A/N: Thank you for all your reviews! Mucho Gracias to Fiona for giving me the next few ideas of this... and Christina who is my evil partner in crime and beta reader. . All your reviews are wonderful. This is my first non-Harry potter fanfiction so I'm glad you all enjoy it so much!

Disclaimer: I would so do Edward. If he were mine, I would SO do him. Tarter sauce he isn't though. Damn S. Meyer for copywriting him and the rest of the beautiful (and ugly) characters of Twilight. Mmm the Lyrics are Linkin Parks. Blah.

2. ONE STEP CLOSER

I cannot take this anymore

Sayin' everything I've said before

All these words they make no sense

I found bliss in ignorance

Less I hear the less you say

You'll find that out anyway

I hate him. I seriously hate him. Okay, no I don't, I love him, but he still left me with complete knowledge of the horror I must currently endure for the next twenty-four hours more or less alone. I am praying for less, but when has luck ever been on my side? Every time Edward has saved me does not constitute as luck either. No, that's just Edward being Edward.

This night could be worse though. There could be a vampire attack on us four girls watching scary movies in our pajamas, but at the moment I think I would pretty much welcome that. It's not that I can't handle the scary movies. They aren't even scary. Batman Begins is not scary- that's if I disregard the fact that the actor playing The Scarecrow looks frighteningly enough to be James. That aside though, the movie is fine.

No, what makes this one of the worst nights of my life is that there are four girls in their pajamas- mostly in shades of pink- in my living room with sleeping bags, bowls of candy and popcorn, and giggling like a group of twelve year olds. All right, I know I am being a little harsh, but this would be so much easier to get through if I knew once everyone was asleep Edward would appear at the back door and I could sit with him all night.

Truthfully, I think the horror resides in one thing tonight. I'm afraid to go to sleep. I don't want to start talking in my sleep. I know I will. Deep sleep has not come to me since the attack unless I am under heavy medication. Sadly, the pain medication was all out and no chance of a refill unless I break my leg again.

However, to my joy, no one looks tired and it's a good hour past midnight. I still have nine more hours until I can kick them all out without seeming rude. To my distress though, the night has dwindled into those humiliating games that involve exposing your deepest darkest secrets. Not truth or dare- thank god- but ten fingers minus the alcohol. Charlie had gone to bed, but none of us were willing to start drinking with Chief Swan so close.

If you haven't heard of the game, it's rather simple. Someone states 'I have never blank,' but of course they fill in the blank with something they have never done. Fairly simple. Those of us who have done said blank, put down a finger. First to have no more fingers looses. Again, fairly simple.

Ahh, but here comes the hard part... having to put down fingers or not put them down at all. At first it started out with normal things that most likely haven't happened. "I have never had sex," Angela proclaimed. Lauren put down a finger. Jessica blushed, obviously hiding something.

"You're hiding something," I smiled. As much as Edward teased about what he knew about Mike and Jessica, he didn't tell me. He told me Jessica would spill when she wanted to. Jessica did spill all the time, but there were some occasions she held back.

"Am not!" she hissed at me. I rolled my eyes; she was so hiding something.

"Fine, my turn," Angela pronounced, "I have never received a hickey." She smirked in Lauren's direction, a blow against the other girl turning the game from 'Ten Fingers' to 'Destroy Lauren'. Really, I didn't mind that.

"Wait, why aren't you putting a finger down Bella?" Jessica asked prominently. My eyes became wide. "I always see Edward kissing at your neck."

A hot blush lit up my cheeks. Who let these girls in here again? Oh yes, Charlie. I might just have to let him cook dinner for himself for the next week as punishment for this.

"He's never given me a hickey though," I stated in softly. No matter how much I asked, he still refused to give me a hickey, but that was because my idea of a hickey included a bite, days of pain, and loosing my humanity. I wanted him to turn me into a vampire.

Over the summer, I began to give up asking Edward to turn me into a vampire. He was getting tired of the debate and knowing neither of us was going to let up soon, I just stopped asking. I knew better ways to make him give in to turn me.

"Oh, I would have thought..." Jessica started but I shook my head. This game needed to be over now. She gave a deep irritated sigh as if I was the one with holding juicy gossip and grinned "I never took ballet," a deliberate hit on my fingers.

The game continued like this, learning of my friends' secret doings of their relationships that their mother's would never approve of. Though cranky because of having to go through with this slumber party, I began to feel a bit, well, jealous. Truth be told, Edward and I were rather lacking in the intimacy department. It was still difficult to kiss him for longer than a few seconds- doing anything more than that wasn't discussed or thought about... no matter how much jealously and hormones built up within me.

My friends were all, of course, surprised that I was the last one with six or so fingers left raised high when even sweet little Angela got out. They all assumed Edward and I had done things, if not sex itself, by the way we were always together or him always touching me in some way. As they all frowned for my sake, almost in a sickening pity, I felt my blood boil and the need to cry.

Honestly, I wanted to do all that. I wanted to be able to kiss my boyfriend for hours on end. I wanted some way to express the passion and love that was building inside of me each day. I wanted to love Edward in so many ways and he would never let me. I could never do anything; I had to be slow in my touches. Over the months, things had gotten better, but still there would always be an unexpected touch that would catch Edward off guard and he would get angry with me or, worse, panic that he would do something harmful. Seeing my friends' faces just made me wish to be a vampire even more and my plan to make Edward turn me more concrete.

"So does that mean you two aren't really that serious then?" Jessica asked me with some interest. Of course she was dating Mike, but she never ceased to be dazzled by Edward's looks or doings.

"Oh no, we are, we just... haven't gone that far," I said trying to sound as normal as possible. I didn't, but that wasn't a surprise to me. Jessica looked at me as if she believed it was my fault things between Edward and I were the way they were.

"So then what are you going to do for college? You're both going right?" Angela asked, throwing me a look to save me from Jessica going into some speech about how it is okay to give into hormones.

"No, we're staying here," I told them. This was part one of my plan to make Edward turn me. If I refused to go to college, to leave him, then turning me would look like the only suitable solution. Once he did turn me, I could attend college however many times I wanted. Brilliant, no?

"You're what?" Jessica asked incredulously, "but you're like completely smart! What did you get on your SAT?"

"Twenty-three hundred," I slipped out and then cursed myself for saying my score. I have even slipped a lie. My score was really a 2310, but I rounded down to help convince myself that was nothing special. Jaws dropped around me in shock.

"You got a 2300 and you're not planning to go to college?" Lauren asked with a malicious grin; I didn't want to know why she smiled like that. I grabbed some popcorn and nodded as if this was not as big of deal as they made it.

Of course it was though. My score was only 90 points away from a perfect score; it made me wonder if there was a mistake in the grading. I could get into any college I wanted and even a scholarship. I didn't want any of that though- I wanted Edward.

This is why he knows nothing about my SAT score or college plans. I haven't told him I'm not planning to go yet. I've been lying to him even, telling him some nights when he was not around that I was working on college applications. I just figure that if I decide to stay in Forks then he will finally turn me. However, I know he will not let me stay in Forks without a fight- hence the not telling and the lying.

I suppose this sounds deceitful, not what you do when you love somebody, but trust me, I do. I love Edward with my entire heart and that's why I'm doing this. I want to be with him. I want to be with him in ways that aren't possible. I want to be with him forever. I have to do this to make him finally give in and change me. I have to do this so I can finally love him and be there for him in all the ways a girlfriend should be.

You could tell me I'm crazy, tell me there are schools in the area, but that won't get me Edward. I can just see myself going to college and the second I make friends with a boy, Edward pushing me to be with this college boy and not him. I can even hear the words in my mind. Bella, this is safer, this is better. You can live a real life, a safe one.

I don't want a real life or a safe one. It's been proven I am not a safe person over and over again. I am accident-prone and have been my entire life. I want to be with Edward, it's just hard to make him understand that.

That's why the following Monday after the birthday party, I told the college counselor I wasn't going to college.

"But, Isabella dear..." she said sounding worried. My firm telling of how I plan to stay in Forks to take care of my father scared her. She had this bright read, curly hair and a splay of freckles that made me think she was new to this job and not used to students with 2310's not wanting to go to college.

"It's Bella," I corrected her, trying not to get irritated, "and I've made up my mind. I can stay here, get a job at the library, and take care of my father. I have a set plan."

"College is the best four years of your life. If you're scared you're not going to get into one..." she dropped off again with a soft sigh as she read my records. I knew she was looking at my grades, my SAT score, and thinking I was making the biggest mistake of my life.

"I know I can get into one and if I was scared of being on my own, I'd just go to Washington State, but it's not that. I just know where I want my life to take me," I told her sternly. She didn't look quite ready to give up, but enough to give up for the day.

"Alright, but please take a look at some of these brochures for me, maybe if you just gave them a chance..." she said, pushing a colorful stack of college papers towards me. Out of kindness I took them before saying my goodbyes and leaving.

Walking out the door I shuffled through the brochures, taking them in. As glossy and beautiful as all the pictures were, none contained the picture of the life I wanted. There were posed pictures of camaraderie and school spirit, but not one contained Edward. Without further thought, I threw them in the first trashcan I found.

"No college?" his voice caused my entire being to freeze, his anger evident in every syllable. It was hard as stone causing a chill to run down my spine. He wasn't supposed to be here. He wasn't at school this morning! If I knew he was anywhere even near the counseling office I wouldn't have said anything incriminating.

With caution I glanced up to his eyes that were turning darker with each passing second. I knew he had heard everything, or at least everything the councilor thought. I could only now imagine what had been going through her mind about my headstrong approach to not attending college next fall or ever.

"Edward I-" I started to explain, but what was there to explain that already hadn't? I wanted to be with him and there was no other way to make him see that. I gave him pleading eyes, a whine to my voice even, but his eyes finally reached completely black. "I just want to be with you! If you turn me-"

"Not here Bella." It was a harsh demand through gritted teeth. Swallowing loudly I could feel my heart beating in over time as I began to panic. I wasn't scared, not in the way I should be, but scared that I had finally gone too far. He opened the door and pointed the direction of the school parking lot. "Car. Now."

A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long to get out! I had to go back to Oregon again. I tried convincing my mum to let me drive up to Forks, but she- of course- said no. I'm almost decided on a college so hopefully I will be able to start writing more in the next few weeks. Schools out May 12!