Title: To Turn Away Love- Part 2/?
Author: BlazeorFade
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Wincest, of course, Papa Winchester Angst and anger.
Summary: John finds out about the boys and decides to take matters into his own hands to break them up.
Disclaimer: I have no ownership.
Beta'd by ladyshain
John lay in his bed staring at the ceiling, contemplating the mess that was his life. He didn't have to ask himself when in all went wrong. He knew that date by heart. That night was forever etched behind his eyes, waiting to replay when he dreamed. Now, he had something new to haunt his mind. The image of his sons touching, kissing, devouring each other, warred with his memory of Mary pinned to the ceiling of Sam's nursery. God, he felt like he'd lost everything all over again, with no one to blame but himself this time. In his heart he knew that this was all his fault. It was his fault, and he had to fix it. He'd kept his boys too isolated; trained them to trust no one, not even other hunters. He felt like he'd failed Mary in some fundamental way.
The salty tears John held back every second of every day fell silently. He couldn't bring himself to acknowledge them by wiping them away.
A bracelet each. Braided black leather, and inlaid beneath the more obvious circles of protection were the solution to John's problems. One spell branded into the hard circlet to turn away feelings of love and under that something more complicated to erase the memory of a lover.
"As long as they where these they should go back to being just brothers." Pastor Jim said with a hint of unsuppressed sadness in his voice as he handed the bracelets to John.
"What if they come off by accident?" John asked, running his finger over the symbols carved into the handcrafted leather of one of the bracelets.
"I guess you'll have to make sure that they don't." Jim said coolly, responding in the same indifferent manner that John had to his fears and doubts about this endeavor. Guilt ran through him almost immediately. John was a wreck, his eyes bloodshot with dark, tired circles under them. He looked like he'd aged ten years in the three days since he'd arrived begging for, demanding, Jim's help.
"If they came off it will take awhile for everything to come back, hours or days even. There'd be time to get them back on." Jim assured his old friend.
"Listen, I have to get back to the boys, but, um, thanks for…this." John cleared his throat and looked away from Jim.
"Just be careful, John." Jim said quietly, at a loss for anything else to say.
"This stays between us." John said, regaining his composure. Jim nodded solemnly.
He watched the hunter leave his church, wondering what would happen to the Winchester men. As if that family hadn't been through enough already, they now had this to contend with. He had a sinking certainty that this whole plan of John's would end badly. The door opened and one of the local young women from his parish walked in, interrupting his thoughts. Jim put the Winchesters out of his mind for the moment.
Sam shut his eyes and let the warm spray from the shower wash over him. He was sore all over and he couldn't keep the smile off his face. He'd never realized just how he'd taken their time on the road alone together for granted until their dad had come back. Sam heard the humming before he felt the shower curtain being pulled aside. His grin widened as two strong arms wrapped around his waist. Dean kept humming Metallica, the vibration sending shivers down Sam's spine as he trailed kisses from the nape of his brother's neck and down between his shoulder blades. Who'd have thought 'Enter Sandman' could sound so erotic?
John tried not to speed home, but twelve hours later he was only ten miles away from the cabin. He forced himself to pull over, take out his phone and dial Dean's cell. He was not going to make the mistake of driving up unannounced again. The phone rang four times before Dean finally answered, sounding groggy and half asleep. It took John a moment to remember that it was three in the morning.
"Dean, I just wanted to tell you I'm on my way home. I'll be there in about twenty minutes." John said.
"Everything alright dad?" Dean asked, snapping awake as soon as he heard his father's voice.
"Everything's fine son, had some business to take care of." John said vaguely, hoping to avoid any questions about his hasty exit.
There was a pregnant pause, the silence on the line stretching out interminably as John waited for Dean to speak again, testing his self control.
"Are you sure you're okay, dad? You sound a little…" Dean trailed off.
"I'm fine, I'll be there in a few." John cut the conversation short and hung up the phone before Dean could ask any more questions. Dean was far more observant than he let on. John should have remembered that.
Dean looked down at Sam, still fast asleep next to him. He heaved a sigh and moved to wake him up.
"I'm Already awake, Dean." Sam opened his eyes sleepily. He asked. "Dad's coming back?"
"Wow, you really are psychic." Dean said without any real humor.
Sam regarded his brother carefully. Keeping their secrets from their father were wearing down on Dean. He looked tired and guilty half the time. Sam propped himself on his elbow so that he could see Dean's face better in the dark.
"Have you ever thought-"
"No Sam. We're not having this fight again. We can't tell dad, not ever." Dean said roughly.
"Dean, we have to do something."
"Do you honestly think that he'd accept this?" Dean demanded, waving his hands over the two of them, laying naked, twined around one another.
"I don't know." Sam said, which meant No, but I don't want to hide anymore, so think of something. Problem was, Dean couldn't think of anything and that bothered him even more than the lying and the sneaking around.
"Do you…?" Sam swallowed, unable to bring himself to say it.
"Hell no, of course not." Dean practically yelled. He took a steadying breath. The only thing he was sure of was that he didn't want to give Sam up. Twisted as it was, this was the only thing that made any real sense to him anymore.
Sam looked doubtful, looking away from Dean as he picked at the threadbare coverlet.
"Sam." Sam looked up at him again and ran a hand through his shaggy hair.
"Dad's coming." Sam said, extracting himself from Dean. He headed towards the shower and Dean didn't stop him.
Dean wanted to get up and go to him; to wrap his arms around Sam and tell him that everything was going to be okay; that they'd figure something out, but John was on his way back. There was no time; no matter what he wanted to do, it would have to wait. Dean got up and pulled on a pair of sweat pants, rolling his shoulders until they popped comfortably. He thought about the earliest stages of his relationship with Sam. The'd beeen so tentative, so scared; so unsure; ready to bolt from one another at the first sign of rejection.
He remembered the first time that had Sam kissed him. It had been after a kelpie had nearly drowned Dean and he'd had to be rushed to the emergency room. He could still smell the antiseptic of the hospital, and he thought he could even hear the beeping of the machines monitoring his heart beat.
"I almost lost you." Memory Sam said, choking back tears. He brushed his lips against Dean's and-
Dean was pulled out of his reverie by the sound of the front door opening. He scrubbed his hand over his face and got to his feet to go meet his father in the living room, plastering a smile on his face.
"Hey dad."
"I have something for you boys. Where's your brother?" John put down his bags and pulled out two small satchels from his coat pocket.
"Sam's in the shower." Dean answered. He thought he saw John flinch but he dismissed the idea as being unfounded worry on his part.
"Have a good trip dad?" Dean asked as his father moved around the room restlessly.
John mumbled something that could have been yes and went straight to the kitchen, burying his head in the fridge. If Dean didn't know any better he'd have sworn the older man was avoiding looking at him.
"Are you sure nothing's wrong, dad?" Dean asked from the kitchen doorway.
"Damnit Dean, would you just go get your brother?" John exploded, slamming the fridge door closed after grabbing a beer.
"Yes sir." Dean replied automatically. He walked away as fast as he could because fuck, first Sam was being a temperamental bitch and now Dad had a bug up his ass. Dean shook his head and banged on the bathroom door.
"Sammy, dad needs us. Hurry the hell up." Dean's tone was harsher than he'd meant it to be. He stomped to their room before he lost his temper, messing up Sam's neatly made bed so that it wouldn't be obvious that no one had slept in it for the past four nights. Dean rolled his shoulders a few times trying to get some of the tension out of them. Fuck, he was going to need a vacation after this break of theirs. He left the room before Sam got out of the bathroom, not wanting to see him wrapped only in a thin towel; not wanting to be reminded of what he wouldn't be getting for awhile.
John drank deeply, needing the numbness that alcohol could produce. He'd drunk more in the past week than he had in years. He stared at the two small bags in the middle of the table, doubt about what he was about to do creeping in for the first time. He knew all about the bond of soldiers; how close people could get in life or death situations. It was frightening how you could come to depend on someone. John wondered if he was about to take away the one thing that kept his sons them from falling apart.
"What's in the bags, dad?" Dean entered the kitchen, his face carefully blank and John had the feeling that he had something to do with that for snapping at him earlier.
"Something for you and your brother." John replied. He watched Dean open the fridge and grab two beers for him and Sam.
Sam came in quietly, grunting a greeting to his dad, taking one of the beers from Dean before he offered it to him. They sat side by side on the opposite side of the table from John.
'It's a mistake, tell them, don't do this.' Some part of John screamed.
'They're fucking each other. They're fucking each other because you didn't raise them right, because you weren't there. Now you have to fix this.' A larger part said firmly. When Dean reached for his beer and brushed Sam's hand that was resting on the tabletop, his decision was made. There was no reaction from either man, but that small contact strengthened John's resolve.
He took the twin leather bands out of their bags. "I had Pastor Jim make these for you," The best lies had a nugget of truth to them. "They're protective charms, some of the strongest I've come across. I want you boys to promise me that you'll never take them off." John looked them both in the eye, willing them to believe; praying that they wouldn't pick up on the tension running through him.
"I thought Bobby was better with protective symbols." Sam said fingering the leather of one of the bracelets.
"Promise me boys, that you won't ever take these off." John repeated, ignoring his younger son's comment.
"Sure dad. We promise." Dean said, shrugging. He reached out to take one of the bracelets and John caught his hand in a steely grip. He put the bracelet on Dean's wrist for him and reached out to do the same for Sam. When they were both wearing them he held on to each of their hands.
"Swear on your mother that you won't take them off." John said. Dean's eyes widened and a look of hurt flashed in them, the way it always did when Mary came up in rare conversations. Sam just looked down at the bracelet in confusion.
"I promise dad, on mom." Dean said in a low voice.
"Sam?" John asked letting go of Dean's hand and focusing on Sam.
"Sure, I promise dad." Sam told him slowly. John released his hand and sat back in his chair, not at all relaxed now that it was done.
"Good, good boys." He said mostly to himself. He stood, drained his beer and said, "I'm gonna hit the hay, you boys better go back to sleep too."
He walked out of the room before his son's could question him. Once barricaded inside his room John slumped against the door. A fine tremble started as soon as he was alone.
"I'm sorry Mary."
TBC………
AN: I know what you're thinking, "Finally! She updated. What took so damn long?" Sorry it took me so long in between chapters. Hopefully the next one will be done much faster. I really struggled with this chapter, to make John more sympathetic and not just the Bad Guy. So tell me what you honestly think.