Disclaimer: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN – Hot Grenade-Oh

"Harry," Zoe remarked. "Have I thanked you for breaking down the walls holding Jayne's shy side back?"

Harry chuckled.

"He paints a picture, don't he?" Mal grinned.

"Did you have to say paint?" Simon whined.

Mal turned to the resident Companion. "Inara, you got a minute?"

Inara nodded and led the Captain back towards her shuttle.

Zoe briefly glanced at the others in the room and asked, "Hey Harry?"

"Mmm?" Harry said looking up at her as he was putting his memories back in his head.

"I was wondering what's so special about this pensieve?" Zoe asked.

Harry smiled. "What makes you think there's something about this particular one?"

"You were pleased and recognized it right away," Zoe explained. "But after a few moments of inspection, you were surprised by something specific about it."

Harry nodded. "Ahh, that was because I saw this rune." Harry said pointing towards a symmetrical carving of a bee.

"Is that a wasp or hornet?" River asked looking at where Harry was pointing.

"Close enough," Harry explained. "It's a bee, and indicatory of the one custom made for Albus Dumbledore. I've used this exact pensieve centuries ago. This was the first one I ever saw actually."

"You're sure it's the same one?" Kaylee asked.

Harry nodded. "Pensieves have always been pretty rare and valuable. When my Headmaster died, his brother, Aberforth, suggested that I would get more use out of my Headmaster's than he would. Later on, I got my own and returned it to Aberforth. To the best of my knowledge he had no heirs and I don't know who got Albus's pensieve after that, but this is the same one."

"Small 'verse," Kaylee said with a grin.

"No idea what it was doing in Jersey or how it got there," Harry commented thinking out loud. "Where is Jersey, anyways? You guys ever heard of it?"

"It's probably the biggest slum in the core," Zoe answered. "It's on Alpha, but there's a lot of government housing and crime. You gotta be careful not to get in the middle of the turf wars over there."

"Hmm," Harry thought. "Alpha was the first colonized planet, right?"

"Yes," Simon answered. "You think it means something?"

Harry shrugged. "It might. I'll want to check it out at some point. Though it could be a bad sign."

"What do you mean?" Zoe frowned.

River answered for Harry. "If the wizards' possessions never made it further than the first planet, it may be because none of them even made it that far."

Harry sighed.

"Perhaps they were all exterminated upon arrival and all their things were locked up and hidden for centuries," River continued.

Harry looked up at River wondering if she realized how callous she sounded.

"Or maybe they were all killed much earlier in the trip, and they burned the bodies for extra fuel," River continued brainstorming.

"Thank you, River," Harry interrupted her musings. "I think they get the point."

"Maybe even some super-shuttles ran out of food and had to resort to-"

"We get it," Zoe jumped in, sensing Harry's discomfort.

Harry wasn't in the mood to voice his fears and didn't care to hear River's ruminations. "You can hypothesize all you want. We don't know if Jersey means anything."

"Am I speaking to the Captain?" Inara asked as she settled down, "Or to Mal?"

"I'm me," Mal said with a curious look on his face while he continued pacing. "And I was wondering if you'd given any thought to… to… retiring."

"Excuse me?" Inara asked, begging Mal for an honest clarification.

"You don't need to be doing your… companioning anymore." Mal said inching his way through the words.

"My companioning?" Inara said hotly. "You mean whoring?"

Mal meant exactly that, but knew better than to say it out loud. "These last couple jobs with Harry have paid us very generously. Like the last five years together combined is barely the coin we've made since taking Harry on. Money ain't so tight, and we'd stay afloat for years without even needing to turn another job if we wanted."

"You think I've dedicated my life to being a Companion," Inara asked dangerously, "for the money?"

Mal wasn't liking the direction this conversation was going. "I'm not saying that." Mal argued in frustration. "I know there's more to being a Companion than just whoring."

Inara sighed tiredly feeling like it was the same argument all over again. "Such an observant assessment," she sarcastically bit out.

"Gorram," Mal muttered. "This is coming out all wrong. I'm not rehashing the old argument here. Because it's never been a realistic possibility before."

"Oh," Inara replied. "And now that you can afford me, you're just gonna try and bribe me into abandoning my career. Is that it?"

Mal closed his eyes wondering how this turned into such a bad thing. He briefly tried to imagine how Harry would handle this situation, and then shook his head scared at that particular prospect. "I'm not trying to buy you," Mal argued. "I just… I…"

"What Mal?" Inara urged. "What possible reason do you have to try and convince me to give up my life thus far?"

"I'm not saying you should give up your life," Mal snapped. "Hell, in case you hadn't noticed you made a pretty good little thief on this last job."

Inara found herself smiling at the unintended compliment.

"Probably made more than you could've spreading your legs in that amount of time too."

Inara lost her smile.

"I'm just saying, I would like it if you were a real member of the crew here," Mal explained hopefully. "And not just the taste of civilized society renting my shuttle."

"Please stop talking," Inara said with her head down.

"Harry's right," Mal said turning to leave angrily. "Women are nutters!" Mal stormed away from Inara's shuttle trying to maintain some of his dignity. He was halfway back towards the kitchen before he questioned just why he was storming away angrily.

Any trace of Mal's anger disappeared when he had returned to the kitchen. Jayne was blushing a bit and pulling his pants back up while Harry's eyes looked like they were twinkling.

"I really don't want to know," Mal said clenching his eyes shut banishing the image of the scene from his mind. "Dong ma?"

"No worries Captain," Harry explained cheerfully. "Jayne was just informing me he'd changed his drawers. I was curious to what lengths he would go to convince of me that."

"It wasn't what it looked like Mal," Jayne argued. "It was… it was umm… magic."

"I really don't want to know," Mal repeated testily.

Harry grinned and mused out loud. "You know, there is an entire branch of magic dedicated to-"

"Harry," Mal said warningly.

"Sorry Captain," Harry replied. "I consider the matter closed. Jayne, I completely believe that you really did change your drawers."

"Thank you," Jayne said with more dignity than he deserved.

Harry took the brief moment to ask, "And how'd your talk with Inara go?"

Mal grabbed himself a beverage and sat down at the table across from Harry. "I quoted you."

"Well that's usually a good way to impress the ladies," Harry said with a smile.

"I told her women are nutters," Mal explained.

"Oooh, poor choice on quoting me," Harry replied. "I can't imagine that was taken with a laugh and a smile."

Mal shook his head. "For all I know it might have. That was when I stormed out. Why did I storm out?"

"You serious, Mal?" Jayne asked.

Mal just looked at Jayne inquiringly.

"Maybe because you're retarded for that cootchie-coo?" Jayne stated obviously.

Harry turned towards Mal and wryly commented, "I can see why I'm a better source for quotes than others."

"I just don't get that girl," Mal continued. "I was trying to be nice. I was suggesting that she quit the whoring, now that we've had some good scores. Make her into a more proper member of the crew."

"Ouch," Harry said. "I hope you didn't use those words."

Mal rolled his eyes. "I didn't call it whoring." Mal thought for a moment and corrected, "Or at least not before she called it whoring."

"I didn't mean that," Harry clarified. "I meant 'a more proper member of the crew.'"

"What's wrong with that?" Mal wondered.

"How would you feel if I started talking about how you can be a more proper Captain of a ship?"

Mal suddenly realized he'd pretty much discounted all of Inara's contributions over the past few years. "Gos se. I think I said a real member of the crew."

Harry turned to Jayne and nodded. "Yup. You owe her an apology for that one."

Mal was muttering to himself. "This was supposed to sound like a good thing. Why do things have to be so complicated?"

"Well," Harry chose to answer the rhetorical question. "For you, they're not complicated."

"What do you mean by that?" Mal asked.

Harry looked at Jayne, who nodded and helpfully added, "What Harry's trying to say, is that, for you, they're not complicated."

"Thank you Jayne," Harry grinned. "That's exactly what I was trying to say."

"Happy to help," Jayne agreed feeling quite proud.

Mal just looked at the pair and wondered when Harry became Jayne's new best friend. He was guessing probably about the time Harry saved Jayne's mother from the brink of death. "Harry? Could you perhaps go into a little more depth than Jayne's otherwise top-notch translation?"

"For you, things really aren't complicated," Harry suggested.

"Yes, I'd managed to glean that much from your earlier statement."

"Things are complicated for Inara," Harry clarified and shook his head. "But not for you."

"She's a member of my crew," Mal argued.

"So am I," Jayne jumped in. "Are they complicated with us?"

"That's different," Mal retorted. "Relationships among crew members are always a bad idea."

Harry whispered conspiratorially towards Jayne. "I'll keep him busy. You hurry and warn Kaylee and the Doc."

Jayne nodded, "I'll warn Kaylee. Let's let Simon figure it out on his own."

"Yes, yes, I know," Mal admitted ignoring the mocking across from him. "For those two, it's worked out pretty well. But even Zoe and Wash got into fights all the time, mainly because of her responsibilities."

Jayne looked at Harry skeptically. Harry nodded at Jayne and replied, "Yes, he's actually trying to use two people that were so deeply in love, that she's still mourning two years later as an example of why not to be honest with a kooshy-koo he's retarded for."

Jayne snickered. "I'm not sure that word agrees with you, Harry."

"I'm honest with her," Mal argued. "I'm always honest with her."

"You ask her out?" Jayne snapped quickly.

"No."

"Do you want to?" Harry snapped at the Captain.

Mal hesitated. "I don't know."

"Ahh," Harry said nodding and turning to Jayne. "He's not honest with himself."

"Ni ta ma de. Tianxia suoyoude ren. Dou gaisi," Mal muttered standing up to leave. "Why the gorram am I talking to you two for advice?" He angrily left the room, again asking loudly, "And why the gorram am I storming out again?"

"Alright, everyone who's done with their brain training, raise your hand," Harry said to a smiling River.

River thrust her arm in the air happily.

"Ah-ah-ahh," Harry waggled his finger negatively. "Not so fast, River."

River's smile disappeared leaving a heartbroken young woman.

"You've got a long ways to go still," Harry explained.

River pouted. "You say that every time."

"And oddly enough, it's true every time," Harry mused aloud.

"My walls are sturdy," River exclaimed. "I can feel them, and I can feel they're working."

Harry nodded. "True and you've not needed any mental assistance from me for over two days now."

"So what embarrassing and emotional turmoil must you put me through this time?"

"Miss Tam," Harry looked down on his student, feeling as if he was behind his old Headmaster's desk. "Just because you've managed to get your boat in the air and flying, doesn't mean you can fix it when it breaks down."

River sighed. "How can you be so sure it will break down?"

Harry grinned and slipped into her mind through simple eye contact. River felt him come in and appeared next to him on the inside of her Occlumens Shield, visible at the moment as massive stone fortress walls. "Well for one, you are unable to consciously keep me out."

Harry disappeared momentarily and River felt a massive explosion and shudder just on the outside of her walls. Harry reappeared right next to her. "See? I've been your mental crutch and you instinctively trust me. You'll be better off knowing how to restrict or allow anyone into your mind, even me."

River nodded.

"And you've built this once," Harry said pointing to her thick walls. "But when it breaks down, can you build it again?"

River frowned. "I'm still not sure how to even break it down."

Harry tapped his nose. "And that's another thing you should know: how to take your shield down. There'll be times where it's advantageous to read someone. Considering what you've done so far, I'm pretty sure I can teach you to control your reading, not just cage it."

Harry paused and thought about it. "Normally, teaching the skill of Legilimency requires an oath of privacy and conduct, but… I guess we'll just have to use the honor system."

"Why's that?" River asked.

Harry chuckled. "Because a magical oath doesn't have much compulsion when a muggle tries to invoke it."

"Oh," River understood. "Your oaths are magically binding and you're physically unable to break them?"

Harry nodded. "For the most part. Usually you are capable of breaking an oath, just that there's a large cost in doing so, sometimes your magic, sometimes your life. Depends on the circumstances and the oath."

River shrugged. "You know my brain better than me. You wouldn't teach me anything I'd abuse, so you can cast an oath and risk your own magic and life."

"Like I said," Harry repeated. "The honor system."

River nodded with a smile. "So you say these walls come down? And I can rebuild them?"

"I know they can come down," Harry admitted. "But first see if you can't expel me."

River focused her eyes and stared at Harry.

Harry stood there while River seemed to be scrunching her face in a cute way. Harry smiled lightly and asked, "What are you doing?"

River sighed and asked, "How do I expel you?"

"You push me out of your mind," Harry stated obviously. "I only slipped in through a simple Legilimens connection. No bond, no control. You're the boss of your mind. I'm an intruder. It should be pretty instinctual."

River was furrowing her brow in focus again.

"Of course, you have to actually want to push me out."

River gritted her teeth in concentration, trying everything she could imagine to mentally push.

Harry sighed. "Alright, come with me." Harry grabbed a hold of River's hand and pulled her with him.

River gulped as she felt the sensation of being sucked through a straw. With a disorienting jerk, she found herself exactly where she had been, only a mirrored image.

"Whoops," Harry admitted.

Another shift and the setting inverted itself again going back to looking normal. River was twitching as she glanced around curiously. "What did you do?"

Harry grinned and snapped his fingers. The stone fortress walls disappeared.

River gasped only to see no visible change in the sky or atmosphere. She seemed to be focusing inwardly before she looked right at Harry. "Where are we?"

"We," Harry said happily, "are in my mind now, not yours."

"It looks identical to mine," River stated.

Harry nodded. "I thought this'd be easiest on you."

"What does it normally look like in here?"

"Well," Harry said. "I almost always keep my shields up unless I'm consciously holding them down. But usually it looks like this."

Everything around them, including their own bodies disappeared from sight. Pure unending darkness existed in silent black vacuum. A cold, dead chill ran through River's consciousness and she began to shiver. In the blink of an eye, they were back at the fortress and grassy field.

Harry said, "That's the unfriendly welcome. When I'm actively defensive, it hurts. A lot."

"That's…" River paused thinking of the words. "Numbing." Her eyes widened in recognition, "That's what I felt from you when I first met you!"

"Exactly," Harry said. "But since you were so honest with me, I'll show you what it looks like when I'm working in here and for some reason I need to keep my shields down."

River felt the emotion inside of her before her eyes had even responded to the shift. She felt warmer and happier. The sun was brighter in the sky, and the sounds of the fabricated nature were louder. You could hear the bubbling water of a creek nearby. She looked over and spotted one of the most curious looking buildings she'd ever seen. It was clearly magical, considering it had several transparent floating rings accessible from a balcony.

"This was a private house that only my wife and I ever came to," Harry said pointing towards the odd structure. "We had a more public house that our friends visited us at, but this one was just for us."

River saw the warmth in Harry's eyes as he looked at the house. "You don't seem the married type."

Harry genuinely smiled at River as the setting rippled and shifted into the more familiar and slightly sterile look of River's mind. "I do my best to not seem like any type," Harry said with a smirk.

"Anyways," Harry clapped and grinned deviously. "I brought you here for a reason. I wanted you to feel… this."

River felt the apprehension in her grow as Harry kept talking. The very moment he said the word 'this,' she was forcefully and immediately pushed out the same odd straw she'd come in on. River rocked backwards from her sitting up position as her entire body adjusted to a strong shift in balance. She was dizzy and feeling ill. She barely noticed she was no longer in either mental landscape, but was back on her bed in Serenity.

"You okay?" Harry asked seeing River turn a little green.

River weakly nodded. "I take it that's what pushing me out feels like?"

"Yup," Harry admitted. "And believe it or not, that's about as gentle as you can be expelling a person. Usually upon detection, they retreat on their own right away."

"Makes sense," River agreed. "I wouldn't want to hang around so that you can expel me either."

Harry caught River's eye and slipped right back in. He was idly leaning against the walls of her fortress when River joined him. "Have you thought about trying to keep me out?"

River nodded. "I don't understand why my shield isn't working on you."

"Hmm," Harry considered. "Most everything else you've almost picked up on simply through instinct. It just takes some repetition to train that instinct sometimes. Could be your wall," Harry said running his hand across the rough stone. "Let's do something about that."

Harry's hand flared with light as the magic in it quickly flooded through the wall. River could feel it pushing and stretching the wall. She thought it was strengthening the wall and River felt it was filling in the gaps. Her confusion on what Harry was doing dissolved as she suddenly felt the entire wall implode upon itself. An explosion of dust blinded the view as the cold wind converged on them, whipping small pieces of debris into their faces.

River felt like her head was going to explode as she fell to her knees in the mental plane. She screeched loudly, wishing an end to the noise, the pain, and the cold.

Suddenly she looked up and saw it had stopped. The dust was settling and River saw where her stone walls used to be, there was now a shiny synthesized, much taller metal barricade. The light seemed to reflect off it, casting a purplish glow. Also surprisingly absent was Harry.

Harry triggered the collapse of River's shield with just a twist of magic that he knew would completely destroy her only defense. He was on his guard, ready to help her, in case she didn't instinctively raise new defenses and he was needed to cast a shield around her mind. He was even half curious if she might be able to expel him from her mind. That particular question was quickly answered for him, as he was summarily thrown straight up out of her cabin door. He crashed through the doorframe, feeling his arm break as it caught the edge. The more pressing issue was that his arm breaking just barely slowed his momentum down as he flew bodily across the hall and slammed hard onto Jayne's cabin door.

Harry could feel the warmth of the blood leaking out the back of his head, but was grateful that he seemed pretty numb to most everything else that may have broken.

"Coming," Jayne's voice called out to the banging on his door.

Harry barely had time to moan in pain when Jayne pulled the door open, allowing Harry to fall the rest of the way in, head first. He greeted Jayne with another groan of pain.

"You okay there, Harry?" Jayne asked looking at the upside down man with the arm looking like it had two elbows.

Harry lifted a finger to draw Jayne's attention that he was going to speak. It took him a few moments before he announced, "I think River's learning." Having gotten his point across, Harry's body decided it had had enough and he passed out.

"Yeah, I'll say," Jayne agreed with unconscious Harry.

"Oh my god!" River exclaimed at the sight of Harry. "Are you okay?"

Jayne shrugged. "Yeah, I'm fine. But Harry here's pretty messed up. You go get your brother. I'll carry Harry to the infirmary."

River dashed off down the hall before Jayne could even finish.

"Hey River!" Jayne called out loudly. He heard her stop and run back his direction. "Harry thinks you're learning!" Jayne yelled to her.

River seemed to pause and smile in pride. It took her a few seconds to remember what she had to do.

"What am I supposed to do?" Simon asked after stopping the bleeding on the back of Harry's head. "He can heal himself I thought?"

"You suddenly ain't a doctor anymore?" Mal said with a frown.

Simon shrugged helplessly. "How do I even know what effect drugs will have on him and his voodoo? Maybe his right arm is supposed to have two elbows?"

"He's still human," Mal argued. "Start your treatment as normal. When Harry wakes up, maybe he'll fix himself up the rest of the way."

"Why though? So far every time Harry's hurt himself or exhausted himself he's only needed rest." Simon asked. "It could just be a waste of our resources."

"Simon," River said rolling her eyes. "We have an excess of resources primarily because of Harry."

Simon relented and started by setting Harry's arm. "Alright, get me a splint please. Making a cast would probably slow Harry's voodoo down." Simon stuck Harry's arm with a syringe and emptied it. He couldn't keep the smile from his face. "So how'd this happen?"

River giggled. "I expelled him from my mind!"

Simon looked up. "That's good?"

River nodded.

"You don't need him protecting your mind anymore?"

River inwardly checked her newest fortress walls. "No. Well not right now at least."

"Excellent," Simon agreed as he continued tightening the splint on Harry's forearm. "Err… how does expelling him from your mind do this?"

"Oh," River recalled. "Well it seems to have launched him out of my room and across the hall, smashing into Jayne's door."

Jayne nodded. "I think it was your doorframe that caught Harry's arm."

Simon grinned at his sister. "Nice work, River."

River frowned, thinking Simon may have been congratulating her for less than virtuous reasons. She was interrupted when Harry moaned out loud.

"Eurgh," Harry said in a haze of pain.

Simon's eyes widened. "What are you doing? I just gave you a sedative."

"That," Harry slowly replied, "is probably what woke me."

"Sedatives wake you?"

"When administered without my magic's permission," Harry said blinking his eyes in the bright white light. "Yeah."

"That seems counter-productive," Simon answered fetching Harry some water.

"I'm not a very physiologically trusting person," Harry admitted. He drank the water greedily and spotted River. "Hey! How's your shield?"

"Shiny, smooth, weird metal," River answered cheerfully.

"Excellent," Harry replied with a grin. He coughed in pain. "That was… a pretty good… first time expelling me."

River relished in the praise.

Harry sat up and saw his arm. "Thanks Doc," Harry said looking at the splint. Harry moved his good arm over his numbed fractured area. Harry took a deep breath and expelled the air loudly as his magic flared and the hand over his arm began glowing.

Everyone was watching curiously as they saw Harry's arm shifting slightly and repairing before their eyes. The color was draining before coming back a nice healthy shade of pink.

"There," Harry said happily exhausted. "Oops." He admitted before falling backwards completely unconscious again having overextended himself.

"God that's cool," Jayne said with a smile.

Simon pouted. "It's cheating is what it is."

Harry blearily came to in the still bright white infirmary. He held in his groan of frustration and took a moment to observe his surroundings. He noticed he wasn't alone. "Hi Captain."

Mal glanced up realizing Harry was awake. "How you feeling?"

Harry shrugged. "My head still hurts. Did I fracture that too?"

"Doc said it was just a bruise. Your head did leave a puddle of blood on Jayne's floor though."

Harry nodded and was rubbing the bandaged area. "I think I'll hold off on trying to heal this bump."

"That sounds like a pretty wise idea."

"How long was I out for?" Harry asked.

"Couple days," Mal replied. "We're just a few hours out from Chan's."

"I'll be ready," Harry assured him. A ripple shimmered over Harry's body and he seemed much more awake. "See? My magic just needed a nap."

"Relax," Mal held up a hand stopping him. "Zoe and I can handle this one. We've dealt with Chan before. You just rest up."

"Captain," Harry whined. "I just juiced myself. I'm itching to do something useful rather than just rest up."

"We've been doing this a lot longer than we've known you, Harry," Mal explained. "I'm sure River will be happy to spar, or Jayne will want to play with guns if you got ants in your pants."

"Alright alright," Harry admitted hopping up from the bed. "I can tell when I'm not wanted. Care to join me and get some food?"

"You don't want the Doc to clear you?"

Harry smiled wryly. "You think he'll voluntarily allow me further interaction with his sister?"

"He may be a bit protective of mei-mei," Mal explained. "But he is good doctor. He's patched all of us at one time or another."

Harry walked over to an intercom and pressed the button for everywhere. "Hey Doc! I'm awake and feeling tons better. Any reason I shouldn't go and get some lunch?"

A moment of silence before the intercom buzzed and Simon's voice replied. "Only the fact that it's 9:30 at night, so dinner might be a better idea. You know your own odd physiology better than me so I figure that's your call."

"Thanks Doc," Harry replied in the intercom and nodded to the Captain. "Could I interest you in some ham soup with a ham and ham sandwich?"

Inara was smiling at River.

"Stop that," River petulantly whined.

"What's the matter?" Inara grinned. "Are you reading me?"

"No," River insisted. "Harry's taught me to block it out."

"Really," Inara said innocently. She drawled out the words, "And what else has he taught you?"

"I told you to stop that." River said narrowing her eyes.

"At first I thought it was part of the euphoric effect Harry talked about," Inara stated. "But that wouldn't explain your worry."

"He's helping me, I've been forced to trust him, and I still need his tuition. I'd be crazy not to worry."

"True. We were all worried about him."

"Then stop that."

"But no one else is ashamed or trying to hide their worry."

River clenched her eyes but felt her face flushing.

Inara snickered at her. "I think you might be smitten."

River's eyes whipped open and she shook her head rapidly. "I am not smitten."

"You're sure?" Inara asked a little too happily.

"Yes, I'm sure," River calmly replied. "I happen to favor a definition of smitten that requires reciprocity in feelings. Harry's so old he doesn't even know how to look at me."

"Really?" Inara continued goading.

River was acting more irritated than she felt. "If you must know, one of the few times he's opened up to me, was to show me what the house he shared with only his wife looked like."

"So only his wife," Inara clarified. "And you?"

River rolled her eyes. "He was reminding me of who he is and has been."

"That's one way to look at it."

River sighed and shook her head.

"So you're really not smitten?"

River nodded seriously.

"Well in that case," Inara stated plainly, before smiling and singing, "River's got a crush, River's got a crush."

"Ching-wah tsao duh liou mahng," River mumbled quietly.

Inara snickered at River's inability to respond and repeated her little song again.

"I don't have a crush," River whined. "Well, okay, maybe I do, but it's not what you think."

"Hmm," Inara said noticing River's honesty. "Alright, so what is it then?"

"What does it matter?" River replied.

"If I've noticed it," Inara explained. "Then you know Harry has, or he's going to real soon."

River sighed, having suspected Harry was aware of her feelings.

"Okay," River admitted. "It is probably something of a crush, but it's not any sort of controllable or avoidable crush."

"No," Inara agreed. "It's just you wanting to jump his old magical bones."

"Oh for the love of-" River stopped herself and explained. "What I mean, is that this isn't a typical twenty-year-old's crush." She clenched her eyes and explained quietly, "I haven't been exactly forthcoming, but they messed me up pretty bad when they were… experimenting on me. My mental and emotional growth and development was completely stunted in some ways, and accelerated in others."

Inara sat there silently, listening to River.

"And the nearest I can tell," River replied in frustration. "Is that all the usual teenage hormones are finally catching up to me."

Inara guffawed, desperately trying to hold in her laugh. "You're going through… puberty?"

River threw her arms out in exasperation. "I never had a chance to have a crush on a boy or to even know what being attracted to one feels like. These are the first moments where my mind is completely and fully my own. I mean Mal's been pretty clearly marked your territory, and Jayne makes a hell of an impression. There's nothing I can do about fantasizing about him with the way he looks, all he does for me, and the kind of guy he is! I'm getting cramps for the first time!"

Inara had blushed at the comment about Mal but laughed out loud at River's frustration.

"It's not funny!" River insisted.

"Yeah it is!" Jayne firmly disagreed with a grin from the doorway.

River froze since she hadn't even realized he was there. The sound of another throat clearing alerted River to the fact that someone else was there too. It didn't take her long to figure out who it was, and she began to bang her head on the table.

Harry felt bad for River and didn't think anything he said would be appreciated. He put his hand on Jayne's shoulder and said, "Come on. Let's go play outside."

Jayne shrugged and turned to leave with Harry. "Should I bring grenades?"

Harry wasn't quite prepared for that question. "Umm… sure." Harry agreed. "Yeah, bring grenades."

Jayne hurried off towards his bunk as fast as he could while Harry just slowly walked towards the back cargo bay exit.

Twenty seconds later, Inara turned back to look at River banging her head on the table. "I think they're gone."

"But they still know," River whispered in between head thumps.

"I'm sure Harry understands," Inara added knowing she was enjoying this situation an unhealthy amount.

"I don't care if he does," River whined. "It's just going to compound the effect and make it even worse on me knowing he knows."

"Hmm," Inara said observing River.

"What?"

"I'm just wondering how much of it is your," Inara cleared her throat biting her lip, "puberty." She took a moment ignoring River's dirty look and continued. "And how much of it is simply you hoping that it is the puberty."

River frowned and pouted. She sighed. "I told you to stop that."

Mal and Zoe were making their way back to Serenity on the skiff. River had parked her in a valley, hidden by rock on both sides. The deal had gone smoothly and they'd gotten eighty-five thousand for two boxes. But they were unprepared to see a massive explosion over in the direction of Serenity.

"Sir?"

"I saw it too," Mal said. "Did you hear it?"

"No sir," Zoe replied, thinking the wind as they went wasn't loud enough to muffle the sound.

"Can this be anything good?" Mal asked.

Zoe shook her head with a small smile. "Probably not, but it might be fun."

Mal groaned, "Not you too."

Zoe just grinned and continued pushing the skiff to its top speed.

"Hurry up!" Jayne cheered through his dust covered goggles. "And I called you on it! You got a penalty verse!"

Harry was tossing the small green contraband in between his right and left hand. He hurriedly sang, "He robbed from the rich and he gave to the poor. Stood up to the Man and he gave him what for. Our love for him now ain't hard to explain," Harry was still juggling the grenade in his two hands. "The Hero of Canton, the man they call Jayne." The moment Harry finished he tossed the grenade back towards the man in question. Unfortunately, it only went about eight feet before detonating in their faces. The ripple of pressure exploded the air and sent both men flying twenty feet back, head over heels through the dirt. It was hard to tell which of the two was squealing loudest in glee.

Mal and Zoe had identified the two people in the distance, and holstered their weapons. They saw Harry's mouth moving but heard no sound from them. When they passed an invisible barrier, they suddenly could hear Harry finishing the song and Jayne cackling in an effeminate manner. They were still thirty yards out when the grenade erupted and the two were blasted through the air.

"This is awesome," Jayne cheered sitting up quickly and dusting himself off. He hadn't even noticed Mal and Zoe approaching. "Time for a double!" Jayne called as he grabbed two grenades off his belt, pulled the pins, and tossed them to Harry.

"Jayne!" Mal exclaimed, attracting his attention.

"Oh hey Mal, how'd it go?" Jayne said, keeping an eye on Harry.

"What in the rutting hell are you doing?" Mal asked with wide eyes.

Jayne looked up in time to catch the first grenade but missed the second. He tossed the first back to Harry and bent down to pick up the other. "Playing Hot Grenade-Oh! It's awesome!"

"Hey," Jayne grinned at Zoe and the Captain's similar looks of worry. "You guys want to play?" He tossed the second grenade straight towards Mal.

"Jayne!" Harry called out, before snapping into action. He apparated right into the path of the grenade, caught it, and chucked it straight up into the air.

Mal had flinched violently and looked up to see the charge rupture into a giant ball of fire in the sky.

"Jayne," Harry asked. "What was that?"

Jayne grinned goofily. "I just wanted to let Mal play."

Harry looked at Jayne in shock. "Jayne? Protection spells?"

"Oh right," Jayne laughed and smacked himself in the forehead. "Sorry about that Mal. Good thinking, Harry."

Zoe and Mal were just staring at the other two in fright.

"Just having a spot of fun," Harry said smiling weakly at the Captain.

"Live one!" Jayne called and hit Harry in the back of the head with another grenade. "You missed it! That's a verse!"

Harry spun around and made two motions with his fingers. The first levitated the grenade up to his eye level. The second sent one of the pins off the ground and right back into the grenade.

"Aww," Jayne pouted.

"I think that's enough for now," Harry said, while motioning unsubtly towards the Captain. "So how'd it go, Captain? No problems?"

Mal shook his head, half-tempted to tell these two man-children they were in trouble and to go to their rooms. "Nope, no problems. Why don't we get back into the air now and stop blowing up this moon?"

"Aye-aye Captain," Harry said with a salute, cleaning up a few of the freshly made craters.

Jayne hopped onto the skiff with Mal and Zoe as they drove the last few hundred feet back to Serenity. Harry apparated on ahead of them and opened up the cargo bay doors. Everyone appeared to be hanging out in the cargo area waiting for them.

Inara and Kaylee were whispering something to River that was not putting a smile on her face.

Zoe saw Inara was immensely tickled about something. "What'd we miss while we were out?"

Inara shook her head, not wishing to answer out loud.

"Oh," Jayne turned towards Zoe and the Captain snapping his fingers in recognition. "River's going through puberty."

"Jayne!" Kaylee called out angrily, trying not to snicker.

"What?" Jayne said noticing Simon's look of complete confusion. "Was it supposed to be a secret?" He grinned and looked over at Harry who was closing the cargo bay doors. "It's not like I talked about her wanting to ride Harry's magical broomstick."

Simon looked like he was going to be sick while River seemed content to completely cover her face with her hands.

"I think it's time to leave this world," River said getting up heading towards the bridge.

Mal was biting his tongue, realizing River was not denying any of these surprising turns of events. "Where we going, mei-mei?"

"Bellerophon!" the digital sentience of Mr. Universe called out from Harry's communication device.

"Bellerophon," River agreed as she left the room.

"Why Bellerophon?" Mal asked.

"Durran call?" Harry asked.

"Yup," Mr. Universe answered. "Durran's located a new book and I think it's one we may all like to see. And you have to get it, Harry."

Mal turned to Harry curiously. "Works for me. We're not on any timetables at the moment."

"Did he say what the book was?" Harry asked curiously, wondering what Durran could have located that they would all like to see.

"Yeah, he did," Mr. Universe replied a little too happily. "He said it was A Biography of Harry Potter."