Chapter 4: A Step to Trust

Its wasn't until after Danny read the both letters through for the second time that he became aware of the rain pounding on his windows. The lump in his stomach had grown a twin in his throat. He felt a hollowness that he couldn't identify. He thought perhaps it was because the person that he thought he knew had such a secret past and even identity. He wondered if it was because he needed to find a way to back himself away from her. This revelation was more than he expected. He held the paper between the palms of his hands with his eyes closed as if he were trying to stamp out the pain the words upon them caused his Montana. He realized the knots and the holes were because he didn't know how to make this better for her. When he imagined what kept her from trusting him, he always thought of a boyfriend who cheated, or one who had hit, but never a husband who secretly murdered. There were things he imagined he could overcome with time and consistency. But this was a ballgame he never envisioned playing.

He allowed himself one more deep breath before he knew that despite the hour and the rain, he had to go to her. He had to make the first step in an unknown number to show her he would give her his heart and he was the man she thought he was. He hurriedly put on a pair of jeans and slipped his sockless feet into sneakers. She had delivered this note herself. She would be awake. He felt a need to be by her side. He shrugged on a NYPD windbreaker to combat the rain as he bounded down the stairwell two steps at a time. He came to an abrupt stop at his building's entrance when he saw Lindsay sitting on the steps, her back to him, completely drenched in the rain. He stood still and dry, under the awning.

"Lindsay." She turned slowly to look at him.

"Lindsay. Come inside with me?" He stood with his hand outreached, still not leaving the shelter of the awning. He needed her to take a step towards him. She blinked slowly and he knew some of what was dripping down her cheeks were tears. She stood and walked to him, she didn't take his hand but instead collapsed against him, her chest heaving with worry that she had driven him away.

He wrapped a warm arm around her and tried to pull her soaked hair from her face as he bowed his head to speak into her ear. "I don't know exactly how I right now, but I want to make things right for you Montana. Give me a chance to try."

She clung to him and seemed to slightly nod.

"Come in with me?" He asked. Again she responded only by weakly nodding. He guided her into the building and into the elevator to his apartment. He felt her body leaning on him for support the entire way.

He knew he was in uncharted territory as far as relationship rule books, so he decided to do what came naturally and trust it was the right thing to do. He didn't turn on any of the lights and led her directly to his bedroom. They stood inches from his bed in darkness as his fingers unbuttoned her soaked blouse, she didn't object. Even in the darkness he held her eyes while he removed her blouse. Beneath it she wore a white tank top with spaghetti straps which he gently lifted over her head while she obligingly lifted her arms for him. She stood before him in her bra, and he wouldn't look away from her eyes. His urges wanted to devour her lips and drive her down to the bed. But he remained steady. He rubbed his warm hands up and down the chilled flesh on her arms. One hand slid behind her and skillfully unlatched her bra. She let it fall to the ground looking only into his eyes which never left her own. She didn't have the strength to resist him any more.

He regretfully pulled his hands from her body and removed his own shirt. He spun it on his wrist and then lifted it over her head. She slipped her arms into it and closed her eyes absorbing the smell and warmth of him that now encircled her. With her eyes still closed she leaned into him. Her hands clutched at the taunt naked flesh of his back. He held her with his muscular arms and kissed the top of her head.

"We'll figure it all out later OK. Tonight you are staying with me." He whispered into her still wet hair. It wasn't a question.

She nodded and removed one hand from his waist to undo the button on her wet jeans and tug them down her legs. She toed off her damp socks and stepped out of her pants in the same motion. He squeezed her to him slightly before guiding her to the side of the bed and down into it. He lifted the covers and gently deposited her between them then rose to gather her wet clothing and hang it in his bathroom.

He then removed his own pants and slid under the covers with her in only his boxers. He was turning to find her as she quickly inched her way to him seeking his warmth. He received her with a strong embrace and held her body against his own. She gave him one lingering kiss on his neck which he returned to her temple.

"Are you on tomorrow?" he whispered. It was a practical question. He needed to know if he should set his alarm for her.

"No." She answered. "Are you?"

"Only on call." He replied knowing his cell phone was on the nightstand next to them where he had forgotten it when he thought he would be chasing after her.

"Good." She said nuzzling deeper into him.