "Katie Bell."
"No it's not," George laughs.
I glare at him, but he doesn't really care. "Yeah, it is."
"No it's not."
"Yes it is!"
"Is not!"
"Is damn well too!"
"Shut up," Alicia snaps. "Now, Katie," she says nervously, "I don't think that is your name. Just tell us what it is, and then we can award the prize."
I sigh exaggeratedly and flop down on my purple sleeping bag; everyone's got one. They all just miraculously appeared, like magic. Pretty cool, really. "My parents didn't want to give me a weirdo name," I tell them, "so they didn't bother giving me a middle name. Well, my brother came up with one when I was five, but I told my mum and she washed his mouth out with lavender soap."
"What was it?"
"Pumpkinhead," I reply flatly.
Lee laughs. "And you thought mine was bad!"
"Technically I thought they were all hideous," I say, smirking at their names. I hang out with a bunch of freaks.
"Okay, Mr Weasley, and I, Mr Weasley shall now go and decide the winner," Fred announces gravely. Was he the first Weasley mentioned or the second? Sigh. This always ends up confusing me…
The lights are just about to be turned off when Fred and George finally come up with a winner. "And the winner is…" Fred pauses, and looks to his brother.
"Mr Leroy Barnabas Jordan the third!" George has stood up in the middle of the Great Hall, so that everyone on our half (and some people at the opposite end of the room) are looking at us. "He shall now collect his prize of sleeping with Katie Bell!"
"Mr Weasley!" Professor McGonagall is scandalised. "What are you raffling off?"
Several people laugh.
"What do you mean, Professor?" George looks at McGonagall innocently.
"You know very well what I mean!" she exclaims. "I cannot tolerate you auctioning off other people for use!"
Oh my god. She didn't just say that. I look at George, and he's keeping a straight face- barely. Angelina is snorting, trying to contain her laughter; Fred is grinning; Alicia looks horrified, and Lee looks at me, raises his eyebrows suggestively then bursts into laughter.
"What if she volunteered?" George asks easily.
I can just hear my mother- scarlet woman! What exactly IS a scarlet woman, anyway? Someone who sleeps in other people's purple sleeping bags?
"I didn't!" I interject. "And I think you got the wrong end of the stick, Professor," I say, desperately trying not to laugh.
"I heard you loud and clear," Professor McGonagall's steam seems to have evaporated.
"We were just having a competion to see who's name was worse," I say, seeing as how George is just looking from me to McGongall and grinning. "And George just decided to put my name in at the end because he's a prat. Nothing was meant by it, honest."
"I see." McGongall's mouth twitches. "Well you best be in your beds," she says. Just as she turns to go and check on the other students, she leans forward and whispers, "my middle name was Hippodameia."
I gap at her back. That's worse than ALL of our names put together!
"Katie," Fred hisses.
"Yeah?"
"You have to get in the sleeping bag with Lee," he insists. "He won fair and square."
"Fine." I grumble. At least they're big and cosy- I wonder if Dumbledore conjured them with the idea in mind that two students could sleep in one?
"Katie?" Lee asks.
"Yeah?"
"Move over. You're hogging all the room."
"Well sor-ry." I say sarcastically.
"That's okay."
"Katie?"
"Yeah?"
"Your elbow's in my stomach."
"Sorry," I move over. "That better?"
"Yeah."
"Night, Lee."
"Night, Katie."
I'm just glad all my brothers have left Hogwarts. Imagine if they came across me tomorrow morning in the same purple sleeping bag as Lee. They might get ideas…
A/N: Yeah. I realise this was pretty random. And sorry if I didn't get the details exactly right (not that I was aiming to) but I don't have a book to check. So it's basically my version... not that there's anything wrong with that...
Before I go, I just have to say: GO AUSTRALIA! (You know, in the commonwealth games and all...)
Wow. It's really weird. I've never really been one for patriotism. Yeah. Review please!