"And everything we say do hurts us all the more.
I never thought I could feel so low.
In all darkness, I feel like letting go."
- 'Full of Grace', Sarah McLachlan
oo000oo
Doctor Temperance Brennan considered herself to be a calm and collected person, some might say detached. Others went as far as to call her cold. But that didn't mean she didn't have any emotions, that she didn't feel.
And the bombshell her partner had just dropped on her hurt like hell.
He's going back to war. He's going to kill or be killed. I could lose him. One way or another, I could lose my partner.
She swallowed hard, regretting the hope that crept in to her voice as her words echoed around the parking lot, taunting her.
"But not to actually fight?"
He flinched slightly and her stomach lurched as he replied.
"Probably not, no."
I think I'm going to be sick…
"Probably?"
He shrugged, his casual act failing to convince her.
"Well, you know, I might have to do the odd patrol here and there but it's not like I'll be on the front line or anything."
She just stared at him in disbelief, chewing her bottom lip in an unconscious attempt to keep back all the words she desperately wanted to say as silence descended.
How could you do this to me? How could you even consider leaving? I thought that we…
She sighed heavily, cutting her internal monologue short, not daring to finish the thought.
"What about Parker?"
What about me?
He glanced at her, a strange look in his eye.
"Well, I should only be away for a couple of months. He'll barely notice I'm gone."
She rolled her eyes, unable to hide the bitterness that was clawing its way up her throat.
"You're his father, of course he'll notice."
Their eyes locked and she had to stop herself from adding what she really meant.
And I'll notice too. I always notice when you're not around. It makes me feel… cold.
She shook the thoughts out of her head as she broke his gaze.
"If that's what you feel you have to do then I have no cause to stop you."
She paused, warily admitting a little of what she was feeling.
"I'm just a little surprised. After everything you've said about being a sniper, the things it's cost you…"
He shrugged, still playing the it's-not-a-big-deal card. She didn't buy it for a second.
"I go where I'm told, where I'm needed."
But I need you…
She opened her mouth to speak but the glare of headlights swept across them, cutting her off. Trying to hide how upset she was, she gathered her things together. Straightening up, she attempted to stay detached from the situation.
That's what I do. That's how I cope. Every time someone deserts me, that's how I deal.
"Well, just be careful out there. I don't have the time or the patience to get another FBI agent up to speed around here."
She had aimed for jokey but failed miserably. She just hoped her smile was convincing enough as she slipped in to the back seat of the taxi and turned away from her partner.
Just like he's turned away from me.
Pulling away from the Jeffersonian, she let her guard down. Temperance Brennan, the detached doctor, let herself cry.