Chapter 23. The Tao Nutmeg Kake!
The world was a place consumed by Spicerist propaganda, sentinel robots, and an ever-growing number of Heylin followers who pledged their allegiance to Jack via a 24 hour hotline in an attempt to secure their safety in the chaos. Jack promised that all who joined him would go unharmed by SMART bots, and that those who rebelled would be crushed to a fine, dusty pulp.
While Jack went about personally taking the final few areas still beyond his control, his accomplice, Meg, spread a message of her own.
The nine Megs had traveled around the world to maintain Spicerist power, but they were not operating by Jack's standards.
"Citizens of Earth! Weekends are now seven days long! The first Thursday afternoon till Monday of each month is now the official Rave Holiday! All drugs that were once illegal are now encouraged, just keep them away from me! There will be no more mucking around with money! Everything is now free! Everything! Payment will come in the form of whatever the hell you need or want! Purge yourselves, earthlings!"
"All personality altering prescription drugs are now banned! Riddilin, Nospaz, and Hypovent shall never be used on any child ever again!"
"Your national colors are now neon green, neon orange, blood red, and black! Have some free strobe lights! Glow sticks for all! Your national anthem is the same, it's just a techno remix! You leader will be elected by whoever is left standing after a week-long rave! Last to dance him or herself into exhaustion wins! Your national slogan must be something to the effect of "In Meg We Trust," or "Jack Spicer Rocks!"
"School is now officially annihilated! All those who refuse to rave and follow the new rules will be sent back to High school- no matter how old you are! No one needs to learn how to spell "onomatopoeia" ever again, nor learn what it means! No math, either! Anyone caught trying to use, solve, or teach math will be sprayed with liquid extract poison ivy! Actually, better make Mace. Mace, with an electrical current. Aw, hell, I just send you to stand in line at Six Flag for nine hours listening to that outrageous theme song."
"You there, in the t-shirt! I hate that band! Get out of my country!"
The Meg in Switzerland paused and considered what she and her copies were doing.
"Jack should have just done this in the first place," she said. "Why did he have to use force to take over the world? He should have just promised everyone everything they've ever wanted!"
Meanwhile, the Meg with the "M" on her belt had set off in a Mini SMART to find Miss Seek. Despite their small size, Minis traveled at a respectable rate once turned loose.
She flew straight to the land of Nowhere, unaware that the four Jack Spicer's were also headed the same way. Meg landed the Mini a good distance from the palace to avoid being seen and made her way inside by bouncing up the cliff edges and springing right in through an eye of the beastly carved entrance.
No more than ten minutes after Meg went inside, the Jacks landed in their regular SMART right in front of the entrance. They hopped out and two stood on each side of the SMART.
"Let's let ourselves in," said the Jack in red.
Meg darted up a flight of cold marble stairs, wondering where Patience could possibly be. She checked in the throne room and in the room with the great big spiral on the floor, but there seemed to be no one around.
Coming out of bullet-time, Meg stopped to listen for voices. She heard the gurgle of the many waterfalls and pools, but no voices.
Suddenly, she was thrown to the floor and squished against the stone. A big, hungry-looking jaguar had her pinned and was growling in her ear.
"Nice kitty…" Meg said slowly, straining to look back at it. "Do you know where Miss Seek is?"
There were other jungle cats around her, too, glaring at her as though waiting to have a taste of the little hors-d'oeuvre. But, suddenly the cats all looked up at once, as though being silently hailed. Amid the chorus of quiet growls, the jaguar picked Meg up by the back of her shirt in its jaws and bounded up a flight of stairs with her. They passed through a set of doors and entered the dining room.
Meg waved to Chase, recalling the story Jack told her once about the time a tiger came and snatched him right out of the bathtub. Chase was seated at his table, surrounded with the most delicious-looking foods that no one seemed to ever eat. Only, this time, he reclined his chair on its back legs and had his feet up on the table.
"I was looking for you!" Meg exclaimed, writhing in the jaguar's grip. "What happened to Miss Seek? You better not have hurt her! Not again!"
"No, tiny one," Chase said calmly, "I've taken good care of Seek Patience. She is no longer a concern, nor a threat."
Meg finally got her feet against the cat's collarbone. From there, she tilted herself down and pedal-kicked the cat in the jaw, in bullet-time, until it choked and was forced to release her.
"What did you do to Miss Seek?" Meg screamed, lunging towards Chase.
Chase put his hand up and Meg stopped in midair. With a wave, Meg was thrown back towards the door. The jungle cats didn't go after her again, but they were on guard.
Just then, someone came through another doorway hidden in the shadows of the pillars along the perimeter of the room. As she got to her feet Meg didn't recognize the person at all. She was carrying one of those silver martini shakers and a glass with a slim stem on a tray.
"Oh, hi there, Meg," she said as she set the glass down and took the mixer in both hands. "I didn't realize you would be stopping by. Sorry, I don't think you're old enough to have one of these."
Meg's jaw dropped and she bent at the waist at a right angle until her knuckles nearly touched the ground. She stared with one eye wide open and one twitching slightly.
"No. Way," she gasped slowly. "What happened?"
Chase grinned and folded his hands in his lap.
"Quite a pleasant improvement, isn't it? Nutmeg Kake, meet Good Seek Patience."
Good Seek looked like a young, spunky Julie Andrews. She wore a long blue dress with the fringe of many puffy petticoats just visible above her black slippers. The dress had a pale flower pattern on it, and she wore a crisp, white apron with a deep pocket in the front and a big bow in the back. She was just as reserved as ever, with her collar buttoned up to her neck and long sleeves that buttoned at the wrist. But, judging by the shape of her torso, she may have been wearing some kind of corset. She was smiling broadly with her mouth open a little, and her big, brown eyes seemed to sparkle with the sheer joy of being alive. She wore very light makeup and had in a pair of tiny earrings.
Chase looked pretty happy about the new arrangement.
"What the hell?" Meg screamed out, still almost unable to move. "Miss Seek! What happened to you? You're all…goody. What happened to the regular you?"
"Oh, you mean Evil Seek?" Good Seek asked as she poured the drink. "She's back in the YinYang world somewhere. I feel bad for her, but she had it coming. She didn't use Novocain, you know," Good Seek added in a gossipy manner, holding the back of her hand against her cheek secretively. "Not only that, but she never actually worked for WalMart. She just likes to tell people that to freak them out. She was really a student here in China until her twenties, when she went off to get a medical degree…"
"I DON'T CARE!" Meg interrupted her, leaping across the table and landing on Seek. She grabbed her by the apron straps and balanced her feet against her hips. "Where's the real Miss Seek? I like Evil Seek!"
Chase reached out and swatted Meg away, knocking her to the floor like a stray crumb. Meg was flat on the floor for a moment, and Good Seek backed away to help her up.
"Well, I don't like Evil Seek," Chase growled, leaning over Meg. "And I refuse to spend the rest of eternity battling the Dragon of Metal over my potion when I can have this," he said, nodding towards Good Seek. He finished his strangely green martini in one swig and upended the skewered olive on Meg's head. It lodged in her dreads.
"Get her out of here," Chase ordered the cats. "I don't want my day off interrupted again!"
It was then that the four Jacks arrived and used the SMART bot to drill down the front gate. A tooth-shaking tremor ran through the whole palace and those same damn ceiling tiles dropped from above and landed in Chase's food.
"Honey, I'm HOME!" Jack's voice rang through the palace.
Chase knocked his chair over as he leapt up and flew right over the table.
"I'm going to kill him," he muttered as he and a heard of jungle cats raced to meet the intruders.
Meg and Good Seek stared at each other for a moment.
"So," Meg said slowly, "you work for Chase now."
Good Seek smiled broadly and folded her hands in her apron.
"Yeah, but I like it. I miss my little house in Germany, though…" Good Seek paused and looked at Meg, who wore a very pathetic and disappointed expression. "It is too bad that Evil Seek got in that fight with Chase. She's so proud."
"Yeah, what was that fight all about, anyway?" Meg asked, holding her hands out to the side briefly.
Good Seek looked pleased to have a chance to tell a story.
"Well," she said, sitting on the arm of Chase's chair, "I don't know if you know this already, but Evil Seek used to be Chase's student."
"I did not know that," Meg said, intrigued. "Do go on."
"But, that was long before you were born. Anyway, Seek Patience used to be a Xiaolin monk, thus the title of the Dragon of Metal. But, no one could figure out why she was the only Dragon. You see, Seek was born far too early. For some reason, her being the sole Dragon alive at the time made it easier for Chase to draw her to the dark side. I suppose you were born too late," she added on the side. "So, Chase knew that Metal was the key to defeating the other elements, but he didn't know when they would come around. I won't tell you all the dark details of how it happened, but Chase used Seek's fear of being weak to gain more and more control over her. But, one day, after years and years on the Heylin side, Seek up and left. She went to medical school and left all her training and old ways behind. She practically ceased to be the Dragon of Metal! But, very long story short, did you see the paper Chase had after he defeated Evil Seek?"
Meg nodded.
"I'm sure you didn't see what was on it," Good Seek continued. "As it turns out, those are divorce papers."
"Say what?"
"JUST KIDDING! I just wanted to make sure you were still paying attention. Actually, Evil Seek knows Chase's weakness, and Chase knows Seek's weakness. That paper was Seek's oath that she would never tell anyone Chase's weakness, under any circumstances, or suffer punishment of…well, I probably shouldn't repeat it."
"You can tell me!" Meg exclaimed.
"No," Good Seek sighed. "A young girl like you doesn't need to be bothered with such unpleasantness. But, anyway, that's what that was all about."
Meg cocked her head to the side, still trying to get the olive out of her hair.
"So, why did Chase turn you good?"
Good Seek laughed sweetly.
"Isn't it obvious? Evil Seek was a bi-atch! Without that potion, I'll revert back into a dragon and then it's goodbye Normal Life! But, Chase has agreed to keep me around, just as long as I always answer to him first. I don't mind, though. I like Chase."
Meg finally ripped the toothpick and olive free. She then shuddered and glared at Seek in disbelief.
"How can anyone like that pig-dog?" Meg suddenly threw her hands in the air. "Ugh! Seek, c'mon! Use a little girl power! You don't need to wait on that bastard hand and foot! Make your own potion! All you need is a dragon! Go get…get…Dojo or something! That book had the recipe in it…"
"First of all, that's not the complete recipe. There are three ingredients left out. Do you really think something as secretive, powerful, and evil as that would just be printed up in a book? Besides, Chase already got Dojo."
"Well, then, use the Master Pen to make…wait, Chase already got Dojo?"
Good Seek nodded once with a happy-go-lucky grin. "I don't think he's turned him into soup quite yet, though."
Meg raised her eyebrows and put her hands in her pockets.
"Oh, wow. I wonder why the Xiaolin Monks haven't showed up yet…Oh well. So, Chase and Evil Seek were fighting over their weaknesses."
"Well, that, and an old grudge," Good Seek said with a giggle. "Chase once posted something of Seek online, and she never forgave him. That's what they were arguing over when she first went missing."
Meg's eyes brightened and an evil grin spread across her face.
"Chase posted something of Seek online?" she asked greedily. "What was it?"
Suddenly there came a crash from the other room, so Meg and Good Seek decided to go check on the boys.