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Chapter 2:
Itachi is Weeeiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrdddddddd . . .
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Kisame thought as hard as his head would allow before he came to a conclusion.
"Why don't you just put your hands in front of you?" Kisame asked the blonde. Naruto raised an eyebrow.
"How am I supposed to do that?" Naruto asked, "My hands are tied behind me."
"Well," Kisame started, "You could just slide your legs through your arms," Kisame suggested.
Naruto thought for a moment, 'Didn't I do something like that in the Academy once?'
-FLASHBACK-
"Now class," Iruka-sensei began, "today we will be studying the way to free one's self from capture."
Neji, who was in the back of the room, asked, "Is that why you tied us up?"
"Yes," Iruka stated and looked over the room. All the students in the classroom appeared to be around eight or nine. All of them were also bound by their wrists and ankles. Many of the students took to sitting down on the floor because it was to difficult to balance with their ankles tied together.
Somewhat further in the corner of the room, Kiba pretended his was a worm and wiggled about the area.
Mizuki, the other teacher, ignored Kiba and said, "This is the most basic form of capture that you will encounter. But before we teach you how to tie knots and such, you must first learn how to escape on your own."
"Well said," Iruka commented. Mizuki gave an overly cheery smile. Iruka cleared his throat and said, "You may begin."
After those 'inspiring' words, the class began to test their escape from the retched bonds.
Naruto groaned outloud. How the heck was he supposed to escape from this?
"I'm done," said a voice in the center of the room. Iruka looked up and smiled.
"Excellent, Shikamaru," Iruka said, "You may sit down back at your desk and do whatever you want until the rest are done."
Shikamaru walked over to his desk and laid down for a long nap.
Naruto felt a vein pop up on his head in aggitation, 'How'd he do that so fast?!' Naruto asked in his mind.
"I'm done," another voice said. Naruto looked up and saw Sasuke standing high and proud, 'I really hate that guy,' Naruto thought bitterly to himself.
"Very good, Sasuke," Iruka said, "You may join Shikamaru."
Sasuke sat down in his desk and automatically went into Angsty-Avenger Mode.
'Okay, now this is personal!' Naruto thought. He simply couldn't let Sasuke-teme get the best of him.
Naruto focused all his will-power on getting loose from the bonds. Some of his classmates seemed to be having the same problems that he was.
Their hands were tied behind their backs and it was very difficult to untie the knot with their hands in such a position.
Naruto rolled onto his stomach and tried to pull his arms over his arms over his head. Unfortunately(sp?) the body can't naturally do that, so the joints of his shoulders let out a series of popping noises. "Ow!" Naruto yelled and let his arms rest on his back again. 'How the hell do I do this?' Naruto asked himself.
"I'm finished!" a cheery voice sounded. Naruto didn't bother to look up, he had wasted enough time already.
"Good job, Sakura," Mizuki said and the pink-haired girl sat down at her desk.
When Naruto heard the name he felt new hope, 'I'll do this for Sakura-chan!'
Filled with a desire to impress the girl, he tried opposite of what he had formerly tried to do. He pulled his arms over his butt and rolled over into a sitting position. Naruto then slid his arms down his legs and out from under his feet.
'FREE AT LAST!' Naruto thought to himself happily. Naruto glanced down at the rope that still tied him together, 'Or maybe not,' he added.
"Done," another voice, recognized as Neji's, said.
Naruto began to sweat nervously. At this rate, he was going to be last. . . AGAIN!
"Ow!" Naruto shouted when he felt something hit his head. The class looked at him in wonder.
"Ouch!" he yelled out when he felt the pain return. Again and again, something hit his head. He looked about in confusion when he could not find where it had originated from.
-FLASHBACK ENDS-
The pain continued. He shut his eyes tightly in pain. Without so much as a warning Naruto let out a yell, "AAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
The pain stopped.
Naruto opened his eyes and looked about. He was standing in the forest with a big blue guy looming over him.
"What the hell were you doing?" Kisame asked Naruto. Naruto groaned when he heard the voice. He had a really, really, really, really, really bad headache now.
Kisame snapped his fingers in front of Naruto's face. Naruto winced when the snapping noise entered his ears.
"Would you stop making all that noise?" Naruto asked.
Kisame ignored the question, "You zoned out for a moment. I thought that maybe you were unconcious(sp?) or something."
"Your not supposed to hit a person when their unconcious," Naruto muttered.
"Whatever," Kisame huffed, "Anyways, you 'can' put your arms in front of you 'can't' you?" he asked.
Naruto nearly nodded, but stopped himself. Nodding would only make the headache worse. "Yeah," Naruto said quietly and took a moment to do the very thing he did once before in the Academy.
Naruto sighed when his arms were in front of him. They were becoming quite sore in the other position.
A few minutes passed and Kisame and Naruto stood(which was hard cause he was tied together) in the same place. Staring at each other.
"Well?" Naruto said to break the silence.
"Well what?" Kisame asked.
"Go away," Naruto said.
"Why? You know I can't let you out of my sight," Kisame replied.
Naruto rolled his eyes, "Like hell I'm going to go in front of you."
"Then you turn around," said Kisame.
"No! I can't pee when someone's watching me!" Naruto argued.
"Alright. I'll turn around, but if you so much as wiggle, I'll drag you by your hair for the remainder of our journey," Kisame threatened then turned around.
Naruto stuck out his tongue at the fish-man before doing his business.
-
"What took you so long?" Itachi asked Kisame when he came out of the forest carrying Naruto.
"I had to take a piss," Naruto said before Kisame could answer. Kisame shook his head in a manner that said: What-the-hell-am-I-going-to-do-with-this-kid?
Itachi took a moment to look at the jinchuuriki, "You ungagged him?" he asked Kisame.
Kisame opened his mouth to reply, but Naruto interrupted, "Yup! And I'm glad he did because my bladder was ready to pop!"
Kisame dropped Naruto back onto the ground, "I'm getting tired of this kid," Kisame said, "I refuse to carry him any more today."
"You'll get over it," Itachi said.
"No way!" Kisame yelled, "If you won't carry him then I won't cook dinner tonight!"
Naruto raised an eyebrow and intervened, "You know, I can walk on my own."
"No!" Kisame and Itachi said in usion.
Itachi turned back to Kisame, "Fine, but we move 'now', 'and' you'll be fixing my favorite tonight." With that said, Itachi picked Naruto back up and tossed him over his shoulder.
"Dammit," Naruto growled, "Why am I always carried around like a damn potato sack?!" he asked no one in particular.
Kisame chuckled, "Because your on the menu tonight."
Naruto felt his eyes widen in horror. "T-that's not funny!" Naruto yelled at the fish-man. Kisame only gave a small chuckle.
Naruto quieted down for a few minutes. Someplace deep down inside, he prayed that he wasn't going to be eaten.
Naruto was distracted by his thoughts when he smelt something 'peculiar'.
"Itachi-teme?" Naruto questioned the Uchiha.
"What?" Itachi asked with a bit of aggervation in his voice at being called a bastard.
"Are you wearing cologne?" Naruto asked curiously.
"Maybe," Itachi answered. Kisame laughed out loud nearby.
"He wears it because he thinks that it will attract the women," Kisame explained.
Naruto's curiousity reached an astonishing peak, "Your looking for a girlfriend?" Naruto asked Itachi.
" . . . Maybe . . . ," Itachi answered vaguely. Naruto felt himself engrossed with amazement.
"Oh my God!" Naruto exclaimed, "Does that mean that your going to revive the Uchiha clan?"
"No," Itachi answered, "I killed the orginal clan. Why would I want to revive it?"
Naruto was silent in ponder. A thought entered his mind without warning, "There was this time when I was with Sasuke-teme and he said that he was going to kill you and then revive the clan."
"Really, now?" Itachi half-asked.
"Yeah," Naruto said, "But wait a minute. If you get a girl and you don't plan to revive the Uchiha clan, what 'do' you plan to do?"
" . . . ," Itachi was quiet.
Naruto wouldn't let Itachi slip by so easily, "Exactly, what 'do' you plan to do with your life?" he asked.
Itachi thought for a moment before answering, "To collect all the Jinchuuriki, rule the world, get married, have seven boys and three girls, go skinny dipping, live in a palace, kill Kisame, and kill two dozen chickens in no more than five seconds," he answered in one breath.
Naruto and Kisame felt their jaws drop.
"HEY!" Kisame yelled, "I've asked you that question plenty of times before and you never answered 'me'! What makes him so special?!" Kisame asked while pointing at Naruto.
"Nothing. It's just that this is payback for your unbearable snoring," Itachi explained.
"I can't help it!" Kisame shouted loudly.
"Shut up," Itachi commanded his partner. Kisames closed his mouth and crossed his arms with a pout.
"Uuhhhh . . . ," Naruto drawled, not really knowing how to start his question, "Wait, didn't you say that you wanted to go skinny dipping? And what's the deal with the chickens?" Naruto asked.
" . . . No more questions. Be quiet Naruto-kun before I make you," said Itachi.
Naruto closed his mouth, 'Wow,' Naruto thought, 'Itachi-teme sure has a way with words.'
Kisame huffed, "It doesn't matter what Itachi does; we both know that 'I'm' the one with the good looks and charm," he said.
Itachi and Naruto gazed at him skeptically.
-
The sun slowly began to set against the horizon. Only minutes ago, Itachi had decided that it was time to start dinner. So, without so much as a warning, a napping Naruto was tossed to the ground . . . AGAIN!
"Dammit!" Naruto yelled, awaking from his pleasant dreams, "Would you people stop throwing me everywhere?! I'm not damn luggage for Kami's sake!"
"Shut up," Itachi said for the sixth time that day.
Naruto felt his eye twitch at the command, "I am getting really sick of you saying that! I hope you die with someone telling you that!"
"Shut up," Itachi repeated then turned to Kisame, "Start dinner."
Kisame rolled his eyes and he muttered in a high pitched voice to himself, "Kisame do this. Kisame do that. Kisame do everything." Naruto snickered at the fish-mans impression. Itachi gave Kisame a death glare and walked off into the forest.
"Where's he going?" Naruto asked the fish-dude.
"I don't know," Kisame said while fishing(heh, fishing. get it?) through his bag of supplies, "He probably went to take a dump."
Naruto felt his face heat up and snickered at the thought. "What'cha cookin'?" Naruto asked the fish-man.
"Don't know," Kisame said absent-mindedly and lit a fire with some spare matches.
"I thought that Itachi told you to cook his 'favorite'?" said Naruto.
"Honestly," Kisame began, "I just boil some water and toss weeds into it. Then, when it's done, I give it to Itachi and he says that he likes it."
Naruto stuck out his tongue in disgust, "Yuck! I am 'not' eating that!"
Kisame shrugged, "Oh, well. I didn't plan to give you anything to eat anyways. You can just starve for all I care."
"WHAT!?" Naruto screeched, "No! You can't do this to me! You don't understand! I'll die without food!"
Kisame looked at Naruto with a dull gaze, "Doesn't everyone?" he asked.
"No wait!" Naruto pleaded, "Listen to me, listen to meeee . . . If I don't eat at least once a day, then terrible things happen to me!"
"Whatever," Kisame said dismissively and began to work on the 'soup'.
Naruto inhaled a breath full of air before yelling, "I'M GOING TO DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!"
TBC-
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A/N: What do you think? Yeah, I'm sorry, but so far, this story has absolutely no plot other than Naruto getting captured and the tales of his journey. Hmmm, perhaps next chapter I will go over what state the city of Konoha is in. Oh, sorry but thanks to a little mistake of mine, this isn't really a sequel to my other story "Sky Lend Me Your Tears" because in that one, Naruto gets captured on his way to the hospital. In this one, Naruto gets captured when eating at the ramen stand. Also, sorry again if any of the characters seem to be a little OOC. In this fic, many bad things may happen to Itachi and Kisame, but I don't 'hate' them, I just like it when they are funny. Anything else that I need to go over? Can't think of any so I'll just end the chapter right here X.