No Pressure

I'd always been pretty concerned about the state of my relationship, even in the beginning. I should have known back then that things weren't going to be easy, to say the least; Reno was a flake, and his priorities were always skewed. The most important thing in the world to Reno was...well, Reno. I really should have put my foot down the first time he stood me up for our date, but back then I thought he was some sort of misguided angel, and I couldn't resist his ridiculous apologies. Now I can't help thinking that my willingness to compromise every step of the way is what led me to the breaking point.

I'd been worried for a long time, yes. But even before things got so complicated and I became so resentful, and Reno began insulting me to my face and making it clear that he'd rather be around his friends than with me, there was one defining moment that finally brought the knowledge that we were a terrible disaster to the forefront of my mind.

Meeting Reno's mother.

I knew we had problems, but I never considered them to be urgent problems. Oh no, no one ever realizes they're with the wrong person until they've already bought a two-story home together and had two children, a dog, and a joint savings account. And that was the direction Reno's family seemed insistent that we travel in. Together.

I was very much surprised to find that Reno even had a mother, what with his lack of self-control. I doubted he'd ever been disciplined a day in his life, but I also doubted his mother had ever known there was a need. She was the sweetest woman alive - to the point of annoyance - and she lived her life in blissful denial. As far as she was concerned, Reno was an angel, perfect in every way.

And who in their right mind wouldn't jump at the chance to marry an angel?

When she first asked the question, it was amidst timid laughter, as if it were a joke. But that sound was timid enough to let me know that it wasn't a joke at all; she was testing the waters and trying to get me to tell her whether or not I thought enough of her son to marry him. And then I realized...

When I thought about marrying Reno, and I mean really thought about it, I was petrified. It wasn't about money, or any of the usual reasons; I couldn't care less how well we lived, as long as we were happy. But I didn't think we'd be happy. And when I got married, I wanted to be sure it was for the right reasons. Not because I had anything to gain, and not because I had anything to lose by not marrying him.

It was the thought of living with a complete stranger for the rest of my life that frightened me. Oh sure, an air of mystery on a man who plays the victimized loner is attractive at first, but when I find that he keeps secrets because there are things about him he doesn't want me to know, then I start to wonder why, especially when he keeps finding new things to hide. And pretty soon it begins to drive me absolutely crazy.

So I quit school.

It wasn't logical at all, I know, but I was so weak. We were drifting apart, and I didn't want to leave him (how could I have known that things would only get worse?); I wanted to wait it out and see what happened. I wanted to have faith in Reno, because gods, I loved him so much, and I wanted it to work.

So when he asked me to move in with him, I stupidly said yes. And then I dropped out of school.

But when I really stop and think about it, everything I did from that point on was proof of how little I trusted him. And such a sudden shift in behavior on my part should have been a pretty good indicator that I knew in the bottom of my heart that I never should have trusted him to begin with.

I dropped out of college and got a new job. I made sure that if ever we broke up, I would be able to pay the bills on my own, without needing help or dipping into savings. I saved everything I could. Our apartment was in my name. I never shared any accounts with him, or even put his name on any of my credit cards.

I was already preparing for a clean break.

It didn't help, however, that I had become such a welcome member of his family. It was odd, how suddenly they all took to me. And the longer I stayed with him, the more attached I became to them, despite my resolve not to. I suppose there was one benefit to having his family think so highly of me; whenever Reno and I would fight, he wouldn't badmouth me to his folks.

However, since there was no lasting presence in his life that hadn't become part of my own life by default, since we were living our lives together, Reno started finding other people to talk to. That was all well and good; he was always so anti-social, and I thought he should have friends. But soon he stopped coming home on time, started staying out into the early hours of the morning.

I got him a cell phone, but it didn't do me any good; Reno stayed out because he felt he needed to get away from me, and he wasn't going to make it easy for me to hang onto him. I can understand his needing time to himself, but did it have to be from ten o'clock at night to five o'clock in the morning? Did he have to shut his phone off, so I couldn't get in touch with him? Oh, right. I almost forgot the reason he went out in the first place, and here I've just said it. He wanted to forget about me.

And forget about me he did.

It was the third time he had forgotten to pick me up from work when he'd said he would. Thankfully, Aerith was scheduled to close up with me, and she was still around when I finished cleaning my section. She dropped me off at home, where I was hoping against all odds to find Reno so that I could give him the scolding of his life, but instead I found myself all alone in a dark apartment, waiting until four o'clock in the morning when he finally stumbled in.

Shitfaced and unbothering to first peek in the bedroom where I waited in the shadows, wide awake and silently crying over how damned selfish he could be, he stripped in the hallway and disappeared into the bathroom. And turned on the shower.

Nevermind that he was supposed to pick me up and had, inhumanly, forgotten about me entirely. Nevermind that he had gotten off of work two full hours before I did and still ended up at home five hours later than when I'd walked in the door. Reno was taking a shower, first thing.

Though, Reno always took showers when he got home from work, didn't he? Yes; he'd been working all day. Nothing unusual about that, but my mind kept nagging at me. And nagging...and nagging.

So I quit my job.

Again, illogical. But I couldn't stand sitting at work and wondering all night. Granted, it was only a window of a couple of hours that I would be out of work before Reno, but at least I'd be free to use my phone, and even to stop by if I felt the need. Well, it made me feel better.

The night I quit was actually pretty funny. I hadn't planned it, honestly, but I was suddenly so overcome with the image of Reno screwing around with some random girl from work at home in our bed that I marched straight to the back office, handed my boss my apron and told him he could keep it all. Then I raced home as fast as I could.

Told you it was funny.

Whenever I visited the club after that, Reno would always take me outside to talk to me. Never in front of anyone else, always outside. That irked me to no end. I realize he was at work, but even when I caught him on his break - and it seemed like he was on break an awful lot - he would still take me far away from everyone else. He never wanted me up there when he was done with work and busy partying, either. Said it wasn't my scene, I'd said so myself. I tried to explain that I still wanted to spend my time with him.

But I wasn't invited. He wanted to keep his work life and his personal life separate.

Then came the biggest scare of my life.

I was five days late; I knew this because my cycle had always been like clockwork. All I could think about was that I was probably carrying Reno's baby, and that thought scared me shitless. I didn't need another reason to be tied to Reno, and I didn't want to go through a nasty fight over our child. I didn't want him being raised by Reno, and I didn't want him growing up around the company he kept.

I thought about having an abortion. Gods, it was a terrible feeling, but when I thought about going through pregnancy and childbirth with Reno, I was petrified. I didn't know what else to do. I'd always thought it was impossible and wrong that someone could bring themselves to go through that, but I suddenly found myself in the position to empathize. After a lot of deliberation, I'd almost worked myself up to the point where I was ready to go ahead with it, even if I'd never forgive myself.

But personal values won out in the end; there had to be a better way. I had a savings account that I hadn't touched ever since I started it; maybe I could disappear and raise the baby all by myself. It would be hard, but it would be a lot easier to live with in the long run. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe...

I was so relieved when father time finally decided to get off his lazy ass and prove me wrong. I wasn't pregnant. I didn't have to worry about children, at least not yet.

Right.

I blamed it on all the stress Reno had put me through, but the entire ordeal had me rethinking the way I handled birth control. I had to find myself a reliable pill, and fast. Oh, how I wanted to ask for something more than that, but if I mentioned latex to Reno, I didn't know what he would do. It would just be one more outward sign of my mistrust, and I knew he would raise hell over the insulting way I'd gone about showing him. No, I couldn't ask him for that. Imagine...afraid to ask my boyfriend to use protection, because of what he might think (or rather, jump to deny and guilt me for ever considering).

Once again, it was time to re-evaluate my situation.

...No pressure, right?

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Nov. 13, 2006: Thanks to Motchi for her awesome beta skills. I know this one isn't very long, but it's supposed to be more of a divider, a break from the TifaxReeve in order to provide some backstory on her relationship with Reno. This ping-ponging back and forth between Reno and Reeve should only last until I've fleshed out the rest of the characters and the conflict starts. Also, the ping-pong effect should set the mood for the story, given Tifa's position.

More Reeve coming next! Also, more development on Vincent's character, and we'll get to see Aerith.

If you haven't yet read my VinTif story Agapé, go and do that. You'll enjoy it, I'm willing to bet (if you like the pairing), and it's updated regularly.

Reviews are love :)