YOU HAVE COME HERE/STRANGER THAN YOU DREAMNT IT! (DUN DUN DUNNN)
Erik:I have brought you
Christine:Obvious!
Erik:(glares at her)
Christine:Meep!
Erik:To the seat of sweet music's throne to this kingdon where all must pay
Christine:A fine! A knickle, dime, dollar, quarter? how much is it?
Erik:homage you retard! homage! homage to music...music
Christine:Yah! But how much does it cost?
Erik:If you don't shut up I gonna get really mad!
Christine:Awesome!
Erik:you have come here for one purpose and one alone
Christine:And what might that be! How do you know why I came maybe I wanted to see you shirtless
Erik:No problem! (wrips shirt and coat and vest off)Since the moment I first heard you sing I have needed you with me to sever me to sing for my music
Christine:(drooling and frankly, who can blame her)
Erik:My music
Christine:(farts accidentally)
Erik:WELL!
Christine:Ooops I farted again
Erik:Again?
Christine:I feel so ashamed oh baby baby oops there's a sulferess gas escape from my a$$, i got bad flatulants oops
Erik:(wide eyed)Down with Brittany! (destroys B.S. poster)
AFTER MOTN! (WHAT WILL HAPPEN? READ AND FIND OUT)
Christine:I remember there was mist! swirling mist upon a vast glassy lake
Voice:Look a lake!
Christine:Where? (falls down steps) I'm okay! Just a concussion!
Erik:(snigger)
Christine:There were candles all around (notices candles) Ooooohhhhh! (sticks finger in flame and jerks it back when she gets burned)Ouch! stupid fire!
Erik:OMG! you're such a blonde! even though your hair is brown! (falls over laughing at christine who has her burned finger in her mouth)
Christine:And on the lake there was a boat
Voice:Look a boat!
Christine:Where! ( walks into another giant bug zapper)
Erik:(pushes button on recorder)(christine's voice)I can't help it, it's so beautiful! (erik falls over laughing again)
Christine:(hair smoking and black smudges all over her face and clothes)And in the boat there was a man!
Erik:Wuz up! (tongue hangin out of mouth like jean simmons)
Christine:Who was that shape in the shadows
Erik:huh war! what is it good for absolutely nothing! (dances around like jackie chan)
Christine:Whose is the face in the mask (starts rubbing his face and all that crap)
Erik:I'm lovin this! A lil to the left!
Christine:(moves hands to the right)
Erik:Your other left!
Christine:(moves hands to the left finally)
Erik:That's it! That hits the spot! (leg starts bouncin up and down like a dog)
Christine:Wow! Did you shave, Erik!
Erik:(confused look)I don't have a beard or mustache do I?
Christine:Ummmm...No?
Erik: Exactly.And what conclusion can you draw from that?
Christine:You can draw conclusions? Wow! What do they look like? Do you have a picture of one?
Erik:(makes a "why me?" look)No, genius!
Christine:(gets exciteddespite the clear sarcasm in his voice)Really! You think I'm a genius! You know I did graduate pre-school at the bottom of my class! (smiles proudly)
Erik:(another "why me?" look)This woman gets nothing I freakin say! Christine, look.
Christine:(head snaps in another direction)What? Where?
Erik:No! Listen to me.
Christine: I am you have such a suductive voice, Erik.
Erik:(under his breath)Oh dear god! Christine, what is a beard?
Christine:Hair around your belly button!
Erik:(very confused now, and who wouldn't be?)Huh? N...
Christine:(pulls shirt up) See! I have a beard. (points to huge hair ring around her belly button)
Erik:(gaggin) I (gag) think (gag) I'm (gag) gonna (gag) be sick (runs and throws up in lake cause his organ is priceless)
Christine:Do you have a beard Erik?
Erik:I have hair elsewhere Christine.
Christine:What do you mean "elsewhere"?
Erik:(pulls torn shirt away from his chest to reveal chest hair)See?
Christine:Wow Erik. I never knew you had a mustache too!
Erik:What do you mean, "too"?
Christine:(pulls shirt up to flashing level) Look at my mustache!
Erik:(walks over to chair an picks up candle holder, he beats himself in the head with it a couple of times and then goes back over to Christine who has managed to stuff the hair of her chest back into her blouse) Now, where were we. Oh yes. Do I have a go-T?
Christine:I wouldn't know Erik! I have never seen your manhood.
Erik:(kinda excited)Do ya wanna?
Christine:Not right now. Look at mine first. (turns around and drops drawers and shows off her hairy butt)
Erik:(wide-eyed, jaw dropped, scooting back as far as possible on organ bench, falls in floor and runs to dark corner all in horror)There's no such thing as hairy Christines! There's no such thing as hairy Christines. Theres no such thing as...
Christine:(sits down beside Erik)What;s wrong?
Erik:(scoots away)
Christine:I think someone needs a hug! (tries to hug him)
Erik:(sees hair sticking outta her shirt)Aaaaaaahhhhhhh! (claws at the wall until his fingers are bleeding)
Christine:Ohhh! Erik gotta a boo boo?
Erik:(darts away into another room and returns with his hands behind his back)
Christine:Whatcha got there, Erikpoo?
Erik:(pulls out a crucifix)Back! Back foul demon of hairy things on women that aren't supposed to be hairy! Back to the pit from which you came!
Christine:(snatches crucifix away and tries to kiss him)
Erik:Nnnnnnnooooooooooooo! (runs away again) Where the heck is Van Helsing when ya need him?
V. Helsing:Did somebody call for me?
Erik:Thank God you're hear, Monsieur Helsing! Listen, there's a h...
Helsing:Say. you're the Phantom of the Opera, aren't you?
Erik:Yes, that's me. Now, you see I have a problem.
Helsing:Hey. Isn't that your lady friend over there. Christine, isn't it.
Erik:Yah! Well she was until I found out she has
Helsing:A huge butt!
Erik:Yah but it's
Helsing:Gorgous! Not a big enough rack though!
Erik:I completely agree with you there. But believe me it's a bit terrifying wen you see it and her butt!
Helsing:(astounded)You've seen 'em?
Erik:Unfortunately. Yes.
Helsing:You lucky man! Say, what do I have to do to get to see those.
Erik:Oh believe me. I saw and what I saw made me puke.
Helsing:Oh so that's why there are chunks of bread flaoting in the lake.
Erik:Would you shut the heck up and listen.
Helsing:Sorry!
Erik:Like I was saying, what I saw made me puke, her chest and butt is grown over with thick black hair!
Helsing:(wide-eyed)Really?
Christine:Monsieur Helsing, would you like to see my mustache and beard and go-T.
Helsing:(looks to Erik)
Erik:(shaking head "no" furiously)
Helsing:Alright! SHow me!
Christine:(shows him)
Helsing:I know why you felt sick now! You don't mind if I hurl in the lake do you? (holding back the puke)
Erik:Go right ahead! I can't blame ya!
Helsing:(pukes and returns to talk with Erik)
Erik:What do you propose I do about this situation with Christine
Helsing:There are two options.
Erik:And what might those be
Helsing:Move out of state, preferably country. Change your name, appearance. Lie about your age and start all over again..
Erik:Option 2?
Helsing:Well, what you've got here is a werewolfette! A female werewolf! All ya gotta do is get her pregnant and things will go back to normal.
Erik:Sounds simple eno...did you say get her pregnated?
Helsing:It's the only way to get rid of werewolfettes. I'd go with option 1. gettin a female werewolf to settle down long enough for you to take care of business is near impossible. And the task is very disturbing. Not to mention all the STDs you can get. (leaves Erik alone to decide what to do)
Erik:Some help he was
At this very moment, the Fop walks in.
Fop:What did I miss?
Erik:Christine's a werewolfette and to fix things somebody's gotta get her pregnant.
Fop:Are you gonna do it?
Erik:No way!
Fop:Why not? You always wanted to do that with her before.
Erik:No. Believe me! I dont wanna.
Fop:Can I have her then?
Erik:Be my guest
Fop:(runs up to Christine who bites his head off)
Christine:Erik. I don't want his help. I want you.
Erik:I've always wanted to know what it would be like to live in America. With all of their advances in technology and whatnot. And all of their strange foods! I'd like to try some cornbread and pinto beans! Farting World Championship here I come! I guess I can change my name to Tom Cruise and invent some crazy crap like Scientology and make people mad all the time and then get my acting contract with Paramount dropped. Nahh! I'm gonna go with Austin Powers. or Maybe Dr. Evil. They both sound good! I'm gonna use Dr. Evil and check this out I even got my own cool laugh. Mwahahahahahahah! Mwahahahahaha! (holding pinky finger to corner of mouth)Yah that works! I'll just half to shave my head and adopt some kid named Scott. Yep! That'll work. (grabs suitcase, cloak hat and leaves Christine alone with her STDs)
Yah! I know I didn't put Stranger than you dreamt it in here but the hairy thing just seemed alot more interesting so there ya go! I don't know if I'll come up with another chapter or not. Keep a look out! Because I just might think of something stupid! And I have a mind so perverted and weird that it's criminal! hehehehehehehe! I so need to be sent to the Loonie Ben, The Funny Farm! The Psych Ward! Crazy Town! Bring it on! Just give me a dvd player, the POTO dvd, a keyboard, the piano music, and a bunch of posters and picture of gerry butler. I'll just sit in my lil padded room and worship those pictures all day occassionally takin a break to play the piano and watch the movie! YES! I AM INSANE! BUT AM ALSO ONE OF THE MOST INTELLIGENT KIDS IN NINETH GRADE ACADEMY! WOOT WOOT!
R&R EVERYBODY!