Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter (though I wish I did), Back to the Future or their various quotes (I wish I owned that too...), Barry Manilow (eww), Viagra (It's for men ONLY), Jessica Simpson, EBay, the Black-Market, Goat Milk (yuck), Waldo (where is he anyway?), The Tooth Fairy (I'll knock your teeth out!), or anything else that's too expensive for me to own.

A/N: The Plot Thickens, eh? So anyways, this one is funny. At least in my opinion. So, review if you don't want me to die a cold, lonely death. Not knowing what my readers think…oh the horror. Enjoy!

oOoOoOo

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this!" wailed Ron mournfully.

"Oh come on," said Harry, trying very hard not to laugh. "It's not that bad."

"Not that bad?" roared Ron furiously. "Not that BAD? That's the best you can come up with?"

Harry bit his lip, attempting to stifle his urge to howl with laughter. Unfortunately, Ron recognized this attempt and gave Harry a very nasty look. Harry knew that Ron regretted being persuaded by Harry. And he also knew Ron had plenty of reason to regret it.

Harry had tried and failed to convince James to ask Lily out on a date, even though it was painfully obvious that James was still desperately in love with her. He was surprised by this outcome; Harry was so sure that James would do almost anything for his precious cousin. But love, however, proved to be a very personal subject with James and even his own "cousin" could not influence James' determination to ensue his love elsewhere.

So, this caused Lupin, Ron, Hermione, and Harry to return back to the drawing board. They now knew that they couldn't use people James cared about to persuade James to ask Lily out. But what other influence could they employ to affect James' decision? They couldn't use fondness…could they use anger, jealousy, tricks…maybe even fear?

That's when it hit Harry. They could use fear. Harry remembered the list that James conveniently dropped. The list of things that James hated. Harry read the list and analyzed the possibilities: they couldn't use Quidditch teams, Lily, Jessica Simpson, Snape, Lockhart, asparagus, country music, hairless cats, or Ron. But they could use the one thing that James said he was mortally afraid of: the Tooth Fairy. Then again, maybe they could use Ron…

"Okay," huffed Ron, sitting down on Lupin's bed. "Lemme get this straight: you want me to go down to James' bed in this-" Ron gestured with disgust at the pink and purple Tooth Fairy outfit he was wearing, "-and convince him to ask Lily out?"

"Exactly," said Harry.

"But why?"

"James is terrified of the Tooth Fairy," explained Harry. "He said so in his list. You may be thinking: 'but the Tooth Fairy isn't real, why should James believe it?' Well there is such thing as magic, right? Plus, we'll send you out in the middle of the night, that way we'll have an advantage because James will be too tired to think straight. And even though he might think it was a dream, he'll be spooked for sure, so we have to give it a try."

Ron opened his mouth in horror. "The Tooth Fairy isn't real?"

Harry stared at Ron with vague incredulity before saying "Sorry Ron, but there is no Tooth Fairy…"

"Everything I once knew is a lie!" sobbed Ron dramatically.

But before Harry could comfort Ron or quietly escape, the door to the dorm opened and Hermione entered, looking a bit surprised at Ron's sorrow.

"Wow," said Hermione softly. "He's taking it a lot harder than I expected…"

"No, he just found out that the Tooth Fairy isn't real," said Harry indifferently.

"Ah," said Hermione, stepping over Ron, who was now hiccupping on the floor.

"So, did you tell Lupin about the plan for tonight?"

"Oh yes, he knows and he's going to make sure James is in bed at the right time."

"Good, I really hope this works."

"Well, it all really depends on Ron; he has to give a convincing performance."

"What do you think Ron, can you do that?"

"I was a born actor," sniffed Ron scathingly. "Of course I could do it! I only have one question though."

"What is it?" asked Harry.

"Why me? Why couldn't it have been Hermione?"

"Oh, I think you look very pretty in a dress Ron," smirked Hermione.

"I do not!"

"Why yes, I think the purple roses really bring out your eyes."

"That's not true!"

"Oh but the dress fits you just right…"

"But you're a girl; it'd look a lot better on you!

"I don't really have the figure for it," snickered Hermione.

"What do you mean? You have a great figure!"

Hermione's eye's widened and her eyebrows became a part of her hairline. Ron's face became the same color as his hair once he had realized what he had just said. "N-not that I look at your b-body or anything…"

"James wouldn't be frightened of Hermione in a Tooth Fairy costume," interjected Harry quickly. "He would have just thought that some chick in a fancy dress came to visit him in his bed. No offence Ron, but you look terrifying in a Tooth Fairy dress."

"No fair," complained Ron, crossing his arms.

"Sorry Ron, but James would recognize me easily. I look exactly like him, remember?"

"But still. And besides, where did you get this dress anyway?"

Harry blushed. "I have my connections…"

Hermione and Ron paused for a second while Harry regained his composure.

"Alright then…" said Hermione, checking her (of course, solar-powered) watch. "It's almost nine. We'd better hurry and get Ron ready."

"Ok," said Harry, rubbing his chin. "We still need to fix his hair..."

"No problem," said Hermione, pulling out her wand. "Let's see…Blondigus Wiginess!"

Harry watched with a mixture of amazement and revulsion as Ron's hair grew long and flowing, changing from fiery red to almost platinum blonde.

"AH!" cried Ron, clutching his head. "My hair! My beautiful, sexy red hair!"

Harry raised his eyebrows. "He needs a crown too."

Without a word Hermione conjured a large plastic crown decorated with purple roses and shiny pink hearts from her wand. "Here you are Ron."

Ron grudgingly took the crown from Hermione and dropped it on his head. "I feel like a bloody girl."

"Well, you're dressed like one," pointed out Harry.

"Thanks, Harry. Really."

"No problem."

"Hmm…" mumbled Hermione thoughtfully, gazing at Ron. "He needs a wand…give me your wand Ron."

"What?" gasped Ron, blushing furiously. "Right now? Right in front of Harry? It might be best if we waited until the room is empty and-"

"No you idiot!" seethed Hermione. "Give me your WOODEN WAND!"

"Oh…that…" muttered Ron sheepishly, looking slightly disappointed. "Here…"

Ron handed Hermione his…erm…WOODEN wand while Harry repressed a fit of laughter. Hermione took the wand and examined it, pointing her wand at the tip of Ron's. "Wandicus Decoratioso!"

Ron's wand gave a violent shudder and then turned a glistening white. Pink vines twisted around it from the bottom to the tip, producing small purple roses at various places. A large, shiny, silver star emerged from the tip of the wand, showering everything within a 5-foot radius with sparkles.

"Here you are, Ronald," said Hermione promptly, handing Ron his newly decorated wand.

Ron cringed and gripped the thing by his thumb and his index finger, holding it at arm's length. "Erm…thanks…"

Hermione searched through her pocket, pulling out several tubes of various sizes and colors. "Oh and here's some makeup I brought you. I thought you might need to look less like a boy in a fairy costume."

Hermione shoved them into Ron's hands. Ron stared at the mass of tubes for a while and then looked helplessly at Hermione.

"Oh alright," sighed Hermione, gesturing to a nearby chair.

Ron sat down eagerly and held the makeup out to Hermione, who took them and began to untwist the lid of one of the tubes.

"So Hermione," said Harry. "Did you and Lupin work on the Time Turner?"

"Oh yes," said Hermione, rubbing some blush on Ron's cheeks. "The book is extremely helpful, and so is Lupin, but I'm afraid that fixing the Time Turner is turning out to be dreadfully complicated. It could take about a week to fix it."

"A week…?" gasped Harry.

"Yes, but hopefully we'll get your parents to fall in love during that time."

"Hermione?"

"Hmm?"

"Why aren't you using magic to put that makeup on Ron?"

Hermione gave Harry a reproachful glance before applying lip-gloss to Ron's lips. "Well, why do people put Canadian bacon on Hawaiian pizza? Just because I'm good at magic doesn't mean I need to use it all the time you know!"

"But what does pizza-?"

"I mean, come on Harry! I think that doing everyday things the muggle way would be a great experience! The average wizard seems to feel that they have to show off their fancy- hold still Ron- magic around everyone else just because they can! You don't have to be so lazy Harry."

"But I wasn't-" started Harry, but Hermione cut him off, continuing her monologue.

"Just because you have magic doesn't mean you can't do things the muggle way! (Ronald, stop whimpering for Pete's sake, you'll only make it worse!) Why, before I knew I was a witch, I had to…"

Harry droned Hermione out at this point. He had much experience with Hermione's speeches, for he had to sit through many of them during his stay at Hogwarts. Harry learned how to ignore Hermione while she talked. He even taught himself to nod every once in a while and appear to be listening politely during her never-ending lectures.

While Hermione went on with her reprimanding, Harry thought about many things. He contemplated about how he was going to get back to his own time; he wondered what he had said to set Hermione off, and he debated over how he was going to get a picture of Ron in his dress so that he could sell it on EBay…or maybe even the Black-market. He also pondered the ways of the world, the exact process of making goat milk, and precisely where Waldo was.

Harry was about move on to the subject of Barry Manilow when he heard a faint sound. It sounded like people talking, and it sounded like they were about to enter the same room Harry, Ron, and Hermione were.

"Hermione, shh!" whispered Harry, interrupting Hermione's speech. "I think someone's coming…"

"But you can't go in there!" said one frantic voice outside the door.

"Why not?" said another. "I need to get something from-"

"Don't! I mean, it's occupied right now…there's someone in there clipping their hang nail…it's really disgusting…you wouldn't want to hear the screams…"

"Who?"

"Umm…no one…of consequence…"

"Well, all the more reason for me to go in then, eh? Maybe I could sell their nail on EBAY!"

"No-stop-don't!"

Hermione dropped the eyeliner she was holding and clutched onto Ron's dress in a panic. Ron grabbed a nearby pillow and attempted to conceal himself behind it. Harry gasped as the door opened with a loud, foreboding squeak.

Lupin entered the room first; his back to Harry and the others and holding out his arms as if to block the room from the other person's view. The other person came in; pushing Lupin's flailing arms aside and revealing himself to be Sirius.

Sirius stopped short at the sight of Ron, his eyes widening and his mouth open slightly.

"Erm…hello…" said Harry slowly, waiting for his Godfather's reaction.

"Oi!" barked Sirius to Harry. "Where's the nail…what are…oh wait, it's you Harry!"

"Er...I can explain…" said Lupin anxiously.

"No need!" grinned Sirius. "This here is Harry, James' cousin, this is! You can come here anytime Harry…but what exactly are you doing in here…?"

"Umm, well," said Hermione abruptly. "We were just…you know, hanging out, and I was trying some makeup on my new friend…erm…"

"Rhonda," said Harry quickly. "Her name's Rhonda."

Ron's eyes widened in horror.

"Nice to meet you Rhonda," said Sirius, cocking his eyebrow at Ron.

"Well, yes," said Lupin nervously. "She's a very nice girl to meet now, isn't she? But shouldn't we be going now…?"

"No, no, no," smiled Sirius. "I want to get to know Rhonda…" Sirius moved toward Ron, making sure to swagger in a very manly way.

"So," said Hermione, standing up. "You want to know Rhonda? Well she likes long walks on the beach, piña coladas, and getting caught in the rain. There, now you know her. Isn't that right, Rhonda?"

"Umm…yes…" squeaked Ron, adjusting his voice so that it sounded vaguely feminine.

Sirius ran his hand through his hair. "Well," purred Sirius, his arms had now moved from his head to both Hermione and Ron's shoulders in an instant. "I think we should all get to know each other even better, don't you?"

"You've been taking Viagra again, haven't you Padfoot?" sighed Lupin.

"So nice of you to notice, Remy darling!" said Sirius, blowing a kiss to Lupin.

Lupin cringed.

"So Sirius," Harry cut in hastily. "Who are you going to take to Slughorn's dance?"

"Why, Remy dear, of course!"

Lupin rolled his eyes. "He's being serious…er…Sirius…"

Sirius sighed. "You people have no sense of humor. Fine, I dunno who I'm taking…but I was actually hoping to ask a certain someone…" Sirius winked at Hermione.

"But I'm going to take her!" blurted Ron.

Hermione kicked Ron in the shin.

"…What?" asked Sirius, taken aback.

"What Rhonda means is that I'll be going on a double date with her…" hissed Hermione.

"Oh, break my heart, will you?" sniffed Sirius. "Fine, but I'll get you next time. Who're you going with?"

"Ah…"

"She's going with me," said Lupin hastily.

"With you…?" asked Sirius, giving Lupin an incredulous stare. "But I thought nothing could come between us Moony!"

Hermione gave Lupin a thankful smile. "Yes, I'm afraid I'm going with Remus…looks like you'll just have to ask someone else!"

"Well, who's Rhonda going with?"

"No one, actually," said Harry, grinning wickedly.

Ron made a noise that sounded like a cat being run over by a very large vehicle.

Sirius beamed at Ron. "Let's make it a date then, shall we?"

"Well I-" started Ron, but Hermione kicked him again. "Ow! Fine!"

"Brilliant!" exclaimed Sirius, giving Ron one of his patented 'Sirius Black Winks'.

Ron turned very green.

"I'd best be off then," chirped Sirius, walking toward the door. "See you later, Rhondikinns!"

It barely took a few seconds for Ron to turn from green to red. "Harry…why…how…could you?"

"I figured that this is your punishment for breaking the Time Turner in the first place."

"But…RHONDA?"

"You better believe it," smirked Harry. Hermione and Lupin both began to snigger.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU HARRY POTTER!" bellowed Ron, lunging at Harry and grabbing him around the neck. Harry fell to the ground, twisting and squirming. Once Harry realized he couldn't get free, he began to fight back, pulling and tugging on Ron's long hair.

"Ron…stop…" grunted Harry.

"You…GIT…" panted Ron.

"Stop it!" shouted Hermione angrily. "We don't have time for this!"

They both ignored her completely and continued to kill each other. Lupin jumped into the fight and attempted to pull Harry and Ron apart, but instead receiving several badly-aimed punches in the chest.

"STOP IT!" roared Hermione, causing Harry, Ron and Lupin to freeze.

"Right," panted Hermione to a now very silent room. "We need to finish getting Ron ready for tonight. Then all of us will leave, except for Ron that is."

"Why?" asked Ron, puzzled.

"You'll need to hide in the closet until James falls asleep. That way we won't have to risk you blundering through the door and waking everyone up."

Ron's face turned scarlet. "I don't blunder…"

Harry scoffed. "Must we remind you whose fault this is anyway? You're the one who broke the Time Turner!"

"Yes," said Hermione, rolling her eyes. "But it was you, Harry, who ruined your parents relationship by blundering out on that Quidditch Field."

It was Harry's turn to blush. Ron laughed triumphantly while Lupin attempted to stifle his giggles.

"Anyway," continued Hermione. "Harry and I will watch from outside using a simple transparency spell on the door."

"Simple?" mouthed Ron to Harry. Harry only shrugged; his face still mercilessly red.

"Right," said Lupin, rubbing his hands together. "So is there anything else we need to get…er…Rhonda ready?"

Hermione surveyed Ron, whose face had turned bright red at the word 'Rhonda'.

"Hmm…" said Hermione thoughtfully. "He needs some nail polish."

"What?" gasped Ron, crossing his arms over his chest and hiding his nails defensively.

"Give me your nails Ron," prompted Hermione, pulling out her wand.

"What nails?" asked Ron, shifting his eyes back and forth.

"…Ron!"

"I can't it's…it's against the laws of manhood!"

"Do it now Ron!"

"NEVER!"

"Fine," Hermione gave a wicked grin. "I supposed we'll have to do it the hard way then." Hermione gave a lazy flick of her wand, exclaiming "Accio Ron's nails!"

"What NO-AAAAHHH!" Ron screamed in a very high-pitched girly voice as his hands pulled him towards Hermione at about 88 miles per hour.

Hermione sighed and grabbed Ron's wrists before he or the spell could yank them away. "Harry, could I have some help here?" she said, nodding towards Ron's struggling body.

"Oh…yeah." Harry grabbed Ron from around the waist and held his arms in place. Lupin looked as if he couldn't help if he wanted to; he was too busy nursing his wounds.

Hermione waved her wand over Ron's wiggling nails and they turned the color of hot pink as the wand passed over them. Ron fought his way out of Harry's grasp and stood up, staring mournfully at his newly manicured fingernails.

"Right," said Hermione, checking her watch again. "It's almost time, let's go. Stay Ron."

Hermione started toward the door, with Harry and Lupin following, leaving an infuriated Ron behind.

"So long Rhondipoo!" cried Harry, blowing a frivolous kiss to Ron.

Harry quickly escaped before Ron could cause some serious harm to him, grinning wickedly as he heard Ron muttering a long string of cusswords behind him.

oOoOoOo

Hermione and Harry crouched down near the entrance to James' dorm.

"Are you all set Ron?" whispered Hermione into what appeared to be a small black microphone that attached to her shirt collar.

"Yeah, let's get this over with," came the reply.

Hermione had a tiny earphone in her ear that enabled her to hear what Ron had grumbled into his own microphone. Harry, Lupin, and Ron also had earphones so that they could hear each other, however; only Ron and Hermione had the microphones. This was because Lupin was supposed to pretend he was asleep while Ron talked to James and therefore could not whisper into a small microphone. Hermione also said that she thought it was probable that Harry might mess up the whole thing, so just in case, Harry was to remain microphoneless.

Harry was a bit irritable about what Hermione had said and stayed in a fairly grumpy mood for at least fifteen minutes. During this Hermione and the others ignored him while he wondered crossly where on earth Hermione got these bloody devices and why the hell they worked at Hogwarts.

"But why do we even need to use these whatchamacallits?" voiced Ron irritably.

"Because," sighed Hermione. "Me telling you what to say will be a lot easier on us all. I can at least guide you! That way, you won't muddle things up."

"But I can improvise!" huffed Ron indignantly.

"Ron please, not now…" complained Hermione, rubbing her forehead. "It already took me forever to teach you how to use these things. And all you have to do is speak into them!"

"Hmph," sniffed Ron derisively.

Hermione rolled her eyes and pointed her wand toward the door, muttering a Transparency Spell on the door so that she and Harry could see through it easily, but no one inside could see them.

Footsteps behind them alerted them of Lupin's presence.

"Quick," whispered Lupin urgently to Harry and Hermione. "He's coming, and he say's he's exhausted!"

"Ron," muttered Hermione into her microphone. "Are you ready?"

"I was born ready," answered Ron heroically.

Harry snorted into his shirt sleeve.

oOoOoOo

"AHHHH!" bellowed James, sitting up in his bed and staring at Ron with horror. 'It's a good thing Lupin cast a stifling spell on Peter and Sirius' ears,' thought Harry, startled at how loud his father could yell.

"Erm…hi…" said Ron in an unnaturally high-pitched voice. James had started to hyperventilate.

"Oh dear," said Hermione to herself. "I hope we don't kill him…tell him who you are Ron."

"You don't happen to know who I am, do you?" asked Ron. James said nothing, but only stared at Ron in terror.

"Well, I'm the Tooth Fairy…"

"B-but I don't h-have any b-baby t-teeth…" stammered James, clutching his blanket.

"Uh…yeah I know, but you need to do something for me."

"Why?" asked James fearfully.

"Because I'm the Tooth Fairy stupid," snapped Ron heatedly.

"Is…is this a bad dream…?"

"If it was would I tell you?"

"Good point."

"Now tell him what you need him to do Ron," added Hermione hastily.

"You see, I need you to ask Lily on a date for me."

James gasped. "You want to go out on a date with Lily? This must be a bad dream."

Hermione and Harry both groaned in unison.

"NO! No, no, no way!" said Ron quickly. "I want you to ask Lily on a date! With YOU! Get it?"

James' eyes widened and he pulled his knees against his chest. "I…can't…I've given up on girls…"

"What? Are you gay now or something?"

"Well actually I-"

"Never mind, don't answer that. Anyway you have to ask Lily out and-"

"But I can't! She hates me!"

"No, she thinks she hates you, but she really doesn't. There's a difference you see."

"Oh."

"Ask him if he'll do it!" whispered Hermione into the microphone.

"So…" said Ron awkwardly, fiddling with one of the purple roses on his dress. "Does that mean you'll do it and make my job easier?"

James gazed wide-eyed at Ron's wand (NO pun intended). "I dunno…I told you I gave up on Lily…for the sake of the plot!"

"Oh come on," exclaimed Ron infuriatingly. James cowered behind his pillow. "Why can't you see that you are still in love with Lily? For Merlin's sake, can't you just try one more time? It might be your last chance! And she might even say yes this time! Besides, do you want Lockhart to get your one true love instead?"

James peeked out from over his pillow. "N-no…"

Harry gaped at Ron. He never thought Ron could say more than four sentences at a time.

"Wow Ron," said Hermione, vaguely stunned. "I didn't know you had it in you! That was quite a speech! "

"And if you don't I'll stuff this dress down your throat," finished Ron.

"And now it's ruined…" sighed Hermione.

Harry crammed his fist in his mouth in order to keep from laughing.

"Alright f-fine…" whimpered James. "I'll…I'll try…"

Ron gave a satisfied grin. "Good."

"Just…please don't hurt me…"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…" muttered Ron. "Don't get your knickers in a twist…here…um…go back to sleep."

James blinked at Ron timidly.

"Oh…" Ron paused for a second.

"Ron," murmured Hermione. "You have to get him to sleep, use a spell or something. Just don't-"

Ron bashed the side of James' head with his wand. James fell over instantly and did not move.

Hermione held her head in her hands. "-do that…"

Ron got up from James' bed and dusted off his dress.

"Okay," said Harry cheerfully, rising to his feet. "Now we're making progress…"

oOoOoOo

A/N: Where do I get all my wonderful ideas you ask? Well, you see, there's this thing called chocolate…

But I'll quit being so modest. True, I do like this chapter, but it isn't exactly genius work. More like pure lunacy. So, if you have any constructive advice, it would be greatly appreciated.

Later!