Disclaimer: I own nothing; Harry Potter and the elements of his universe all belong to J.K.Rowling. Firefly/Serenity and the elements of its universe all belong to Joss Whedon. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO – Mal Adjusted

"Miranda?" Fullerton repeated glancing over at Algernon.

"I know she's a little on the husky side," Algernon commented in his slightly drunken state. "But I was just joking about the gravitational pull around her hips."

"What?" Jayne said. "Miranda's a planet. Not a chub-chub."

"Yes," Fullerton agreed taking the glass out of Algernon's hand. "I had caught on to that fact even if Algie here is a bit… impaired."

"Not you too," Algernon grumbled at the nickname. "So why has the planet Miranda got you guys looking like someone transfigured your wand into toilet paper and told you five minutes too late?"

"And why don't I remember any records on a planet named Miranda?" Fullerton commented. "Was it even in those archives of planets?"

Harry slowly shook his head. "You know, it probably wasn't. The Alliance did a pretty thorough job of completely wiping out all records of the planet's existence."

Fullerton saw Harry seemed to be drifting off in thought and Jayne and River looked a bit reluctant to speak up. "Would someone care to explain a little more about Miranda to me? Or at least what it is that has Miss Tam believing it may be magical?"

River glanced at Harry, feeling smaller than she had in a while. She stood up a little straighter and explained, "You asked about unexplainable phenomena and things happening to only a small percentage of people. Miranda was a planet that got terraformed and then settled about fifteen years ago. Within less than a year the thirty million settlers were all dead, except for a tenth of a percent who went completely mad."

"How mad?" Algernon asked curiously.

"The skinning you alive, eating your flesh, sewing your body parts onto theirs while raping you kind of mad," Jayne said swallowing the firewhiskey that was beginning to taste as weak as regular old whiskey.

"Oh my," Fullerton said realizing how deadly serious they were.

"Reavers are the monsters on the edges of space," Jayne sadly explained. "It was only a couple of years ago that the 'verse found out what the Alliance had done."

"What was that?" Fullerton inquired finding himself sobering quickly.

Harry snapped back to the present and knew he wasn't as close to the situation as the rest of the crew. He answered, "In 2506, they were experimenting on trying to make people less aggressive, hoping to stamp out war and violence. This was just before the Unification War and the many governments joined together into just the Alliance. They readied their nice brand new planet, got it all terraformed, and introduced a little wonder-drug called the G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate, or the Pax, into the air processors. The reaction they got was way more extreme than what they were expecting. People were less aggressive to the point that they lost the will to do anything. Sitting at a table eating breakfast, and they just stopped eating. They sat there until they either forgot how to breathe or starved to death. No struggle to survive, no will to live, they just stopped.

"In about 30,000 of them, or a tenth of a percent, they lost all restraint, understanding, and reason. The complete inverse of the non-aggression. They started eating the corpses of the others, cutting themselves up, scarring their own bodies. Unfortunately they're not completely self-destructive because in packs they can hunt easier, take over villages, and garner more victims."

"The M-gene," Algernon stated, catching on.

Harry and River nodded. Harry continued, "The Parliament wrote it off as a problem with the atmosphere. They said a couple of settlers died and then wiped all existence of the planet from record. No one noticed, and no one survived to tell the tale. The Unification War was all the news for the next five years and the planet of Miranda was a forgotten memory. It was just the boogeyman that started destroying people out on the rim. Stories spread, and people wrote them off as myth or legend, because the aptly-named Reavers weren't leaving any survivors. It took a lot of luck and a small crew of big damn heroes to uncover the truth and broadcast the message across the 'verse."

"Heroes," Jayne scoffed and grumbled into his drink. "'Idiots' is more like it."

"Jayne," River glared and hissed, "You may be an idiot, but Wash didn't die for nothin'. Shepherd Book didn't die for nothin'. Mr. Universe and all the others died for thirty million overdue pieces of vindication."

"They're all dead, and what? They died for other dead people?" Jayne argued. "How's that a good thing?"

"Jayne," Harry said looking at the man.

"I'll shut up," he acquiesced.

"River?" Harry said looking at her inquisitively, silently asking permission.

River nodded, but was still frowning at Jayne.

"I don't know exactly what happened," Harry said turning towards the worried looking other wizards. "River's wild Legilimency picked up enough hints about Miranda out of the heads of some important members of Parliament who knew the secret. The crew here ended up following the trail and reaching Miranda, picking up a recording from one of the scientists responsible for the Pax.

"The Alliance had been tracking River down because they wanted to silence her, fearing what she knew." Harry paused and took a drink of his firewhiskey. "Part of the government's fervent hunting of Miss Tam included killing an innocent Preacher who offered them occasional sanctuary and slaughtering his whole village, young children and all. They also knew Mr. Universe was an associate of theirs and killed him for it. When Captain Reynolds and the crew found out the truth, they realized it was something the 'verse needed to know. So they were trying to outrun the mindless, vicious Reavers, and some particularly nasty agents of the government. Mr. Universe had a secret backup transmitter that they managed to reach and got the wave out."

Harry winced and continued, "The crew's pilot, Wash, Zoe's husband, also was killed in the process. So Miranda, Reavers, and the government don't exactly have too many friends on this ship. The failure of the Operative to stop the wave meant the most dangerous secret River had, was no longer a secret. That was when the Alliance chose to attempt alternative solutions to the so-called River Tam problem."

"And so they woke you up," Fullerton stated in understanding.

"And so they woke me up," Harry agreed. He sat back and sighed. "It does explain an awful lot about Miranda though. Why the Pax was so unpredictable, why the Reavers reacted so differently. If there had been enough time, I bet we would have heard about children showing signs of accidental magic. But the time from when the settlers moved in, until the planet was home only to corpses, was less than a year."

"I don't wish to sound horribly callous," Fullerton carefully commented. "But what is the status of the planet now?"

"Infested with Reavers, maybe?" Harry said uncertainly. "I don't know. We should see if Mr. Universe can dig anything more up, because I think the Parliament was going to do something about the planet. The fact that I don't remember hearing any glorious pronouncements, I'm guessing their plans failed. Did you bring my communicator?"

Fullerton stood up. "Ahh, sorry. It's in Algernon's trunk. I'll go get it."

Harry watched the man get up and saw Jayne had given his glass of firewhiskey to River. Jayne had poured himself another and both he and River were just staring down into their drinks. Harry sighed and asked, "How did I miss Miranda? Seriously, why didn't I even think of it sooner?"

River smiled sadly. "You've not been looking for a planet before now. You were looking for other wizards."

"I guess," Harry admitted. "Yeah… I just considered the Reavers the result of mad scientists playing God. I've only come across them a couple times, and considering there were people around, I couldn't exactly curse them. But still…"

Jayne shook his head and added. "Hearing you talk about evil wizards and all, those seem like warm and fuzzies compared to Reavers. Prolly not the same for you, but… yeah."

"You alright, Algie?" Harry asked noticing Algernon seemed to be resting his eyes.

Algernon looked up and nodded. "Yup. I'm actually very excited to hear about the strong possibility of a magical planet, but I don't think my happiness really fits in with the rest of your opinions at the moment."

"Oh no," Harry groaned in realization. "Ahh crud."

"What?" River asked curiously.

Harry dropped his head. "Someone's gotta tell Mal."

River couldn't stop herself from smiling, while Jayne made no attempt to stop his chuckling.

Harry lifted his head at Jayne's laughing. "Does this mean you're voluntee-"

"Nooooo, no," Jayne said shaking his head. "This is one is all you. No question about it."

"Got it," Fullerton announced as he re-entered the living room. "He said he's breaking some laws right now to dig up some answers."

"Miranda, eh, Harry?" Mr. Universe's voice spoke up. "Really aiming to come full circle on us, aren't you?"

"Full circle?" Harry asked curiously.

"Yeah," the communicator answered. "I mean for a minute there, I think a few of the people on Serenity might've started to like you. Good to know you're stamping that right out."

"You're all heart, Mr. U," Harry smiled ruefully. He wouldn't admit it, but the quirky artificial intelligence was one of Harry's most dependable friends. Of course it helped that the digital intelligence was still in its infancy when it met Harry, and Harry's personality undoubtedly shaped it some, giving it such an amiable and annoyingly whiny, immature personality. "So what do ya got for us?"

"Still cracking some of the reports. Standard high security stuff, just takes a minute or two, but hey, that reminds me," Mr. Universe commented. "I noticed a wave of the old General Manfred Asbach?"

"Hey now," Harry grinned. "Keep that info to yourself. It's supposed to be a gift."

"No worries," Mr. Universe explained while Harry saw the others giving him curious looks. "I just thought you might like to know I assigned that Special Agent to respond only to the codename: Hans Von Tinkletreat."

"That should go over well," Harry grinned, making no effort to explain anything to Fullerton, Algernon, Jayne, or River.

"Got it," Mr. Universe explained. "Here we go: Alright, according to this the Alliance has not even set foot on Miranda since the Pax. When the dangerous escaped convict River Tam and the rest of her assault team led the-"

"Her team?" Jayne pouted.

Mr. Universe ignored the interruption and continued. "Led the Alliance cruiser into a trap where they were surrounded by the… blah blah blah… degenerate pirate and his illegal broadcasting substation? Oh, I am so going to be updating these files."

"Can you get to the good stuff?" Harry urged.

"Yeah, yeah. Okay… serious breach of security procedures, blah, blah… hey!" Mr. Universe announced happily. "Harry, you're officially 'drastic measures.'"

Everyone had to smile at that and even Fullerton was chuckling.

"What're you laughing at?" Harry said, trying to sound tough.

"Oh wow," Mr. Universe interrupted. "An unnamed advisory board for the Parliament, decided to abandon all further Miranda pursuits just a few months after the wave went out. Apparently the vast majority of scout teams were hunted down, and posed little resistance to the enemy. Some unpleasant audio recordings here," Mr. Universe commented. "Oh here we go. An exploratory attack was made by two fully armed cruisers. When the largest Reaver ships were destroyed, all the others swarmed and crashed into the cruisers, resulting in the complete destruction of the Caesar 7. The Caesar 9 was overrun and was under Reaver control until it was discovered dead in the air eight months later. Reavers plowed straight into the bridge of the Caesar 9 and engaged the soldiers in hand-to-hand combat as they flooded onboard. The advisory board came to the conclusion that superior numbers and training are insufficient to defeating Reavers in close combat."

"Gosh," Jayne said rolling his eyes. "I guess the Reavers weren't fighting fair."

"They were able to observe the Reavers on the Caesar 9 for three weeks, before the transmissions were abruptly ended. They believe them to be creatures without reason or rationality, but they are intelligent. They will attack each other with extreme ferocity with little provocation, and speak in only high-pitched screams and grunts. The Reavers are apparently only concerned with individual survival and continuous hunting. They even observed a female Reaver that actually carried a child to term… oh my. There's video for this. Do you wanna see it?"

"No!" Harry insisted.

"Yeah, probably not," Mr. Universe continued. "But the short of it is that mothers eat their young, and then the rest eat the mother. You sure you don't want to see the video?"

"What else?" Harry said, trying to banish the image from his mind.

Mr. Universe kept going. "They estimate that there are still as many as possibly ten thousand Reavers trolling the rim. Primarily in small packs of anywhere from a half dozen to as many as can fit on the various ships they can salvage and pilot. Usually, only one or two ships will be in the same vicinity, and together they will attack and raid outlying villages. Sometimes they will attack each other if there are not enough victims or targets to hunt.

"The majority of these areas of space have been deemed restricted and unsafe for travel. The Alliance has essentially ceded the entire sector to being uncontrollable. Conclusions, let's see here… Considering the Reaver lifestyle, and the fact that it was a freak occurrence that made them, the Alliance has decided to let them all die out on their own. As scattered as they are, trying to hunt them down would likely cost more resources than if they were simply leave them alone when within a decade or two they'll be dead anyway. Keeping them contained, engaging only if they stray too near Alliance controlled areas, and simply hoping they never start to reproduce." Mr. Universe paused and added. "Or at least keep munching on the munchkins."

"They're making no effort to unravel why the Reavers came to be?" Fullerton asked. "Or attempting to help them?"

"Help?" Jayne repeated. "Help the Reavers?"

"Nope," Mr. Universe answered. "Then again, this report was last updated over a year ago. If the Reavers behavior doesn't alter significantly, there may be far fewer than ten thousand remaining now. And once they're all gone, or present negligible threat, then the Parliament has a plan to… oh. This could be a problem."

"Here it comes," Harry grumbled.

"They've already designed a bomb," Mr. Universe explained, "that will destroy the planet Miranda completely."

River groaned almost as loudly as Jayne, while Algernon and Fullerton gasped. Harry simply sat back thinking quietly.

"Apparently the communications plan has been to simply downplay the problem," Mr. Universe continued. "Avoid the situation for as long as possible and let it take care of itself. With the Reavers gone, and the evidence gone, the story will fade into myth. On the plus side, they're not planning to vaporize the planet anytime soon, but I suppose on the down side they are planning to vaporize it."

"Yeah," Harry agreed. "That is a down side."

"We cannot let that happen," Fullerton insisted. "A magical planet is too precious and the idea that this one is terraformed and merely waiting for us to settle is an opportunity we cannot afford to miss."

"Let's not put the carriage before the thestral here," Harry interrupted. "The first thing we need to do is figure out if Miranda really is a magical planet."

"You think it might not be?" River inquired curiously.

Harry just chuckled sadly and dropped his head.

"Would you mind if I borrow Mr. Universe and learn more about Reavers and this G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate?" Fullerton inquired.

"Knock yourself out," Harry said, not even looking up.

Fullerton and Algernon both got up to leave as Fullerton happily asked Mr. Universe, "You said there is some video?"

Jayne made a pained face, picturing a mama Reaver eating a baby Reaver, with its chubby little cut-up and scarred cheeks. Jayne saw River didn't seem so angry with him and asked, "So Harry… any idea what you're gonna do?"

Harry mumbled a few curse words to himself and lifted his head. "Yeah, I know what I'm going to do. I just get to be frustrated about it for a few more minutes."

Jayne chuckled and turned when he heard a loud sigh. The portrait of Luna was giving her Harry doll pigtails. "He can be such a drama queen."

"Thank you, honey," Harry said looking over at the portrait of his young wife.

"You know what you have to do," Dilys Derwent said with a warm mothering tone.

Harry nodded.

Jayne frowned. "You're not leaving us, are ya?"

Harry shook his head negatively.

"But you have to get to Miranda and figure out if it's magical," River stated. "Preferably before the Alliance completely destroys it."

Harry nodded his head.

"So you just gotta convince Mal to fly us through restricted uncontrollable space, filled with Reavers, and take us all back to our own little personal nightmare, right?"

"Right," Harry said determinedly. "You think Mal might have a problem with that?"

Jayne chuckled.

"Or Inara or Zoe or Simon or Kaylee?" Harry bobbed his head side to side with each name.

"Don't forget Jayne and River here," Luna helpfully added.

"How about you two? Jayne?" Harry asked hopefully.

Jayne downed the rest of his firewhiskey. "You saved Ma's life. But this'll make us even."

Harry figured he'd owe Jayne one after this, but nodded. "River?"

River was tapping her chin and thinking deeply. "I don't know. You've been in my head, so you know what you're asking of me."

Harry nodded sadly well aware that if anything could tear her mental shields down now, it'd be that place.

"I'll make you an offer," River said quietly, the words floating out dangerously.

Harry looked at her uncertainly. "What's that?"

River leant back and crossing her arms. "We're talking about risking my own life, sanity, and willfully going to one of the most emotionally scarring and painful places in the 'verse. I think we both know I owe you enough that if you ask me to, I'm in regardless. But I'm offering to help you convince Mal and the others."

Harry glanced over at Jayne who was just as confused as Harry. "In exchange for what?"

River never blinked, nor did her inflection change, her posture indicating she was ready to take on anyone. "A date."

Harry felt quite intimidated by how firm River's convictions were. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me," River stated plainly. "I want a real, proper, genuine date. None of this misleading the others, or training or what not. Just one date where you have to openly consider the idea of a romantic relationship with me." River had to fight to keep the smile off her face, as the portrait Luna had dropped her Harry doll and was thrusting two big thumbs up in the air.

"You're serious?" Harry asked, finding it quite humorous that even after his 150 years his voice could still crack.

Jayne looked between Harry and River. "You mean you guys… never…"

"Nope," River said, while keeping her eyes locked on Harry.

Jayne was scratching his head. "But I saw you…"

"We were just training," Harry said glancing at Jayne, feeling a bit uncomfortable with River's insistent stare. "Sweaty, strenuous activity, where we just let you all connect the dots however you wanted."

Jayne smacked himself on the forehead, remembering some of the post-workout conversations he'd had. "Wu de ma! You guys got even more issues than I thought and you both still need to get laid. I'd take it, Harry. It's a good deal."

Harry looked over at Jayne oddly, and noticed how excited Luna's portrait looked.

"What?" Jayne said. "I ain't gonna help ya with Mal. No way."

Harry saw River hadn't budged and was waiting for an answer. "When?"

River was mentally shelving the rest of the arguments she was prepared to make and considered the question. "When this is all over."

"The trip to Miranda?" Harry clarified, feeling this was a little too surreal a situation to be bargaining over.

"The wizards, the trip, whatever's going to be keeping us busy until we get some proper down time on a decent planet," River amended.

Harry sighed. "Just one date?"

River nodded curtly.

"You're completely nuts, you realize," Harry added, hoping he wouldn't have to ever actually address any feelings he may or may not be having towards the young woman.

"I've been nuttier," River commented, slightly cracking a smile.

"You'll deal with your brother and the Captain?" Harry clarified.

River just nodded.

"Alright," Harry said shaking his head in disbelief. "We'll… we'll go on a date when this is all over."

River snapped her arm out rigidly, demanding a handshake to seal the deal.

Harry forced a smile and tried to ignore the feeling someone somewhere just made a really bad prophecy about him. He shook her hand and was fighting laughter at how cordial and professional River was treating this business transaction.

Jayne just started chuckling and snickering at the pair. River had finally relaxed and was back to looking as normal as ever with a pleased smile.

"What now?" Harry asked in resignation when it was apparent Jayne found something immensely entertaining.

In between laughs and guffaws, Jayne finally answered, "Just picturing your kids."

Harry sighed and got the feeling it would never end. "Please… don't. And both of you say nothing to Mal until we figure out exactly what our plan is going to be. We gotta have specifics and Kaylee's going to be fixing up Serenity for another day or two anyway. How far is Miranda?"

"Good four days, maybe five," River said. "Unless you wanna take Frank."

"Hmm," Harry paused. "Last I heard he was a ways out, looking for life on other planets but he might've headed back our way."

"Looking for aliens?" Jayne asked curiously.

"Or wizards that got lost," River suggested.

Harry shrugged. "Going places no one's ever been sounds as fun as it does boring. I told him to be careful, because if something goes wrong out there, then he's probably stuck. But he says he knows his own body and that Peeves can take care of everything else."

"So we just make no mention of a potential jaunt Miranda's way?" Jayne asked. "Maybe we'll get lucky, wake up, and this is all a bad dream?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah, for now. I'll send a wave Frank's way, see where he's at, and make sure Fullerton and Algernon aren't blabbing too much until we know more. Though I wouldn't hold my breath on that waking up part."

"You're really thinking about giving it up?" Zoe asked.

Inara sighed. "I don't know. I've practically given it up already. It's not like renting this shuttle really provides me with all that many opportunities."

"You're still paying rent?" Zoe asked in surprise.

"No," Inara said shaking her head. "Considering how rarely we stick around civilized society, Mal won't take rent. Though he brings it up every time I ask how long we'll be anywhere."

"You ever think of leaving again?"

Inara sighed. "I don't even really want to pick up clients anymore. I'm an old maid by Companion standards. Two-thirds of the girls my age are happily married and the other third work in the Academies teaching, or are running the Houses."

"You're twenty-seven," Zoe scolded knowing she had almost a decade on the young Companion.

"That's like a hundred in Companion years," Inara sniffled.

Zoe rolled her eyes. "So instead of House Priestess or teaching, you're going out to pasture for your last few years as a stowaway on an illegal transport ship?"

"Well it sounds silly when you put it like that," Inara frowned.

"So what is it you're thinking of doing?" Zoe questioned. "You just turn in your membership card or something?"

"My status is undoubtedly probationary considering how inactive I've been. I'd probably have made it official a long time ago, but it could still be useful to us."

"It has been in the past," Zoe said, "having a respectable member of society on board."

Inara was chewing on her bottom lip uncertainly.

"Please tell me you're not worried that losing your status will mean Mal gives you the boot."

Inara's brief look told her Zoe all she needed to know.

"You can be so yu bun duh sometimes," Zoe said with a sigh. "You've always got a place here, you know that."

"No!" Inara insisted. "I don't. I piss Mal off more than anything useful around here. What good am I without my status?"

"Okay, maybe you are losing your touch," Zoe smiled. "Companions don't have self-esteem issues."

"I know," Inara groaned in frustration. "I'm trying to un-complicate things and it just becomes more complicated."

"Okay, first," Zoe said. "If anyone were to get the boot, it'd be Harry. We only got room for one trouble magnet and he's giving the little one a run for her money. But anyways, listen, if you want, I know something you could do."

"Yeah?" Inara looked up hopefully.

"Shortly after the Captain bought Serenity," Zoe explained. "We'd already hired Bester as our supposed genius mechanic, and when he was trying to talk me into hiring the fool I'd later call husband, Mal was pitching to me about how all we need to keep flying and make our life in the sky was a mechanic, a pilot, and a cook. We ain't ever hired a cook."

"I can cook!" Inara said happily. "I'm not great but I finished fourth in my class at the Academy."

"You're better than you think," Zoe assured her. "But I'm only saying this to give your foolishness a purpose. We ain't getting rid of you, even if you are officially no more than a thief like the rest of us."

"Thank you Zoe," Inara said feeling more secure than she had. "Kaylee's been so emotional lately, it just reminded me how quickly things can change. And I think it was when we were plummeting towards certain death back on Earth-That-Was that I realized how much my home is on Serenity and with you guys."

"Of course it is," Zoe assured her.

Mal knocked on the door frame, peeking his head in. "Am I interrupting?"

"Not at all," Inara said smoothing down her dress and standing up to greet him. She paused and suddenly realized, "You… you knocked?"

"Sorry," Mal admitted with a grin. "Won't happen again."

"I'll leave you two alone," Zoe said getting up to leave.

"You don't have to," Mal moved out of the way as Zoe hurried past. "Okay."

Inara thought that was a particularly unsubtle quick exit but tried to keep the emotion off her face.

"She was in a bit of a hurry," Mal commented. "Something I should know about?"

"I…" Inara shook her head. "It's not important. What can I do for you?"

"Why are you being so nice?" Mal asked suspiciously.

Inara stiffened and retorted, "Why are you knocking?"

Mal paused and fidgeted. "Fair enough. Listen, I got a couple things I wanted to talk to you about, and they're prolly not gonna come out right."

"Oh boy," Inara mumbled.

"The thing is, I can't help but notice you've not had a whole lot of custo-," Mal stopped and corrected himself, "clients. And I know you've had plenty of opportunities back on Persephone and even here on Ariel."

"I didn't think you were a fan of Ariel," Inara commented, feeling a little worried on where Mal was going with this.

"There's good people to rob around here, and few you can poke with a stick," Mal commented thinking about his little duel with one of Inara's more notorious clients.

Inara was smiling, thinking back to how Mal stabbed Atherton Wing a couple extra times just for fun.

"But part of me wonders," Mal said knowing he was entering danger territory here. "You seem to be acting like you don't really want to be Companioning no more."

Inwardly, Inara began to panic.

"You ain't yelling at me yet?" Mal paused. "Alright, good sign. I just… I wanted you to know, that if you did decide to you know, retire, I…" Mal was trying to think of the right words. "I'd support that decision."

Inara resisted the urge to jump into his arms and thank him. "It'd be my decision, but, you know, if it means that much to you…" Inara coyly replied.

"Right," Mal said refusing to actually ask her to. "Anyways, the other thing was I got you something."

"You did?" Inara asked, always a fan of presents.

"Yeah, I did," Mal said lifting the invisibility cloak off the box he'd snuck in with him. "I thought maybe, with how you started just by renting our shuttle and doing business from Serenity that you might not feel quite as much one of the crew here as the others. And I wanted you to know that you are a part of this crew, as much as everyone else." Mal fumbled his way through the words and handed her the box.

Inara couldn't believe how wonderful Mal was acting. She was fighting back tears as she accepted the box. She accepted it and sat down with the box on her lap. She slowly lifted the lid off the top and her eyes widened as her jaw dropped. "It's… it's a gun."

"Nothing says Serenity like being armed when things get humped," Mal said.

"But a gun?" Inara repeated.

Mal winced.

"Did you pull it off a body or something?"

"No, no, I just bought it for you," Mal said. "It's inscribed and everything."

Inara took the gun out and was amazed at how light it felt. She saw 'Inara' was written in a calligraphic script up the handle.

"Flip it over," Mal said. "The other side too."

Inara moved the gun to her other hand and read the name 'Serenity' carved into the other side. She couldn't take it anymore as she started crying. She lunged onto Mal and hugged him tight enough to cut off his oxygen. She knew she was a mess and while she was thinking 'I hate guns,' the words that came out of her mouth were, "It's beautiful."

Mal had no idea the gun was going to be so well received. He was awkwardly patting Inara on the back and trying to calm her down. "Just wanted you to feel appreciated and have a little protection."

Inara's response was a little more wailing as she continued to squeeze Mal. Without thinking her left hand made a small squeeze of its own, and Inara managed to accidentally try out her gun for the first time.

"Whoa!" Mal said jumping back and aiming the gun away from him. "Were you trying to shoot me in the ass?"

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Inara apologized profusely.

Mal was patting his bum, making sure he hadn't been hit. He took the gun from Inara's hand and clicked the safety back on, wondering when she may have released it. "I probably should have warned you, I'd loaded it and tested it briefly at the store."

"Oh thank you!" Inara said glad to have the gun out of her hand. She lunged back into Mal's arms and was hugging him again, trembling at the sheer amount of emotions she'd been going through.

"You're uhh, you're welcome," Mal said, getting used to the feel of Inara hanging onto him. "Although maybe I need to give you a few lessons on gun safety before you use that too much more."

Inara just laughed as Zoe came running back towards the shuttle.

"Did he shoot you?" Zoe demanded.

"Hey," Mal whined. "You got it the wrong way around. She almost shot me."

Zoe glanced at the ashamed looking Inara and commented, "Well I'll guess we'll need to work on her aim."

Mal rolled his eyes.

"Are you okay?" Zoe noted the redness indicating recent crying.

Inara nodded with a smile. "Just playing with my new gun."

"Your new-" Zoe stopped herself. "Sir?"

"Zoe?" Mal replied with a grin.

"Could I speak to you for a moment?"

"Yeah, I think we were done here," Mal said as he turned to follow Zoe out of the shuttle. "Weren't we?"

Inara nodded. "Yeah, I should probably figure out where that bullet went." She was looking around her shuttle in confusion. She saw a glimmer on the floor as the Captain and Zoe left. "Oh Mal, don't forget your invisibility cloak."

Mal popped his head back around and grabbed his cloak. "Thanks."

"Your cloak? Inara's gun?" Zoe questioned as they walked. "What the hell happened in the ten minutes I was gone?"

"Just wanted to remind her that she was a part of this crew," Mal explained. "Not just some tenant renting a shuttle."

"And so you got her a gun?" Zoe clarified, inwardly impressed at Mal's sense of timing.

"Well, I wanted to talk to her first," Mal said. "And I was worried she might not like to hear what I had to say, so I kept the gun hidden under the cloak, you know, in case she felt like shooting me."

"That," Zoe smiled and admitted, "while a good idea, sounds like maybe it didn't stop her from trying. And what in the 'verse possessed you to get her a gun?" Zoe knew Inara's distaste for guns, but wasn't sure if Mal did.

Mal shrugged and grinned back. "Seemed like the best way to make her feel like one of the crew."

"A gun?" Zoe questioned. "And how'd she take it?"

"She was a little surprised but when she saw the inscription, she started crying."

"Lao tyen yeh," Zoe cursed.

"Happy tears, happy tears," Mal assured her. "She said it was beautiful, hugged me, thanked me, and fired a round off at my ass."

"You got it inscribed?" Zoe was impressed.

Mal nodded. "I didn't want her thinking I just found the gun, or pulled it off a body."

Zoe narrowed her eyes at him thinking that sort of forethought sounded out of character for the Captain. "Harry?"

"I came up with the inscription!" Mal insisted not wanting the wizard to get all the credit for his good deed. "Harry was even impressed by it."

Zoe summed up her feelings on the situation, "More armed women are always a good thing."

"Book of Jayne," Jayne announced as he began to write.

"Are you talking to me?" a bleary-eyed barely awake Jane stuck her head up.

"Go back to sleep, baby," Jayne said as he didn't want the interruption. "Daddy's got work to do."

"You're really full of yourself, aren't you?" Jane commented, as she began to rest her eyes.

"Don't worry, baby," Jayne said sharpening his pencil. "You can be really full of me too. There's enough to go around."

"Oh Merlin," Jane groaned without opening her eyes. "What have I done?"

"No one'll ever blame you for coming down with a case of the Jaynes," Jayne assured her. "Now seriously like, just go back to sleep. I need to focus on my concentration."

Jane just pulled the sheets closer and had rolled over facing the other way.

"Book of Jayne," He began again.

"What?" Jane asked in irritation.

"Shush!" Jayne scolded her and looked back into his journal. "Date, Number Double-D."

Jane couldn't take it and had to crack an eye open to watch Jayne write. She'd reluctantly admit he looked pretty cute when he furrowed his brow thinking deeply or what passed for deeply in Jayne Cobb's mind.

"Turns out… Harry's crazy… even by crazy's standards," Jayne slowly said the words as he wrote them.

Jane finally realized he was writing out loud to himself and she had to hold back a giggle.

"Found… more… freaks," Jayne said. "I… picked one… for me. She… is… hot."

Jane was hoping he was talking about her.

"Even…if… she talks too much," Jayne said and finished by stamping hard the period at the end of the sentence.

Jane rolled her eyes quite sure he was talking about her now.

"Bagged her… tagged her…" Jayne continued. "Think… I'm a gonna… throw her back… cuz… I wanna… catch her… again."

"You do know I can hear you, right?" Jane said unsure if she was insulted being compared to a fish or flattered that he wanted to 'catch her' again.

"Woman!" Jayne snapped at her, his focus and concentration now broken. "Do you need me to get you your own notebook to shut you up?"

Jane frowned and growled. "Yes, that's exactly what I need."

"Well…" Jayne paused not expecting that answer. "I don't have one."

"Hmmph."

"Actually," Jayne said jumping up from his chair. "Don't go nowhere."

Jayne hopped up out of his cabin and walked down to where Harry's was. Jayne walked right in, considering it was also the public bathroom. He pulled back the curtain around Harry's bunk and stuck his head in. "Hey Harry?"

"Jayne?" Harry said rubbing the crust from his eyes. He cast a tempus. "It's four in the morning."

"Way to tell time, Harry," Jayne cheered him on. "Listen, can you copy this for me?"

Harry accepted the hallowed Book of Jayne. "You need a permanent copy or a temp one? What exactly are you wanting here?"

"I just need another empty journal," Jayne said. "Jane wants to write too."

"Are you talking about yourself in the third person again?" Harry asked thinking it was a bit too early for this.

"Naw," Jayne said shaking his head. "This is for the Book of Jane, not the Book of Jayne."

Harry just looked up at Jayne. He then took notice of what Jayne was wearing. Or more specifically, not wearing, which in this case was neither a shirt nor pants. Harry silently was grateful there was at least underwear.

"Hmm," Jayne commented. "We might need to come up with a different name because Book of Jane sounds too much like Book of Jayne."

"Why don't you stop talking for a while," Harry said. He blearily recalled a duplication spell that would be permanent for inanimate muggle objects without a keyed counterspell. Harry cast the duplication making two identical Books of Jayne. "You'll need to tear out all the pages already written on, but this one will last."

"Thanks Harry!"

Harry just nodded and laid back down for more sleep. "Oh and Jayne? I like the little squirrels."

Jayne glanced down at his banana hammock and remembered when his Mom gave him these undies. "You shouldn't be looking, Harry," Jayne said shaking his head as he left Harry's bunk and hurried back to his own. "You shouldn't be looking."

Jayne re-entered his bunk and saw Jane hadn't moved from her place on his bed. Jayne ripped out all the used pages of the notebook Harry made, leaving only blank pages behind. He saw the scratched in title on the cover stayed the same, and fixed it to say what he wanted it to. "There you go. You got your own notebook. Now shush, woman."

Jane took the nearly identical looking notebook and chewed up pencil from Jayne. She looked down at the modified cover and read, "Book of Jayne's Jane?"

Jayne nodded with a grin.

Jane was once again, offended and flattered. "Thanks."

"You can thank me by shushing," Jayne commented as he opened his journal and got back to his writing.

Jayne took a deep breath and started back up. "Book of Jayne."

"Book of Jayne's Jane," she countered audibly.

Jayne looked up and thought he was being mocked.

Jane just smiled at him. She saw Jayne frowning at her harshly and she let the sheet covering her upper body fall.

Jayne's scowl disappeared and a goofy happy smile replaced it. He looked back down at his writing and was talking while he wrote. "I hope… Zoe's… not too hurt. But… maybe…" Jayne paused and was tapping his chin. He nodded and wrote decisively. "Threesome."

Jane was feeling more offended than flattered this time and tried to ignore him as she wrote at a much brisker pace than Jayne. "Turns out some boys get named Jayne. Got one. Bagged him. Tagged him. He's a bit of a pig, but he does wear tiny briefs with cute squirrels on them."

Jayne snickered, looking up from his writing.

"Shush," Jane snapped at him harshly.

Jayne gulped and quickly looked down in meek obedience.

Jane went back to her writing. "I think maybe I should stop writing and bag him again."

Jayne looked up hopefully. "Okay."

Jane shut her book and put off to the side. "So whose turn is it to be Tarzan?"

Jayne shut the Book of Jayne and carefully put in back into his bedside drawer. He began beating on his chest and taking full advantage of the silencing wards Harry had setup. He let out his savage roar and called, "Me Tarzan, you Jane!"

Harry had talked to Digdug and Ripruck. Harry had finished outlining a rough plan with all the wizards. Harry had talked to Duncan and gotten him working on a few things they may need. Kaylee had finished getting all the catalyzer coupling reg shock covers stripped and fitted back in. Serenity was humming and running as good as she ever had. And all the crew had been approached beforehand, most of them by River, with the obvious exception of one. It was time to talk to Mal.

Inara was in the kitchen, demonstrating her culinary expertise for Zoe and Mal. Harry came in with River following right behind.

"Harry!" Mal greeted with a smile. "There you are."

"Something up, Captain?" Harry asked looking at the others for help.

"I don't know," Mal replied. "Is there?"

Harry saw no one else seemed to know what was going on.

"I been getting the feeling you've been ignoring me the past couple of days," Mal explained. "Something on your mind, Harry? You got any idea where the wizards need to go next?"

Harry sat down across from Mal and shook his finger at him. "Your skills of observation and perception are top notch, Captain. You sure are sharp, aren't you?"

"Oh dear," Mal's smile faded into a look of worry. "I'm not going to like this, am I?"

"Would you like something to drink?" River offered. "Firewhiskey, perhaps?"

"No," Mal said slowly shaking his head. "I think I'd like some answers. What's going on?"

Harry nodded and tried to act cheerful. "Great news, Captain. We think we may have located a magical planet."

Mal just nodded, saying nothing.

"So you know, the wizards may be out of your hair pretty soon here," Harry explained.

Mal just sat there not moving, waiting for whatever ugliness was coming.

"That's good news, right?" Harry said, looking at River for help.

Mal sat there unresponsive.

River blurted out, "It's Miranda."

Mal's eyebrows rose but he made no other movement to answer.

"I know what you're thinking," Harry said. "Okay, I don't. But I can guess and it's not as bad as it sounds. We've got wizards here. We've got all sorts of plans and contingency plans. We've been researching all about the Reavers and you know I wouldn't even suggest this if there were any other options. Or if I thought the risk was too high."

Mal's face hadn't budged other than the occasional flare of his nostrils, indicating he was still breathing.

"Captain?" Harry asked curiously after several seconds of uncomfortable silence. "You okay?"

Mal tilted his head up and looked at Harry. "So let me get this straight. You seem to think Miranda is a magical planet. And you seem to think that we are going to fly there. And you seem to think that the risk isn't too high. That sound about right?"

"Err…" Harry paused.

"Yup," River answered quickly.

"And you're okay with this?" Mal asked looking at River.

River nodded with a small frown.

"Zoe?" Mal questioned.

Zoe nodded.

"Inara?"

She nodded too.

Mal stared at Harry and was watching him squirm under Mal's gaze. "Have you run this past everybody but me?"

Harry warily opened his mouth but River once again interrupted him, "Yup."

"There's no other way around this?" Mal verified. "This is something we have to do?"

Harry slowly nodded, uncertain what to make of this thoughtful Mal.

Mal took a deep breath and let it out. "Okay," he nonchalantly agreed with a bob of his head.

"Really?" Harry asked in surprise.

Mal raised a curious eyebrow. "Do you want to convince me otherwise?"

River reached over and smacked Harry in the back of the head.

"No," Harry said before snapping a glare at River. "And oww!" He turned back to the Captain. "Sorry, sir. I just… you know what? I'm thinking I really should shut up now."

"No, you really shouldn't," Mal said. He turned to Inara. "How are those noodles coming?"

"Cooling now," Inara said. "You want a bowl?"

"Please," Mal said with a grin. He turned back towards Harry. "But you all need to tell me more about these plans and contingency plans."

"Right," Harry explained. "Okay, so from your experiences and the Alliance records on Reavers we know they prefer to be in the air and are unlikely to be on the planet. So the primary issue is mainly going to be getting past them. And much like you all disguised Serenity and just floated right through them, we're going simply disillusion the ship. We'll have several wizards on standby, prepared to cast group shields, which with only half a dozen people can completely surround all of Serenity. We'll be invisible and quiet, and as long as we don't physically crash into them, they'll never even know we were there."

Mal was slowly eating his noodles, and listening to Harry.

"The diversions," River added.

"Oh right," Harry said. "We can also use the shuttles, with a couple wizards protecting them, and the shuttles disillusioned. A few well-placed blasting curses or grenades and any ships that get hit, will only see other Reaver ships around. We could get them fighting each other, a ways away from Serenity making our silent invisible path even easier."

"What about Frank?" Mal asked. "He's a lot smaller and faster. You think he'd be willing to help you out?"

Harry shrugged. "I got a wave back from him. He's probably four weeks out still and the risks with him would be the same risks with Serenity. In terms of speed, he's really not any faster unless he can get the hyperdrive going, which is kinda pointless on the distances we're talking about. He's headed back this way now, and he's gonna swing by Duncan pick us up some supplies."

"You really think Miranda's a magical planet?" Mal questioned. "You think it's the sort of place you been looking for?"

Harry winced and shrugged. "You know our luck. You think there's any chance it's not?"

Mal harrumphed. "Good point."

"You realize what is on Miranda though, don't you?" Zoe asked, not particularly wanting to imagine the horrors there.

"Umm…" Harry looked over at River.

"She means the thirty million rotting corpses," River explained matter-of-factly.

"Oh," Harry said nodding in understanding. "Right, well, once Digdug tells the rest of the goblins that it is in fact a magical planet, and capable of supporting magical life, the goblins are going to move in, begin working on fortifying locations, setting up goblin wards for safety, and cleaning up the bodies."

"Well, that's helpful," Mal admitted with a grimace.

Harry nodded. "They've got stronger stomachs, more numbers, and are probably harder workers than us anyway."

"What do we need to do before we go?" Mal asked looking between River and Harry.

"We're all set and ready now, Captain," River answered and stood up. "Shall I?"

"Go ahead," Mal nodded. "We got a five day flight, don't we?"

"Yup," Harry answered while River headed off towards the bridge for takeoff from Ariel.

Mal was finishing off his bowl of noodles and asked, "You said Frank's picking up supplies from Duncan? What sort of supplies you need that you couldn't have picked up around here?"

"Actually Jayne gave me the idea," Harry said. "He was talking about the net that Mel tried to send you through."

Mal looked at Harry in concern.

"Considering how many of the Reaver ships run without containment," Harry explained. "A way to turn them into floating metal boxes might be real useful, especially if we can hide the net from view of the Reavers. We'll know where it is and can lead them right into it."

"I thought we were going to be completely avoiding them," Mal commented. "Not trying to get them to chase us."

Harry smiled weakly at the Captain. "You're right. Good point. That is definitely the plan for getting to Miranda. But once we're there…"

"I thought we were done with you tiptoeing around the bad news," Mal grumbled and looked at Harry for an explanation.

"Yeah," Harry glancing at Inara and Zoe who hadn't heard this yet either. "The thing is… well… Fullerton thinks he can cure the Reavers."