So... thank you Kaligirl05 for reviewing. My account shows me that I had more hits than that... I know you're out there :-D
Also, the longest chapter so far was chapter four, and the shortest was chapter eight... interesting, huh?
I got laughed at for using a Rihanna song in this chapter (Nice to have friendswho support you, huh?) But I wanted to use a song and was too lazy to use one other than the obvious.
Big stuff happens over the next few chapters. Sandy-haters... get your nunchucks ready...
Today was the final straw.I was going to see Marie - check up on her, see if her diaper needed changing, the usual - when I walked by the living room, and saw Sodapop sitting there... still as a statue... his hands pressed together by his face, as though he was praying. But I knew he wasn't... he wasn't doing anything. Just... zero.
My hand moved to my mouth. My God, I've ruined him. I knew it was my fault. I bound him to me, refusing to let him go because of some twisted emotion I thought might be lingering love... and I had the nerve to cheat on him. No wonder he was so undone. I knew what he was thinking, somehow. He was doubting himself something awful.
Story of my life, searching for the right, but it keeps avoiding me... sorrow in my soul... cause it seems that wrong really loves my company...
God knows what his mind could be like. How could I degrade someone like this? I never thought about Ponyboy, or Naomi, or anyone else I was hurting... because I blamed Naomi for this, too. If he didn't love her so much, he would have been happy with me...
'Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful, and it kills him inside, to know that I am happy with some other guy... I can see him dying.
I put my belongings back into the two suitcases I'd brought with me. Funny, after the huge struggle I'd put up, I was leaving because of my own guilt... but it was worse than being thrown out. The more I thought about the pain I was causing Soda, and the pain that I would cause Marie if I didn't do something, the more pain I was in myself. And I kept thinking that it was Naomi's fault almost as much as it was mine.
I don't wanna do this anymore, I don't wanna be the reason why, every time I walk out the door...I see him die a little more inside.
I had to leave... find a place... I'd leave Marie for now, but I'd be back for her. I was going to disappear from his life... he could have Naomi, God damn her, and he'd have his own family... never having to think about Sandy or Marie again...
I don't wanna hurt him anymore... I don't wanna take away his life - I don't wanna bea murderer.
I'd caused him enough suffering. I'd caused myself enough suffering.I don't think he even heard the door close as I left, in the state he was in. But had Naomi suffered? I didn't know. At all. Sometimes, though, when we're not in our right minds, we do things just to make sure...
For the first time in a long time, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.
Sandy's betrayal was so hurtful that, in time, I realized that I couldn't stay with her anymore. It just... wasn't possible. I didn't love her. I loved Naomi. I was staying with Sandy for Marie... but Sandy wasn't a suitable mother. Sure, she loved her child. She'd die for Marie. But she wasn't suitable in other feilds. Naomi would be a good mother to Marie, I bet... but I didn't want to get ahead of myself.
I had to go to Naomi as soon as I could and tell her I'd chosen... that I'd chosen her. I was getting really anxious now. I had that farmiliar feeling that I'd missed so much... I wanted to bounce off the walls, and run around... what did Pony call it? He said I got high off of living... the best high there is.
Before I saw Naomi, though, I'd have to get clear of Sandy, and try to make her leave Marie. It didn't matter that she was some other guy's kid... blood ties were trivial to me now. She was more my daughter than she was anyone else's.
But Sandy wasn't home.
Huh, I thought, that's weird. Oh well... I'll just wait. As long as I don't go crazy from wanting to be able to be with Naomi without thinking about the wife that's cheating on me..
"Star?"
"Yeah. Who's this?"
"It's Sandy. Listen, hun... remember what I said about Naomi?"
"Uh... what?"
"That she'd take Sodapop's rejection hard. She'll likely come to you. You'll need to numb her or something, okay?"
"Oh, I get it. You're a good friend to her, Sandy."
I smiled at the irony.
"Okay. But she's a really good girl, you know?"
"Yeah."
"She's real straight. She won't do anything... willingly."
Star gasped.
"I can't force her... that's illegal... I'd never..."
"She'll thank you later. I promise. Just do it, okay?"
"Fine. Are you sure?"
"Yes. You and I both know it's the best help she can get."
Star sighed. "That's true. Alright. Bye."
"Take care."
I hung up, smiling. Poor, trusting Star. Drugs must have affected her mind. She hardly thought straight. Popping another quarter into the machine, I dialed what the phonebook depicted to be Naomi's phone number. As I hoped, I got the answering machine.
"Hey, excuse me!" I yelled at a passing guy, "Could you help me?"
"Yeah?"
"I need you leave a message pretending to be a guy named Sodapop, telling a girl named Naomi that you had to choose Sandy over her, okay? Can you do that?"
"You're lucky I'm an actor." He smirked, and Iwas pretty surehe wouldn't have done it had I dressed a little more decently for the weather.
"Hey, Naomi," he said with an air that almost seemed like Sodapop, "It's me... Sodapop... I wanted to tell you this in person, but I guess... I can't. It's just that... I had to choose Sandy. We've had some good times, and I'll always remember you, but it wouldn't work between us, okay? Bye."
He placed the phone back on the hook. "Easy as pie."
"Thank you," I purred, walking away.
Perfect.
10:30 PM
"Naomi," Ashley said, "The phones for you. It's your mom, she says that someone left a message for you."
I rolled my eyes. Ever since I left home, (Ashley had insisted I stay with her,) Mom had been calling to give me messages from people who didn't know I lived with Ashley now.
"Yeah?"
"Naomi? Your father and I just got home, and there was a message for you from that boy. He said that you've had good times and all that sentimental business, but he's chosen Sandy. Exactly what kind of good times have you had?"
I wasn't paying attention. My bloodstream had stopped moving.
"What? Was it actually him?"
"Yes, it was. He said his name was Sodapop." She spat it out like it was poison.
I dropped the phone, and scrunched my eyes closed. There was a wave of nausea and pain and anger and hurt and everything else... and I had to get away.
I ran from the room and out onto the streets, completely ignoring Ashley's confused shouts.
I wandered the streets, remembering what I told Soda.
Harden yourself, and you don't feel anything...
I remembered, with a jolt, what Ponyboy had relayed to me - telling me of his friend's self-planned police gun down... an elaborate suicide, if you will...
Get tough like me, and nothing can touch you...
But he was wrong. That tough hood that Ashley and I had met two autumns ago by the record store had been wrong. Everyone had a breaking point. I knew his story, and yet I followed the same road... I hadn't hardened myself as much as him, so I wasn't about to kill myself, thank God, but I was in unbearable pain...
"Naomi!"
I was startled out of my misery.
"Star?" I asked, dazed.
"Yes, it's me. Come with me, you're a mess!"
Star... I thought stupidly, she's so nice. She cares about me. I can trust her. Hell, if everyone left me, I'd still have Star. Good old Star... she'll help me. Nothing bad will happen to me with Star.
I was so wrong. Following Star was one of the worst mistakes of my life.