A/n:: wOw I know its been a long time, but college kind of just killed me. Packing was a pain and then moving, settling in, switching dorms so I had to resettle once again, etc. I'm two months in and finally getting the chance to write again. Yes, I HAVE read New Moon, but this story will have nothing to do with it. Not even emotions completely match up, but this is my version of Bella and I like he a tad more stranger than how Meyer wrote her. Sorry. Also sorry for the cliff hanger of like 3 months. Haha.

Disclaimer: Not my characters. They belong to S. Meyer.

7. BY MYSELF

If I let them go I'll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun
If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer

My bag was packed and I was leaving, going without any help. Of course this is not what Alice had in mind. As I threw my things into the bag she pleaded with me to stay, that it wasn't safe for me to go. She even got Carlisle into it and he advised that though it might be the only thing to get Edward home, it might not be the best for me in my 'condition.' Well fine, let my condition be the death of me, it'd be easier to explain than death by heartbreak.

I wasn't even sure where I was going. All I knew was that Edward was in Chicago at his old home. That wasn't saying much. Chicago was nothing like Forks. It was big and spread out. Was he in the city or the outer suburbs? Near the lake or near the airport? I tried asking Carlisle and Alice, but they were no help. The only somewhat help I got was from Rosalie who in a small laugh said I should just ride the train until I found him. Hah. Right.

This was a fight for love. It was a way to get my Edward back, but I could tell it was going to be hard. I only had one choice and that was convincing Alice to come with me, or at least look ahead for me. "Will I find him?"

Alice shook her head. "Bella I don't see anything. It's fuzzy. You've decided to go to Chicago, you're going out the door and then it just stops," Alice said truthfully with a sad tone that made my determination falter. I had no idea what that meant. I tried willing myself to see, but it just gave me a headache; apparently seeing the future was not going to be my special power. I had shown no sign of one at all yet actually. Maybe I'd die before I ever did.

"Maybe its because I don't know what I'm going to do once I'm out the door," I bit my lip as I sat on Edward's couch alone for the last time. I had decided I was not coming back without him. If he refused to come back, if he didn't… love me, then I wasn't coming back here. I'd go and travel the world and find my death somewhere peaceful, hoping the hint of glitter to my pale skin would not give me away.

"Well," a crystal, cherry voice entered the room once more. I didn't have to look; I knew it was Rosalie. She seemed to always show up when she was needed least. Ready to break my confidence? She was there. And now she was gliding into the room with one of the biggest smiles I had ever seen her with, probably because I was leaving. "Emmett and I thought about that and got you a plane ticket to O'hare." She flashed the white boarding pass in front of my face. That smile was definitely because I was leaving.

"Uh, thanks Rosalie," I bit my lip. I knew she wanted me gone, and of course I wanted to be gone, but I was a little apprehensive about taking the tickets from her. They seemed okay; window seat to see the lights as I landed. I hear you fly right over the city. Or maybe that's the Midway airport. No matter. That's when I realized it was one way and for in three hours. Oh she wanted me gone and she wanted me gone now.

"Don't you think it's a little soon for her to be leaving?" Alice brought up with a harsh tone disapproving of Rosalie's motives. "Maybe we should wait until Carlsile goes to visit Edward and see if he comes back on his own." I looked at her. Was she stalling? She had to know something. She said Edward was writing letters. Did he write that he might come back? Or was he happy where he was and liked this new life he was leading? Maybe Alice did see me leaving and finding Edward and he wasn't happy to see me at all. A shudder ran down my spine colder than my blood; not being in love anymore was something I did not want to think about.

Right then, it was time to leave then. Alice gave me a long hung while Rosalie smiled from the side. Alice took my bag for me as we headed out of the room. "I'll drive you to the airport," as we all started down the stairs.

"Thanks Alice, I really appreciate it," I told her, looking over my shoulder to send her a smile. However, behind me, both Rosalie and Alice had stopped walking, faces in complete shock. Huh? I turned around to see right at the bottom of the stair case eyes of topaz staring right up at me. It was if the world had stopped moving for those few seconds in which I realized I no longer needed to breathe to live. Not if I was looking into those eyes, his eyes.

"Bella?" his voice was soft for a moment. All I could do was stare as my mind rushed to try and read his features. Was he upset, glad to see me, what? Everyone had appeared by now, hearing Edward's voice, looking to me as I finally nodded. I could see his eyes moving, taking me in as I stood there before him.

"You were dead," he stated, gulping down nothing. His hands were balling up into fists, veins popping on his exposed forearms from rolling up the sleeves of his shirt. Once again I nodded.

"She was dead," he repeated again, this time to Carlisle. He threw down his duffle bag making me jump. He was angry. More than angry, and all because I was alive. "YOU TURNED HER? YOU KNEW HOW I FELT ABOUT YOU TURNING HER!"

I took off at a sprint up the stairs. This wasn't happening. I didn't want to hear it. Covering my ears I ran faster than I ever had, not tripping once as Edward's yells were still faintly booming in my sensitive ears. He didn't want me here- he wanted me dead. Dry sobs started to wrack my body as I ran into his room and slammed the door shut, but no real tears were forming. All I wanted to do was cry and no little beads of liquid would escape me as my breath came in large gasps.

How could I have been so stupid? I was about to go look for him all over Chicago and now he was yelling up a storm downstairs. "HOW COME YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?" Maybe he moved on, found another girl to love and cherish. Hah, what if he was bringing her home to meet the family just like he had done with her. Esme had told her she was the first, the only to even affect Edward like this, but maybe she was just the gateway to many girls to love.

There was a banging on my door, his door. "BELLA!" I was sobbing too hard to respond, tears just barely started to leak from my eyes. I hated it. I wanted to cry to let it all out and it was as if I just forgot how to. My tears were cold even on my cool skin, almost freezing halfway down my cheek. "BELLA! OPEN THE DOOR RIGHT NOW!"

I knew he would break it down if I weren't leaning against the other side. I didn't know what to do, what to think, or where to go. I couldn't stay here could I? If he didn't want me, if he had moved on, then I should too. Maybe I would do what I was planning to do, go to some vacant island and bask in the sun until my condition caused my death.

The pounding ceased and then his soft voice started in like a lullaby. "I'm not mad at you Bella, please, open the door." I shook my head though he couldn't see. I wasn't coming out until I had a plan. I could hear him growling from the other side of the door. "Bella, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry, so won't you just let me in."

Could I? Could I let him in? Into my heart? Especially when he seemed so mad to see me alive? I took a shaky breath. Was this going to be how we ended? I'd be without Edward, the Cullens, Charlie, Rene, even Jessica. I'd be by myself, alone.