A/N: Yay! An update! Yes, I know, I can feel your excitement. Anyhoo, in regard to this chapter, I don't hate men (trust me, when you read this chapter you'll understand). In fact, many of my friends are males. So if there are any guys out there reading this, I don't hate you or anything. I value you and your opinion and… stuff. This chapter is basically based off one of my theories… plus it helps me remember genetics AND I threw in a little fact I learned in my AP European History class… yes, I'm a nerd and proud of it. So read, review, and most importantly, enjoy!
Disclaimer: Still, still, still don't own anything.
Male Bashing
On the opposite side of the school, Hermione was storming to the Transfiguration room. As she thundered down the quickly filling hallways, Hermione was giving off that "get out of my way or I WILL hex you" vibe which caused students from first to seventh year to stay out of her path. This allowed for Hermione to reach Ginny, who was sauntering out of Professor McGonagall's room, in record time. This was good for Hermione, but not so good for Ginny. Thankfully, Ginny could handle the burden that ranting people brought very well.
"Your brother is just so… ARGH!" Hermione exclaimed as she pushed her way toward a completely unfazed Ginny.
"Eh… what else is new?" Ginny replied calmly as she waved to a frightened third year, who was walking by.
"No Ginny," Hermione said seriously, "he's being really… ARGH! Throwing her hands up, Hermione began to completely freak out. "It's like he woke up this morning and decided his goal was going to be to torture me or something, like it was his life's mission to…"
"Hmm… must have gotten that from the twins," Ginny said under her breath.
"… He's so arrogant too! I'll deflate that balloon of an ego he has. He has not seen the last of me, oh no…" Hermione continued without an after thought to anything else.
"Must have gotten that from Percy," Ginny continued to muse.
"… Thinks he can say my only friends a cat. The nerve of that low, vile…"
"Must have gotten that from…wait. What?" Ginny said a little confused about Hermione's friend being a cat. "Why don't you start from the beginning?"
"Well," Hermione started with distain of the thought still fresh on her lips, "we were in Potions…"
"Not that beginning, Hermione," Ginny interrupted as they reached the Fat Lady to whom Ginny muttered the password (I would tell you what the password was, but some Slytherin or something would find it and use it and sneak into the common room and that wouldn't be good).
"Oh, so we were in Charms and he wanted to copy my Charms essay," Hermione began as they made their way to Hermione's room, "but of course I wouldn't let him copy it." Ginny nodded as they made themselves comfortable in the deserted room. "So, he got mad and told me that we shouldn't be friends anymore. Naturally, I agreed because he was really irritating me and I just wanted him to stop talking so my migraine would go away, but then Harry just had to join Ron's side and Ron had to tell me Crookshanks would be my friend if I paid him and… and…AH!" Hermione was so heated that she lost her train of thought, allowing for Ginny to come in with her words of wisdom.
But first, Ginny just blinked to absorb it all, and then answered, "My brother is an idiot. Everyone knows that. You have lots of friends. You have me and Luna and Neville and Parvati and Laven… well maybe not Lavender, but the point is, we're all here for you, no matter what my loser brother says and you don't need to pay any of us, but it would be nice."
Hermione smiled. She was glad of the reminder that she actually did have friends. Who cared what Ron thought? He had the emotional range of a teaspoon and a tablespoon brain to match. Ginny was right, she didn't need Ron or even Harry for that matter, to be her friend. She had friends that would always look out for her. Over come with this emotional breakthrough, Hermione jumped up and hugged a very surprised Ginny, who laughed as she patted Hermione on the back.
"You know what Ginny," Hermione began as she broke apart from her friend, "you're right, but it just irritates me soooo much that he's acting so… so… so weird, you know? I guess everyone should have their chance to go a little crazy, but I think he took this a little too far."
Ginny nodded and added, "Yeah, I was talking to him earlier and…"
"Omg, Lavender, did you hear about Hermione and Ron? He is totally…" Parvati said as she walked into the room. When she saw Hermione and Ginny sitting on the bed avidly listening to their conversation, she stopped wide eyed and mid sentence. "Oh, hey Ginny, Hermione," Lavender greeted them with a large, fake smile as she and Parvati made their way to the bed on the opposite side of the room.
"Hi, Lavender, Parvati," Ginny said cheerfully.
"Hello," Hermione added awkwardly.
For a few moments the four of them sat in complete silence, Parvati and Lavender not wanting to finish their conversation and Hermione and Ginny not knowing how to ask what they had been talking about only moments before they had entered the room. Ginny decided to break the silence. "So… what's up?" she said turning to Parvati and Lavender. Let's just say this wasn't Ginny's best conversation starters.
"Oh, nothing really," Parvati answered as she glanced over at Lavender who was conveniently staring out the window.
"Yeah…" Ginny said. She was sad that her plan to kill the awkwardness had clearly failed.
"Yeah…" Parvati agreed with a sigh.
They sat in silence for another minute or so, when Ginny had a plan… a better plan.
"I hate men," was all she said, which was the only thing she needed to say.
"Oh, I know!" Parvati agreed, again, catching on to Ginny's plan swiftly.
At first, Lavender and Hermione didn't know what to make of this. Hermione didn't want to make the situation even more awkward than it already was, but Lavender fixed her dilemma. "Totally, they are so immature and stupid."
Hermione smiled and had to remember to thank Ginny later. "I've always wondered why females weren't the dominant gender."
"Because females can handle the burden of being oppressed. Men are just too mentally weak," Ginny said.
"Yeah, but I'd rather not be oppressed," Parvati countered as she and Lavender moved over to sit with Ginny and Hermione.
"There's hardly any difference between men and women," Hermione began. "Well, except for the obvious things." The four girls giggled.
"Women are just smarter than men. We can handle anything from emotions to physical labor… not that we want to, but we could if we had to," Lavender said.
"Look, the only reason women are smarter than males because of genetics. It's not their fault," Ginny said nodding. The other girls gave her quizzical looks, so Ginny continued. "Now, I'm not saying I'm the all knowing expert on the male brain, but I do live with 7 of them, mind you. Anyway, you know how females have two 'X' chromosomes and males have an 'X' and a 'Y' chromosome?" The other girls nodded, so Ginny continued. "Well, isn't a 'Y' just an 'X' with its leg cut off? And doesn't that just make males ¼ as less whatever as females?" Ginny paused with crossed arms leaving another gap of silence. "Well, doesn't it?"
The three other girls started giggling uncontrollably. "That has to be the strangest logic I've ever heard," Hermione said as she laughed.
"And sadly, it makes sense," Lavender added.
"Ginny has officially gone crazy," Parvati said as she rolled onto a pillow.
"And that's just one of my theories," Ginny added as she managed to stop herself from laughing, but this caused the other girls to laugh even more, the kind of laughter that has the side effects of tears, cramps, and the hindrance of breathing.
"This is fun," Hermione said when she finally stopped laughing although she was gasping for breath a little. "I mean, I haven't felt so… unstressed in so long."
"Yeah, this has been fun," Parvati agreed.
"Yeah, it has," Ginny added.
They all turned to Lavender in anticipation of her answer. Lavender would be the one to call if she was no long going to avoid Hermione. If she was going to get over Hermione's friendly (well, not so friendly anymore) relations with Ron.
"Well, Hermione," Lavender began stiffly, Ginny and Parvati held their breath as they waited for Lavender to continue, "that's why you should hang out with your fellow Gryffindor girls, instead of those icky boys, more often"
Hermione softened as she replied, "Well, I suppose I'll be around you girls a lot more now."
"Why?" Lavender and Parvati asked together trying to act like Hermione and Ron's um… display wasn't totally awkward and noticeable during Charms only moments earlier.
"Well, you were in Charms today, weren't you?" the two girls avoided looking at Hermione. "You're bright, I'm sure you'll figure it out," she added with a smile. "Anyway," she continued, "I needed a break from them. Ron and Harry aren't really… emotional people. Well, I suppose Harry can be, but Ron's… well, he's Ron."
"Tell me about it," Lavender said slightly exasperated. "He never wanted to just talk when…" Lavender paused mid sentence and looked away.
"Talk?" Ginny said laughing, "My brother can barely form a coherent sentence and you expect him to have a deep, enlightening conversation? No wonder it took so long for humanity to get where it is and even now life could be better. It's like that lady said during the Enlightenment or something, that women would be smarter and get more done if they had education equal to that of men's."
"Oh…Madame du Chatelet," Hermione said. The other girls gave her a funny look. Hermione blushed. "I learned about her in history before I came to Hogwarts..."
"Why are you so smart Hermione? It's not fair," Ginny said throwing a pillow at Hermione.
"Nah, if I was really smart I would be able to figure out boys," Hermione said as she thought of Ron's strange behavior once again.
"That, my friend will never happen," Ginny stated as all the girls began to laugh, again. "You know what would really freak him out?" Ginny asked a few moments later.
"What?" they asked in an excited voice, but what was odd was the how said it in unison.
"If we all just hung out in the common room."
"I don't get it," Lavender said slowly as she looked at Hermione and Parvati, whose expressions gave away that they didn't get it either.
Ginny sighed and continued, "Well, would you want your ex – girlfriend, sister, and ex – friend hanging out with each other?" The others shook their heads. "I didn't think so."
"I suppose it would be fun to mess with him a little," Lavender said brightly yet skeptically.
"Well, I have nothing better to do," Hermione said as she began to stand up.
"Then let's go!" Ginny said linking arms with Hermione and Lavender, who linked up with Parvati, as Ginny pulled them down to the common room.
Racing into the common room, Ginny didn't even seem to notice a very shocked Ron sitting next to Harry playing chess by the fire. Ron just stared at them – his ex – girlfriend, his ex – girlfriend's best friend, his sister and his …erm… Hermione. His mouth was wide open as Harry babbled on about something, not even noticing that Ron wasn't paying attention anymore.
Parvati giggled, pointed to Ron, and whispered into Lavender's ear, who whispered it into Ginny's ear, who whispered to Hermione.
"Ron's getting married to Harry?" Hermione whispered back to Parvati as they all plopped onto a couch.
"No," Parvati giggled, "I said 'Ron's paying chess with Harry.'"
"Oh…" Hermione said as she looked over at Ron who was now babbling incoherently and pointing aimlessly. "That makes more sense."
They laughed even harder as Ron left the room without any warning mutter and sputtering. As the girls exploded with laugher, Harry finally looked up from his game to find four hyenas and a missing Ron. Catching on he began to laugh as well. All five of them left Ron in total and utter disbelief.
A/N: Well hides in corner? I don't want anyone to be offended, but I think it was needed. I mean Hermione was just slightly pissed at the male gender… Lavender too. Also, I think Hermione is a little out of character and this isn't exactly my favorite chapter, but it is rather amusing. So please, please, please with chocolate, sprinkles, and Bertie Botts every flavored beans on top, don't hurt me and you know, I'm always open for reviews with everything for constructive criticism to just good old encouragement.
P.S.: I'd like to thank all my review…ers.
snuffles101: Yes, I know, it takes me awhile to update. Life is just insanely hectic. Bad spellers are the coolest (I'm one too… I just love technology – SPELLCHECK!)
Tammy: Thanks for the review, I hope this chapter is too you liking!