Controlling emotions

FreyA-wings

Chapter 14: unorthodox behavior

Oh my god… I don't mean to say god in the name of vain but oh my god… when was the last time I have put myself together to realize there is one bit of diversion that I used to enjoy doing and yet haven't had the time to complete it. LOL, I am very, very sorry people, really I do. Frankly, I knew about this story and yet I didn't really want to continue it. For a second there, I had some thoughts about this. I mean, what was I thinking? Writing stories as if I'm some kind of unsociable nerd who spent her free time writing stories about things in my mind… I don't mean to be… well, mean, but come to think of it, I did have some oh-my-god-I-am-a-nerd realization.

But then again, here I am and I owe you guys the hugest apologize. Forgive me please? And as a sign of my appreciation I have made this story longer than I have ever done. It was my mistake, and I hope you guys haven't lost interest in this.

GOMENASAIIII!

Anyway, thank you for you who IS by any chance STILL can keep up with me slacking all the time. I'm in Malaysia, starting college and that is one reason why I stopped… took a little break, getting myself used to the environment and the city. Phew… N'ways, enough of me! Let's continue with the story… LOLZ

P.S. I will respond to your reviews later on… if you are still with me. I swear… you have to keep hitting me on this or I will never go onnnn….

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Last chapter:

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He opened his eyes and stared at me. His face was disastrous, as evident from the fighting last night. I wanted to cry again. I felt something in my throat and chest as I looked at his now soothing yet painful eyes.

I realized I was actually near to the position of hugging him my arms were around his body, as I was searching for his cut. My body was so weak that it fell on to his. Now, my face was so near to his. I could feel his breath, tickling my face. His soft eyes searched into mine, winning over the battle, taking me deep into his soul. I felt his face inched closer and then his lips met mine.

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Kaoru's POV

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I remembered the dream that I had a couple of weeks ago. I remembered the red head man, saving me from the dark and gave me bright wings. It was the greatest feeling ever. He gave me wings of aspiration, as if to tell me there is hope in my darkened world. Those wings thought me how to fly, and let's just say, flying had never been better.

When his lips touched mine, I felt like flying. I felt as if he pushed me further as I flap my wings and float in the skies above the heavens. It was so similar to my dream. Everything negative crept away in an instant, making me wonder the dreamland that I used to create in my head… what I call 'heaven.'

Kenshin didn't move back, instead he roamed his one hand through my silky locks and pushed his mouth a bit aggressively, as if he had always anticipated this moment.

I could feel my own hands seeking his front shirt, as he sat straight and pulled me into his embrace. I knelt before him, my body between his legs and to my surprise I felt something hard on my stomach. I quivered.

For a moment his lips separated from mine to catch our breath, but still close enough to look deeper into each other eyes. His mysterious eyes made my knees melt and my body became rigid. I was a bit nervous. He was expecting something from me. He was expecting an answer, as if he was asking for my permission to go on. I was grateful for his concern. But something suddenly hit me. Something very awful occurred to me.

I bit my lip and cast down my eyes.

'Kenshin,' I broke into a whisper. He frowned a bit, looking closely at my face. 'I can't remember.'

He frowned even more, 'what do you mean?'

I explored my head in search for a memory. 'I can't remember,' I softly said, 'I thought… maybe… him…'

Kenshin touched my forehead and wiped the sweat of my head. I was so nervous. There was something inside of me that became much darker then ever. I tried to remember what Yukimura had done to me. I shivered at the thought but my frustration exploded inside my head thundered by the thought that I might no longer be...

'I…' my voice ragged and trembled, 'I might not … be a virgin any-' I stopped in mid-sentence. The thought of losing what I precious most made my heart sank even more. I gasped and shook my head violently and again started to cry. My hands held up to my face and I broke apart from Kenshin's grasp. I was trembling in fear, confusion and complete culpability. My body felt fragile and lost. I felt… blackened.

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Kenshin's POV

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I was a man of honor. I knew that biologically, men don't have self sustain when it comes to sexual behavior. I admit I sometimes have the urge to loosen up and let it all just flow. Thankfully, my training helped me sustain myself to the maximum ability.

This isn't about me though; this is about the girl… No, not a girl anymore, a woman. Kaoru is a woman who continuously experienced many dreadful and appalling encounters. At times, I felt like I should be the one to blame. As I looked upon this woman, crying like a little girl, my mentality went utterly still. For the first time, I felt like I couldn't do anything to help her.

Kaoru fell to the floor and her body was shaking. She cried silently but painfully, I could feel it scratching my body. Anger started to rise and I could feel my head becoming hotter.

'Kaoru,' I started, 'what did he do to you?' I slowly asked.

She shook her head and cried even more. 'I can't… remember.'

My eyes stared blankly at her. My vision blurred. More pain marked on my body. Kaoru's heart was screaming at me. Was she… tainted?

I took her hands slowly away from her face, but she wouldn't look up to me. She must felt humiliated. I don't see how I could blame her.

'Please,' I pleaded in a low whisper, 'I need to know what he did to you.'

Kaoru just rocked her body back and forth. I waited. She cried even more. I could feel a disturbed aura around her. It spiked my whole body. Her body was cold. Kaoru sobbed and wailed. I suddenly remembered Megumi and how she also acted like this. Kaoru's pain felt much worse.

'I can't remember Kenshin,' she sobbed, 'I only remembered his torture. I could fell his hands all over my…' she muffled her sentence and sobbed louder. 'He touched everywhere. I can't… I pleaded… he wouldn't stop.'

Tears were gleaming out of her eyes. I had the urge to hold her. So I did. I seized her in my arms and let her cry on my shoulder. Every wailing and painful sobbing cut deep in my heart. More anger kept rising at every breath breathed. Kaoru was mine and always will be… unlike my last lover. And I shall have my vengeance

OOOOOOOOO

Later in the afternoon

OOOOOOOOO

She was again asleep in my room. Her fragile body was in my bed. I last glanced at her flawless face, glowing in the afternoon sunlight. I couldn't sleep throughout the day; my mind was focused so much on Kaoru. Someone had killed her dignity, and I felt my anger towards Yukimura nearly in its peak. I was about to explode.

I sighed and went into the kitchen, finding some water. It was Sunday and tomorrow was school. I groaned. I still can't believe we were still in school even to what had happened. I shouldn't make Kaoru go to school. She needed some rest.

As I gulped down the juicy taste of fresh water I began to consider going to the police. I glanced at the door where on the other side laid Kaoru, tangled in despair. I sighed and checked my watch… I need drastic action. For a moment, I thought about fighting her justice in a real justice way. Having Yukimura sued for stealing away something so precious to a woman. But on second thought, why didn't kaoru call the police? Harassment is one thing, raping is another. He tried to steal away more than what Kaoru could bargain for. I sat down on the yellow couch and thought about all these peculiarly disturbing thoughts. An act like this should be guaranteed in court. No matter what, we have all the evidence needed. How can someone like Yukimura still be unaware that this is the 20th century? He must have bridged himself to the dark side of the police headquarters, making sure his actions would suffice in silence.

Suddenly, I heard a knock at my door. My veins went rigid. I could feel my hair standing on my back. I hadn't even felt someone's presence. This unknown person might just be leveled with me. It took me a moment to recover and made my way to open the door…

… As I cautiously opened the door, I gasped. There, in front of me, stood a man of pure dignity, a monstrous compatibility to withstand deadly torture and forever have been my best friend.

'Hey bro!'

'… Sano… sanosuke?' I gasped, emotions of multitude longing and memories came flashing back in multiple hits. In front of me, stood Sanosuke, the man that has always been my best pal for who stood by me for better or for worse. Let me tell you something a little bit about Sanosuke. He was the same age as I am and went to the same fucking rich school as I do. We encountered many deadly disturbing situations with gangsters in and out of school, compiled a plot to drown the principle for sleeping with one of Sano's ex girlfriends, turned down drugs and raved the streets with combat actions to show the whole damn world that us two, are always on top.

I didn't know what to say. His smile was brilliantly shining and his face glowed with passion and I saw the same flicker of light in his eyes every time we supported each other. I nearly cried. He leaned forward and gave me a huge hug. Not one of those gay-ish type of hug, but a man's hug. When connectivity between brothers are long lasting.

After he hugged me, I smiled and shook my head, 'I am… speechless dude.' He laughed and suddenly I felt like I was back home.

'I came all the way here, looked you up and searched for you everywhere and here you are telling me you are speechless?... now I am speechless?' Sano exclaimed and I shook my head again.

'You have no idea how much I've missed you man,' Sano said, 'when you disappeared without telling me, my legs are itching a little bit of man fight.'

I smiled and said, 'well… you know what they say about losers… come in will you?' I stepped back for him to enter.

'I was thinking when you will be saying that?' Sano snickered and stepped in

'It isn't really the kind of home you would imagine I would be living in though,' I said once Sano took his was into the apartment and glanced though it.

'No shit man,' he said, 'this is one piece of crap.'

I sighed and looked at Sano while he rummaged through my things. 'What brings you here ass?' I asked while walking into the kitchen to make some coffee. 'I thought you were applying for the internship?'

Sano looked up and sat down on the couch. 'Hey man, that was long after you left.' I paused briefly and looked at him, 'what are you saying?' 'I'm saying that since you left, somehow the whole world seemed nothing more than a mere boredom.'

I didn't say anything. I have always thought that Sano would go far beyond me. He worked so hard to get into a good school and now he rejected the internship offer. That was shockingly unlike the Sano I know. 'Since when have you become such a loner?' I asked.

'And since when have you chickened out?' was Sano's reply. I made no response but to look at him in the eye. 'Jesus man, we're 17 years old. We have done the greatest shits of our lives and you just happened to run away from all of that? What made you turn dude? I thought we were forwarding together… as brothers?' Sano's voice became louder.

The water boiled and I took it carefully before putting it in the mugs. 'I thought you would understand,' I said softly. I heard him sighed and I handed him the coffee.

Sano grunted, 'and yet I have no idea why you suddenly walked out of your life…' I sipped my coffee slowly, knowing he was right. 'You are not a quitter… I know you better than anyone. And yes, you faced a great problem…' he paused, '… she walked out on him.' With these words I looked up at him…

'What?' I vaguely said. When those words hit me, it suddenly made my heart stopped, realizing a huge force is going to smash me to the ground. Sano didn't make a reply. He closed his eyes and he knew now there was no turning back. My eyes grew wider and said again, 'What?'

Sano placed the mug on the kitchen counter and looked at me into my shocked eyes. 'She said good-bye… Her father got divorced and he is taking her to Switzerland… just a few days after you left. She came to me to ask where you were. I never gave her the answer, knowing you weren't around. She kept asking and asking… crying too…' I took hold of my mug and gripped it tightly. 'She wanted to say good-bye,' Sano continued, '… she also said that…' Sano paused, 'she said that... she loved you. With all her heart and soul… and she could never forgive herself for sleeping with someone else. And she knew you would also never forgive her… After you left, she was so desperate. She barely eaten, starved herself, locked herself up in the room… and you should also know… that she tried to kill herself…'

At this I cringed. I felt nauseated. I clutched hard at my mug.

'… Sano…'

'Kenshin… she lived. Someone found her half conscious and barely made it to the operating room but she made it back. Although she regretted so, she still wanted to apologize to you…'

I stared into space. All thoughts conjured into my mind, winding up all the energy inside of me and blowing me off completely. 'I still don't understand,' I whispered, '… why did she still sleep with him?'

Sano didn't react at all. He knew the answer and he dared not say it to me, knowing I was too weak to take all of this information in. It was breaking my heart; Sano could see it in my eyes.

And without even speaking a single word, I understood why she had slept with my other best pal. I didn't want to admit it but I strangely knew… and I hated it. I slammed my coffee mug on the counter and looked carefully into Sano's eyes. He knew that I understood.

'Look, Kenshin… I really thought that you should know all of this.' Sano said when I walked out of the kitchen and walked back and forth in the living room like a headless chicken… heck, I am a headless chicken. Sano looked desperately at me, knowing that he had hit the rock. 'You deserve the truth man,' Sano exclaimed weakly.

I stopped in my tracks and sighed, 'thank you.'

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Kaoru's POV

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I knew what I did was wrong, but I couldn't help but over heard. My head was still aching but I forced myself to stand up and made my way to the door where the small crack gave me the sneaky way to capture their conversation. She glanced at Kenshin's friend, Sano. He was graceful in his own way, but particularly muscular and strong witted, you can see that by the way he walks. He was way taller than Kenshin and his handsome face breathes a unique air. His aura is convincingly darkened by the time he explained about 'the incident' to Kenshin and I was unreservedly appalled when Kenshin immediately altered manner.

Now that he was pacing back and forth, I knew I shouldn't have overheard. Curiosity killed the cat I know. The tension was definitely high and I backed my way before I get dizzier.

Unfortunately, when I tried to make my way back, my head spun wildly and I stumbled to the floor, making a loud noise. The tension immediately broke and I knew they heard the noise. I rolled my eyes and groaned as I pushed myself off the ground.

Incautiously, the door blew open and there stood Kenshin. I could see beads of sweat on his face as he looked at me, huge ray of concern plastered on his face. He took my hand and helped me off the ground and immediately put me back into bed.

He didn't say another word but looked at me in the eye, reassuringly.

Suddenly, I was aware that someone else was watching us. Kenshin turned and saw Sano leaning against the door sill, watching us with gleeful eye.

'That is fast Kenshin,' he said, 'I never knew you would get another one in handy.' Kenshin didn't say anything but pulled the blanket over me and held my forehead. I was at awe at the attention he was giving me. I blushed furiously and gratified my illness for covering my red face.

In spite of that, Sano smiled and came towards me.

'You caught me at the wrong time,' I said shyly. Sano laughed. 'Well… if I say, I did come at the wrong time.'

Kenshin stood up and timidly introduced me to Sano. 'Sano, this is Kaoru, she had a really big incident and that I will explain to you… later. Kaoru, this is Sano, my ultimate best friend and I will explain why he is here… later.'

Kaoru saw Kenshin's face twisting and for a moment I thought I saw sadness in his eyes. He recovered quickly and ushered Sano out of the room. Sano winked at her and flirtatiously smiled. That… was it… I was red to the core. My head was spinning miraculously I assumed it would break any moment.

My eyes became heavy, and still feeling uncertain, I fell asleep, leaving the tension hanging…

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Sano's POV

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I watched Kenshin as he sat down next to me on the couch. The girl in the room was questionable and I was eager to find out who she was. Kenshin doesn't usually take women into his house unless she is very meaningful to him. No matter the good looks, Kenshin still takes pride in who he takes home. I admired him for that, unlike myself who tends to bring any girl into his room, sexing all night long.

Kenshin looked at me and saw sadness. My floating desire to question him suddenly became unbearable. Instead, I shifted my sitting position and sighed.

'I'm sorry Kenshin,' I said, '… really… for everything.' Kenshin smiled sadly. 'I want to forget about it… she doesn't love me anymore…. And she's gone… away from my life, when I thought I was running away from her life.'

I glanced at the apartment and justified why he is here. The apartment is shabby and not very appealing. I guess he has changed. He wants to change.

'Kenshin,' I started, 'I just want to say, that I support you, no matter what, you know that right?' Kenshin nodded and half smiled.

'I guess now you have to tell me about the girl next door.' I proclaimed.

Kenshin took a sip of his coffee before briefing me the whole story…

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Kenshin's POV

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'… and that is why she is here right now… in my room.' I finished, only seeing the shocked expression stapled to Sano's face. Yes I know, I am completely out of my mind. However, Sano's face became deadly serious and this is the time when I need his advice. Man to man, brothers and brothers. This is the kind of time I have always missed. This entire girl shit for nothing. I shouldn't have been so careless. Falling in love is dangerous. I thought it was about time I should stop loving people.

'Kenshin,' Sano softly said, 'I have no idea how you can get into so much mess. But I will always support you, even if I also have to endure many agonizing torments.' I laughed half heartily and said, 'yes, I know you do.'

Sano smacked his hands together and smiled wickedly, 'I guess now, I will be living here. And don't worry I will also take care of the electricity bills and water bills and definitely split the rent in half. And also, I will be going to the same school as you and don't worry; I will definitely take care of myself. Besides, I have already positioned myself in your class… and I think the girl next door's too. And also…' Sano was saying these things so fast that I barely have time to interrupt, so I just sighed and let him continue. '… also, I will be with you all the way and take care of this Yukimura guy. It's about time both of us kick some ass. The hell with pain, I will be enjoying one soon.'

That is the thing about guys like Sano. He can sometimes be very obnoxious but nevertheless dependable. People cannot live without one another; it is just the fact of life. This brotherhood that we have, are complements in our lives. We complete each other, for better or for worse, and with his high spirited attitude, it lifted my heart. I will be enjoying our new life, here, in a new country.

As I glanced back at the door to Kaoru's sleeping figure, I noticed that I have changed hearts. No matter how dangerous love can be, no sooner will I realize that I too… have already fallen in love.

Oh my god… i mean, oh my god. YES YES YES YES YES! I have completed the 14th chapter of this story and I am enjoying the pleasant feeling of coming back to where I left off…

Again, I apologize for not giving you guys my story… I have no idea what happened, I just couldn't be bothered to start writing again.

I won't say another thing; I will just leave this for you guys to comment. Go ahead, press the button. I dare you too :P