A/N: Yeah, sorry kids but this one's crap. To be fair, I wrote it in about half an hour at 4:30am this morning but it's still crap. I promise it's nearly all over and that the next chapter is much much better! Hope you all had a good Halloween.

"Even the best fall down some times,
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme.
Out of the doubt that fills my mind,
I somehow find that you and I collide."

'Collide', Howie Day

oo00oo

Seeley Booth lay in the hospital bed staring at the ceiling tiles as he tried to adjust to the dull pain throughout his body. Somewhere in the back of his mind, something nagged at him. Something wasn't right.

His eyes drifted down to look at his own body as he snorted with derisive laughter.

Of course something's not right. I got the crap blown out of me…

But that's not it. That's not all that's wrong.

He turned his head slightly, attempting to stretch out the crick in his neck, and stared out through the window. Brennan was stood in the corridor, nodding at something one of the doctors was saying, a blonde haired nurse at her side.

My poor Temperance. God, I think she might actually look worse than I do…

He dragged his gaze away from her, knowing he couldn't stare at the woman of his dreams without fear of breaking down and crying like a baby. He was beginning to understand just why she had been so off with him when he first told he was going to Iraq.

War was just something he had learned to live with over the years. He didn't like it and he sure as hell didn't ever want to be in that situation again. But going back out there with the troops, he had known it was the right thing to do. The whole purpose of him being there was to teach them how to be better soldiers.

He grimaced at the thought.

You mean using all your dirty little secrets to make them better killers… You were training them to be the best snipers they could be, teaching them how to shoot unarmed men and get the hell out of dodge before anyone could even figure out where the shot had come from. So what if those men deserve it? You know what it is that those boys would have to live with till the day they died.

He sighed heavily, raising a hand to run it across his tired face, accidentally snagging the drip against the barrier on the side of the bed.

That was when it hit him. That was when he realised what was wrong.

He looked down at the sheets covering his groin, his eyes following the trail of the catheter tube.

She'd been pulling on it, basically ripping it out of me. I told her to stop. But I hadn't even felt it. I can't feel anything below my…

Booth bit his bottom lip as he concentrated, staring down at the end of the bed as he put every ounce of energy he had left in to wriggling his toes.

The sheets didn't move.

Trying to keep his cool, he systematically worked his way back up his body. Toes, ankles, knees, legs… None of them would obey him. He was able to slightly shuffle his hips but the pain it caused in his lower back immediately stilled him.

He stared back up at the ceiling tiles as he slowly clenched and unclenched his fists by his sides.

Nothing… From the waist down there's just nothing. I can't move.

Booth's eyes slid shut at the realisation, and he tried in vain to rid himself of the images that flooded through his mind.

Playing softball with the FBI team, chasing Parker round and round the living room, running after suspects down dark alleys, playing soccer with his son in the park on a beautiful summer's day, making love to Temperance, just walking up the stairs to his apartment… It was all over. He couldn't do any of those things again.

A silent tear slid down his cheeks and he angrily brushed it away.

Don't you dare cry, you idiot. You're getting out of this hell hole a lot better off than some of these poor guys. At least you're not going home in a casket.

He heard the door open and he let out a faltering sigh, trying to regain his composure. Slowly, he opened his eyes and focused on Brennan, ignoring the doctor standing behind her. He tried to smile but it died before it ever reached his lips.

He watched as she returned to his side, grasping his hand tightly in her own as she carefully seated herself on the edge of the bed. He squeezed her fingers reassuringly.

Hell, that's about all I can do now…

The doctor stepped forward, picking his chart up from the end of the bed and flicking through the pages. Booth cleared his throat, surprised at how dry his mouth had suddenly become.

"What's up, doc?"

He attempted a wry smile but it felt fake across his lips. He managed to hold the doctor's gaze though, their eyes locked. All Booth could see was his own reflection, his own pitifully weak image.

"Agent Booth, how are you feeling?"

He was about to shrug when he remembered the pain it caused him the last time he tried. He just raised an eyebrow instead.

"Like I got shot. And blown up. Obviously…"

The doctor offered a slight smile, nodding as his eyes flicked back down to the chart.

"Well, I must say I'm incredibly impressed with the progress you've made so far."

Booth couldn't help but snort with sarcastic laughter.

"Right…"

The doctor just stared at him for a moment then laid down the chart, leaning a casual arm against the footboard at the end of the bed.

"Agent Booth, there are a few things we need to discuss."

Booth just nodded slowly, unable to raise his eyes to meet the doctor's.

"You mean about the fact I'm paralysed?"

He felt Brennan tense beside him and felt his heart fall.

Oh god, didn't she know? Or is she just worried about the fact that I know?

The doctor cleared his throat and rearranged his glasses on his nose.

"Unfortunately, due to the type of injury you sustained, there has been some damage done to your spine. Until the swelling has gone down, I'm afraid we don't have any definitive answers in that area. The surgery itself, though, was a great success and I doubt you'll have any complications."

"Beyond being a wheelchair for the rest of my life?"

Try as he might, he just couldn't hide the bitterness in his tone. He bit his lip again, trying to keep the anger inside. Brennan squeezed his hand slightly as she leaned a little closer.

"Booth, we don't know that's what's going to happen. For all we know, you could be walking out of here in a couple of days."

He couldn't bring himself to look at her.

She's come all the way out here, to Germany of all places, just to find that the man she fell in love with is already dead. I'm not him anymore. I can never be him again.

"So what else then, doc? What exactly happened to me?"

The doctor began to describe his injuries but Booth almost immediately found himself tuning out, his mind consumed with the fact that he was now lost in the world. Everything he had previously taken for granted was gone. However, something the doctor was saying caught his attention, pulling him back to the ward room.

"I'm sorry, doc, say that again?"

"I said that it appears the first serious gun shot wound you suffered was while you were dragging a Colonel Thomas Bridges away from danger, before the second explosion occurred."

Booth blinked rapidly.

"Tommy? But I didn't…"

Fractured images flashed in his mind in no coherent order. He shook his head, trying to sort them together properly, running through it all in his mind.

"I heard the commotion and went back to the bunk to get my M14 and Tommy. We rounded the truck outside the supply depot and I hunkered down in the dirt, trying to identify hostiles but with all that sand and dust and smoke… I couldn't see anything. I could hear Tommy firing but not me."

The doctor cleared his throat, rounding the bed to stand beside Brennan who was staring down at him with eyes full of concern but also pride.

"Agent Booth, Colonel Bridges didn't fire a single round. The gunshots you heard were your own. You took down six insurgents as they were rallying to push further in to the base and set explosives. That was why they fired a rocket propelled grenade at the truck you were using for cover. I'm afraid Colonel Bridges had already been shot at this point. You were the threat, not him."

Booth stared at him with wide eyes, the images rushing through his mind.

Lying in the dirt, pointing my weapon at the cloud of dust ahead of me, sand in my eyes… Seeing the stars and stripes on a soldier's arm and relaxing my finger on the trigger… Hearing the pop pop pop of an AK47 and turning left slightly… Training my weapon on the figures rushing through the dust… The recoil of the shot against my shoulder… The echo of gunfire against the truck… Spent cartridges bouncing in the dirt…The yelling of orders in a language I didn't know nearby… Seeing the muzzle of a weapon coming round the truck… The whiz of the grenade over head… The heat of the explosion on my back…

Booth blinked slowly as his vision swam.

Coming round the truck, seeing Tommy's weapon lying in the dirt… Turning… Tommy's blood oozing in to the sand… Pop pop pop… Felt like fire in my shoulder… On my knees jamming a fresh cartridge in my weapon… Like being at a turkey shoot with my granddad at the fair… Couldn't get to my feet… The burning in my back… Pop pop pop… Dragging Tommy as I shuffled through the dirt… The sound of another grenade nearby… Flash of white, disorientating… Hitting the ground hard… Hands grabbing me… Pulling me away… Still got my weapon, can't lose my weapon… Have to get home, just have to get home… Temperance is waiting, I have to get home…

"I fought…?"

The doctor nodded, a strange look of pride crossing his face.

"The insurgents were planning on setting charges and ambushes all round the area. Thanks to the confusion you caused, the group split and the counter attack was easily established. You saved a lot of lives out there, Agent Booth. I'm just glad we had you on our side."

Booth couldn't help the shudder coarse through his body.

I'm not glad. I don't ever want to see that again. I just want to go home, like I promised. I just want to be me again.

"And Tommy? Is he ok?"

The doctor's smile spread.

"He's in the ICU at the moment but it looks like he's going to make a full recovery, all thanks to you."

Booth rolled his eyes, uncomfortable with the hero mantle that seemed to be being thrust upon him.

"I'm pretty sure it's your guys that did most of the work there, doc."

The doctor smiled, nodding slightly in thanks as he retreated back towards the door.

"Anyway, if you should have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask. I'll leave you two to catch up now but Agent Booth, you really should get some rest."

Booth smiled tightly as he watched the thinning hair and glasses disappear down the corridor. Brennan was gently running her fingers through his hair, soothing him, but he still couldn't quite bring himself to look at her.

"Bones…"

"Yes Booth?"

Her voice was quiet and calm.

She doesn't sound worried. Why isn't she worried?

"If I… If when we get home, it's pretty obvious that I won't walk again or anything, then I wouldn't…you know, I wouldn't hold it against you if you decided that you couldn't… I mean, I'd understand why if you…"

He tailed off, leaving the sentence hanging lamely in the air. She tensed up again, moving slightly to get a better look at him. Still he couldn't raise his eyes to hers.

"Booth…"

She laid her hand under his chin, forcing him to look at her.

"Booth, I would never leave you like that and you know it. Not that it matters, because the sheer statistical probability is that following your surgery, the swelling around the spinal column is putting pressure against your nerves and causing the temporary paralysis. And even if it's not short term, that doesn't matter to me."

Booth rolled his eyes and shook his head slowly.

"Not now, no. But give it time, Bones. It will matter. You'll start to hate me for the burden I'll become. I won't be the man you wanted."

Her eyes narrowed as she threw her hands up in exasperation.

"I could never hate you, Booth! Well, except for when you're criticising my team and my work but that's more a general annoyance than any real hate… Look, Seeley, I love you and I'm not going anywhere. So stop getting ahead of yourself and automatically assuming the worse. We just need to give it a few days to see what happens. But even if you are paralysed, it won't ever matter to me."

Booth opened his mouth to speak but she silenced him with a glare.

"It won't, Booth. I fell in love with you for the type of man you are, yes. But that doesn't mean I fell for your athleticism or your ability to chase suspects. I fell in love with a brave, noble man who has taught me how to embrace life, no matter how much it hurts. A man who fights for everything that's right in the world and attempts to change everything that isn't. I fell in love with your heart, Seeley, with your mind. I certainly didn't fall for your legs. They're far too hairy…"

She grinned at him sheepishly and he grinned right back, raising his hand to gently stroke her cheek.

She's right. Hell, she's always right. Whatever's coming, I'll beat it. As long as she's around, I know I can beat it.

He pulled her closer, bringing her lips to meet his own and felt them both sink in to the kiss, relishing the taste of each other.

Agent Booth smiled to himself. He was finally home.