A/N: I'm back. Yes, yes, don't sound so excited. :P This is a really long chapter, so sorry bout that. Sorry if it's a bit boring, too. Sorry… yeah, I'm just sorry for the whole chapter, basically.

Thanks to my reviewers: sarcastic spastic, snuffles101, shadow929, LilJester, Annimouse, ShayaCatalyst, IddamSoyt and scared-of-open-spaces.

December 4th

Bored.

There's practically a blizzard outside, so I can't go there. The library's shut for 'cleaning' (personally, I don't think any amount of cleaning will ever make that place stop smelling like mouldy old books) and Fred and George are off God-knows-where to put some little scheme into action.

'Course, there's always Alicia and Ange, but they're boring. Besides, I don't know where they are.

Why is my life so boring? I mean, according to my brothers, Hogwarts was full of drunken nights out and exciting stuff.

What's so exciting about a ghost who thinks we're still in the fourth century?

Seriously. She's my only company. But even she got bored and floated away through a wall to disturb some second years.

While I'm contemplating my extremely boring life and wishing I was placed in Slytherin (hey! At least there would always be something going on. "Guess what the Dark Lord wants me to do now! Wash my feet!") somebody comes in.

But it's only Connie Cretin. With Denny. Which is strange. But whatever. Maybe the social laws of second year- which states that if you talk to a first year you're 'immature'- have changed.

"Connie Cretin!" I yell, trying to get myself all enthused. Believe me, it's difficult.

And this really proves that I need to get a life.

"Katie Bell!" Connie exclaims, his face lighting up as if the Dalai Lama just greeted him in the middle of a market place. "I didn't see you!"

"Uh, yeah," I say. "Whatever."

There's a few moments of silence as Connie Cretin looks up at me expectantly, and I just stare down at him, particularly at the bit of green stuff stuck between his protruding teeth.

"Well," he says finally, "someone's looking for you."

"Who?" I ask excitedly. Whoa, I'm popular!

… Okay, so maybe not. It's probably like Snape or something. For a detention. Shudder.

"Oh, I don't know," he says, as if I'm retarded for even suggesting that he might know who he was talking to. "They just said that if I saw you to tell you that they were looking for you."

Yeah, thanks a lot, Connie. That could practically be the entire school, with the exception of the Slytherins. On second thought, maybe they wanted to let me know that they're going to bash my face in or something. What a charming thought that is, too.

"What did they look like?" I persist.

"Uh… well they're tall…" he says slowly, scrunching up his face. The whole time Denny just sits there and gazes up at me blankly. I'm telling you, this is one strange kid.

"Uh huh." Again, that could be most of the Hogwarts population. Most of the third years are taller than me, and even some of the second years.

"They have freckles…"

Great description. He is so going to become an author when he grows up. You know. 'The big brown tree was very big. It had green leaves.' ... Yeah.

"And they've got this funny hair… it's bright red…"

"Oh. Do you mean the Weasleys?" I ask, realisation dawning on me at last. Jeez. I'm a bit slow.

"Yeah!" he says, grinning at me. "Do you know them?"

I can't resist the urge to roll my eyes. "Oh, they're casual acquaintances," I reply coolly. "Thanks, mate. I better go find them." And with that I run out of the common room as fast as I can and turn left.

"Wait!" Connie shrieks desperately, sounding not unlike my mother. "You're going the wrong way!"

Yeah? Well too bad, buddy. I am hightailing out of there whether you like it or not.

During my aimless wonder, I come across a swamp.

Yeah. A swamp in the middle of the fourth floor corridor. Because, you know, all schools have swamps in the middle of them.

Not.

It's even complete with life-like palm trees and quicksand. Bubbling, oozing quicksand that just happens to have an arm sticking out of it.

And so I scream. I mean, seriously. If you happened to find an arm sticking out of quicksand, in the middle of your school, no less, wouldn't you at least be a bit apprehensive?

Major understatement for my reaction. I mean, for all I knew it could have been someone I knew! (But then again, it could have been a Slytherin. Which wouldn't really be that traumatic.)

So I'm just standing there, screaming, when all of a sudden two red heads step out from behind one of the palm trees at exactly the same time.

"Save them!" I yell, pointing at it. It's even got a robe on!

Fred and George adopt identical looks of horror. "I would," says Fred.

"But we can't swim," George adds sorrowfully. "After all, it wouldn't be much use if we all ended up dieing, would it?"

"Who is it?" I yell. I think I'm in shock. Either that or the stupid potion (for which I will never forgive Madam Pomfry for) is still affecting me.

"Oh," Fred shrugs in a sort of sad, helpless way.

"It's Lee," George says, turning quickly and placing his head on his brother's shoulder as his shoulders shake silently.

"We were just walking along," Fred says, seeing as how George can't, "when all of a sudden he got stuck. And we tried and tried to pull him out, but we couldn't, and now he's g-g-gone!" With that, he bursts into sobs, turning away from me to regain his composure.

"Yes, and we sent for you, Katie," George continues solemnly, still not looking at me. "And we talked to him. We told him it would be all right, that you would come and help us pull him out soon enough. But… it wasn't, and now we can't see him!"

"He can still hear us, though," Fred adds quickly. "Don't you have something you'd like to tell him?"

My eyes were welling up with tears. "L-like what?"

Fred rolls his eyes, and glances back at George who raises his eyebrows. "You know," he says impatiently. "Like regrets or stuff."

"Um," I say. "I don't hate you Lee! Well, yeah, I do now because of that fight we had on Wednesday when you knew that I didn't mean any of the things I said because you know how I get when I'm doped up but you still had to bag me about it-" I take a deep breath. "And then you said some really mean things like how you hate me too and how you wished you never went out with me and you have the worst temper ever, even worse than mine.

"So yeah. I hope you die on that quicksand. No, wait, I don't. That would be too mean. I just hope you get stuck in there forever."

I know. I'm so original. Well, I was panicking, okay? I mean, it's not like I'm exactly witty normally, let alone when my (former) best friend is getting eaten alive by alien sand in front of me.

"Well," Fred says after an awkward pause, "I do believe that about covers it."

"You know," George replies, "I do believe you're right."

"Well aren't you going to do something?" I ask. I mean, call me a hypocrite but I do think it's customary to save your friend when they're sinking. Maybe quicksand etiquette is different to lakes or something.

"Like what?" George wants to know.

"Oh, I don't know," I reply sarcastically. "Maybe drag his sorry arse out of there?"

"You know," Fred says slowly to George, "I do believe-"

"Shut up," I snap at him.

I mean, I'm not seriously stupid enough to believe that it was really Lee. For one thing, the arm isn't moving.

A minor detail that I noticed less than thirty seconds ago, nonetheless.

Besides, no matter how evil they are, the twins wouldn't really leave him there. Or anyone, really. With the exception of Flint. And Percy. And quite possibly Oliver, too.

"I can't believe you really thought I was that dumb," I tell them. "As if I would believe you!"

"But… you looked like you were about to cry," George points out.

I smirk at him. "I looked like I was about to cry that time I told you Binky the frog was about to croak, didn't I?"

And yes, George really did have a frog named Binky. But that's another story.

"Hey!" George glares at me. "That was a sad day!"

"Yes," Fred agrees, nodding sedately, "it was." He puts a hand over his heart dramatically. "Poor, poor Binky. Where art thou now?"

Seriously. He has got to stop listening to Percy.

"Whatever," I say, my voice randomly getting louder. "Why did you even do that? Did Lee put it up to you?"

"No-" George began.

"I don't care any more! Well, when you're finished covering for him, tell him that I'm never going to talk to him again! What an arse! I can't even believe I went out with him!" I run blindly away, muttering things at the top of my voice that not everyone cares to know.

I just hear Fred say softly, "tough luck, mate," sympathetically, but it doesn't really register.

Gobstones. A wicked fun game to watch, when you're out of damage distance, but not so fun to play.

I don't even know why I agreed. I mean, maybe I thought making fun of all the losers at Gobstones Club would boost my deflating ego. Or maybe just to laugh pathetically at them. Who cares?

The point is I let this girl in my Divination class sign me up for Gobstones Club. I might as well have just tacked a neon sign up on my head telling everyone I'm a loser.

Then again, I'm on the Quidditch team. Can't get much nerdier than that.

"Are you ready to start?" a scrawny Hufflepuff asks me, pointing to the board that miraculously, is all set up.

"Uh," I reply, "yeah?"

"Good," the Hufflepuff says. "I'll start."

"So," I begin after a few moments of silence during which the Hufflepuff contemplates their move, "aren't you going to tell me your name?"

"Huh?" he asks, as if the thought never even occurred to him. "Oh, yeah. Norman," he says, "Norman Norbody."

"Great. Hi, Normie. I'm-"

"Katie Bell," Norman says. "You're on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. I played against you during our match. Do you remember?"

I think hard. I don't, actually, but I can't admit it. It would be like surrendering to the enemy. "Yes," I say, "I do. And then Lee announced to the whole school that you were staring at me," I finish tactlessly.

"Oh." Norman Norbody blushes. "Sorry about that," he apologises. "It's just, I thought you said the weather was lovely."

I decide not to incriminate myself further by saying that I did. I don't think these people understand the meaning of sarcasm. Which is too bad, really, because that's practically the only crap that comes out of my mouth.

"You must have misheard me," I say, smiling awkwardly. "I probably said it was terrible."

"Oh." He nods. "I'm deaf in one ear."

"That would explain it, then," I reply. Meanwhile, all I can think is: Oh my God this is so BORING!

"Do you like Gobstones?" he asks curiously, waiting for my move. "I love it. It's practically the only think I'm good at, really."

Yeah, because you're sure not much good at Quidditch.

"In fact, the very first day at Hogwarts I signed up for this club. Gobstones can teach us so much, you know. It's almost poetic, don't you think? The smooth marble of the players, the fresh fragrance of the liquid. And when you play, you become one with the board. It's quite relaxing, actually."

Whoa. All I can say is: Don't give up your day job, buddy. This is one dedicated player.

"Anyway," Norman seems to have relaxed considerably, judging from the way he's staring intently at me, "forget about me. What about you?"

"What about me?" I ask dumbly.

"Oh. Anything, really," he says. "Think of it like baring your soul to a complete stranger. We can carry each other's secrets around, until our graves. It'll be sort of like having a pen pal, except it's really more like Gobstone-pal. Get it? Gobstone-pal?"

Did he- well I do believe that Norman Norbody made a joke! Someone alert the Aurors!

"Yes, Norman," I say tiredly, "I get it. It's very funny," I add dryly. "Well I don't have any secrets. So I can't tell you them. Then they wouldn't be secrets any more, would they?"

"Well," replies Norman, thinking hard, "I guess they wouldn't."

And who said Hufflepuffs were slower than average?

"Would you like to hear my secret, Katie Bell?"

No, not really. It'll probably be something like he stood on his mother's prized geraniums, or something.

"I heard you broke up with Lee Jordan," he whispers.

What the hell? That's his freaking secret? This kid needs to get a life!

"Yeah," I say cautiously.

"I like you," Norman says abruptly.

Well. That was unexpected. Extremely unexpected. So unexpected, in fact, that I am on the verge of hyperventilating.

"What?"

"Yes," Norman says happily, "I like you, Katie Bell. Do you want to go out with me?"

No, no I do NOT!

"Norman," I say gently, "my boyfriend and I are only in the middle of a disagreement. Besides which, we only split up nine days, two hours and thirty-seven minutes ago!" (Okay, okay. I made up the minute part. But the days and hours part are approximately correct.)

I was trying to get him to think that I'm still hung up on Lee. Which I am. Well, technically I'm not now, because I decided I don't care about him. But that's not the point. My subtle approach isn't working.

"Oh," says Norman agreeably, "I understand. But that was… more than a week ago." He had to pause to count the days on his hands.

"So?"

"Well," he answers, "shouldn't you be over him now?"

See how simple Hufflepuff's minds are?

"Look," I say, standing up so quickly that I knock over all the pieces and they simultaneously squirt smelly black ink all over me. "I really have to go!"

And then I run away from Gobstones Club as quickly as I can.

The best thing about having four houses in a school, is that we are never in the same class with one of them all the time.

Meaning, we don't share every class with the Hufflepuffs.

The class we have straight after lunch, (or Gobstone Club for some people) is History of Magic. Unfortunately, this is one of two classes we have with Hufflepuff.

"Hi, Katie!" Norman greets me as Ange and I walk in.

Ange raises her eyebrows at me.

"Long story," I mutter. I just nod mutely to Norbody; I know it's mean but how else am I supposed to make him rack off? Give him a manticore?

"So, Katiekins," George says from behind me.

"We heard you've just been to Gobstones Club," Fred continues, smiling widely at me.

"But of course, you only went to tease all the intellectuals there," George assures me. "Right?"

"Hey!" Alicia snaps from behind him. "I'm an intellectual!"

… Yeah, you just keep thinking that, honey.

"Yes, of course you are," George tells her, then leans forward and kisses her.

"Eww! If I wanted to watch people snogging I'd have signed up for Ancient Runes!" I exclaim. Ancient Runes is notorious for having snogging couples. The teacher couldn't really care less, and believe me; it is traumatising walking into that class. Once I got lost and walked in, and I was mentally scarred for life.

"Yeah," Ange agrees, wrinkling her nose. Even though she does exactly the same thing with the other Mr Weasley. You know. Percy.

… Yeah, that type of thing probably shouldn't even be joked about.

"The point is," Fred says, seeing as how his brother is currently incapacitated, "we heard you have a new admirer." He looks over at Norbody.

"I did tell him to rack off," I say ruefully, "but he just doesn't understand hints."

There's a sudden cracking sound, and I glance down to see Lee flexing his knuckles.

Stupid boys and their fricking egos.

Besides, we're not even going out any more.

Not that I still wish we were.

Of course not.

"Now now," George tells Lee calmly, "what did I tell you about bashing up Katie's potential love interests? You have to do it when no one is looking. Everyone knows that."

"You'd bash up Norbody just for liking Katie?" Ange asks with interest.

Oh, brother. This conversation is starting to take an embarrassing turn. I wonder if Binns'll notice if the floor swallows me up?

Probably not.

Fred interrupts the silence. "Hell, of course he would! I would. So would George."

Gah! It's like the brothers-I-actually-do-have! I have three already. I don't need another two. Lee's not counted, because I mean, I went out with him. That would be like going out with my brother. If he was acting like my brother. Now he's just acting like an idiot. Yuck.

"I don't need more brothers, guys," I say lightly. "What do you think the other ones are? Ornaments?"

"Yeah, but we're here," George says. "Besides, I don't want to be your brother! Or, if we have to be, can we deny it in public?"

And there I was thinking my friends cared about me.

"Well what do you want me to do?" I ask. "Die a lonely old hag with seven cats and three budgies? Oh, and a pygmy puff. I've always wanted one of them."

Fred thinks about this. "Yeah," he says finally. "Preferably."

"Or," George says slowly, smirking evilly at me, "you can grow up and marry Lee and live happily ever after."

"As Katie Jordan."

"Yeah. And have lots of little babies…"

"Mutants. Just in case you're related."

"I think mum would have said something, Fred. You know how she is. So maybe their kid will just be a squib."

"Squibs are cool. Filch is a squib. Would you like your kid to grow up and clean Hogwarts, Lee?"

"No, Fred. How about cleaning that tea shop. You know, Madame Poofy-feet's?"

"Excellent idea, George. Couldn't have thought of a better one myself."

The whole time this was going on, Binns was droning on in the background, and Ange, 'Lic, Lee and I were just looking from one Weasley twin to the other, our jaws hanging open. It was a bit that muggle game, tennis, where you have to turn your head so fast you get whiplash.

"So," Lee says when the twins finally realise we're staring at them, "have you finished planning my life yet?"

"No," Fred replies. "You'll grow up to be a professional Quidditch commentator."

"And on the eve of your first big game, commentating for England and Greenland-"

"No, George, Finland."

"Sorry, Fred. England and Finland, you'll propose to Katie."

"Who will immediately reject you, because she is having a passionate fling with the captain of the Applby Arrows, Oliver Wood- "

"And she is a sports reporter for the Daily Prophet, of course."

"Of course George. And then you will carry yourself away and live in a cave in the mines of Australia, nursing a broken heart."

"Until Katie's uncontrolled longing for you can last no longer, and she comes looking for you."

"She finds you, half alive and living off sparrows."

"Do they have sparrows in the Australian desert, Fred?"

"I dunno. But he's eating them. And then Katie proposes to him, and Lee accepts. And then they go back to England and move into a nice big house."

"That Lee bought. Because he's rich."

"Yeah. Katie landscaped the garden."

"No, no. Have you seen her in Herbology?"

"Good point."

"Okay, enough!" I shout, walking in between them, so they can stop doing their freaky little twin thing.

We all sit in silence for a moment.

"Katie," Alicia hisses loudly, "Norbody is staring at you."

"Why is he staring at you?" Angelina asks, panicked. "He shouldn't be staring at you! It's like, against the rules of Quidditch!"

Hypochondriac much?

"I have an idea," Fred says, grinning broadly.

Silence.

"Well?" Fred asks finally. "Aren't you going to ask what it is?"

"…No," Ange says.

Fred's crestfallen. "Oh," he replies. "Okay. Well, I'll tell you anyway." And then he leans over and whispers something in Ange's ear.

"That's the plan? That's the plan?" she yells, looking incredulously at Fred.

"Uh, yeah?"

"This- this idiot," she stammers, so mad that she can't even talk properly, "reckons we should sabotage his broom!"

Um. Okay. Way to go, Fred. Now you've got her all riled up and it'll be Alicia and me who have to calm her down. Good one.

"No," George says, whispering to Lee, although I can still hear him, (how convenient) "I have a better idea." And then he lowers his voice further, but it must be good because Lee nods and whispers back.

"We'll do it."

Later that night, me and George go down to the kitchens to bring back some food for everyone else. Except when we get there, we see a whole pile of people clumped together a little way off.

"Let's check it out," George says excitedly, and starts threading his way through the throngs of people.

It turns out to be a bunch of Hufflepuffs, all standing around and chattering anxiously.

"What's happened?" George asks a tall sixth year girl innocently.

She narrows her eyes at him suspiciously, but tells us anyway. "Our Quidditch team have found their uniforms all turned red and green, and they all have 'bell' on the back."

"What do you know?" George says calmly. "A Christmas theme!"

The Hufflepuff frowns. "Yes," she said, "but there were only six uniforms affected. The last one had…"

"Tell us," George prompted, leaning forward. "I won't tell a soul."

"The last one had giant love hearts all over it, spelling a girl's name. We've tried and tried to figure it out," she says, "but it's near impossible."

"What are the letters?"

"E," she answers, "I, K, A and T."

I turn red as I figure out what they are. How could they have been so obvious?

Then again, it wasn't like the Hufflepuffs had figured it out.

"And strange as it seems," the girl continued, obviously getting into the spirit of things, "the boy who's uniform it is won't take it off. Keeps muttering things about his broken heart."

"Thank you," George says politely, and we turn around to go back to the kitchens.

"You," I accuse, pointing as finger at him, "you did that. You and Fred."

"And Lee," George says, smirking.

"I'm going to kill you!"

"Hey, it wasn't my idea. Well, it was," he amends, "but seriously. What sort of idiots would practice in the middle of a blizzard?"

"Wood would," I point out.

George frowns. "Good point," he nods. "But he's mental. They're just plain thick."

"You know," I say slowly, "I do believe you're right!"

A/N: Gah. Go on, flame me. I deserve it. That's how truly terrible this chapter was. It took me like, three weeks to write. I think. Maybe I'm just exaggerating. I can't remember. All I know is that most of the time I can write most of a chapter in one sitting, but this time I had to keep coming back… and back… and back… until I practically forgot the point of it. Well I did, really. Anyway, I'm sorry. Well I've already finished the next one (incidentally, it was finished way before this one was even halfway done) so I'll try and update soon. That is, if you're still willing to read it, after this one. Gah.