Disclaimer: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER SEVEN – A History Lesson

As you may know, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has now been closed for three years. And it is my fear that this may be the final revision to Hogwarts, A History for the near future, potentially ever.

For those of you refusing to leave, intent on staying behind, I implore you to reconsider. Exodus for Existence is not some muggleborn conspiracy campaign. The planet Earth is degrading rapidly. Our natural resources have been drying up for centuries and our very atmosphere is crumbling. The planet will not be able to sustain life for much longer. This isn't a question of sustaining life 'as we know it.' Life 'as we know it' has changed drastically just within the last half century. Over a dozen species of magical creatures have already gone extinct, as have more than twice as many non-magical species. We, the human race, have adapted to the best our ability. The best muggle and magical minds have been working hand in hand trying to determine a method to save our world. Every remotely reasonable and many unreasonable options have been attempted. They've all failed. Life will go on. We will survive. But we won't survive on this planet.

I applaud all the people that have accepted this fact and prepared accordingly. Gigantic interstellar ships have been built and there will be muggle helmed metroships continuing to evacuate the planet for the next three years. I have already booked my extended family for the final magic-only ship leaving in February of next year. If you evacuate on a mixed ship of muggles and wizards, you must retain the Statute of Secrecy. Every mixed ship will have a fully sanctioned squadron of Aurors enforcing our internationally approved laws.

The wizarding world will continue on. There's been some discussion for exclusively magical planets whose existence we can keep secret. The voyage to our new homes will take upwards of fifty years. There will undoubtedly be a transition period, but life will continue. Do not condemn your friends and family by clinging to the belief that we can save Earth once the muggles are gone. Many magical races have chosen death over relocation. I implore you all to not make the same mistake.

Sincerely,

Harry Fullerton, Order of Merlin First Class
Headmaster of Hogwarts (2164-2190)
Ambassador and Lord over Castle Hogwarts
March 6, 2193

Harry set the book down and looked up in horror. "Why the bloody hell didn't they wake me?" Harry's mind was shattered and confused. The wizards and witches apparently did leave the Earth, and it really was as bad as it sounded. Harry wasn't a boastful man. He didn't possess an over-inflated sense of self-worth. But he couldn't help himself from wondering if he could have made a difference, if he might have been able to do something more.

Harry had remembered the environmental extremists that had become more prevalent in his last couple decades with his wife. On her urging, they had donated to more charities than he could even name. But until two years ago, he never would have imagined that it could have gotten so bad, especially so quickly.

And now, he was right back where'd he been for the past two years: alone in a new solar system, with all signs pointing towards the fact that there were no other wizards or witches left in the universe. He'd been searching for answers to all the questions that continued to plague him. He'd been searching for everything magical he could. Every wand he located, every magical artifact he could find, and in particular every book he came across, was a priceless treasure and a small piece of the puzzle that Harry was still trying to fit together.

It sounded to Harry as though the majority of the wizarding world left Earth with the muggles. And every piece of evidence Harry could find indicated they never arrived in the new solar system. But he knew that wasn't right. The Weasleys, or more accurately, the Weatherbys existed as muggles among muggles. He wouldn't be here if they hadn't.

Harry looked over the introduction letter again and slammed the book closed in frustration. "It just doesn't make sense!"

Harry was lost in his thoughts again when his perimeter ward was tripped. He hurriedly canceled the reverse silencing charm on River and stuffed Hogwarts, A History out of sight. Harry looked up as Jayne quietly stuck his head through the door. "You're up late," Harry said with a smile.

Jayne grunted. "Couldn't sleep."

Harry raised an eyebrow, "We gotta be quiet for sleeping beauty over there, but you're welcome to join me."

Jayne saw River resting peacefully and sat himself down in the co-pilot's chair. "You can't leave her side, can you?"

Harry shrugged. "I could, but she'd probably start having nightmares, wake up in a cold sweat, and be really angry with me."

"Yeah," Jayne admitted with a shake of his head. "She's had some bad ones."

"You watch her sleep often?" Harry inquired accusingly.

Jayne snapped up to look at Harry. "What? Oh no… me and her? No, not that. Though come to think of it, I wouldn't be terribly opposed to the idea. She's just woken me up with her screaming to high hell a few times. And let's just say I ain't exactly easily awoken. So this prolly ain't the same as the nightmares you and me get."

Harry wondered how some of the nightmares of his youth would measure up but elected to only nod. He had a pretty good idea why Jayne was here and didn't feel like jumping into that conversation just yet. He took advantage of the brief silence and asked, "Mind if I ask you a question?"

"Is it about that rutting statue?" Jayne asked distastefully.

Harry laughed softly and shook his head. "No. If you're anything like I expect, you probably hate that statue as much as I would hate statues of me."

Jayne examined Harry curiously, thinking that was a particularly odd way of looking at it but agreeing.

"No," Harry continued. "I was curious why everyone freaked out about my name. Because I'm usually pretty good at squelching the Ministry bulletins and I wouldn't think you'd have come across it before."

"Oh that," Jayne snickered. "Yeah, you wouldn't know it but a couple years back just before the gos se hit the fan, we were in a bar when little bit over there whispered out the name 'Miranda' and then went freaktastic on everyone. Totally trashed the bar, like some super soldier, kicking everyone's butt. No one could stop her."

"Jayne," Harry said in a disappointed tone of voice. "Did you get beat up by a girl?"

"Who told you that?" Jayne demanded loudly.

"Shh," Harry snickered and hushed with his finger on his lips.

River moaned a slight sound in her sleep and rolled back over.

"I was just kidding," Harry whispered. "Though I think I may have touched a nerve."

"Yeah, well," Jayne paused for just a moment. "We followed up on the name Miranda and that didn't exactly turn out so hot to say the least. Lost Wash, they razed Shepherd Book's entire village to the ground, killing little kids, Book, and everyone else. They killed Mr. Universe. Course we find out it's just a massive cover-up and Mal has to go do the hero thing. Didn't even make a gorram dime. Bout as humped as you can get. So anyway, about a week or so before we hooked up with you, she broke out the freaktastic routine again. Just kind of stopped what was she was doing, stared off into space and yelped out the name 'Potter.' Then she turned to Mal and the others and began screaming the name 'Potter! Potter!' over and over again as she ran from the room."

"Oh," Harry admitted not liking the sound of that.

Jayne bobbed his head from side to side and added, "It didn't really help none, that when she stopped what she was doing and ran from the room, she'd been in the middle of landing on Paquin."

Harry snickered quietly and looked over at River again. "Yeah, I can see why you felt the need to hire another pilot."

Jayne nodded and explained, "And that's why we agreed to avoid anything and everything to do with the name Potter. I suppose it's Mal's typical luck that we'd already hired you before we got your name. Certainly makes us less inclined to want to know what you're hiding, especially if it involves a government cover-up and massive history shaking secrets."

Harry couldn't take the painful irony of Jayne's words and snorted out his laughter louder than he'd wanted to.

"Shee-niou," Jayne cursed softly seeing Harry all atwitter. "I don't wanna know, Harry. I really don't."

Harry just waved him off unable to contain his laughter. He restrained himself as soon as River began to moan loudly in her sleep. Harry quickly hushed Jayne again, despite the fact that Harry had been the one making noise this time. Both Harry and Jayne paused and looked at each other in silence when River purred happily in her sleep, "Mmmm, Harry."

This time the roles were reversed as Jayne was snickering and twittering while Harry responded by paling in embarrassment.

"Mmmm," Jayne purred quietly.

Harry's eyes widened and scolded in a whisper, "Stop it!"

"Hmmm?" Jayne mockingly hummed back.

Harry frowned harshly. "I'm sure it's not what it sounds like. It's probably just the muting I'm giving her reading senses. You remember how good that makes her feel."

Jayne was watching Harry curiously and asked, "Are you trying to defend someone else's wet dreams? Because I know your common sense is floating out there in the black and all, but most of the time someone else's secret dirty desires don't exactly fall under your jurisdiction."

Harry stopped and wondered why he was so defensive there, because it wasn't his problem. But it was funny. Harry began to chuckle quietly, only to be interrupted by River rolling back over to sleep and murmuring out, "Me hate you long time."

Jayne tried to cover his mouth but couldn't keep himself from snorting. He jumped up from the co-pilot's chair, and as quickly and quietly as he could, hurried away from the bridge while Harry just reddened in embarrassment again. A few seconds later, loud braying laughter could be heard echoing in the distance. Harry shook his head helplessly, fearful of River's wrath when Jayne undoubtedly brought the subject up later.

After a few moments of quiet pondering, Harry dug out his book once more and flipped back the appendices. He was looking through all the Headmasters and was briefly reminded of his own foray into the position. He saw they still had given him over a page towards his life's biography. A few mentions of his wife and her passing made Harry skip to the end.

Former Headmaster Potter was last seen in public in 2132 when he attended the funeral for the son, Simon Miller, of his deceased goddaughter, Eliza Weasley. There has never been any conclusive evidence that he has passed away. His well-known dislike for public interest in his private affairs leads credence to the idea that he has merely become more reclusive and has been avoiding the limelight. He has no known familial ties, and his family fortune is still believed to be held in trust, further indicating that he is alive, most likely retired, and enjoying the peaceful solitude he could never find under the scrutiny of the public eye.

"Hmm," Harry considered. "That's a pretty reasonable summation actually." Harry thought they may have been over-exaggerating his dislike for the press, but he liked that idea better than the alternative. He flipped forward a few pages and found the entry he'd been hoping to locate.

Harry Edward Fullerton (2097- ?)
Headmaster of Hogwarts 2164-2190
Slytherin, Class of 2115

Headmaster Harry Fullerton, like his namesake the former Headmaster Potter, was one of the youngest wizards of the modern age to take on the position. Fullerton served as Deputy for only seven years before Headmistress Rebecca Gordon retired leaving the position to her former research partner.

Before beginning at Hogwarts, Fullerton worked hand in hand with the muggle scientist Doctor Gregory Holmes, unraveling and finally putting an end to the continuous feud over blood's affect on magical ability. Discovering the dominant and recessive genes determining the ability to access internal magic has made it possible to tell as early as the first trimester whether a child will be magical or not. The science of magic has explained the reasoning for squibs to be born to people of magical descent and how recessive-gene carrying muggles can give birth to magical children. His work encountered much resistance from the few remaining so-called pureblood families, but his findings have been widely accepted and were incorporated into Hogwarts curriculum when he became Deputy Headmaster in 2157.

Fullerton was awarded the Order of Merlin First Class for his research and willingness to discover the truth behind what makes us magical. While the science proving how wizards and witches use magic and just what magic is, has yet to be have any conclusive proof, his willingness to use muggle methods and means has determined exactly who is magical and why. Fullerton's primary muggle partner, Dr. Holmes became the first muggle to be awarded and recognized for achievement in a magical field. Further inquiries and experimentation on magical people and their genes came from the inclusion of Headmistress Gordon into the project, a project she took a great interest in as one of the first muggleborn females to become Headmaster of Hogwarts.

History may eventually remember Fullerton best as the Headmaster who closed Hogwarts' doors. The number of students attending nearly halved each year from 2187 to 2190, as civilization has been forced to abandon and evacuate our rapidly deteriorating planet. Fullerton has dedicated the last three years, spending a large majority of Hogwarts funds working with the goblins and many of the best ward specialists in the world, to creating the strongest and most self-sufficient wards they can manage. The library alone has as many protections as the highest security vaults in Gringotts.

The future of Hogwarts is uncertain, but Headmaster Fullerton has done everything in his power to protect the history and prestige of this glorious castle and fine institution.

"Reading, eh?" Jayne said from behind Harry scaring him into action.

Harry quickly shut the book and turned around with his hand raised, aimed towards Jayne.

Jayne just looked at him oddly and high-fived Harry's open palm. "Good work, Harry."

"Sorry," Harry sheepishly said as he tried to subtly put the book away. "You just startled me."

Jayne smirked. "All the more reason not to read."

Harry chuckled. "Good point. So what're you doing still up?"

Jayne shrugged. "Same reason I couldn't sleep earlier."

Harry rolled his eyes. "They won't work for you, Jayne. I assure you. They're not even as fun as you're imagining."

"Can't I just see them?" Jayne whined. "See you fire one?"

Harry glanced over at the sleeping River. "This is bothering you enough that you can't sleep?"

"If I say yes will you show me?" Jayne impatiently answered.

Harry smirked. "I'll help you out by demonstrating its ability to painlessly stun you."

"Really?" Jayne smiled. "This ain't going to mess up my brain any, is it?"

Harry glanced over at River again and slowly pulled up his right sleeve revealing what appeared to be a smooth metallic fancy technological gauntlet of sorts.

"Whoa," Jayne breathed out in awe at the sight.

Jayne took a step forward and Harry held up a finger to stop him. "Ah-ah, no touching." Harry grinned and rubbed the glamour hidden wand strapped to his forearm. "Just watch."

Jayne just nodded dumbly with a big smile, while Harry quietly whispered "Stupefy." Jayne's eyes widened in joy to see the red light zoom from the base of Harry's palm and slam into his midsection.

Harry watched Jayne happily take the stunner to the belly before collapsing limply on the floor. Harry shook his head with a chuckle.

"Should help him with his sleeping," River stated sitting up completely awake.

Harry turned and saw River looking at him curiously. He was a bit nervous and stuttered slightly explaining, "Sorry. Didn't realize you were awake."

"Did it hurt him?" River asked Harry looking at the uncomfortable position Jayne was in.

Harry shook his head. "Nope. It's just like flipping a light switch turning him off."

"Darn." River admitted calmly.

Harry looked at her curiously.

River shrugged. "I'm going back to sleep. Good night." She stated plainly and just fell straight over, asleep before she hit the pillow.

Harry considered waking Jayne but quickly dismissed that idea. Instead he simply dragged Jayne across the floor, and sat him into the co-pilot's chair. "That should be a little more comfortable than waking up, cramped on the floor."

Serenity landed safely at the Eavesdown docks. Inara left in a distinctly sour mood, thanks in no large part to the Captain. Jayne had money and a libido. And that pretty much cemented his immediate future plans. Mal and Zoe were going to go digging around a few places and see what sort of work there was to be done.

Apparently there'd been a few robberies in the area, and Mal didn't want to leave the ship unmanned. So Kaylee, Simon, River, and Harry were all sitting on the lip of the half-open cargo bay doors, dangling their feet over the edge, watching all the people walk by.

"Everyone's got so much purpose," Kaylee observed and grinned. "So much to do. It's like watching an ant colony carrying the stuff around, building a home for their queen."

Simon frowned a little. "When I look at throngs of people like this, they just look rude to me."

"They all think what they're doing is the most important thing," River replied somewhere in the realm of cynically ethereal. "But none of it really matters."

Harry looked at the bustling masses in front of him. "I just like to picture them all naked."

Kaylee, Simon, and River all leaned forward and looked to their left at Harry a bit oddly.

"I mean take that large man over there," Harry pointed. "He's got an obviously heavy box on his shoulder. And he's forced to lean forward. Do you think that girl behind him would be giggling so much if he was hunched over like that naked?"

Simon had to close his eyes, while even River was looking at Harry curiously.

"Probably not," Harry continued oblivious to his fellow crew members' discomfort. "Because you know that's the sort of person with a really hairy back. And bending forward only adds to the view of his vertical horizon. But the girl's so happy and laughing, that I can't help but wonder, what kind of twisted, deviant pervert is she, you know?"

Kaylee swallowed the lump in her throat and said. "I suppose the ants I pictured were naked."

Simon turned towards Harry, "Do you picture us naked too?"

Harry turned back towards Simon. "Are you sure you want to know the answer to that?"

Simon looked away and back at the crowds in front of them. "No. You're right. I don't."

"Just checking," Harry replied cheekily. "And to answer your question, no, I don't. I've just never liked large crowds or groups of people. I had to give a speech this one time and a friend told me it helps to picture them naked. And she was right. I was surprisingly more relaxed imagining a whole sea of bare breasts that I was talking to, rather than just people staring at me, hanging on my every word. Now it's just a habit that when there's enough people around, I undress them all with my eyes."

"And you're first drawn to the large, sweaty men with hairy backs?" Simon clarified.

Harry nodded while scanning through the crowd, half-heartedly hoping for any sign of a wizard or witch. "It's kind of hard to miss them, when they're naked."

"That is true," Kaylee admitted. "Though it feels kinda like you're… violating them."

"Nah," Harry shook his head. "What's in your own head is your business. Were I to draw you a picture of it, describe it in detail, or say, write a limerick about it. That could be crude or unfair to their privacy. But my eyes, my head, my business." Harry turned to Kaylee and asked, "You really think Jayne hasn't pictured you naked?"

Kaylee sighed. "I'm not sure I want to think about that."

"Harry," Simon pleaded. "I'm going to kindly ask that you not ever mention anyone ever picturing my girlfriend naked. Or my sister. Your head, your business. Your mouth near my ear is not necessarily just your business."

River frowned and asked her brother, "Were you trying to make me picture Harry's mouth doing it's business in your ear? Because if you were, it worked magnificently."

Simon winced and just said, "Maybe we should enjoy the day in silence."

Harry turned to River and asked, "Are you scared of me?"

River shook her head with neither a smile nor a frown.

"See, Doc?" Harry explained. "We'll be fine here. Why don't you take your sweetheart there, who I'm not in the slightest picturing naked at the moment, and buy her a new dress? Me and River can watch all the rude ants and their meaningless naked lives. You two go do a little shopping."

Kaylee jumped right down from her ledge onto the ground. "I'm sold. Simon?"

Simon turned to his sister. "You sure you're going to be okay?"

River rolled her eyes and slapped her brother on the shoulder. "I'm fine. Go."

It was a touch harder than Simon was expecting and he fell forward off the ledge crashing to the dusty ground face first.

River yelped and covered her mouth. "Oh Simon! I'm sorry! I didn't mean… I mean… it's just…"

Simon stood up dusting himself off. "It's okay, River." Simon smiled up at his sister. "Just save those painful, embarrassing shoves for Harry, if you don't mind please?"

River flashed him a big thumbs up. "You got it!"

"Have a good time you crazy kids, you!" Harry called out waving to an even bubblier than usual Kaylee.

"You better bring her back by dark, or it's on your head, Mister!" River said shaking her finger at her brother.

Simon pulled his girlfriend close and waved goodbye to the odd pair sitting on the ledge of the ship. He asked Kaylee, "We were worried about River's instability and that's who we added to help out? Why does no one else see this?"

Harry heard the Doctor's comment and was just chuckling. "Those two look pretty cute together."

River nodded. "Before Kaylee, I was worried the stick was becoming permanent."

"Excuse me?" Harry asked curiously.

"The stick up my brother's ass," River explained. "It was made of my guilt."

Harry nodded. "Ahh. That's right. He gave up his career to break you out. You know you shouldn't feel guilty over things beyond your control. I'm not saying you won't, just that you shouldn't."

"Mmm," River pondered saying nothing.

Harry continued. "Let's posit the other side of that coin. He never breaks you out. And you're still there. How guilty do you think that would make him feel?"

"He wouldn't be Simon if he hadn't broken me out."

"True. But hypothetically, he doesn't. Would you want him to feel guilty for not giving up his career and everything he worked for in exchange for life as a fugitive with no money nor future?"

"Yes."

Harry chuckled. "Okay, what about this. Do you think he wants you to feel guilty about it?"

"Probably."

"Really?"

River shrugged.

Harry rolled his eyes. "You don't have to disagree with me on principle."

"And you don't have to try and teach me how to feel."

Harry sighed. "Fair enough. I've just shouldered more than my fair share of guilt. And an awful lot of it, I eventually learned wasn't mine to carry."

River turned towards Harry and patronizingly asked, "Do I look torn up about it?"

Harry smiled weakly. "Don't forget I'm not just looking at you with my eyes."

River sighed and looked down. "That's cheating."

Harry agreed. "Yup, it is. But so is what you do, you just can't control it."

River said nothing and just sat there quietly. She slowly looked up at Harry and then back at the crowds. "So what are you looking for?"

"I thought you already knew that," Harry answered turning towards River.

"No no, not your quest for knowledge," River continued. "I mean the way you're looking through these people. Did you lose someone?"

"In a way, you could say that."

"So let me help you. What are we looking for?"

Harry sighed sadly. He gave it a moment's thought and suggested, "People like me."

River looked across the crowds. "Isn't that sort of like looking for a needle in giant anti-needle room?"

Harry chuckled at River's occasional gift for language.

River pointed emphatically. "Ooh, fat, sweaty guy with a hairy back! Is that what you meant?"

Harry shook his head. "Naw… just let me know if you ever see anyone who jumps out at you as weird, odd, or a bit different. A man in a purple dress with yellow stars and blue moons on it would count as pretty odd."

River looked at Harry. "I think Jayne might have been going to find a man in a dress."

Harry laughed out loud. "For Jayne's sake, I'm going to hope not."

River nodded resolutely. "For the man in a dress's sake, I will too."

The odd pair lapsed into moments of companionable silence, intermixed with games making up histories of the people all around them. They continued uninterrupted until they spotted the Captain and Zoe headed their way carrying some large packages.

Harry hopped down, "Let me help you with those, Captain."

"Thank you, Harry," Mal said handing off one of the two crates he was carrying. "Be careful with that one. Got us some eggs."

"So what's the good word?" Harry asked while River lowered the cargo bay doors all the way so they could walk up. "Got us some fun thieving to be done?"

Mal winced a bit and looked around. "I wish you would speak a little quieter there, Harry."

Harry looked at all the people paying no attention to them. "Don't worry. Anyone hears something they ain't supposed to, I'll cut them from shoulder to shin and feed their eyeballs to River."

River smiled deviously. "I like 'em crunchy."

Zoe was laughing while Mal didn't seem particularly amused. Mal shook his head as they brought their purchases back into Serenity. "Must you corrupt our poor sweet little girl, Harry?"

"I don't have to, I guess," Harry mock sighed. "But it's just so much fun sometimes."

"I can imagine," Mal said setting his crate down in the dining area. "And to answer your question, no, we haven't got anything lined up yet."

Zoe frowned and explained. "From the sound of it, just about everything around these parts has been going through Badger."

"I don't particularly care to deal with him, if we can help it," Mal stated bluntly.

"Badger?" Harry asked. "Don't think I've ever had the pleasure of meeting him, but I've heard of him. Not a terribly friendly, bloke?"

Zoe shook her head. "I doubt anyone's had pleasure meeting him, but there are worse men out there."

"There are a lot better ones too," Mal argued. "And we've just got ourselves a fine score. We ain't hard up for asking him for work." Mal sighed and admitted, "Not yet at least."

"River?" Harry asked curiously.

River shook her head. "He's not very nice, nor is he as bad as he thinks he is. Stroke his ego, and he'll play."

Harry nodded. "Well, if there ain't work to be done, I'd say we make some of our own then."

"You got something in mind?" Zoe asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nope," Harry shook his head. "But I'm sure we can find someone with something they really don't deserve."

Mal hesitantly chose not to shoot that idea down immediately. "Well, you think something good up, you let us know. Meanwhile, we got a good week or so to kill around here and keep looking. Where's Kaylee and Doc?"

"Getting Kaylee a new dress, I should hope," Harry replied. "Maybe they're going to dinner someplace nice too, but I doubt they'll be gone too long."

"What about you two? Going stir crazy here?" Mal asked.

"River?" Harry asked with a big smile.

River rolled her eyes. "Fine. Let's go look at all your little knick-knack shops."

"Zoe, Captain?" Harry inquired. "I know you want someone to stay with the ship at all times, but would either of you like to join us?"

Zoe looked at the Captain who nodded immediately and waved her on, "Go on. I'll be fine. Keep these two young hooligans out of trouble."

"I will, Captain," Harry snapped off a salute. "You have my word."

Mal saw the look Zoe made and ordered with a smile, "And no shooting Harry! I called first dibs on that."

"Very well, sir," Zoe grudgingly replied as she headed back off the ship.

Harry hurried after her and River followed right behind Harry. Harry slung one arm around River's shoulders and the other around Zoe's. "So where to, my beautiful-"

"Harry," Zoe dangerously warned. "You're going to want to move your arm before I break it."

Harry pulled back quickly as if burned. "Sorry. Didn't mean nothing by it. River, do you mind-" Harry stopped with the cold look in River's eyes. "Sheesh. Did I miss out on our frigid bitch pills this morning?"

Zoe stopped and looked about a second from violating the Captain's orders.

"Whoa! Whoa!" Harry began waving his arms trying to calm the angry woman. "Look Zoe, I'm sorry if I'm aggravating your mood. I'll stop. But you should have fought the Captain a little more if you really didn't want to chaperone us. I've accepted that I can't even go to the bathroom until I've cleared it with my Parole Tam, but I'd like to think you don't have to be continuously watching my every move."

Zoe still looked like she was weighing whether to hurt Harry or not in her mind. Finally she relaxed and sighed. "I'm sorry, Harry. It's just… not a good day for me."

River seemed to sag as she caught something Harry didn't. Harry offered, "Listen, how about this? You don't know me, you don't trust me. You and River walk wherever you want or need. I'll just follow about ten feet behind. River will know if I'm not there, but this way you can pretend I'm not even here and say whatever horrible things you need to say to River. Or cry on her shoulder or whatever it is you two do."

Zoe stared at Harry wordlessly for a few moments before finally asking, "You don't care where we go? You're just going to follow us?"

Harry nodded eagerly. "It's all up to you two. I'm at your mercy here."

River smirked victoriously and elbowed Zoe. "See? I told you it would be that easy."

Zoe's entire demeanor changed and she smiled at River. "Forgive me for ever doubting you. Now on my way earlier, I saw a skirt that would look adorable on you." Zoe and River happily turned away from Harry and began to slowly walk towards a few women's boutique shops.

Harry's jaw just dropped as he realized he'd been had. He shook his head in frustration as he followed the two women, "Oh gorramit."