Alright guys, once again this chapter took entirely way too long to get finished, but its here now, and I hope you like it. We're in the home stretch of this fic, I feel the end getting close. So, the updates will be coming more frequently, most of the rest is finished. If you leave me reviews, I will get it out faster. Reviews make me happy. Lol.

I want to dedicate this chapter to Amanda who has listened to me whine about writer's block for the whole chapter. And I also wanted to tell you about a new story that deserves some attention. It is by brookefan329, and its called "Shattered Illusions." It is hands down one of the best Brucas fics out there, and everyone should go read it.

Anyway, I still don't own them, and the lyrics and chapter title are from Switchfoot.

Chapter 19- The Blues

Is this the New Year or just another night?
Is this the new fear or just another fright?
Is this the new tear or just another desperation?

Then fear struck all of their hearts as they clearly saw the tears running down Karen's face.

They imagined the worst as she thanked the doctor and walked towards them, still obviously crying and shaking slightly.

Brooke immediately ran to Karen and hugged her as tight as possible, still not knowing whether or not Lucas was okay.

"Karen, how is he?" she asked, stating the question that they all desperately needed to know the answer to.

But all they were met with was Karen's shocked expression and the tears still running down her face.

"He's ok," she choked out in a whisper, and the four teenagers all felt the weight lifted from their shoulders. None of them would have been able to even imagine the possibility if those had been anything but happy tears falling down Karen's face.

At the mention of the news, Brooke instinctively wrapped her arms even tighter around Karen and cried her own tears of relief. For Brooke, it was easier to block out everything that was happening around her, than to let it all in. But, hearing the two little words 'he's ok' hit her like a ton of bricks, and she was forced to realize exactly what she had stood to lose if something had happened.

In that second, her whole future flashed before her eyes - pictures of the white picket fence, the kids with his eyes and her complexion, and the man whom she always dreamed of coming home to. She was in love with him, there was not an ounce of doubt in her mind, and now she had to find out if he felt the same way, if he was willing to let her back into his heart.

"So, he's really going to be okay," she asked a second time, needing to hear the words out loud again to really believe them.

"He's going to be fine," Karen said as she wiped away her tears and rubbed the back of the sobbing girl.

Nathan, Haley and Peyton let out a collective sigh of relief, as Haley clung tightly to Nathan savoring every moment that she got to spend with her husband. This whole thing taught her that life was too short to live it anyway other than with Nathan by her side.

Peyton looked around and missed Jake more than ever; he was a big part of their family and she still couldn't believe that he wasn't here to know what was going on.

Karen spoke again, shaking the teens from their own thoughts. "There were complications during the surgery though. They… they almost lost him," Karen stuttered, the mere words virtually too much to say. "But, he'll be fine, almost a complete recovery."

"Almost?" Brooke questioned, alarmed at the fact that Lucas may not be perfectly healthy after all he had been through.

"There is still a bit of weakness in his valves, and he has to make sure that he doesn't do any strenuous activity of any kind, and especially no basketball." Karen said, trying to explain this to Brooke and the others, knowing that once Lucas learned he couldn't even participate in a friendly game at the River Court, he wasn't going to be at all happy.

"When can we see him," Nathan spoke, asking the question that they all wanted answered, knowing that they would all feel much better once they saw their friend with their own eyes.

"The doctors said that he is in recovery right now, but once he gets situated , you guys are more than welcome to visit. I would think it would be about anther hour or so," Karen said.

Nathan knew that the three girls weren't going to wait patiently, so he suggested a trip to the cafeteria to at least distract them all for a little while.

The group agreed, and Peyton slung her arm around Brooke's shoulders, noticing how tense her best friend had been, "B. Davis, you ok?"

"I will be once I see him with my own two eyes," she said as she exhaled loudly. She knew he was recovering, she had heard Karen and the doctors confirm it, but until she could touch him and see him, she wouldn't be able to calm down. Plus, she needed to know where they stood, and just hoped that he wasn't going to push her away again, especially after that kiss.


It'll be a day like this one
When the world caves in

The next morning, Brooke snuck quietly into the hospital wanting a chance to talk to Lucas before the rest of the world intruded.

After they had gone to the cafeteria, Karen had come and told them Lucas was allowed visitors. The group rushed up to his room, and there were tears and laughter all around. The whole time, Brooke sat firmly planted at Lucas' side, but they were never able to get a resolution to the kiss they had shared before he went under. Somehow, she didn't think they needed an audience for that particular conversation. So instead, they had all sat and swapped stories, and just hung out together until the nurses had kicked them out. Brooke had wanted to stay, 'just in case' but Karen and Haley had insisted she go home and get some sleep.

She had agreed after much hesitation, and after Lucas whispered in her ear that they would have the chance to talk to tomorrow about "them." Even the word them, made her nervous and excited, and she couldn't help but hope that after today, all would be well in her world. So, she had left the hospital and agreed to get some rest, and then return in the morning.

Rest, of course, was the last thing on Brooke's mind as she replayed every scenario over and over again in her head. At first there was the happy scene; she would walk in, start to cry, he would call her his Pretty Girl, and tell her he loved her. Then as the night wore on, the fear began to set in. She would imagine the happy ending, but something would go drastically wrong; he would push her away, tell her he hated her, tell her that he wasn't ready and she would once again be left heart-broken at the hands of Lucas Scott. That thought sent shivers up her spine, and she had just spent the night staring up at the ceiling, praying for the morning to come. Because with the morning, came answers, and that is what she needed most.

So now here she was, willing herself to have the strength to lay it all on the line one final time. She was in love, and she was sick and tired of the games, and the waiting. Either they were meant to be or they weren't, and today she would have her answer.

Pulling her pink Juicy sweatshirt tighter around her, she stepped into the elevator and headed for his room. She was dressed more casually than usual, opting for her favorite pair of Lucky jeans and her sweatshirt, but she knew that Lucas didn't judge her by the same standards the rest of the world did. She didn't have to be 'Brooke Davis: sex goddess' around him, but she guessed that was part of the reason she fell in love with him in the first place.

Hearing the ding of the button on the elevator, she knew that it was time.

She knocked tentatively on the door, and entered upon hearing the faint okay from the other side. The room was darker than it was the day before, and a cold chill hit her when she entered. If she hadn't been so excited to see him, she would have noticed that something had changed over the last twenty-four hours.

"Hey Broody," she smiled brightly as she bounced over to his bed.

"Hey Brooke," was his reply.

She paused a moment at the use of her real name, but shaking it off, she continued. They needed to have this talk, there was no more avoiding it.

"Lucas, we need to talk about yesterday, you know, the kiss," she said quietly, the bravado missing from her voice. In front of him she was just another girl who hoped desperately that the boy she loved, returned the sentiment.

"Brooke, can we not do this today, yesterday was no big deal," he muttered.

The shock on her face said it all, this was not how this was supposed to go. She was sick of him calling the shots, she was sick of their relationship, platonic or other-wise, always being on his terms. "No," she said with exasperation, "you said you wanted to talk about this. You said you wanted to talk about us. What happened between yesterday and now, that has you avoiding it again?"

She grabbed his hand gently, "please Lucas, don't pull away, talk to me."

He looked at her, the pleading in her eyes. She was begging him not to grow distant again. He choked back the lump that was forming in his throat and willed himself to do this; to tell her what he needed to in order to protect his heart.

"Good morning Mr. Scott," the doctor said in typical form as he entered Lucas' room. He glanced down at the charts and then at the hopeful boy in the room.

"Mr. Scott we have to talk about the results of the surgery. I take it your mother explained that there were complications."

"No sir, she didn't," Lucas said as he shot his mother a look.

"It was nothing major, but we were not able to repair 100 of the damage to your heart."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that you still have to be careful Lucas. We are prescribing you daily medication, and you have to take it easy son. Your heart will get stronger with time, but for now, you cannot do any strenuous activity. No basketball, even if its not at the competitive level. You have to start out slow. You did some extensive damage to your heart."

Lucas was shocked at how nonchalant the doctor could be at delivering news that was tearing him apart. "Will it happen again, the heart attack I mean?"

"That's what we have hopefully repaired with the surgery. You should be able to live a perfectly normal life, and in time you will be able to exercise regularly, but you have to watch it. You must stay on the medicine and you have to know your limits."

Lucas just nodded, there was nothing else he could say. After everything, he still wasn't healthy.

Lucas was brought out of his haze, and he shook his head to get the doctor's words out of his mind. He had to focus on Brooke's hand upon his, and somehow find the strength to push her away, and avoiding breaking both of there hearts in the long run.

"Brooke, I can't do this,"

"Yes, you can, I'll listen, I promise," she said.

He gently removed his hand from her grasp, "No, I can't to this," he said as he motioned between them, "I can't be in a relationship with you."

"What, why?" she squeaked, hoping she had heard him wrong.

"I just can't Brooke, it's too hard."

"Lucas, what about yesterday, what about last week. Why do you keep pushing me away?"

"Because I don't want to get hurt," he whispered.

"I won't hurt you," she said as she gently cupped his face.

He let himself revel in the sensations that her mere touch was giving him for just a moment before pulling away. "You don't know that Brooke, you can leave again, decide I'm not worth it. I don't want to do this again. I don't want to do us again."

"Lucas, this is ridiculous. Why are you doing this. I know you care about me, I've seen it in your eyes, why can't you just let me in?"

"Don't Brooke, it's over,"

All of the previous compassion and understanding left her voice at that moment. How dare he? She was not going to let him just do this, just be some scared little boy.

"Lucas, take a good hard look at what your saying," she said as she steeled her voice against his words. It was her turn to vent. She had stood by him, given him space, given him time, and he couldn't even give her a chance. She just couldn't take it anymore.

"Brooke, you don't understand. I just can't,"

"You can't or you won't? Lucas we have both made mistakes, don't sit there and look at me like you have done nothing wrong."

"You're the one who left," he said, using the same tired excuse, the one she didn't buy for a moment.

"Yes, I left, and I regretted every moment I was gone, but Lucas I was scared, I was scared of getting hurt, scared of letting you back in. And I had plenty of reasons to fear that."

He heard her words, they were the same reasons he was pushing her away right now. God, he wanted to just give in to the fantasies of happily ever after, but then his mind flashed to his heart problem, and he knew that happily ever after didn't exist.

He was damaged goods, and he couldn't hurt either her or himself by going down that path again.

"But, I realized something," she said as she continued her speech. "I realized what a big mistake I would be making if I didn't take the chance. I love you, and I'm not going to run away again, I promise."

"You don't know that Brooke, and I just can't do it. I don't want to do it," he said forcing himself to continue. "I don't want to risk it for something that's not real."

"Are you even listening to the crap your telling me," she asked, as she got increasingly angry over the situation. She was Brooke Davis, and she was not going to grovel for a man's affection, not even for Lucas.

"You're sacred, and your hiding," she said as she got close to him again, bringing their faces dangerously close to each other. Lucas knew that if she leaned forward the half-inch that was separating them, then he would give in. But, she didn't move in closer, instead just stared him down and whispered, "look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me."

He stared at her, nearly choking on the words, nearly forgetting why he was doing this. Forcing himself to believe the words he uttered he breathed out, "I don't."

She dropped her hand from his face and willed the tears not to fall. "Fine," she said as she grabbed her purse. "You want to be a stubborn jackass, then be one. I'm sick of you rejecting me when you've had something bad happen to you. You told me that people leave you, its because you force them to."

He didn't say anything, there wasn't anything he could say. Well there was, but he was too scared to utter the words that would make it all better.

"I don't want to give up on you Lucas, but if you let me get out of this door, if you let me walk away, you've only done this to yourself."

She paused, hoping that he would change his mind, knowing that he was to stubborn to ever admit that he needed other people in his life, that he needed her. This is what she had feared, she knew him, and she knew he was going to push her away, but she never figured it would be this much. She just had to walk away, he left her with no other choice.

"So, tell me now, do you love me? Or are you going to let me walk out that door; because if you do, I'm not coming back," she choked out the last words. She couldn't keep doing this to herself, she had to give up the fight, she was too tired to fight for them both anymore.

"I can't," he whispered, closing his eyes and leaning back against the pillows.

"Good-bye Lucas," he heard her whisper, and then heard the click of the door, signaling that she was gone.

He sighed, and forced himself not to feel anything. He had to protect both of their hearts, and this was the only way he knew how to do it.

There's nothing here worth saving,
Is no one here at all?
Is there any net left that could break our fall?
It'll be a day like this one …

When the world caves in