Disclaimer: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER TWO – Trading for Tea

"You hate him?" Mal said with a worried look in his eyes.

River just frowned and pouted.

Simon looked at his sister apprehensively. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"Hmmph," she huffed petulantly refusing to elaborate.

"Is he dangerous? Is he a fed? What?"

River just shook her head.

"Why am I still carrying you?" Mal stopped his walking and gently dropped River on her bum. "If you got a gut feeling different from our impressions of him, we'd sure appreciate you explaining yourself."

River frowned and turned to walk on her own back to the ship. "I just hate him."

Simon turned to Kaylee and the Captain. "Well… this is a different emotion. What did you think of him, Captain?"

Mal hurried to follow after River as everyone resumed their brisk pace next to him. "I think we should get ourselves in the air, and make sure we're not going to have any trouble after that little show in the bar."

"I liked him," Jayne offered as they walked.

Zoe retorted. "You only liked him because he bought you a drink."

"Exactly," Jayne nodded. "What's not to like?"

The group hurried onto Serenity and Zoe went to the bridge. They took off to float around in the air for a bit, keeping their eyes on the dock they had been stationed at. Mal admitted, "He did seem suspiciously… convenient."

"What do you mean?" Kaylee asked.

Mal chewed the inside of his cheek. "Well, I mean, so far everything about him seems like he'd fit right in with us. Nice enough guy, not overly concerned with making money, and completely unconcerned about River being, well, River. And I can't help but wonder when we ever had a stroke of good luck, you know?"

"Well then maybe we're just about due," Kaylee argued with a smile.

Mal looked unconvinced. "Either way, this job pays pretty, and we can say our goodbyes after we're done if that's what we want to do. Kaylee, get on the com and let Inara know we got some work to do. If she wants to come with us, we're going to be meeting to discuss in less than two hours. If she's…" Mal seemed to be struggling through the words, "otherwise engaged, tell her we might be gone for a few days."

Kaylee nodded and went up towards the bridge to call out.

"So what?" Jayne asked. "We just going to wait here and see if he shows up at the dock?"

Mal shrugged. "He said he'd meet us at our ship in two hours. Heaven only knows how he'd know where our ship is, when not ten minutes ago he'd no clue she was even a Firefly."

A little over ninety minutes later, Inara's shuttle landed into its docking port on Serenity and she joined them in the dining room. "So what is so important to call me back already?"

"We got ourselves a potential pilot applicant and he's bringing his own job as a test run." Mal smiled and answered while cutting up an apple he was munching on.

"And this concerns me how?" Inara snootily asked.

Mal looked over and saw she seemed a bit more irritated than usual. "Well, we may be disappearing for a few days, maybe a week. I thought you might like to decide whether to join us or stay here. Not to mention all that fancy training makes you a respectable judge of character. I'm a little untrusting of my gut right now."

"Not to worry," Inara smirked glancing between Mal's abdomen and his eyes. "I can barely tell that it's ballooned and swollen. If I didn't know you better, I'd merely think you were fat."

"Hey now," Mal defended looking down at his belly. "No call to be rude. I've not said one word about how flat your saggy-"

"Thank you, Mal," Inara interrupted. "I think I'm going to lay down for a few minutes until our guest arrives." She swirled around and marched back to her shuttle.

"Where is he anyways?" Jayne asked. "Has it been two hours?"

"Zoe, any sign of him down near the dock?" Mal asked into the intercom.

"Negative Captain," came the response.

Mal looked at his watch. "Well, two hours should be up in about…"

"Thirty seconds?" Harry asked from behind Mal.

Mal leaped around and pointed his gun, cursing, "Wu de ma, are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

Harry stood there with a small rucksack over one shoulder. "No, not really. I just doubted you'd appreciate it if I were fashionably late."

"Gorram it all," Mal said holstering his gun. "How'd you get here anyways?"

"It's been two hours. I said I'd meet you at your ship. Is there a problem?"

Jayne just looked at Harry and was looking behind him. "Where did you come from?"

"Well, a long time ago, my mummy and my daddy were in love," Harry began.

Mal frowned harshly. "You best cut out this little cutesy act, or we'll just dump you right back out of my ship."

Harry looked Mal straight in the eye and answered seriously, "Apologies Captain, I meant no disrespect. But if we're going to be getting on together, you are going to have to accept some of my secrets are mine to keep. If that's a problem, we can part ways now, shiny all around."

"Captain," Kaylee came into the dining area. "Zoe wants to know how… well hello."

"Hi," Harry smiled and waved. "I'm Harry."

"Nice to meet you, Harry," Kaylee greeted sticking out her hand to shake.

Harry gently took hold of her hand and twisted it around, placing a kiss on the back. "Enchanté, Kaylee."

"Oh my," Kaylee gasped in delight. "That's a… err… Thanks."

Mal looked at Harry a little warily. "Now why didn't I get so fancy a greeting when we met?"

Harry inclined his head and explained. "Now that I know you're expecting me to put on the dog and pony show, I figured some gentlemanly wiles, were the only appropriate action to meeting a young beautiful woman."

Kaylee was blushing and unconsciously tucked her hair behind her ear.

Harry smirked at Mal. "Well, and I was curious to see just who would appear the most protective of the young lady. I must say, I think I thoroughly angered him." Harry said pointing to the scowling man in the doorway.

"Doc, come on down and say howdy," Mal grinned. "Harry, I'd like you to meet our resident doctor. This is Simon."

"Evening Doctor," Harry said extending a hand to shake. "Don't misinterpret my courtesy. Just trying to be friendly."

"Of course," Simon sneered and tried to viciously squeeze Harry's hand in an overly tight handshake.

Harry just smiled back and resisted the urge to squeeze back. "I'm hoping I won't be needing too much of your tender mercies, Doctor. But if you ever need a miracle, I've been known to have some luck on my side."

"Err… right," Simon weakly agreed trying to squeeze harder, frustrated at the lack of response from Harry.

Mal looked up in the doorway and grinned. "And you may remember her, but you have yet to be formerly introduced. Harry, I'd like you to meet your co-pilot-"

Harry's eyes widened as he finally remembered where he knew this girl from. "River gorram Tam!"

River frowned harshly at Harry. "That's not my middle name."

"You're smaller than I would have guessed," Harry stated warmly.

Mal looked between Harry and River. "You two know each other?"

"What is wrong with you?" River whined staring at Harry.

Harry turned to Mal with a grin. "I didn't even notice her in the bar. But just now I recognized her from an Alliance Blue Ops file I read a while back. She's rankled and peeved a few dirty roosters in the Core."

Mal's eyes widened while the doctor took a step back. "I'm a bit concerned to hear you've been reading Alliance files."

Harry furrowed his brow. "Who else you expect to keep good enough records on people?"

"What… but…" Mal stuttered.

Jayne leaned forward to ask, "You break into Alliance private files to do background checks?"

Harry waved him off. "Nothing so dramatic. But when there's an item I'm trying to locate, the legal records are often more complete than people realize. Reading River's file, on the other hand, was an aberration. Don't worry. I won't share anything in there, that's not mine to share."

River was mumbling angrily to herself, showing her displeasure plainly on her face.

Simon shook his head. "I'd be more interested in finding out what was in that file."

"Oh," Harry smiled. "Well then I can try and recreate it for you. I don't know if I'd be able to track down the original. They don't tend to keep the Blue Ops records. We should talk some time." Harry turned towards the Captain. "So Zoe, Jayne, Kaylee, Dr. Tam, River, and yourself? Is that your whole crew?"

"Oh?" Inara announced as she walked back into the dining area. "Do I not count for anything anymore?"

"Bloody hell!" Harry exclaimed in joy at the sight of Inara. He turned to Mal, "You're hosting a Companion! That's brilliant!" Harry turned to Inara, "A Companion! God bless you, girl! Let's go back to your shuttle."

Inara looked over at Mal. "Excuse me?"

"You, me, and a good old-fashioned Companion Greeting Ceremony," Harry insisted as he grabbed her hand and dragged her back towards her shuttle.

Inara gave Mal a terribly confused look while being pulled away. She pleaded to Harry, "I don't know what sort of mistaken assumption you have about Companions, but I-"

Harry rolled his eyes as he stopped and waited for her to lead the way. "Relax sweetcheeks. I only said a Companion Greeting Ceremony."

"Now hold on Harry," Mal called out chasing after the young man. "I'm not about to let you just-"

"Not to worry, Captain," Harry assured him. "You're welcome to join us. Or you can watch if you'd prefer."

"Look here, buster," Inara insisted wildly. "I'm not some two bit whore-"

Harry smiled back at her. "I should hope not. If you're worried about it, I'll pay you for your time, but most of the Companions I know, usually just give it to me for free. Although, on occasion I've been known to trade favors."

"Wait a sec," Mal said confused. "How's this free stuff work?"

"Mal!" Inara screeched.

"What?" Mal argued. "He said I could watch."

Inara's eyes just bugged out and she was doing all she could to maintain her dignity.

Harry began snickering and tried to calm the woman. "Before we get too far into a conversation that I'm beginning to think only I will truly enjoy, I believe I should point out that the Companion Greeting Ceremony is only my way to get myself a decent cuppa."

"Pardon me?" Inara asked slightly mollified and confused.

"Sweetie," Harry assured her. "You're gorgeous, don't get me wrong. But I can just imagine the holes the Captain would be staring into the back of my head at that particular thought. Honest, I'm just after your tea. The Companion controlled stuff is the best tea anywhere in all the 'verse. And that bloody Madame Trudy banned me from ever buying it in bulk off of them again."

"You know Madame Trudy?" Inara asked askance.

Harry smiled mischievously. "Oh yeah, Trudy loves to hate me. She's just bitter than I snuck a bumper sticker on her personal shuttle and she had it there for a month before she found out."

"You did what?" Mal asked. "What'd it say?"

Harry snickered, "It read My Other Ride is a Feminist. Lordy was she ticked at me. But I still have my golden star status if you wanted to run a check on me."

Mal snickered at the bumper sticker while Inara guffawed at her memory of her former House Priestess.

"What's golden star status?" Mal asked thinking about what Harry said.

Inara raised an eyebrow impressed. "It's essentially a mark indicating that Companions are to treat those people with the utmost respect. It's usually a sign when a House is indebted to a person. How a ruffian like this managed that I'd be most interested to hear."

"Well, I'm not sure that's a story that's entirely this ruffian's to tell," Harry said with a weak smile. "But I'm willing to make you an offer for some proper tea."

"If you truly have a golden star, then I'm obligated to give you the respect of the Greeting anyways," Inara stated pleasantly. "Though I'm very curious what you have to offer."

Harry lifted his hands into the air and wiggled them a little. "I've been told I give the best foot massages in the entire 'verse a few times. I've been trained in Tui Na, Zhi Ya, Lomilomi, but my specialty is Shiatsu."

Inara's eyes widened and she grabbed Harry's hand pulling him behind her. "I'll put the water on and get the tea going. You come and get comfortable."

"Yes, Ma'am," Harry cheered as he waved goodbye to Mal.

Mal sat there watching the pair of them disappear down the hall towards Inara's shuttle. He hesitated for a moment before Inara yelled out, "No, you can't watch!" Mal just rolled his eyes and walked back to the dining area.

He encountered a lively discussion between a pouting River and an amused just about everyone else.

Jayne saw a bewildered Mal returning by himself. "Where'd he go?"

"Harry and Inara are in her shuttle," Mal explained calmly. "I doubt it'll take too terribly long."

Kaylee's jaw dropped. "Captain? Are there some new rules about crew…?"

Mal shook his head. "He just wanted tea."

"No A?" Jayne asked in shock.

Simon just stared at Jayne, curious how he could be so crude.

"Don't look at me like that!" Jayne snapped. "It's hard to enjoy the T without a piece of A!"

Mal rolled his eyes. "Tea, Jayne. T-E-A, as in the beverage." Mal scratched his head. "Harry is a… peculiar fellow alright."

"Simon, Kaylee," Mal asked. "You just got your first introduction. What'd you think of him?"

"Kindly," Kaylee smiled and saw her boyfriend scowling. "Not as proper as Simon, of course. But it's kind of fun to see River's feathers this ruffled."

Simon's irritation went away as his sister frowned harshly. "That's true. That is fun."

River stared at her brother. "Do you have any idea how many secrets I could tell Kaylee about you?"

Simon clamped his hands over Kaylee's ears and addressed his sister. "Give Harry a try. At least let's get him to pull that file and see if maybe we can discover more about what they did to you." He narrowed his eyes and whispered harshly, "And don't you dare tell Kaylee anything!"

River pouted at the unfairness of it all.

Zoe entered the dining area. "Alright, I took us up out of atmo. We're just floating in the black right now. So what now? Are we waiting for River to kill him with her brain?"

"I knew you could do that!" Jayne snapped as he stood up and backed away from River.

River frowned. "It's like he's not even there. Like he doesn't exist or he's already dead."

Harry chose that moment to reappear carrying a large mug of the tea he'd been craving. "Maybe I am dead." Harry set his mug down and lifted his arms out in front of him. He tilted his head to the side and let his tongue hang out of his mouth. "Maybe I'm a zombie." He began to moan and slowly limped his way towards River, who just kept staring and staring at him. As soon as Harry got a little too close for her comfort, she shrieked and ran away insisting, "He's really dead! He's really dead!"

Everyone else was just watching Harry oddly. He stopped his zombie maneuvering and shrugged. "What?" He rolled his eyes. "I'm not really dead. Sheesh." Harry walked over and grabbed his mug, sipping happily.

"Where's Inara?" Mal asked, looking back the way Harry came from.

Harry paused and looked at Mal oddly, before slapping his forehead. "Oh sorry. I just realized I never even got her name." Harry looked thoughtful and impressed.

Jayne smirked at the doctor. "It is easier that way."

Harry ignored Jayne and explained, "She wanted to call in and see what dirty little secrets the rest of the registry has to say about me. I'm not sure she believes me about my status."

"Would you mind telling me," Mal asked as he settled himself into a chair, "just why it is that your co-pilot seems to dislike you so much?"

Harry frowned. "I'll admit I rub some people the wrong way, but usually that's only when I want to. Dunno why she would dislike me, but I can tell you why she would be frustrated and think I'm dead."

Mal nodded waiting for an answer.

"It's because she's a reader," Harry stated as though it explained everything.

Simon looked over at Zoe and Mal. He asked, "I'm not sure I follow on how that affects you."

Harry shrugged. "Like I said, my secrets are mine to keep. That's why I won't let her read me. It's just easier for all of us this way."

"You can… stop it?" Jayne asked hopefully.

Harry nodded. "I can. But most people wouldn't be capable even if they knew how."

"Just what are we talking about here?" Mal asked curiously.

Harry was nursing and delighting in his tea. "Reading or scanning, depending on who you're talking to, is sort of like a sixth sense where you can pick up thoughts, feelings, or even information that others have in the forefront of your mind. I don't allow any of those things out, so when River is unconsciously using her gift, it's a sense, or even an instinct, that she trusts, telling her I'm not there. Or not thinking, feeling, or existing. It'd be like if your ears could hear the train in front of you, you feel the wind as it's passing, your nose could smell the heat coming off the rails, but your eyes see nothing at all on the track in front of you."

"And you know how to hide yourself from that sense?" Zoe asked moving to a seat by the Captain.

Harry nodded. "I do. A few of the readers I've come across get a bit annoyed and petulant as they seem to think they're entitled to that information, simply because so few are capable of denying it. At least until I win them over with my charming personality." Harry grinned widely and nodded with certainty.

"Camille," Inara greeted happily over the video link. "It has been too long. How are you?"

"Inara!" the woman identified as Camille on the other end squealed happily. "It's great to hear from you! You shouldn't be such a stranger."

"Yes well, my life has been known to be busy…"

"And complicated," Camille smirked at her knowingly.

"And complicated," Inara admitted. "How are things around the House these days?"

Camille shook her head. "Can't complain. Though you're beginning to gain a reputation. Have you entertained thoughts about returning? I'm certain Madame Trudy would welcome you."

"No, nothing like that," Inara warmly replied. "I'm quite happy where I am, getting to see the far reaches of the universe rather than stationed and chained to a location."

"Of course," Camille said with a cheerful roll of her eyes. "Your penchant for always romanticizing the unknown. How is Captain Unknown these days?"

Inara just sighed and dropped her head. "Don't you girls have something better to gossip and make up stories about?"

"Better? Maybe," Camille agreed. "But probably not near as much fun."

Inara shook her head ruefully. "I actually wanted to inquire about a young man who may be joining the crew here where I rent my shuttle. He claimed to have golden star status and I was unable to read anything but truth behind his words."

"Golden star?" Camille asked doubtfully. "That's a short list with only three names, Inara, and unless you… wait! Shun-sheng duh gao-wahn! Have you got Harry on your ship?"

Inara slapped her hand to her mouth impressed at Camille's choice of phrases. "Good heavens, Camille! Yes, Harry is his name. You know him?"

Camille smiled brightly, "Harry? Are you kidding? Don't you dare tell him, but every time that boy touches my feet, I get multiple orgasms."

Inara couldn't keep the rosy pink color out of her cheeks.

"Oh Inara!" Camille cheered happily. "Don't let on to that boy what he's really doing. I doubt he realizes just how unique his foot massages are. And yeah, I know him."

Inara ignored the implications. "Yes well… so it's true he has golden star status?"

Camille nodded. "Yup, though he couldn't care less. He was more crushed when Trudy stopped all the girls from selling him tea."

"I sense there's more to that story than what I've heard so far from Harry," Inara grinned.

Camille chuckled. "Harry made that little metallic magnet thing stick to the back of her shuttle. He called it a bumper sticker. The way Trudy always docked it and never walked around, she had no idea it was there. Until it was pointed out to her," Camille grinned deviously, "by her Great Aunt."

"Oh dear," Inara smiled at her friend's joy.

Camille nodded, "Her Great Aunt, the High Court Justice of the Peace."

"Oh my," Inara smiled a little wider.

Camille nodded, "Her Great Aunt, who also happens to be a self-proclaimed feminist, and likely may have been born without a sense of humor."

Inara was just laughing now imagining it.

"Trudy's certain Harry somehow planned it to be discovered then." Camille explained. "It was when she was going before the High Court to try and get access to Alliance records for our client files."

Inara was shaking her head in mirth.

"She eventually got the access," Camille explained. "But she won't say what her Great Aunt did or said to her. I think I like imagining that conversation more than actually knowing it."

"That's horrible," Inara agreed with a smile she couldn't resist.

Camille nodded. "Madame Trudy then expressed her displeasure with Harry in a manner unbecoming of a Companion, in front of nearly the entire House. Needless to say, Harry was to blame for that too."

Inara was wiping her eyes remembering the sisterhood and bonds of her old House Madrassa. "That would explain why he said 'Madame Trudy loves to hate me.' But I'm still curious how he got golden star status. Do you know? Or is it a private matter I'm not to inquire about?"

Camille's smile faltered and she bit her lip. After a moment's pause, "Alright, but you're not supposed to tell anyone this."

Inara silently thanked the unquenchable urge to gossip every Companion kept inside.

"It was probably a year and a half ago. Harry used to drop by for the tea and soothe us with his special brand of foot massage," Camille explained while stealthily looking from side to side. "Anyways, these twenty masked and armed guys came rushing in. They punched and knocked out Sylvie right away. Probably half of them had proper weapons, and the other half had the old bullet firing guns you see most on the border planets. They ordered everyone down on the floor, as they had come to rob the place and more than likely steal a few girls. Trudy just stood there wondering where the hell the Alliance was. She was doing her best to stall for time and keep anyone from getting hurt. It was right at that moment that Harry just happened to walk into the House. He ran right over to Sylvie to check on her and one of the thieves put a gun to the back of Harry's head."

Camille seemed a bit distraught remembering this. "Harry just turned around, and I have never seen anyone look as scary as he did right then. No one's really sure exactly what happened next as it turned into complete bedlam. It started when Harry smashed that guy's gun right back into his own face, faster than the guy could even pull the trigger. Then he just started knocking out the rest of them, using the gun to shoot them all in legs and knees. I remember a couple he just smacked on the temple with the butt of the gun and they just crumpled to the ground unconscious. I could've sworn shots were fired at us, but it's like there was an invisible barrier or something. I don't know. Literally, it was only a few seconds before all of the robbers were down and out. Harry looked around at all the unconscious men with this fierce, determined look that seemed completely out of place on him. He turned to Trudy and asked, 'Where the hell are the gorram feds?' Trudy just shook her head and explained that she'd triggered the alarm several minutes ago and they should have been here. Harry's eye's just widened and he whispered 'House Rosmerta.' Next thing we see is Trudy's shuttle taking off like a bat out of hell."

Inara looked a bit skeptical and was about to open her mouth when Camille raised a hand to stop her. Camille paused and took a breath. "Now, this is all second-hand from a friend of mine in House Rosmerta, but Justine said Harry somehow appeared out of nowhere while Madame Joceyln was being questioned by the Alliance. Justine says he was sort of… glowing, and he looked furious. There were three downed robbers there, covered with bloodstained bed sheets. Jocelyn just took one look at Harry, and through her tears, told him 'They took Caitlyn.' He asked how many and she replied 'seven,' pointing off the direction they went. Justine could only sit there staring at Harry, dumbstruck at how powerful he seemed at that moment. And she is convinced he moved so fast it looked like he disappeared. Not twenty minutes later, while Jocelyn was still being interviewed by the same fed, Harry's back carrying Caitlyn in. According to Justine, when Caitlyn left, her sash was bloody, and everyone had heard or saw her arm break. Now here she was, less than a half hour had passed, and she was clean, healthy – no broken bones, and unconscious. Caitlyn didn't remember anything past when she was thrown into the back of some shuttle. After Harry set her down on a bed, he left again, and came back in, physically dragging the seven full grown unconscious men who'd taken her."

Camille smiled in remembrance. "And here was Justine's favorite part: all of sudden Harry looked worried and gulped out, 'I err… just remembered something. I've… gotta go.' Madame Jocelyn called after Harry as he began to run away, asking him to wait and explain. He yelled back, 'Sorry, but I remembered that I just stole Madame Trudy's shuttle. And I don't want her to cut off my tea!' He then jumped into the shuttle and took off before anyone could say anything." Camille had fallen into giggles after pretending to imitate Harry's call.

Inara looked at Camille doubtfully. "You're telling me he beat twenty some odd men into unconsciousness, saved Caitlyn, healed her miraculously, and was worried about tea?"

Camille nodded. "It's nice to meet a guy with priorities."

Inara choked out a small laugh.

"Well, alright maybe his priorities aren't in the best of orders," Camille argued, "But still. Word got around and that's how Trudy knew how to strike back at him for the bumper sticker."

Inara realized her friend was being completely serious both in the story she just told and now. "Didn't you find it… curious… at how that sequence of events unfolded and how convenient Harry's assistance was? A sort of thief hero among thieves?"

Camille shrugged. "You probably had to see it to believe it. But unless Harry convinced thirty of his friends to take life sentences in prison, a few to never walk again, and not a single one to turn on him… Once you get to know Harry better, you'll understand."

Inara furrowed her brow. "What do you mean?"

Camille smirked victoriously. "I guess you could say the peculiar is quite ordinary when Harry's around."

Inara nodded. "If that's true then he'll fit right in around here."

Camille shook her head with a smile. "I'm so jealous of you, right now. But at least knowing Harry's out there in space with you, we'll have something to gossip about."

Inara sighed. "Oh Camille, you're incorrigible."

"Don't be such a stranger," Camille pleaded. "Or else the next time I see Harry, I'll only hear the juicy stories from his point of view. Keep me updated on what's really going on, would you?"

Inara nodded. "I will. It was good to hear from you. Give everyone my best."

"Be good, Inara," Camille said with a smile as she closed the connection from her side.

Inara sighed quietly to herself. "Why does being good always feel like the wrong thing?"