"Please and Tang Soo"
Written By: anti-nostalgic kuma (or ANKuma) (or siriusly delusional on fanfiction)
Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation. If I did, I'd be rich, Japanese, and I wouldn't have to write fanfiction about Eiri and Shuichi. Also, I'm not cool enough to come up with such awesome characters and plotlines. So, yeah...
Dedicated To: My best friend, Katie, whose birthday was on July 20th. Thus, I comemerate her turning sweet 16 with this dedication she will probably never read and the Anthony Kiedis quote at the start of the story. (Katie digs the Chilli Peppers, what can I say?) Happy Birthday!
Author's Notes: Originally, I had intended to finish off the last chapter with Eiri's POV, but I figured that the chapter would be too long. I hope that I'm doing a good job on this story so far. Though, with the reveiws I've recieved, I must be doing something right, ne? I missed writing fanfiction! I took a break from posting for a while because I couldn't log in to anything and the writing I did then was really sporatic. I forgot what it's like to have people read and comment about one's work and the inspiration one gets from such comments! Thanks so much for all your encouragement! Now, enjoy the second chapter of Please and Tang Soo!
!Important Notice: This chapter will be filled with Tang Soo Do terminology. I will number the terms and list their translations at the end of the POVs. Also, I apollogize for any inaccuracies in the Tang Soo Do I'm describing; it's summer and I don't see my friend who actually practices it until school starts up again. Please bear with me. Also, the spelling of the terms in Korean or Chinese are how it would be pronouced in English, as the site I got them off of listed them as such. The site will also be at the end of the story, if you're interested. Tang Soo! bows
Chapter Two: The Lessons We Learn
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"Sometimes life's so much cooler when you don't know any better and all the painful lessons have not hammered your heads open yet."
-Anthony Kiedis
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Eiri's POV
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It's our first lesson. Well, our first real lesson, anyway. Past the terminology and history of the subtle art of Tang Soo Do. He's finally ready learn. He's going to regret ever challenging me. I'm going to make sure of that.
I am his teacher and teacher means god. If I teach him only one thing, it will be that.
I learned that lesson long ago.
"Choon Bee."(1)
He grits his teeth and glares at me, but he moves into position. Like any novice, he gets it wrong. "Nappeun."(2) I shake my head and reach down to tap his knee, signaling him to move his legs further apart. Then, I adjust his fists so that they're closer together. I can almost feel his anger from the look he's giving me, and I decide to rub it in his face. "This is how the Choon Bee Cha Seh(3) is supposed to look." I demonstrate it immaculately.
"Ye(4), Nim(5)," he says with a hint of sarcasm. I give him a sharp look which silences him.
Good. He's learning.
"Choon Bee Uhn Dong(6)," I command again, a sort of steel in my voice, daring him to challenge me.
"Ye!" His voice is forceful, and I find the same tone in his voice as I had in mine.
Well, isn't that interesting?
I begin calling out the number of the warm-up movements. It's time to see if he remembers each position and can execute them fluidly. "Il, ee, sam, sah, oh, yuk, chil, pahl, ku, sip!(7)" I'm only mildly surprised when he does each of them nearly flawlessly. The kid's a fast learner. And he learns much faster when he's pissed off at me.
Funny how that works, huh?
As I lead him through the motions over and over again, correcting him absently whenever he makes a mistake, I wonder what exactly it was that made me take him on as a student.
I find that the answer to that is simple: He's just like HE used to be.
They even look something alike, when you look very close. It's not a physical resemblance, but they seem to have the same air about them, the way they carry themselves is almost identical.
It's extremely disconcerting, though, when the reason why I accepted him is the exact reason why I didn't want to in the first place.
Any idiot can see that he's been through something. You can see it in the way he moves, the sadness and determination about him, the shadows in his eyes.
I imagine that he must have been loud, obnoxious and hyperactive before whatever happened to him happened. Carefree, ambitious, happy-go-lucky. He must have danced in the rain, singing at the top of his lungs and laughed until his sides hurt and then laughed some more simply because he could. He must have had a very nice life before life's lessons decided to ruin his innocence.
As I watch him, I think, he must have played such happy music.
And in those ways, I find, he is exactly like I was.
"Shio(8)," I say gently, feeling the start of what must be sympathy tugging at my heart. He bows gratefully before sitting on the wooden floor of the Do Jang(9) to catch his breath. I watch as he stands up after a moment and goes towards his stuff, taking out a water bottle from his book bag and having a long drink from it before returning to sit. He seems to notice that my eyes haven't left him the whole time, but if he has, he says nothing.
He smiles suddenly, brushing some of his dark hair out of his eyes. "Hey, Nim, what made you want to start Tang Soo Do?"
I fix him with a look that makes him swallow hard. "What made you want to start?"
He looks down at his feet and fiddles with the ankle cuff of his do bohk, the smile no longer on his face. "...Something bad happened to me," he says softly, voice barely above a whisper. I am overcome with the strange sensation that he is no longer really talking to me. "I don't want to be in another position where I can't defend myself again. And it'll make life easier for Hiro when he doesn't feel he has to protect me all the time."
It was vague, but I can tell it was honest. "We have something in common, then." My voice is as quiet as his was and I wonder, briefly, if our stories are more similar than they seem. "Let's close up this lesson with Muk Yum(10) and then you can leave."
"Ye." Shuichi nods and moves into meditative position. I join him after I correct his posture.
After the meditation, we stand up and bow to each other. Then, we bow to each of the flags; both Japanese and Korean. I can see the red haired man that Shuichi came with when he registered waiting on the other side of the glass door and I assume that he's Hiro. "You better go," I say without emotion, "you're boyfriend's waiting for you."
Shuichi looks confused. "Boyfriend?"
I nod. "Yes. Over there." I point to the door and the man waves at Shuichi with a smile. Shuichi waves back, brow creased a little, before he understands what I mean.
He looks at me again and laughs. "Oh! You mean Hiro." His eyes are filled with amusement and I wonder if his eyes looked like that all the time before. All I know for sure is that mine did. "Hiro's my best friend. He's attractive enough, but, no, I'm afraid that he's not my boyfriend."
Well, don't I feel like an idiot?
"I apologize. I shouldn't have just assumed that--"
He laughs again and interrupts me. "Oh, no, it's not your fault. Everyone thinks that. When our current manager started up, he thought there was something going on between us, too. And we do sort of play off of that on stage a little." His eyes dart to the doorway where Hiro is standing and tapping his watch pointedly before turning back to me. "Well, I have to go. I need to get home and have something to eat." He seems to hesitate for a moment before he holds out his hand American-fashion. I stare. "You shake it," he explains, "my manager is American. He taught me."
"I know," I reply a little cooler than I mean to, "I lived abroad in America for a few years when I younger." I slip my hand into his and feel a little pulse of electricity run through my body as our skin connects. His eyes widen a bit and his cheeks tinge pink and I know he's felt it too. We shake hands, briefly, before he takes his hand away. My own slides back down at my side, a feeling of loss at the absence of his touch.
"I want to thank you," he says after he's regained his composure, "for teaching me all of this." The sparkle of stars is back in his eyes for a moment. "I feel a lot better knowing that I can at least throw a punch."
I shrug. "It's nothing special. I teach a lot of people. And you pay me."
He laughs but the sparkle's gone. He fixes me with a serious look. "Still...it's helping me a lot... I feel like, maybe, if I were in that situation again...I could've fought back more...been more effective. You're the first person to give me that. So thank you." Suddenly he wraps his arms around my middle. It feels so foreign. I remember when I used to cling to people like that. Awkwardly, I pat his shoulder twice and he squeezes me for a moment before letting me go. When I see his face again, he's blushing and looking embarrassed of himself. "I-I'm sorry," he stammers, running a hand through his sweaty black hair, "I shouldn't have--"
"It's alright," I say softly, able to keep my voice neutral despite the conflicting emotions in me. "Just...don't make a habit out of it. Next time I might not be so nice." I want to run away and all the while I want to hold him close and never let him go. I try to suppress it. Feelings like that can be dangerous. My eyes dart to the door where I can see Hiro watching us with rapt attention. I am embarrassed. "You better go. You don't want to keep your friend waiting."
I watch him run to the door and leave the Do Jang. He and Hiro walk away from the door and I can't see them anymore. I retreat to my office and slump into my chair, placing my head in my hands. When Shuichi touched me, I had felt electricity, blood flowing, heart beating. I had felt attraction on the most pure, unadulterated level and it had sent my mind spinning. It wasn't a feeling that was alien to me. I've felt it before. When I was 16 years old.
I pick up the receiver of my desk phone and push the first memory dial button in a panic. It rings three times before there's an answer.
"Moshi moshi(11)?"
"Hello, Tohma, it's Eiri." I feel myself shaking and my palms sweating.
"Eiri-san! What is it? Is something the matter?" My brother-in-law's voice is full of concern and I can tell he's picked up on the slight panic in my voice.
"Can I talk to you right now?"
"Of course, Eiri-san, I'll pick you up from the Do Jang and we'll go to that restaurant you like so much. I'm sure I can manage to sneak in a reservation on such short notice." I am suddenly very thankful Tohma's willing to give me as much attention as he does. It usually annoys me to no end. "How long do you think it will take you to get ready?"
"15 minutes."
"Alright. I'll be waiting outside."
"Thank you." I put the receiver clumsily back into the cradle and change out of my do bohk into a pair of black dress pants and a dark red dress shirt. As soon as I leave the Do Jang, Tohma is there in his limo as promised, hat atop his bleached blonde hair and lacey gloves over his keyboardist fingers. He greets me as I sit opposite him and tells the driver to take us to the restaurant before begging me to tell him what's wrong. I can't bring myself to say anything. Those feelings... I know them all too well. And I never want to feel them again. Feelings like that are too strong, too powerful.
They can ruin a man.
But the worst part was...they were so similar...so much alike.
When we touched, he felt just like Kitazawa-sensei did...
(1) Choon Bee-- command given by an instructor to student, translates to 'get into the ready position'
(2) Nappeun-- 'bad' or 'wrong'
(3) Choon Bee Cha Seh-- the Ready stance.
(4) Ye--yes, you could also say 'ne' for yes as well.
(5) Nim--sir, a title to show respect to those with more experience.
(6) Choon Bee Uhn Dong--command, translates to 'ready for warm up exercises'
(7) Il, ee, sam, sah, oh, yuk, chil, pahl, ku, sip--first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth in Chinese.
(8) Shio--a temporary stop, a break
(9) Do Jang--training room
(10) Muk Yum--meditation
(11) Moshi moshi--telephone greeting in Japanese.
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Hiro's POV
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"So, Shuichi," I say, trying to make my voice as casual as possible before the I ask the question that's been bothering me since I picked him up from Uesugi Tang Soo Do. "Why did you hug Uesugi-san?" From what I saw of Uesugi-san, he seemed very cold, distant, and just plain unfriendly. In short, he's not the type I usually see my best friend hugging. Ryuichi Sakuma? Sure. But Eiri Uesugi? Never. It just seems so...weird.
Shuichi looks at me for a moment, his head tilted to the side as he sits next to me on the couch, legs folded in the shape of a pretzel beneath his pajama pants and a stick of strawberry pocky in his mouth. I have decided, yet again, to spend the night here on this very couch rather than let Shuichi brave the night himself. "I wanted to thank him for helping me so much," he says at length, finishing off the wafer stick and shifting position a little. His posture has gotten much straighter. "He's taught me a lot."
I nod in agreement. "I know. K did say that he was the best in the city, and he would know." I grab my jacket off the floor and dig around in my pocket for a hair-tie. The one I find is the one K lent me a few weeks ago. A warm feeling comes over me and I pull my hair back with it. I don't think K's going to be getting it back anytime soon. "Anyways, I didn't mean to pry or anything. I was just curious."
"Oh, I know," he said dismissively, slipping off the couch and onto the floor where he crawled towards the entertainment center, sitting in front of his DVD tower. He seemed to pause for a moment, as if a realization just came over him. "...You know, I don't really know what compelled me to hug him... It just felt like the right thing to do at the time. I mean, he's not nice, he pushes my buttons on purpose and he's really quiet, but... I dunno...he's given me so much."
I can understand that, I guess. I mean, I'm in love with a guy who fired his gun at me a few times. Attraction comes from the strangest places, sometimes. "That makes sense," I say, hesitating for a moment before continuing. "I just thought that maybe you might...have more feelings for him than just that."
Shuichi doesn't seem to hear me and begins rummaging through his DVDs. "What sort of movie do you want to watch, Hiro," he asks over his shoulder. "Something with subtitles? I feel like watching something with subtitles tonight..." I shake my head and smile. At times, he seems to shine just like he used to. I hope that someday, he'll be as silly and simple and happy-go-lucky as he used to be. Be the old Shuichi again.
But as I watch him searching for a movie to watch, I know that there is no way he will ever be the 'old' Shuichi again. He might come close, he might heal and move on, but he will never be the same. Things like what Shuichi went through isn't something you ever completely bounce back from. It changes you, leaves a mark.
I can only hope that the darkness will leave his eyes.
Shuichi turns to me, raising a DVD triumphantly over his head. "Aha! Found it! Formula 17(1)!" He stands up and walks back over to the couch, flopping down beside me and holding the movie up in my clear view, giving me his best puppy dog face. I can't help but smile. "Can we watch it, Hiro, please?"
I laugh and pat him on the head. Sometimes he's just too damn adorable. "Of course! Who am I to deny you your favorite movie in your own house?" He beams in victory and hobbles over to the TV to put in the DVD.
"Well, I know that you like The Iron Ladies(2) more and I don't want to put you out, you Mon look-a-like, you," he says in a way that clearly shows he means every word he's saying, but is still going to gloat about it because he can. "But...yay! Formula 17!" He sits back down next to me after he puts the movie in, and I'm comforted by the fact that, for the first time in months, he's actually leaning his head on my shoulder.
About half way through the movie, Shuichi tilts his head to look at me, laughing a little. "You know," he begins, a sparkle of amusement in his eyes, "Uesugi-san thought that you were my boyfriend."
I groan. "Kami-sama, not him too?" Shuichi giggles and I join him. "Why does everyone assume that just because we're both gay, hang out all the time, and have been friends since before we could walk, that we're a couple?"
Shuichi chuckles. "Well, when you put it like that, I can totally see where they get it." His eyes dart to the movie screen and he smacks me hard on the arm, ignoring my complaints of being hit, and points at the TV. "Oh, oh, Hiro! Shh! It's the ice cream line(3)!"
After the movie, I follow Shuichi into his bedroom, picks his discarded do bohk up off the floor and begins folding it meticulously, placing the jacket flat on its back and folding the sleeves inwardly at the seams towards the center. "...You said something before...about me maybe having deeper feelings for Uesugi-san?" His voice is soft, like he really does not want to answer this question as he folds the pants in half and centers it on the jacket, making sure, absently, that the strings are even with the bottom of the jacket.
"Yes, I did." I try to imply with my tone that he needs not answer me if he feels uncomfortable. He nods slowly as he folds the sides of the jacket in towards the center so it covers the pants, before folding it half again. His moments are smooth and languid. He seems almost relaxed as he does this and I wish for the millionth time this week that I had been there to protect him.
"Well...when I shook his hand today...I felt this pulse of electricity, y'know?" Of course I understand that. It's the same type of feeling that I get when K touches me or says my name in that sexy way he does. It makes the hair on my forearms and the back of my neck stand up. He folds the do bohk in half again, folds the belt, and ties it around the jacket and pants. It's weird to watch him do something so organized when he's normally just the opposite.
"So," I say in the most non-judgmental, 'I'm-totally-open-and-understanding-to-whatever-you're-feeling' tone of voice I can muster, "what do you think this means?"
Shuichi lets out a deep breath, eyes unfocused on the do bohk in front of him. "...I don't know," he replies at length, tugging a little on one of the longer chunks of his hair. "I mean, he's...he's not nice, Hiro. He's a great teacher and I have a lot of respect for him, but he's really...cold and calculating most of the time." He picks up the immaculately folded uniform and puts it away in his dresser before turning to face me. He has the ghost of a warm smile on the corner of his lips as he continues. "But today... He wasn't like that today. He was so nice to me, in his own cool way and he said... Well, I hinted that...something bad had happened to me and he... he said that 'we have something in common'." The warm almost-smile is replaced by a look of confusion. "What do you think that's supposed to mean, Hiro?" I shrug in a noncommental way. Do not ask me to fathom the inner workings of the mind of Eiri Uesugi.
"So, I guess the question is really...'are you ready for this'?" Shuichi's confused frown deepens and I gently place my hand on his shoulder. He keeps himself from flinching, which I take as a good sign. "You don't have to answer that right now, Shuichi," I tell him softly, "I'm not going to pressure you and it's not the sort of question you can answer without a lot of thought, anyway."
Suddenly, he looks scared. "I brought this onto myself, didn't I, Hiro? They...they did all of those things to me because I brought it onto myself for liking other men... This is all my fault, isn't it(4)?" There are tears streaming down his face and I wrap my arms around him tight enough so that he feels the comfort they bring, but loose enough for him to escape easily if he needs to.
Gently, I stroke back his hair, letting him cry into my black tee-shirt, shushing him. "No, no, Shuichi, you've got it all wrong," I say softly, allowing him to move closer to me. I dare not steer him to the bed so that we can sit down, too afraid of what affect that might have on him, so I gently sink into a sitting position on the floor. He curls up into my lap, sobbing loudly and sounding completely broken. "It's not your fault," I tell him softly, trying to contain the boiling rage I feel at the scum who reduced my best friend to the sobbing mess in my lap, "It's not your fault... It's their fault, Shuichi... No one blames you..."
It's late, or early, depending on how you look at it, when I finally feel comfortable leaving Shuichi alone. I'm exhausted when I finally reach my apartment and wonder if I shouldn't have just spent the night at Shuichi's, because, despite all his reassurances that he was alright on his own, I still feel like shit for leaving him there by himself.
I sigh and toss my leather jacket onto the couch, followed by my helmet, and I notice through the darkness that the red light from my answering machine is blinking. Pulling off my shirt, I walk over to it and push the button so that the messages play, listening absently as I undress.
"Hi, you've reached Hiro. Now you say something." The tone that follows my voice rings through the apartment as I take off my pants and rummage through my drawers for a pair of flannel pajama pants. I sigh and roll my eyes when my mother's voice floods from the machine. "Hiroshi? Are you there? This is your mother. I'm just calling to remind you that your father's birthday is in two weeks and you'd better be there. He's already upset that Yuji won't be able to make it because of that ridiculous play he's in. Whatever plans you have, cancel them. ...You can bring someone if you have to--" I can hear the reluctance in her voice and I glare as I violently pull my PJs on--"as long as it isn't that Shindou boy. He's been a bad influence on you." I snort. When will she ever give up on this thing? I have long lost count of how many times I've explained to her that Shuichi didn't make me gay. At least she hasn't told me to bring a girl like she did last year. But she still seems to think that this whole thing is some sort of phase. "Well, we're both looking forward to seeing you. Your father and I send our love. Goodbye."
I shake my head a little. Despite her stand-offish-ness and her stiffness, she really is doing her best to accept this. But that still doesn't change that I would do anything to get out of this stupid dinner party. I pull on a white wifebeater and walk into the bathroom as the second message plays. "Hey, Hiro, this is K." I blink and pause in my tooth brushing. K? What could he want? He's never called me at my home before. "I...just wanted to see if you know what's been making Shuichi so happy lately..." I snort and resume in my brushing. K really should come up with better excuses. "I mean, he's been turning up to work on time and I've barely had to shoot him all week. Any ideas? Well, I hope that you're doing as well as Shuichi is." There is a small pause and I swear I can hear him smirking. "Are you wearing anything sexy, Hiroshi?" I spit my toothpaste out prematurely and look at my own horrified, blushing reflection in the bathroom mirror as his crazy cackle comes from the machine. I swear to the gods, he's crazy! "Aw, I'm just funning with you, Hiroshi. ...But seriously...if you are wearing something sexy, feel free to call and tell me about it, no matter what the hour!" I giggle in a decidedly un-macho way and start brushing my hair, a smirk touching the corner of my mouth. Crazy Americans. "Well, talk to you on the flipside!" I frown as I recognize the English language being spoken and I try to decipher the weird American figure of speech. "See you tomorrow!" The machine tells me that I have no more messages and I continue brushing my hair, a warm feeling in my stomach.
(1) Formula 17 (or Shi qi sui de tian kong) is a Taiwanese independent movie about a gay circle in Tapei. I watched this at my friend's birthday party and simply fell in love with it. Me and my friends who had read Gravitation kept pointing out all of the similarities between it and Gravitation. For instance, the main character, Tien, who is searching for love, is just like a shy carboncopy of Shuichi, and Bai Tieh-nan, Tien's love interest who has an intimacy disorder which allows him to have sex in the form of one-night stands, but doesn't allow him to really kiss anyone, is like Eiri on Prozac. In short, a wonderful film and I suggest you all see it! (If for nothing else than to see Yu! So funny/adorable in that Ryuichi sort of way!)
(2) The Iron Ladies (or Satree lek) is a Thai movie based on the true story of a Thai volleyball team made up almost entirely of gay men, transvestites, drag queens, and transexuals. It's adorable and funny in your typical 'underdog sports movie' sort of way, but I enjoyed it immensely. One of the main characters, Mon, looks like Hiro. Enough said.
(3) Ah, yes. The infamous 'ice cream line'. This is sort of a running gag between me and my friend Cody. During a particularly awkward silence between Tien and Bai in Formula 17, Tien says in a small, shy voice, 'I want ice cream'. I thought it was the cutest thing ever. So, ever since, sometimes I'll look at Cody and say 'I want ice cream' or vice versa, and we'll burst out laughing. Most people wonder why we're laughing and, once we tell them, don't find it funny.
(4) This is actually a very common reaction for gay rape victims, especially males who have been raped by other males. They blame themselves and think that it's somehow their fault for loving other men that sex is forced on them. This, of course, is not true. No one askes to be raped and it's no one's fault but the rapist's.
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Author's Notes: That's it! Chapter two! I must say that I was a little disapointed to only recieve half the reviews I got for the first chapter here on fanfiction, but maybe I'll recieve more for this chapter! Sorry that I deprived you guys of a third POV... I'm thinking that I'm going to set it up as Hiro and Eiri's POVs one chapter and then K and Shuichi's POVs the next, unless something important happens and I need to add a third POV into the mix. I was going to add Shuichi's at the end, but it just wasn't working with me at all... It seemed like it would be a better way to start a new chapter rather than end this one. So, look forward to Shuichi's POV in the third chapter! Here's to my lovely reviewers!
kaineko: Thanks! I really like how you described my writing style! You're not the first person to put it like that, so I suppose it must be true. I'm glad you like this fic and I really hope you continue to review it and give me your input! I hope I don't disapoint!
DemonicDragon666: Thanks! And I hope you like this chapter as much as the first two!
EbonyAngel: Thanks a lot for the input! It fuels my muses! Glad you think it's 'utterly great' and I hope that you continue to read, review, and enjoy!
LadySamira: Ha ha, there's no reason to almost cry! Here's an update to make you happy! I hope you stick with this story; it means a lot to me when people stick with it until the end! I hope I didn't disapoint you with this one and I look forward to more reviews from you in the future! Thanks a lot!
NatsuTsuki: Glad you liked Shuichi in this! I tried to keep him in character... I don't watch Full Metal Alchemist (that's what FMA stands for, right? ') though. I gave him black hair because that's what they say he has in the manga (even if he always has red/purple/pink/brown hair on the covers) and I really like the contrast of Eiri being blonde and light eyed and Shuichi being more dark in complection, hair color, and eye color... I think it's pretty imagery ' and it makes it seem a little more realistic in my opinion, that Shuichi not have purple eyes, lol. But I'm glad you enjoyed it and I hope you continue to review! Thanks a lot!