Sassy: Well, hi everybody!
Angry Kitty: Howdy!
Yuki: Thank God, I've been spared.
Tom: Why yes. (looks over chapter) Miraculously, we've decided that we were kinda mean, so it's Tohru's turn!
Yuki: WHAT? Miss Honda?
Sassy: That's right, lover boy!
Tom: Yes, it's equivelent exchange!
Angry Kitty: What did you just call me?
Tom: No, like because he's spared, someone else had to suffer!
Angry Kitty: ... Oh.
Sassy: Well, we don't own Furuba or OPRAH! Ahaha!
CHAPTER TWO
It appeared the set had been fixed. Unfortunately, now it looked like a dungeon, with torture devices hanging from the walls. Angry Kitty had an executioner's mask on, and Sassy was sharpening a rather large knife.
"Welcome back to Truth or Dare: Furuba Style!" Tom said, her voice monotone.
"So," Angry Kitty asked, her tone reflecting the grin that was probably on her face. "You like our new set?"
The audience, looking at the knives apprehensively, agreed at once.
"Yes of course!"
"It looks lovely!"
"Superb!"
Sassy pulled out a loaf of bread and began sawing the edge of it. "Hey, you gonna want any of this?"
"ANYWHO! Since we were SO MEAN to Yuki last time, we've decided to postpone his turn and instead bring out Miss TOHRU HONDA!"
Tohru, who was strapped to a chair just like Kyo had been, was wheeled out.
"Hello! How are you?" she asked cheerfully.
Angry Kitty twitched. "I HATE YOU!"
Tohru cringed. "WH-Why? What did I do?"
"You're always so fucking happy! It's not natural!"
Tohru let out a high-pitched giggle. "Of course not! Do you have any idea of how many anti-depressants I take?"
Tom gave her a strange look before shaking her head. "Alright, Tohru, Truth or Dare?"
"Hmm," she muttered thoughtfully, "I guess I choose … Dare! NO WAIT! Truth! Oh no! I must have offended you by not choosing Dare first!" She attempted to bow, but was still tied up. "Truth … Dare … Truth …Dare …" Her eyes became swirly.
Sassy turned to Angry Kitty while Tohru debated with herself. "So, whose audience did you steal this time?"
"Oprah's. I'm hoping she's less insane than fucking Jerry Springer."
"Okay, I choose … Truth!"
Tom sighed, "Fine then. Do you really like cleaning as much as you claim to?"
Tohru seemed to go into conclusions, her happy-go-I'm-such-a-moron look darkening. "OF COURSE NOT! Are you kidding me? I hate cleaning, but it's the only thing I'm good at!"
Angry Kitty's evil smile widened (even though you couldn't see it). "Oh, well in THAT case … I dare you to clean this whole set!"
Tohru's jaw dropped. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" she shrieked.
Sassy smirked, "I don't think so. Better get started, this place looks like a fucking dungeon."
Suddenly, the Oprah Show Theme Song™ began playing, and the audience began applauding as she came down the aisle, looking perfectly sane and NOT homicidal. She sat down in Tom's chair, making the small squirrel swear and jump onto the seat's armrest.
"You know, bitch, that was my seat," she complained. Oprah took no notice.
"Now, Angry Kitty," she said in a soothing voice, "why do you feel that you have to steal other people's audiences?"
Angry Kitty sniffed, "It's not MY fault we can't get an audience!"
"I'm sure if you just believe in yourself, you can get your own audience, and-"
"YOU KNOW WHAT?" Tom yelled, interrupting her. "I don't think you're in a position to be giving moral support, lady."
"Oh?" Oprah asked, still perfectly calm. "Are you feeling insecure? Do you have boy troubles? Maybe … image problems?"
"Image problems? Look at me lady. I'm a fucking squirrel!"
"Do you feel like your fat? Because anorexia is not the answer!"
Sassy began edging away from the two of them.
"At least I don't want to get liposuction like SOME fat cows did!"
Finally, Oprah's calm mask cracked.
"I WENT ON A DIET! I did NOT get liposuction! Whoever told you that is a LIAR!"
Tom's tail flicked impudently, "Sure, whatever lady."
"ARGH!" Oprah went to smack Tom, but she just ran away, Oprah hot on her heels.
Angry Kitty and Sassy blinked at them.
"Well … it appears we're out of time for today! Now Tohru, how do you feel about using a toothbrush to clean every speck of dirt and grime?" Sassy asked.
Tohru twitched.
"Oh good!"
Angry Kitty began eating Sassy's discarded bread. "Until next time! TTFN!"
END
Tom: I'm sorry if we offended you, with the whole Oprah thing. This story really isn't supposed to be taken seriously.
Sassy/Angry Kitty: I'm not sorry!
Tom: Well ... THANKS TO ALL WHO REVIEWED! (glomps) I love you all! The Girly Man, Starskysea, and Kala Raish!
Sassy: They all have excellent stories! Go check 'em out, yo's!
Angry Kitty: Holla!
Yuki: ... You guys are morons.
Tom: Oh, dear, you're starting to repeat yourself. That's never a good sign. Look out for chapter three, everybody! And PLEASE REVIEW!