Controlling emotions

FreyA-wings

Chapter 9: painful yet strong, edited

Okay, before I continue, I just wanted to say sorry for this chapter. It took me a while before I realized I have been so into this story that I didn't recheck to see any mistakes. And when I did, omg, there are loads of them. So, sorry so many, many times!!!!! If you want to read again you can, it'll be best that way though, but if you want to that is.

OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, which btw means "oh my god"! You guys are the best. There is no other way to thank you but to give you this new chapter as soon as possible. I am just one of those people who like to be complimented. And not just complimented in a "have to" way but actually mean it. And thanks to you guys I have finally finished eight chapters going to nine!!!!! (Giggles)

Vi3t BaBiI: lolz, keep em comin gurl and I'll give you more!!!!!

Anna: nice to meet you anna1 thanks for the review! Keep reviewing!

Never-Me-1213: that's a pretty cool name btw! wow, I didn't know that chapter was THAT funny. Did your mom actually heard you laughing? Oh thank you that u like it so much. I would like it so much too if you can continue reviewing!!!! Thanks, Jya!!!!

Kao-gurl: oh thank GOD you love it. go0od luck with your school! And keep reviewing!!!!!!

erica6060: oooo, a pleasure to meet you. You've got more!!!!! Here ya go! But you have to review again. Ha haha a...

legolasEstelstar: hey to you too! What's up gurl! Well, banana should be more appropriate with lemony scene, sweet and sour!!!!! Lolz, jkjkjk. Well, I don't think I'll allow such man to be your guy! Huahuahuahuahua evil laugh how come they thought you were a lesbian? That's pretty rude... I mean you're not right? ... Right? Anyways keep reviewing! Nice to hear from you!!!! Here's your chappie

j9482002: hahaha, you keep begging like a dog!!!! Thanks anyway! Keep reviewing and here's your next chapter!

Last chapter:

I sighed, "Yes, okay, let's do it. Just, don't take it too seriously."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, don't get too close."

He laughed, "You think I'll do something to you?"

No! The other way! "Yes, and I would like you to know, that I am a hard to get person."

"And I am known as super indulgence seducement hottie guy. You just have to be careful!"

And that's when things started to get giggly again. How wonderful it is to have another boyfriend, who, by the way, probably has no feelings for me. I probably should just let low, be a good actress and pretend that what I feel about him is nothing more than a friend. A hot friend if I might add. I sighed and walked to "our" apartment. This may be a good idea or even a bad idea. I really didn't know, but you never know unless you try it out.

Kaoru's POV

Yes okay, just as I expected, we were banned to go to school. I laughed in my mind about the fact that they can't call anyone to discuss my bad behavior. But Kenshin seems to have one.

Kenshin was pacing to and fro talking on the phone for the past hour with his mother, who apparently 'dislikes the idea that he made a bad influence on an innocent girl who barely even skip for a pee in the wee.' The only thing that she didn't know is the fact that I am living with him. Kenshin's face pouted with a look of concern and concentration while talking on the phone. He said he will straighten this as soon as possible.

Then in the next minute he hung up and looked at me. I raised my eyebrows questioningly, and he smiled. I breathed a sigh of relieve. "Are you sure you like to go through that all the time?" I asked. He shook his head, "not the fact that my mother was yelling at me but the fact that I listen to her be so gullible. Sometimes it took me a couple of practices so I didn't have to laugh out loud. She is so funny."

I laughed heartily. "You know I've never done that in my life. Let's just say I was 'the' good girl." Kenshin smiled and nodded, 'of course you ARE."

Living with Kenshin had made my entire life change upside down. He is so charming and down to earth; his jokes may be annoying, but annoying fun. He made me laugh so hard I kind of choked on a piece of chicken. Was this his true self? Because I remembered the first time he came to this school was so cold and scary. Maybe he just didn't want the girls to go all over him again. Yeah, I though that was it.

I grinned at him as he tried to fill the silence by humming or drumming his fingers, or tried to read like what I am doing now but instead he dropped the book and glanced my way every now and then. He was bored, I can tell.

"I thought you said you like the thought of suspension?"

"Well! I thought I could sleep in but now that I have you in my room that thought just disappeared."

"Oh yeah? Well then, I think I'll just head out and walk and you can rest here."

He looked at me skeptically and took my hand before touching the door handle. I was trapped between him and the door. The corner was a bit dimmed and I was so relieved that the place was dark enough for him not to see my reddish blush.

"What about the 'danger' then?"

I gasped, "Oh, well, you don't need to worry about that."

"How come? He can be waiting outside right now and attempts to find ways to find you being alone!"

"He won't do that!"

"And how do you know?"

"Look! That was not the first time he tried to get me! I've been through this a couple of times and right now he won't have the guts to come out just yet. He's finding another plan. He won't be back soon." I held the door handle while saying, "I will be fine. It will be fine for me too if you would like to take a break and sleep."

Before I got a chance to say 'stop,' Kenshin opened the door, took my hand and ran out, with my hand, out of the apartment. He didn't say a word until we stopped at a nearby tree just a few meters from his apartment.

"Listen," he started, his beautiful red hair covered his lustful eyes at the heat of the sunset, the colors of his delicate skin shone wonderful tones and a sense of masculinity, "I said to you that I will guard you under your permission. When I heard your story, there is more that I want to protect. I have had the similar experiences as you have, and how much, for the first time in my life, do I not want to be lonely."

As I listened to his voice, it drowned me. I nearly cried. His solemn voice was filled with emotions and the difficultness of grasping the hope that he cannot reach. I was so captured at his face and his eyes; I nearly evoked myself to plunge into his loneliness and pull him out of it.

But he continued, "When I knew how lonely it was, I secretly wished, there was someone out there to help me. At least hear my story. And here is that person, a beautiful and interesting woman that has experienced more than anyone could imagine. I was deeply in love with a woman who did not love me. And you are a woman who was in love but----- Kaoru," he whispered my name. His eyebrows creased and I could see pity in his eyes.

"I don't need pity," I barely whispered. The gentle wind blew my raven hair across my eyes but my eyes blurred, tears were forming and I sniffed.

"Kaoru, you were in love and in pain. You are suffering a disgraceful suffering that you did not deserve!" Kenshin nearly yelled. My eyes blurred even more and a gigantic knot formed in my throat.

"Kaoru!" he yelled again, "I have been where you have been. I have felt your way of life. But mine is nothing compared to you! Don't live your life in agony when..." he stopped short when he noticed I was down on the ground, holding back tears that keep falling out. "... when you have hope..."

We didn't say anything after that. It took me a while before I get my composure back. But the tears kept flowing and my mind raced my chest and throat in a knot.

I undertood what he meant. HE was my hope. I forced myself to not believe it. I didn't want to have what I longed for and then taken away from me.

After a full tear flowing, I decided it was time to start speaking, "I have tried to be strong... I have tried to be strong for 3 FUCKING YEARS!" I yelled. But he didn't budge, Kenshin just kept his eyes focused on me. He knew I wasn't mad at him, that I was mad at myself. It was a mistake for me to grant his offer.

"I had Misao, she was a great person. I had a pole to hold on to, at least for these couple of months. But I didn't want to involve her any longer. She had suffered enough. She had put herself through my life and how wrong was I?" she stopped talking and sighed

Kaoru made another sigh and said, "I just don't want to have you worry me each day and night. And I'm not mad at you. You are a great person, wonderful to be exact and you have other things to worry about instead of me. I don't want you to suffer the way Misao have." My eyes were brimming in tears and I looked up at him properly, "I hurt Misao and how I was glad yet hurt when she left. I don't want to feel what I felt for Misao on you."

Kenshin eyes shone more than just deep thoughts, he was listening to me, and I felt glad. "And ... you came along... heard my story and pitied me." More than ever had I tried to gain my own pride with a man. Instead, I have dropped every single respect for myself and told the truth, "You wanted to help me because you pitied me... right?"

I whispered, "How much respect and pride do I have in my life... anymore?"

Kenshin's POV

She was broken and I was part of the cause. Looked so frail right now and yes, I had that feeling for her right now, pity. I understood. She had me. She was strong after all. But all I wanted to do was help her.

"Kaoru," I whispered delicately, kneeled in front of her, "you're right. You are a strong woman. I have pride in you. Now I understand completely. If you want to do this alone, I can back off.'

She didn't look up at me for a couple of minutes and when she did, I could just start punching myself in the stomach and hugged her as tightly as I can, forcing the pain out of her. There are no other words to describe her but a strong willed, motivated, and painfully suffered woman.

"Thank you," she barely whispered and dried off her tears.

I stood up and began walking back to my apartment. Then I stopped short and turned to look back at her. "But you have to know, that I wanted to help you not because I pitied you." Kaoru looked up at me, "I told you, you suffered. And I know how that feels. More when what I feel, was nothing compared to yours."

"I'll help with the packing," I said as I turned to my home, leaving a delicate flower drowned in a sunset ecstasy, filled with none other than those words that she hated most.

Kaoru's POV

The next day my eyes were bagged like black eye shadow. My mind was so blank when I noticed as I came in the door to the classroom that people were whispering, nudging and even pointed at me. Kenshin wasn't here yet.

I was confused. Were they talking about me? Their whispers became stronger and yet I still couldn't catch them. Unfortunately, someone just had to inform me.

"You cheap little whore!" Megumi stood in front of me and pointed her freshly cut French tip at me. "I didn't know you can be such a slut now Kaoru!" Megumi's voice boomed the whole classroom and everybody was silent. I stood still in front of her not knowing what to do. Her figure was taller than me and not to mention her face showed extreme anger.

"I don't know what you're saying?" I shook my head and frowned really not knowing what was up.

"Don't be so stupid. Don't even try to pretend. Where, may I ask, did you go with our young and wonderful Kenshin?" Megumi spoke through her teeth. She was so angry.

"Megum---," fortunately the teacher came in on time. And unexpectedly, so was he. We stared at each other as if we were in our own world. But we were disturbed by the sound of the teacher clearing his throat. The class saw it all, even the teacher saw it. It was unmistakable. Something between us happened, an unavoidable spark.

Kaoru's POV

The class bell rang and the teacher disappeared quickly. I had a hard time to stay awake. My eyes were so swollen. I needed to fresh myself out but I didn't get a chance to because guess who came to stop me at the door: Megumi.

"I saw that!" she retorted, "Don't try to get away here." I want to get away; I have no time for this.

"Megumi! This is so classical of you. There is nothing going on with---," "Then how do you explain the detention that you didn't attend to? And the suspension... and the fact that you SLEPT at his house!"

Her voice was loud and yes, everyone had stood still and listened. Could this get any worse?

"Megumi, how did you---," I wanted to ask but Megumi forced herself in, "You don't think I'll leave you alone with the thought that YOU and HIM so happens to not be at detention where you were suppose to be???!!!!! That you coincidently flunk detention with a HOT GUY!!!!"

Megumi's eyes were flaming red and I noticed too, a dozen or so girls that I noticed I hammered the name "giggly-push-over" surrounded me behind Megumi. Their eyes were unmistakably filled with anger. And for the first time I was scared at THEM.

"That is so not like you Kaoru! I thought you weren't interested." She raised an eyebrow and poked me with one of her fingers. "All of the sudden you changed your mind?? Oh ho, ho, ho that is so funny. And ironic!!! A goody girl decided to flunk detention. And come to think that is something that you have NEVER done before."

Without warning, Megumi pushed me hard from the door and I banged my waist against the edge of a table and screamed. A chair fell down and crashed loudly. I hit my funny bone against the chair, and a lot of pain worked up my waist sending me squirming with pain. I tried not to look too painful but I gasped as my head ached.

"Me and my girls decided to do some research. And now we realized what a cheap whore you have been. Secretly sleep at man's house. How cheap can you be??? Did he PAY you??" Megumi and the other girls laughed their asses off. But I found them chilly and so squeaky it send shivers down my spine: there goes a banshee.

Megumi glared at me and stood so close to my body that I could feel her anger and hatred aura passing through her veins.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Megumi frowned and looked behind her. There he was, standing behind her, his eyes shone a dark and dangerous glare. His aura turned deadly. I have never seen his face so calm but he washed the classroom with this unbelievably strong aura that sent jolts down your stomach.

Nobody moved, not even Megumi. I creased my eye brows in an attempt to message him to back off. But he stood still, stared at me and glared back at Megumi. "What did you girls do?" his voice was chilly and low but I could feel his tempo.

"Kenshin," megumi stammered but instead of backing off she slowly walked up towards him, "I was just saying to kaoru how bitchie and sluty she was for attempting to take advantage of you. But you seem to---"

Megumi couldn't continue because Kenshin walked slowly towards her, gave her a look and pushed her aside quite strongly that she flinched and held back the pain with a desperate frown and a tiny whine. The other girls hurriedly backed off.

Kenshin stopped short in front of me, but when I looked up to meet his face, his eyes had softened and he neared me in such a seductive way that I gave in to the moment. He took my hand and wrapped one arm around my waist, and pressed his lips against mine.

Everybody was shocked but not as shocked as me. Because his lips were so soft and full, other people seemed oblivious at the moment. My eyes closed and my mind was intensively crowded as I was so surprise that kenshin, kissed me, right then and there. There with a crowd of stunned students, and then, when I needed him so desperately.

There we go!!! A cliff hanger and an edited chapter nine!!!! SO HOW WAS IT?? The reason why he kissed her we will find out in the next chapter... so keep your heads up!!!!

Oh my god, I have to say, I cannot believe how much time I took to get this done. I was so worked up that I couldn't stop typing. Emotions are so full in here. Oh, just in case you didn't know, Kaoru didn't want another to suffer, that she was as strong as anybody else. That's why she declined Kenshin's offer.

PLEASEEEE again write a review for me. Keep my spirits high because reviewing is the only way. I am warning you... jk jk

Again for those who just read, I really want to hear from you! Write to me so I can get to know you!!! Thanks so much for reading anyway. I am truly grateful!!!!!

I'll be starting my new year and extended essay soon so wish me good luck! See ya in the next chappie!!!!