"But now old friends are acting strange,
They shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Well, something's lost but something's gained
In living everyday."
'Both Sides Now', Joni Mitchell
oo00oo
Temperance Brennan drifted through the Jeffersonian in a daze. Everything seemed to be different somehow, disorientating and confusing her. Something was constantly pulling at her, dragging her mind back to where she wished she was, where she was still with the man she loved.
Sitting in her office, she kept expecting to find him leaning on the doorframe, waving some new case file at her with his charm smile as he teased her for her lack of pop culture understanding. Every footstep she heard in the corridor was almost his, every scent of that familiar aftershave was almost his, every ring of the telephone was almost his. Almost, but not quite.
She knew it was ridiculous but she couldn't help it. The days were passing so slowly, she thought it would never be time for him to come home, the one thing she wanted more than anything else in the world, the one thing she needed.
I need him, I want him back.
Brennan was unaware of the way her colleagues looked at her now, the way their conversations hushed when she was around, how their jokes were left unfinished on her arrival, their constant need to lower their eyes in her presence. She didn't notice because none of that seemed important anymore.
Angela had tried to talk to her, tried to get her to open up but Brennan had resisted. There was always an excuse, whether it be a case file to solve, another chapter of her book to write or just a vague promise to catch up later, Brennan managed to keep her best friend at bay.
I have to. If Angela makes me talk about it then it's all real and I won't be able to pretend anymore. Right now, it's like I'm just in some kind of horrific dream, a nightmare, but I know I'm going to wake up soon. I just have to hold on for another month or so. I just have to hold on to him…
The nights were the worse. Lying in a cold bed with no one beside her and no work to distract her from the worst case scenarios building in her mind, Brennan felt herself slowly surrendering to the fact that he was gone. She knew Booth was coming back, she knew it was just a temporary assignment, but that didn't stop the fear that left her clammy and crying in the dark.
What if something goes wrong? What if he never comes back to me? How could I cope without him now?
Sheets pulled up her to chin, night after night Brennan tried to only remember the good moments. Dancing in her apartment with him to Foreigner, flirting during a stake out, how they spent the night before he left… But even the smile those memories brought to her lips was never enough to quell the raging fear in her chest.
She knew it was only Booth's return that would stop her from losing it all together. It was only Booth that could save her.
It was always only Booth.
oo00oo
Angela leant against the railing around the forensic platform, staring blankly at her best friend's office. After a few minutes, Hodgins appeared by her side and followed her gaze.
"She still hiding away in there?"
Angela glanced at the entomologist with a concerned frown.
"Yeah. I know that she's upset and worried about Booth, but this just isn't healthy."
Hodgins just nodded slowly, eventually offering up a shrug.
"So what do we do about it?"
Angela just shared the shrug.
"I don't know, Hodgy."
The artist dropped her chin in to her hand as she went back to staring towards her best friend sitting silently behind her desk.
"I honestly just don't know."
oo00oo
Cam had had enough.
Following Angela's gaze to the darkened office, she could barely make out the anthropologist's profile in the dim light of her computer screen. As usual, she was just sat there, staring, even her work providing little consolation which all of her colleagues found disturbing.
Taking a deep breath, Cam marched straight towards the office, ignoring the looks of surprise on the faces of Brennan's friends.
I'm her boss and all of this is affecting her work so it has to stop. Now.
She sauntered into the office, pushing the door closed behind her as she switched on the overhead light. Brennan blinked rapidly, turning her gaunt face towards the intrusion. Cam was shocked by just how pale she looked, the black circles under red-rimmed eyes only helping to emphasise the fact that she looked ill.
No, she looks scared and heartbroken. The man she loves is basically at war. The man we both love…
Cam swallowed hard and took a brisk step forward, the anthropologist's sharp blue eyes boring in to her.
"Doctor Brennan, we need to talk."
Temperance folded her arms staunchly across her chest, creating an immediate barrier between them in her effort to fend off yet another Booth's-going-to-be-fine lecture.
"What about?"
Cam slid in to the chair on the other side of the broad desk, letting her keep the barriers between them if it would help. She sighed heavily and leant forward, her elbows resting on her knees.
"Doctor Brennan, I know that you and I don't exactly see eye to eye the majority of the time but I'm worried about you and quite frankly, I'm worried about how your… emotional state is affecting the lab."
Cam tried to ignore the obvious flinch her subordinate showed at the word emotional. She may not have been friends with the anthropologist by any means but she assumed that sticking to the cold hard facts was the only way that she was going to get Brennan to listen to her.
"Well, Doctor Saroyan, I don't see how my emotional anything has caused any kind of effect on the lab or any of the cases the team are currently working on."
Cam just stared at her and shook her head.
Always the stubborn one…Ok, let's try a different approach.
"Temperance, how long have you and Booth worked together?"
The anthropologist blinked rapidly at the use of her first name and the name of her partner. Thrown slightly off guard by the question, she had to think before she answered. Cam smiled as reassuringly as she could at her while she swallowed hard.
"Nearly two years. Why?"
Cam let the smile slip from her lips.
"Because in all that time, I would have thought that you would have gotten to know Booth a lot better than you obviously do."
Doctor Brennan's eyes narrowed as her cheeks flushed with anger, her words clipped short through gritted teeth.
"And what exactly is it that you're trying to say, Doctor Saroyan?"
Cam kept her gaze locked with the anthropologist's.
That's it, get mad. The situation's not fair, and we all know it. Get it out and get on with it.
"I'm saying that in all the time you've known Booth, when have you ever seen him slack off? When have you ever seen him ignore his duties or cast his work aside? Because that's exactly what you're doing right now, Doctor Brennan."
Cam raised a hand to silence the immediate objections forming on her colleague's lips before she continued.
"The only reason that Booth isn't here right now with you is because he's on the other side of the world working his ass off to help other people, which unless I've read your job description wrong, is what you're meant to be doing too. Do you really think Booth would be at all impressed if he could see what you're doing right now? Moping around with your sad little eyes and shirking your responsibilities, you're acting like he's died already."
Brennan flinched and Cam sighed, letting her tone soften slightly.
Now for the big finish…
"I know exactly how you feel about Booth being gone, Temperance, because I've felt it too. And I hated every second of it. When the person you love leaves, all you want to do is bury yourself away and pretend like the rest of the world doesn't exist because how can it if they're not in it anymore? But that's not how it should be for you. He's coming back and that's a lot more than the rest of us get. He's coming back to you."
Something changed in Brennan's face as she averted her eyes.
Come on, you've got to get on with your life, you've got to actually live it.
Slowly, Brennan raised her eyes to her boss, seeming to examine her before she spoke quietly.
"And how do you know that he's coming back? He's in Iraq. I've seen the statistics, I know how dangerous it is."
"You mean as dangerous as his own city where he gets blown up, beaten and shot at on what seems to be a regular basis?"
Cam sighed and got to her feet, leaning across the desk slightly as she spoke.
"I know he's coming back because he promised you he would. I've not seen Seeley break a promise yet and I highly doubt he'd ever break one as important as this one."
She knew that emotions and empty promises shouldn't be all that convincing for such a scientifically driven, logical anthropologist as Temperance Brennan but this was also a woman in love, a scared little girl that needed to hear kind words and white lies.
I don't know that Booth's coming back, none of us do, but we all hope he will. We're all with you on this one, Brennan. Some of us more than most.
Cam gave a tight smile as she moved to exit the office, pausing with her hand on the door knob as she glanced back over her shoulder.
"Doctor Brennan, you can take an hour for lunch to get yourself smartened up and then I expect to see you back out in the lab doing your job just like everyone else is. Just like Booth is."
She marched out of the office without a second glance, certain her words had done the trick.
When the words come from the people you love, sometimes they just don't ring true. After all, they're supposed to comfort you and make you feel better however they can. But when it comes from someone you barely even know, someone like me, it gives it that extra bit of credence, that kick up the backside you need to get yourself moving on.
Passing by the forensic platform, Cam caught Angela's confused eye. The boss just shrugged, not even breaking her stride as she spoke.
"The doctor just needed some tough love, Miss Montenegro. She'll be back out soon."
As Cam disappeared round the corner, Angela just threw her gaze back to her best friend's office. Inside, Brennan was still sat at her desk though now she was clutching Jasper in her hands as she stared off into space. The artist felt her heart sink.
Maybe 'tough love' just isn't going to do the trick this time.
But then Brennan carefully laid the toy pig back down on her desk and got to her feet, crossing the office to her bag. She pulled out a hairbrush, tidying herself up in her compact mirror. After some careful reapplication of kohl eyeliner and some concealer for the dark circles under her eyes, Brennan smoothed down her lab coat and let out a deep sigh.
Angela watched as her best friend marched out of the office, swiping her card for access to the forensic platform with a purposeful motion before striding over to the autopsy table. Her eyes narrowing as she scanned the skeleton laid out in front of her, she picked up the case file lying on the desk beside her and flicked her gaze up at Hodgins.
"So, what've we got?"
Angela grinned and pulled Brennan into an enormous hug which the anthropologist relented to for just a moment before shrugging her off.
"Ange, if it's alright with you, I'd like to get back to work here."
Still grinning from ear to ear, the artist grabbed her sketchbook with a nod and moved away, pausing to lean towards her favourite bug guy.
"We just got our Brennan back."