On the pillow next to his, a note was lying in the impression where her head had been.

'Harm,
I came to a decision last night. I requested full medical leave. I already talked to the Admiral, and my therapist, they approved it. I'm going away. Don't know for how long. I'll see you before I go.
Always,
Mac'

He stared unseeing at the note, his heart beating a punishing rhythm in his chest. She was leaving. Running away again. And he didn't have a clue how to stop her.

3 Hours later she showed up at his door. She was dressed to travel. On her face was a small nervous smile.

"Can I come in?"

He didn't verbally respond, but opened the door wider so she could walk through.

They stood in nervous silence for a long moment, and then Mac spoke. "I'm not running away," She stated emphatically.

"I didn't say you were."

"You didn't have to. Can we sit down?"

He nodded. To his surprise, she took his hand and laid a small kiss on it. If her goal was to diffuse his doubts, it wasn't working.

"There are a few things I need to make perfectly clear."

"Okay."

"I'm not running, I'm not backing away, and I'm NOT ever letting go of you."

He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. "What are you doing Mac?"

"I'm going to get to know myself."

"Know yourself?"

She nodded. "I need to find out who I am, as a person, not a Marine or a Judge Advocate, but just a woman."

"And you have to go away to do that?"

"Yes."

"Does this have to do with me?"

"Yes." Harm pursed his lips. She stroked his hand with her fingers. "Please don't be hurt by that. If I'm going to find out who I am, I can't be focusing on anyone else. All you have to do is be in the room with me, and I focus on you. I know you want to fix this for me, but you can't. No one can."

"No one but you," He said, as understanding dawned.

"No one but me." She paused. "I talked to my therapist this morning. I was able to catch her early and we talked for a long time about the conversation you and I had last night. She agreed that I may be 'bringing the scars from battling addiction, into my current situation', that's how she put it anyway. I told her I need to get away so I can focus, she agreed as long as I check in with her and continue our sessions by phone."

Harm nodded, grateful that she wasn't shouldering this on her own. "When are you leaving?"

"My flight is in 3 hours."

His eyes flew to hers. "That soon?"

"Yes."

He paused and took a deep breath. When he spoke again, there was a hint of fear in his voice. "I know I made you promise to include me in everything that's happening, but I'm understanding now, that I can't help you. I can't tell you who you are, or what you need to do to make things better. Honestly, that scares the hell out of me." He lifted her chin so he could look her in the eye. "Go away Mac. Go find your smile. Do whatever you need to do. If it will help you to come to me, then please do, but if not, I understand. I'll be here, no matter what."

Mac squeezed his hand and gave him a small smile. "As long as it takes?"

"As long as it takes."

Her face showed profound relief. "I need you in my life Harm."

"And I need you."

She bit her lip, even as she nodded in acknowledgement. After a moment she said, "I may be gone for a while. Being here, it's…it's not working for me."

She saw him nod in her peripheral vision. "I…I don't want you to think that I'm leaving you."

"I know you're not leaving me Mac."

"Good." She looked away for a long moment. "This scares me Harm. I know I need to do it, but it still scares me."

"What are you scared of Mac?"

"Looking in the mirror and not liking what I see. What if I turn out to be someone I don't want to be? Or…someone you don't want me to be."

"You're already everything I need you to be. I know you, even if you don't."

"How is that possible?"

"Because I've seen the things you have already done. It was Sarah Mackenzie, the woman, who gave me sanctuary when I broke out of the brig, who defended me with everything she had, who followed me to Russia just to make sure I didn't go off half cocked and get myself killed, who found me while I was drifting in the middle of the ocean, who held me while I wept when Bud was in surgery." He leaned forward and touched her cheek with the tip of his finger. "That's who you are to me, and that's all I need to know, Mac. Everything else is just details."

She smiled then, and lifted his hand to her cheek.

"I'm going to miss you Harm."

"I'm going to miss you too Sarah."

20 minutes later she walked out the door.

He had given her a hopeful smile, and sent up a prayer that she would be all right.

TBC…