Disclaimer: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER EIGHT – Windmills of Her Mind

"Have a good time shopping, Harry?" Mal asked with a grin.

Harry was following Zoe and River, who were still chatting like school girls. "You looking to get added to my list, Captain?"

Mal shook his head unable to stop smiling. "Gosh golly no. I had nothing to do with your shopping trip. It just looks like only about two-thirds of you had a good time."

River smiled and curtsied. "No Captain, we both did."

Zoe looked over at Harry and almost pitied him. She had thought it curious when River asked for her help while Harry was asleep. She certainly had gotten closer to River in the last couple years as the only females around not madly in love or wallowing away in complications. And River had a habit of stating simple truths in such a way as to make them a great comfort. Particularly as it concerned Zoe's late husband. "I think Harry had more fun than he's willing to let on."

Harry turned to Zoe and frowned. "Oh you're on the list. In fact you've moved up to number two."

River rubbed Zoe's shoulder and patted her on the back. "I'll give you some tips later. You may even have a shot at dethroning me."

"I somehow doubt that," Harry grumbled.

"Come on Harry," Zoe smiled and tried to appeal to his forgiving side. "It wasn't all bad, was it?"

Harry shrugged. "Meh. I'll take my defeat with a smile if it means next time you're PMSing you aim that anger elsewhere." Harry saw that look on Zoe's face of when he'd gone too far and hurriedly called to River, "Let's go dump the rest of this junk, and I've got a part for Kaylee."

River waved goodbye to a secretly smiling Zoe, and followed Harry as he left towards their bunks. "You got a part for Kaylee? When?"

Harry glanced over his shoulder and grinned. "When you weren't looking and instead were trying on unflattering frocks."

"Those were summer dresses! They're supposed to be loose."

"Well, I hope they were comfortable," Harry argued. "Because they're not pretty."

River just stared at Harry, daring him to say something else negative.

Harry's connection with River made it quite clear why she wasn't moving. "Alright, I thought the light blue skirt with the flowers on it looked the best."

"That's a gift for Kaylee," River retorted.

Harry smiled. "I know. And I'm complimenting your choice. Now please, I'm allergic to women shopping together, so if you don't mind."

River put Kaylee's gift into a bag and shifted tissue paper to cover it.

Harry wondered if it was a quirk of the twenty-sixth century that seemed to deign this as enough 'wrapping.'

Once River was all set she led Harry back towards the engine room, where Kaylee was just lounging around with a big smile.

"Welcome back," Kaylee chirped. "How was your shopping?"

"Awful," Harry immediately replied. "Completely dreadful. You know how Simon makes you feel on a really good day? Picture the opposite of that."

"It was just fine," River happily answered. "Aside from the whiny help."

"The help?" Kaylee asked Harry earnestly.

Harry grumbled, "They tricked me. Pretended to be overly emotional females. That's just not fair. It's like crossing the line before it even gets drawn."

"You believed Zoe?" Kaylee clarified. "Was overly emotional? Have you met the woman?"

River just smiled happily while Harry feebly argued, "She looked like she was going to cry or hurt me. I'm not sure which would have been worse."

Kaylee shook her head at Harry's naivety. "You poor boy."

"I can see your sympathy is overwhelming," Harry sighed. "I picked up a new…" Harry looked down at the box he was carrying, "Gravitational bootstrap fitting."

"Not expecting to find enough of them floating around in space?" Kaylee asked with an arched eyebrow.

Harry shook his head. "That little trick I did won't last forever. I can probably do it again, but I thought it'd be better to have a replacement. We can ride the old one until it craps out, hopefully not at a time we're on the run or landing, or you can swap in this new one whenever it's convenient for you."

"Thanks Harry," Kaylee grinned. "But the Captain already picked us up a couple. I just finished installing the new one. The old one still looks good as new though."

"Oh," Harry admitted. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize."

"Don't worry about it," Kaylee assured him. "It's not like it's bad having a few extra replacements of crucial parts around. The Captain's usually pretty good about taking care of his baby, when he can. But I suspect he'll certainly appreciate the gesture."

"I got you something!" River declared happily, presenting the bag to Kaylee.

"I got you something too!" Kaylee squealed back grabbing a bag from the corner. "Though it's from Simon and me both, I suppose. He did pay for it. Here you go."

The two girls traded bags and happily pulled out very similar new skirts. When they both exclaimed their love for their clothes simultaneously, Harry briefly considered stunning them both just for the silence.

"Put it on!" River requested wanting to see the flowers on Kaylee.

"Oh I can't," Kaylee explained. "Your brother and I have a romantic dinner planned and I'm only allowed to look darling so many times a day. Saving up on those to fit into my new dress. But you try yours on."

"Okay," River agreed and ordered Harry to turn around.

Harry turned his entire body to face away from where he knew River to be. He was looking down into the heart of Serenity, which to Harry appeared to be a jumbled mass of cords, lights, and bits that all looked the same.

"Whatcha looking at?" Kaylee asked with a smile standing next to Harry. "Not peeking a glance at the lovely Miss Tam, I hope?"

Harry didn't like that particular accusation and explained. "I was just looking at the engine here."

"You know anything about engines?" Kaylee asked while glancing over at River still changing. "Besides how to fix them, of course."

"Oh sure," Harry nodded with certainty. "I can tell this little beauty is a six-point-eight-oh super-charged, reinforced, lean, mean transporting machine. Looks like your two doodads are power coupled to the nine-inch thingamajigs."

"The doodads?" Kaylee clarified with a smile.

"Sure, sure," Harry continued with a completely straight face. "Personally, I prefer a minimum of seven doohickeys to every five whatchamacallits, but we all have our little differences. Your jigger seems to be rattling the jobbie loose which could be real detrimental to your whatsis. If your whatsis blows, then the widget ain't far behind it."

"That is amazing," Kaylee agreed.

Harry shrugged. "It's a gift."

"You know," River jumped in. "If you don't mind swapping out a couple of poppycock, you can completely get rid of your widget, and just let the whatsis blow. Tighten the hogwash, get a bigger mularky, and this little baby will run on pure tommyrot. You just got to clean out your balderdash every once in a while. The flimflams will fire on their own, and the claptrap you can close to less than a point-two-five. The only drawback if that you will have to replace your tomfoolery with an overclocked jabberwocky about twice as often as if you just kept the widget. But I think it's a more than fair trade-off."

Harry grinned at River's one-upmanship and replied, "Nice skirt."

"I knew that blue would go with your eyes," Kaylee replied triumphantly looking her friend up and down.

"Any thoughts on making some work of our own?" Mal asked Harry as he and River entered the dining area.

Harry shrugged. "Why not just stick with the trusty Alliance?"

Zoe looked up from the vegetables she was chopping. "That's a little vague there Harry."

"And I'm certainly not opposed to taking back what our shiny little tax breaks should be giving us," Mal argued. "But we don't need to be pressing our luck just for the sake of stealing from the biggest hwin dan on the block."

"Sounds to me like you're chicken." Harry stated with a sad shake of his head.

Mal defended, "I'm not…"

"Yellow? You got a yellow belly to match your brown coat?"

"Harry," Mal warned him.

"I'm just playing with you," Harry agreed with a smile.

"You like stir fry?" Zoe asked working on her chopping.

Harry looked at River and decided, "Usually, but not tonight. Not for me and my little lady."

"Excuse me?" River asked more than a touch peeved.

"Just grab some fruit." Harry instructed. "I don't want you full for training tonight."

"Why not?" River asked confused why that would matter for learning a mental technique.

Harry answered honestly, "If you throw up, you'll thank me for it."

River stopped moving and reluctantly asked, "Are we going to do that already?"

Harry nodded silently.

"You don't think it's too soon?"

Harry grinned deviously. "You're already comfortable enough around me to mock and take advantage of my presence. It's time to start digging and organizing. And besides, I know where you're brother's going to be, so we should be able to avoid too many interruptions."

River nodded and strode towards the bridge showing more confidence than she felt. Harry followed her silently, grabbing a couple of apples as he went.

River moved to the pilot's chair while Harry closed the door behind him, and locked the latch.

Harry looked at River and asked, "Are you ready for this?"

River slowly nodded. "You say it's the best option, and I trust you."

Harry sat down on the cot for a moment to think. River stayed quiet, not bothering him for several minutes. Harry looked up and said, "First off, I need you to know that anything I may do here is necessary to help you through this. I have no basis or reasoning to think this is going to work, other than the fact that I do believe it is. And secondly, I think you should lay on the cot."

"Okay," River agreed readily and moved over to the makeshift bed. Harry grabbed the co-pilot's chair and dragged it over next to the cot. Harry sat down, while River arranged the pillows on the bed to her liking. "So how do we do this?"

Harry positioned himself so he could lean forward comfortably and stay a mere foot away from her face. "I'm going to force open a link between our minds. This time you won't be able to push me out. Your instincts may try to on their own, that's why I'm forcing it and controlling it myself. In the future, this won't be necessary, as you'll have conscious control of it, and the ability to break the connection, expelling me. Just not yet."

"Am I going to fall asleep?" River asked uncertainly.

Harry shook his head. "Not the sort of restful sleep you're thinking of, but you may lay there unmoving for hours without realizing it. S'why you're better off laying down and comfortable."

River laid back and rolled over onto her side, facing Harry. "What do I do now?"

"Close your eyes," Harry explained. "I'm going to lift your eyelids with my fingers once I think you're relaxed enough. I will be very close to you, so try not to be too startled. With the eye contact I will be seizing control of your consciousness."

River agreed and closed her eyes, laying there unmoving. She was pushing conscious thoughts away and paying no attention to what her senses were telling her. She knew she shouldn't fall asleep but she could feel the tiredness of the day catching up with her. Before she could even react her eyelids were lifted up and she was blinded as the light streamed into her dilated pupils. At the same moment she heard Harry mumble several words that didn't make any sense to her, but she heard him finish resolutely with something that sounded like "Legilimens!"

River felt the sensation of being pulled and dragged around at extremely high speeds. A roller coaster of sharp twists and turns even though a piece of her could tell she was still lying on the cot.

She suddenly realized she was awake and under the covers. She was flailing and clawing at the covers to get them off of her, and when she did she saw her older brother Simon running towards her excitedly. She was back in her childhood bedroom, and Simon looked maybe ten at the most.

"Merry Christmas, River!" He exclaimed as he ran up to her and jumped on her bed.

River looked down when she bounced up and saw she too was a young child. She smiled a toothy smile as her tongue felt gaps in her teeth. "Merry Christmas to you too, Simon."

"Come on!" Simon cheered as he bounced up off her bed. "Let's make Mom and Dad breakfast. Then we'll get to open our presents sooner. Race ya!" He blurted out before turning to run down the hall. Simon had only taken one step before he was frozen in place.

"I see his haircut hasn't changed any," Harry commented, having suddenly appeared off to River's right side.

River was looking at Simon locked at that point in time. "We nearly burned down kitchen."

"Sounds like fun." Harry commented.

River looked down and suddenly saw she was her proper age again and wearing the right clothes. "It was."

"You know where we are?"

River nodded. "In a memory."

"If that's how you want to look at it, yes." Harry explained.

"How else would you look at it?"

Harry shrugged. "We're still on the bridge, though I've broken eye contact. I've slumped back into my chair and you're still lying on the cot. But our consciousnesses are both here in your memories. And that one you just saw was randomly selected for being a happy, but not ecstatic memory."

River tilted her head to the side. "You can categorize my memories?"

Harry shook his head. "Not exactly. And you're the one who did the categorizing, I just asked for one meeting those criteria to try and not jar you too badly here."

"Where are we exactly?" River asked as she realized they were no longer in her old bedroom but on a vaguely familiar dusty path in a sparsely wooded area.

"This is a place of your own making," Harry explained. "Here is where you have access to most of your memories."

"Most?" River asked as she began to see paths fade in and out of view all around her, and feeling emotions tied to those paths.

Harry nodded. "Your mind is a mess, sweetie. We know this. We've got to deal with this. Don't be ashamed of who you are."

"What do you mean?" River asked in confusion.

Harry walked over and took River's hand into his. She was acutely aware that her conscious body could feel his hand in hers. "There's also places like this," Harry announced and River felt a sweeping cold ripple through her body. She could tell they were in a solitary cell with just a little light streaming in from underneath the thick steel door. The air stank like fermented sick.

"And this," Harry called out in the darkness. Again River's sense alerted her to drastic opposites. She was surrounded by hot lava on a tiny island with nothing in sight but the horizon in all directions. The heat was making her body itch all over. Faces of people she knew floated around in the lava, and River was surprised to feel very little fear, even though she knew she was supposed to be more scared of this place.

"And a few like this," Harry replied. River saw they were in a room surrounded by mirrors on all four sides. There was a chair she remembered being strapped into, and a thin layer of blood coating the floor. The fluorescent lights above flickered and hummed intermittently, as a simple reminder that the bulbs needed to be changed, and out of nowhere River's sense of hearing was blaring with the sound of drills grinding and saws shearing through bone. She got a vision of herself with her throat slit floating above the room. Her hair was whipping around wildly from a non-existent wind as her eyes were glowing with power. As quick as a flash the vision was replaced with a little blonde girl bleeding from a ring on her forehead. The girl was laughing and smiling as she wiped the blood away from her eyes so she could see. It flickered again into a monster with crimson eyes, slits where his nose should have been, and a bald white head. He licked his lips and hissed at her.

The next thing River was conscious of was that she was leaning with her back against a tree just off the dusty path she'd started on. Sitting in the grass in front of her was Harry.

Harry turned to her and asked, "Are you okay?"

"What happened?" River asked in confusion, seemingly perfectly fine. "What was that?"

Harry shrugged. "Those were some of the other places in your mind. When you started to freak out, I thought you were going to wake up, so I retreated from your mind." Harry sighed and looked at her. "You didn't. And you actually kept the link to me open. So I came back here and pulled you with me. Since then, I've just been waiting for you to wake up. Or at least your conscious mind to awaken from within your…umm, subconscious?"

"I remembered that third place," River admitted. "I'd been there before."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "The first two weren't anything you'd ever imagined?"

River shook her head. "I'm pretty sure… no. The second one didn't even really bother me."

Harry grinned and took River's hand. "Well if it doesn't bother you, let's start there and get some answers." Again, River looked around and found herself with Harry on a rocky, wobbly floating island, as the blood red liquid hot magma bubbled up all around her.

River shrugged. "Part of me can tell that I'm supposed to be more afraid of this, but I just don't feel it."

"Hmm," Harry pondered not liking the sound of that. "What I'm most curious about are things like that." Harry finished pointing to a pus-covered putrid black ball bobbing up and down in the magma.

"What is that?" River asked looking at the slimy odd thing in confusion.

"That," Harry admitted. "I'm pretty sure is a memory, that you've tried to get rid of."

"Well if I don't want it, can't we just get rid of it?" River asked. "Or do we have to see what it is?"

Harry winced admitting, "There might be a way I could get rid of it for you, but we need to know more about it first. And there's only one good way to find that out."

River nodded. "Alright. What do we do?" She saw Harry smile sadly at her, when the black oozing giant pustule came rocketing out of the lava and exploded on her face. The next thing she saw was that she was in a bar fight. Her punches were extremely forceful. A swinging uppercut landed on a man in his fifties and she could feel his jaw unhinge and shatter under the force. She swung a backhand connecting with younger man sneaking up behind her. She felt his nose break and pop against the back of her closed fist. A kick to another man's chest shattered his ribs and ruptured his lungs. She could feel her anger fueling her motions. When the bartender pulled out and cocked his shotgun, she slammed a mug right into his face, tearing almost half of it off. Smoothly she grabbed the shotgun from his hand and spun around shooting the closest person to her right in the head. She looked down and saw she'd just shot a little boy. She could feel the shock and surprise in her at having ended so young a life. She was not prepared to feel her body laugh and rejoice in the death. She looked up and saw two men wearing sunglasses, dressed in black walk into the room. They were easily recognizable by their latex blue gloves. One of the men seemed to smile at her in a fatherly way and shake his head. "You've been busy, haven't you?"

A snap of River's head and she was being shaken by Harry. They were still floating on the rocky, wobbly island in an ocean of boiling lava. "We need to get out of here, River. I'm going to break the link. Don't hold on."

River sat up with a loud gasp for breath and was panting heavily. Harry handed her a glass of water and stood up to stretch his own muscles. He cracked his neck and sat right back down, seeing the tense, frightened look on River's face. She seemed to be avoiding his eyes.

Harry smiled warmly at her wondering how she was going to react.

"Di- di- did you see that?"

Harry nodded.

With no warning, River just burst out into hysterical tears. She lunged at Harry and pulled him close.

Harry held onto River tightly and just let her cry. Frankly he expected this as soon as she woke up. He said nothing other than to soothingly hush some of her warbled ranting. River seemed to calm after a minute or two and whispered coherently, "You must think I'm a monster."

"No," Harry assured her. "I don't. I don't think you killed that boy, and even if I did, it wouldn't make you a monster."

River pulled back letting go of Harry. "That wasn't a memory?"

"No, that was a memory." Harry explained.

River looked at Harry curiously.

Harry nodded to the unasked question. "I've seen faked memories, and I've seen real ones. And that had all of the details and scenic imperfections you won't find in faked ones. But what I don't think is that that was your memory."

River frowned.

"Didn't it seem a little... off to you?"

"I realize you don't know me that well," River explained. "But I'm a tiny bit tougher than I may look."

Harry chuckled at River's gift for understatement. "Oh you can look pretty tough, I wouldn't worry about that. And I've heard about what you did in that bar. I just meant," Harry paused and thought about it. "You've always been very smooth and graceful in your movements. There's a fluidity to your movements as your mind is working so fast and far ahead that you economize your motions to be as simple and effective as possible."

River felt like she'd be complimented in a terribly clinical way.

"And that fight in the bar we just saw," Harry explained. "The movements were much more clunky and telegraphed than you would have made."

"I wasn't exactly in my right mind," River suggested.

"Hang on," Harry said. "I want to see your fight in the bar." Harry leaned forward and looked straight in River's eyes. When his comment triggered the memory to replay, Harry jumped in and watched the scene in its entirety. "Thanks," Harry answered as he stepped back and looked away.

"What the hell did you just do?" River asked sitting up stiffly. "You can just grab and control my memories that easily?"

Harry hesitated for a moment and replied, "That was just like reading, if you knew what you were doing, how to control it, and put enough power into it." Harry nodded, "And usually I would ask your permission first and maybe you'd assist me with it, but I figured I'd save us the time because I knew you'd agree."

River huffed.

"And it is as I suspected." Harry explained victoriously. "Did you see the similarities?"

River replayed the two memories in her mind and nodded recognizing the motions rang familiar in their choreography. Her own memory ended when she pointed the gun, only to see the other memory pulling the trigger and killing the boy. She shivered at the coldness the thought gave her.

"It appears they've found a way to implant memories, and they're memories that aren't even yours, but with access to the knowledge of them, you respond with a new set of instincts." Harry said, thinking out loud. "Because your performance in the bar was a lot like that memory's if it had had your grace and your unique style."

"Found a way to implant memories?" River frowned. "Is this like one of your little tricks that you know how to do?"

Harry sighed loudly and shook his head. "No, if they knew my tricks they could've done this so much easier. No, this is… this is something else." Harry sat back thinking deeply.

"So you can't fix this," River frowned.

Harry looked up and shook his head. "I can't fix anything. I'm here to help you understand what's happened to your mind, as well as adjusting to and utilizing your mind. It's not as if there's anything that can be undone. But I'm beginning to understand what they did do. It's really not that bad."

River was tempted to yell at Harry for having such a horrible definition for 'not that bad.' She settled for coldly glaring at him.

"Listen," Harry defended. "I really didn't have any idea on how they could fracture a mind and do what they did, beyond the tricks I know. It could have been anything. And it seems like they've created their own way to give you skill sets and instincts."

"How can you call that not that bad?" River snapped at him.

"Well," Harry admitted. "It really could have been a lot worse. I mean they've put in a lot of effort to make you a highly trained warrior, completely under their control. It's like implanted personalities to call upon as needed. I'm guessing under extreme duress or any situation that would normally trigger adrenaline, you're capable of otherwise impossible feats even more so than most humans, because you'd have access to all those skill sets, knowledge, or perhaps even adrenaline rushes. Or it appears they have their own ways to trigger them in you. That's what set you off in the bar."

River was still snippy. "Am I supposed to grateful they cut up my brain to put those things in there?"

"No child," Harry patronized her. "We should be furious with anger at what they did. But we already were. What you can be, is grateful that not only is not as bad as I had feared, but as you learn how to control your own mind, you'll be gaining control over more skills and more confidence, you didn't realize you had."

River frowned at being called a child, but wouldn't prove him right by snapping back.

"They're already in your head, River," Harry continued. "Might as well make use of them."

"Oh yes," River argued. "Always look on the bright side of murdering children in cold blood and laughing at it in joy."

Harry shrugged. "It happened. And now you know it wasn't you but someone else who probably did that. You're going to have to face it and understand it because we definitely need to break you free of those triggers."

River frowned but remarked, "Simon put me to sleep."

"And that's another trigger," Harry admitted, "that we can break you free of, if you want. I'd recommend putting that one off though as it's non-destructive and could be useful until you get some better control of your emotions."

River sighed and only now saw the clock. "That took four hours?"

Harry looked at the clock and visibly winced. "No, we started on Wednesday. That took twenty-eight hours."

River's eyes widened before she snapped her mouth shut with a click. "Liar," she accused.

"Okay, okay." Harry admitted ruefully. "It took four hours. Here have an apple."

River took the food gratefully, surprised that she hadn't realized how hungry she was.

"And if you're curious, your brother's waiting on the other side of the door scared of what I've done to you."

River nodded biting into her apple. "I know."

"You know, for this training I have to know pretty much everything in your head."

"I know."

"But no one else has to know."

"Well I'm certainly not going to tell them," River insisted staring at Harry.

"Mmm," Harry thought about it. "Don't rule it out just yet. But the fewer questions raised about me, the easier it is for us all to get along."

"Are you going to tell?"

Harry shook his head. "Not my secrets to tell. Now come on, tell your brother to chill out and I want to see if the Captain is awake."

River stood up and stretched her stiff muscles. She unlatched the door to the bridge and opened it spilling Simon into the room as he had been leaning against the door. "Chill out, Simon. Training is going well, I'm fine. Now tell me why you had a romantic dinner and followed it up by waiting outside the door here."

Simon got up and followed after her, not even paying any attention to Harry. "I was worried about you. You know that Harry's got some voodoo hold on you."

"It's the only way to help me," River argued without looking back. "And you have an entirely too understanding girlfriend. She gets a nice new dress, you take her to a romantic dinner, and then you ditch her to stalk your baby sister."

"Well, she did call me bull-headed teddy bear," Simon admitted. "For Kaylee, that's pretty harsh."

"Be a good boyfriend, Simon," River scolded. "You're already a good brother. Sometimes too much of one."

"You're sure you're okay?" Simon asked her now that she'd stopped and was looking back at him.

River nodded showing some honest emotion. "I may not be completely okay, but I'm starting to think someday I will be."

Simon hugged his sister and went to go find Kaylee.

"Captain," Harry asked of Mal when he entered the room. "I've thought about it, and I know who I want to steal from."

Mal arched an eyebrow and inquired. "And just who is that?"

Harry smirked with a touch of vindictive righteousness. His mind was already coming up with a few scenarios. He gladly answered, "Blue Sun."