Authors Note:

Sorry for the cliffy. I wanted a different chapter. Don't ask why.

Any poetry you see is originally done by me. Sorry if you don't like poetry, but I do so DIE!

Have fun with the story

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Emily looked around quickly to see Dumbledore standing there.

He let go of her shoulder and sat down beside her. She stared at the plate again, ignoring him to the best of her ability.

"I'm Professor Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts." He said happily.

EL nodded still staring at the shimmering gold platter in front of her. Dumbledore didn't say anything else, he just stared at her.

Then Emily felt the strangest sensation. She felt someone enter her mind and then start to try and go through her memories. She immediately put up her occlumency shields and the person backed off a bit.

EL muttered a curse that she had made back in a America that made the person attempting legilmency on her, turned bright orange and made them get out of her mind.

She didn't wnt Carissa reading herr like that through her blood so she just preformed this curse. Carissa could still drink her blood, but couldn't read her.

EL looked at Dumbledore to see him bright orange.

"YOU! Stay out of my head, you old cripple!" She screamed as she ran out of the Hall. She would've hexed him but seeing as he was headmaster…well let's just say he gets a freebie.

Emily ran all the way to the portrait and waited impatiently as it let her in. she ran up to the couch in front of the fire and curled up into a ball.

She didn't want anyone to know her past. She didn't like her past.

EL rummaged through her bag and grabbed her journal.

That Headmaster, shall DIE!

He just tried to use leglimency on me. He has no right looking through my memories. I hate it. So now I shall vent through…the best thing in the world…poetry.

Why do am I so special?

Why can't I be normal?

Why can't I live?

Have a REAL boyfriend?

Why can't a have A friend?

15 years I've had no one.

No one at all.

(no one trustworthy anyway)

It's like I'm not here.

I walk the halls, talk, and exist

But I don't.

It's confusing.

They want to know me so badly,

but not that badly.

I'm here, and they want to know me,

But I'm scared.

What if they know me and realize

that I'm not that good.

What happens if I trust them,

And they let me fall?

I Don't know anymore.

I really don't.

Who I am,

Who they are,

What's happening?

All of these I don't know.

Help me?

Please?

EL closed her journal, and realized it was pretty cold.. She went up to her dorm, leaving her bag and journal on the couch.

Just then, Terry came in the common room. He noticed EL's bag and what appeared to be her journal.

It was a deep purple with black lining around the edges. On the black there was silver spikes.

Terry walked over and saw the words "If you open it, you die." On the front.

Terry picked it up and opened it. I wonder what she writes in here.

The pages were alternating in colors. One black then purple and she used a silver pen. It had a slot for the pen too.

Terry opened it to a random page. He read it fairly quickly.

Hey Journal. It's the 14 of Feburary. Valentines day.

ALL the girls, except me of course, got secret admirer valentines. Completely expected of course, but still.

I want someone to like me. Probably Rylin. I wouldn't mind him liking me. He's pretty nice.

I don't know if it's then black hair that falls into his hazel eyes or the fact that he seems to be like me; lonely.

He's pretty nice actually. Quiet, hot I guess, and he's like me. I don't necessarily know if that's good but…oh well.

My boredom has overcome me and now I shall write.

My heart yearns for a person.
He makes my life wonderful.
I don't even know if he likes me like I love him.

I want to say all these things like,
"I love you".
But I just can't.
I'll die if he rejects me.

In times when I wonder such big things like
My existence and other huge mysteries,
I ponder telling him my feelings.
I consider opening my soul to him.
But I push that thought aside because,
I am to scared of what'll happen.

My friends always ask me,
"Why do you like him".
and I always answer the same thing,
"I don't know".

It's the truth.
I just don't know why I like him.
I've observed him so much,
I know him backwards and forwards.
But still don't know why I like him.

I sometimes want someone to observe me,
But I realize that no one will.
It's very rare that someone spends their time watching people.
I'm one of a kind.

You're probably wondering why I'm telling you this.
Well, after battling myself for years,
I've come to a conclusion.

I've decided to tell you,
How much you mean to me.
All this time i've been talking,
About you.

Accept me,
Reject me.
But whatever you decide,
TELL ME!

Of course, this won't actually happen, and some of it isn't tue, like the friends thing, but I can still dream…right?

Terry couldn't believe. EL can feel? Of course he always knew that, but well….it just didn't really seem to actually happen.

He flipped to another random page, wondering what else she wrote in here, and what happens with this Rylin kid.

Hi journal…I'm starting to get confused. Rylin has been avoiding me lately. I don't know why. I…sigh…read poem…I don't want to explain right now.

Another day is gone and I'm still here.
I'm just sitting here, wondering why.
Why am I still here,
Wasting my precious minutes in this stupid place?

It's obvious of course,
I'm here, waiting for you,
but I'll never understand.
I'll never understand why.

Why are you so stinking special?
Why do I waste my life for you?
I've got...no one actually.
I would've said 'other friends'
but why lie to myself?

Are you even my friend?
Can I trust you?
Will you help me up when I fall?
Can I tell you everything and be positive you won't tell anyone else what I said?
Can I cry on your shoulder when it becomes too much?
Will you take care of me?
Will you tell me the truth, even if it's painful?

I love you.
You are my friend.

Am I your friend?
Do you love me?

Help? Please?

Terry still couldn't understand. If EL felt all these things, why didn't she talk to someone? It seems that she thinks this journal will listen to her and help her.

He flipped a few pages ahead, hoping to find out what happened.

The page he landed on had tear drops on it.

Journal…WHY ARE GUYS SO…..so….so…WHY? I loved him…or at least I thought I did. I still don't understand. Things were pretty good now….now…sigh read on…

I can't believe it.
I trusted you with my life, heart and soul
And you just...
you just took advantage of me!

It meant nothing!
Almost a two weeks,
It meant nothing!
I meant nothing!
All of it meant nothing to you!

Was I just there for fun?
Was I just a toy you decided to mess with?
Did you just decide to ruin someone's life
and I happened to see you that same moment?

I said I'm going away for three days and you...
you take that as a sign to cheat me!
I thought you'd be happy that I could be there for our anniversary.
Apparently she wanted to spend it with you instead.

All this time it's just been a game.
I thought you loved me.
I love you.
But you just...
I can't do it anymore.

I'm leaving...
Wait, lets rephrase that...
I'm gone.

Terry was staring at the page hard…mad at this…this Rylin. Poor EL.

He flipped trough and saw another poem.

As I sit crying in my room
My soul is bleeding.
Sadness seeps through my veins like blood.

It's dark and gloomy as I realize,
No one understands.
No one wants to understand.

It's only me, myself and I.

Terry's jaw dropped. This was too…too emo-ish for him. He quickly looked through for more poems…they helped him understand better. He found on that looked promising to be….well lets say better then the last.

You see a lady, not light, not thin.
I see a young woman who tried to be like those skinny supermodels but stopped. She stopped and asked herself, Why?
You see graying hair mixed in with bleached blonde hair.
I see stress and hard work express itself through the top of her head.


You see tacky overalls, a bad baseball cap, an ugly pink tee-shirt and terrible penny loafers.
I see clothes. Just clothes.
You see someone with blue eyes, a smile and wrinkles.
I see a person with a mischievous twinkle in her turquoise eyes, a gorgeous pearl white smile and lines of dedication to this smile.

We all see things differently.
Some just look at the cover,
and some see more.

Terry smiled to himself. This is what he wanted to read. This was happier then the other poems. He flipped on to another page, finding another poem.

To:(trying to find)

I'll do something for you,
if you do something for me.
I need a person,
To take me for who I am.
To take my personalities, faults and moods
Someone to be there for me
A true friend.

I might be strange, different or just plain weird
But from how nice you've been to me so far,
I think I could trust you
You could be my friend…if you like.

You talk to me like I'm a real person,
Not just someone to look down your nose at.
You make me feel like I mean something,
To someone.

I don't care what I have to do to win your trust,
If I don't already have it.
I need someone to laugh and cry with.
All these years, I've been alone.
No one in the world to talk to.
But now I realize that my once solitary life is really lonely.

So I ask you this simple question
Will you be my friend?

Terry looked at the date and saw that this particular poem was written four days before.

He flipped on to the poem she had written today. Leglimency? The headmaster? This is just too strange.

Terry would've read more but he heard EL coming back so he quickly put the journal back where he found it.

EL came down with her blanket and saw Terry sitting by her stuff. She hurried over to her stuff and put her journal in her bag. He can't ever read this.

"Hi Terry. Back so early?" She asked, sitting down on her couch.

"Early? EL, It's lunch already." He said laughing.

Emily glared at him then saw his hands. "Why are your hands black Terry?" She asked. This isn't good.

"OH…they are?" He asked, looking at his hands. As he showed them to EL they flashed the words, "SNOOP ALERT!" on them.

Emily then rounded on him, on her feet suddenly. "You read my journal huh? Thought my terrible life was so entertaining? Thought that you'd LOVE to see how miserable I am. Well guess what, I HATE you!" She grabbed her stuff and ran up the stairs to her dorm. Before the ran in though, she shouted one last thing at him.

"It must've been a bi shock to realize that I have feelings didn't it?" With that said she went in her dorm and slammed the door, collapsing on her bed crying.

I thought he was better then that.