A/N: Chapter 5 huh. Well, I'm still kinda stuck on the poster thing. Closest I got was 48 seconds. Bloody hell I've tried everything. So anyway, while some of you guys out there are just starting on your summer vacation, here term starts June 13th, meaning chapters might get posted weekly by then. O-kay enough rambling.
Summary: It's the little things that hurt the most. Between love and duty is a decision he will regret for the rest of his existence.
Disclaimer: I already told you I own Kingdom Hearts.
No! My heart belongs to me
That's not what I meant. Ever heard of sarcasm, Roxas?
Shut up.
V: TheLock Breaks
Sora stared at the ceiling as he listened to the steady pounding of raindrops on his room's window. He had been asleep for about two hours when a loud clap of thunder rudely jolted him awake. It was still quite disconcerting how it could storm like that in twilight. He had tried to go to sleep again, but his conversation with Rinoa kept popping up in his head for some reason. Kairi kept popping up in his head for a reason he knew very well.
He yawned as he sat up and threw back the covers, racking his brain on how on earth would he find the Keyhole in this weather. The King had advised him to keep a low profile to avoid troublemakers and people who nose in the King's business. (which made him think: who else was out there, trying to do him in?) He started yawning uncontrollably, rubbing sleep from his eyes. His gaze fell on the full-size mirror at the back of the door, and instead of himself, he saw Roxas, as always, sleeping peacefully, back leaning on glass.
Sora felt guilty for him, in a way. All he really wanted was to meet his Other, not to get caught in a crossfire between Organization XIII and a man obsessed with revenge. Now that he had merged back with Sora, Roxas did exist as a separate person, but only in Sora's mind (which made for a pretty mad Nobody), which, in his opinion, was much, much worse than being sent back to Kingdom Hearts. He didn't exactly relish the idea of living someone else's life, thank you very much.
You sure as hell don't, Sora.
"Roxas."
He had woken up at the sound of his Other's thoughts, and was now moodily leaning against the mirror frame. Sora stared at his reflection; that was what Roxas was, a mere reflection of him.
"We're going to search again."
In the middle of night in a pouring downpour. Gee, what fun.
"It isn't the middle of the night, it's still twilight outside. You can't do anything about me going out."
Roxas' face darkened as he crossed his arms. Don't remind me.
Sora relented as he saw his Other Side's dejected expression. "Listen, Roxas, you don't have to lash out on me like what you've been doing lately. I'm sorry, okay? For---"
For what! For turning into a Heartless and letting me exist? For letting me exist but as you? For killing off the whole Organization, including me? Honestly, you are a good Other, but I hate being you! I want to exist as Roxas, not Sora! He sat on the bed on the other side of the mirror and put his head in his hands. I want to be who I really am...
He stared as his Other in the mirror for a few minutes before heading out into the maelstrom outside.
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"Your Majesty, this is serious."
"Yes, for once I agree with him, King Mickey, you should not have entrusted---"
"Chaos and prosperity, we cannot risk prosperity for chaos."
"Silence! Who told you the Wielder of light put the Keyblade to use that easily?"
"Your Highness, we just assumed---"
"Assumptions are very far from fact, minister. Nobody will disturb the balance between light and darkness by tampering with Keyholes."
"But the Keyblade---"
"Meeting dismissed, Adviser's Court. Good night."
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Roxas was whistling, and that was something he hadn't done in a long time. He watched (through Sora's eyes, of course, how else?) as his Other made his way through Twilight Woods (good thing half the raindrops that fell didn't make it past the canopy of leaves), twigs crunching under his (huge, yes) sneakers, which were now plastered with mud.
Why was he whistling? Because it was the only thing he could think of doing. Besides, it annoyed Sora to no end.
"I would absolutely hate to have you as a twin, Roxas." Sora said aloud, cutting through branches with a dripping Keyblade.
You don't say! Sora, and I thought you liked me...?
Bad as their moods were, they couldn't help but crack a smile. Humor had, at least, kept both of them sane.
Soon enough Sora reached the safety of the old dilapidated mansion that stood at the edge of Twilight Woods. "Place is falling to bits. Perfect for a Keyhole to be hiding in."
The seventh wonder of Twilight Town, Roxas added, seeing that the Old Mansion still hadn't changed a bit. That treasure chest that once contained a (essential back then) Potion still stood there, not even gathering dust. He could feel other Nobodies there, but they did not dare attack one of their own without direct orders. He sighed and watched as Sora touched the beam (built by DiZ... how he hated him) and warped to the simulated Twilight Town.
Suddenly a Gambler coalesced in front of him, cards flying out of its sleeves. His Other summoned his Keyblade and slashed at it, its cards flying around them.
"Traitor."
"What the hell did it just...say!"
I am not a traitor!
"Turned on the Organization. Look where you are now. You... a reflection."
No.
"Heck, just fade, no messing with Roxas' head!" Sora yelled as he brought down his Keyblade, slicing the Gambler in half.
Roxas was hearing voices now. Voices of his faded comrades. "Traitor."
I am NOT a TRAITOR! he yelled. He just wanted to meet his Other. He just wanted his own heart. All of them did. Was it a crime to want to exist? Was it such a bad thing to wish for? Kingdom Hearts was their only hope. What did they do to warrant a death sentence from those who exist!
"Roxas, don't listen to them," he could hear Sora vaguely as he continued to fight the onslaught of Nobodies, and with each Nobody faded, a voice added to those haunting him.
"Traitor."
He just wanted to exist, damn it! Now he hated Sora for letting him be born, for letting him live a life only borrowed.
"Traitor."
He hated him. He hated everything that ever had the joy of existing completely.
"Traitor."
"Roxas---"
Shut UP, Sora, don't tell me you're sorry, because I know you'll never be. You just had to destroy us, to reclaim someone you love, us who had just wanted to exist, is that such a crime? Is wanting to feel such a crime that you had to destroy our only hope, our only chance, our only dream? Empty shells, deprived of feeling, all we ever had was the urge to live, to feel, to enjoy a heart, is that such a CRIME? Roxas was angry, he was hating but he knew he couldn't, he was only remembering some long-forgotten emotion buried deep inside his Other's heart, and that made remembering emotions hurt even more. Even getting hurt was a distant memory recalled.
"Traitor."
Living a life only borrowed, seeing through someone else's eyes---
"Stop it. Guilt. I feel it everytime I look in the mirror, when I see you."
At least you can feel!
"You don't even know the burden of feeling! How guilt feels. How pain feels. How anger feels."
I don't know because you destroyed our only chance to do so!
"I...did...NOT!" Sora roared at him. Roxas recoiled from his Other's rage, rage that he never knew Sora, Keyblade Master, could feel.
Sora swung his Keyblade up and Twilight Town faded into tiny flying bits of data around him and dissolved into the World That Never Was, all darkness and angst.
"I tried, Roxas. I tried to understand why Xemnas wanted Kingdom Hearts. I tried to convince him to leave it alone. Then I tried to ignore the guilt of killing someone who just wanted to exist. I put on a happy face for the sake of appearances. It was my duty to protect the realm of light." he yelled as he obliterated Emblems like nothing on the way to the Castle, "Did you think I had a choice, huh, did you?"
I don't know. I don't know because I can't feel the guilt of killing someone who just wanted to exist.
Roxas berated himself for rubbing salt into Sora's emotional wounds. But then again, he couldn't feel guilty for doing that.
What the hell do you think you're doing? He asked frantically as he felt his Other stop in front of Memory's Skyscraper and gather strength.
"Making it all go away." he said simply as he aimed his Keyblade into the revolving doors, revealing the door to Kingdom Hearts itself.
----------
Sora drew in a ragged breath, ignoring Roxas' frantic questions.
He just couldn't take him anymore.
He just couldn't lock the guilt in some hidden cranny of memory because his Nobody kept drawing it out.
"Now, Roxas, I'm telling you to shut up. Just this once." His Other Side gave a frightened squeak before falling silent.
He stared at the huge white double doors that represented Kingdom Hearts. The heart of all worlds. (That's exactly why it's called Kingdom Hearts, isn't it?) It was because of this exact same door that every damn thing changed. It was because of this colossal heart that Heartless and Nobody alike rose up.
It was because of this world that so many beings (he really did think Nobodies shouldn't be denied the right to exist, otherwise, why would he feel guilty?) have vanished under his Keyblade.
And, of course, this world would make it all go away. Just like what he told Roxas.
Aiming his Keyblade at the doors, he concentrated on his heart's desire right now.
Those who have fallen to darkness in search of the light, Kingdom Hearts. Bring them back.
He pushed the doors open. (Strange how easy it was to open them, but so darn hard to close.)
He gasped at what he saw.
What the..? We're in...the Castle That Never Was
"This isn't what Kingdom Hearts is supposed to be..." Sora murmured, rage ebbing quickly into wonder. He was, incredibly, walking along the balcony of the Hall of Empty Melodies, where, even more incredibly, Demyx was practicing on his sitar.
"Roxas, Superior knows you and Axel took his hair gel," he called out. "You might want to stay out of the Altar if you don't want to be scrubbing toilets for the rest of your nonexistent life." (All that in one breath, punctuated by a C minor chord struck by one of the dripping water forms.)
And with that, he faded from sight.
"You took Xemnas' hair gel."
No we didn't. We just... kinda borrowed it.
"Kinda huh--- H-hey!"
Organization members were now walking the balcony, fading and appearing, not lasting for more than five seconds at a time. It was literally a peek into the existence of Organization XIII.
Saïx lugging his claymore around.
Luxord rattling of his list of members who owed him munny to a bored Xemnas.
Axel whistling innocently.
Xigbar running away from a berserk Saïx.
Xaldin sparring with Xemnas.
Demyx sparring with Axel.
And this is supposed to make it all go away, huh?
Sora's face darkened. Ignoring Roxas' sarcasm, he walked on into
The Proof of Existence. Right before Saïx got mad.
He stared around. Every piece of tile belonging to an Organization XIII member was whole, intact, and giving off a pale glow. Even more, every Proof had its own entrance, unlike the Proof Sora remembered, where only Luxord and Saïx had their own standing.
Why are you doing this? Roxas asked angrily.
"I'm not doing anything," he retaliated back. "Do you really think I'd stoop that low?" He stepped on a tile named 'The Cloaked Schemer'. "Who are these people?"
Funny. You don't remember a single thing about Castle Oblivion. About how you killed the people there like how you just stepped on Zexion's tile.
"Zexion...?"
With that thought the Proof of Existence collapsed around them into shards of light. And the rest of the Organization slumped where their proof originally was.
Roxas muttered something too graphic to even think about.
Sora's head whirled. He didn't know what to feel (and to which Roxas replied something unprintable), fear, happiness, or just plain surprise. He poked his Keyblade into the side of the nearest Organization member (he supposed so, no one else dared wear those black coats), making his hood fall behind. Her hood.
The girl moaned (she's no girl, she's a sadist, Larxene is) and struggled to sit up.
"Ohh my aching head." And so started a chain of mutters which sounded like it came from people who had just been beaten up badly.
Roxas was giggling again.
Kingdom Hearts exploded into chaos as Heartless (how in hell could he forget that the darkness in here was colossal?) streamed from all directions.
The girl Larxene's head snapped into his direction and her mouth dropped open.
"I think that last shot of whiskey did me---holy--" Luxord had begun saying.
"You!" Larxene screeched as she threw several knives (from who-knows-what) at his general direction.
"Me!" Sora yelled as he threw his Keyblade at the Shadows (trying a new formation, he noticed) behind her.
"How.." Demyx was staring at his hands, clearly bewildered.
"Little punk!" The hooded figure at Larxene's side roared, revealing a young man wielding what looked like a dangerously sharp (not to mention dangerously pink) scythe.
Marluxia. Flower girl. Roxas snickered.
Sora began to doubt if this was a good idea after all. Half these people were trying to kill him on the spot, for a reason he had absolutely no idea what, except for the fact he brought them back from wherever Nobodies go when they die. He dodged the knives and rolled to dodge Marluxia's scythe, which instead cut a very unfortunate Shadow in half.
Heartless had already begun to close in, which made their current life-and-death situation lean to the death side.
"Stop snickering and get out, Roxas." he yelled as he dodged another knife (hell Larxene never seemed to run out of knives) and landed with his Keyblade sticking out of another Shadow's chest.
What do you mean...oh.
As he stood up he left Roxas kneeling on the ground. He shuddered as if some great weight (well, it was true) had been lifted off his shoulders.
Roxas stared up at him. He stared back.
"Geez, stop staring at me like that." he cracked a smile. The first genuine smile he had seen on Roxas' face.
"Roxas?" Axel stood up.
"You know, this-is-looking-to-be-a-great-re-un-ion," Sora cut in, parrying Heartless blows (and still the damn knives) with every syllable, "but-ser-ious-ly-we-have-to-go-now!" he screamed to the Organization in general. Mercifully they all froze, stunned.
"Well, sure, why didn't you say so, dude?" Xigbar sighed belatedly. "We can always kill you later."
Sora rolled his eyes as Xemnas portaled at the entrance.
"Wielder," he said simply.
"You can kill me later but right now, I need you guys to get moving, I didn't bring you back just to fade away again here."
His amber eyes widened (and now Sora started to panic, it was literally flooding Shadows everywhere) as he mouthed "bring us...back..?"
This Organization XIII is just impossible, he thought as he flung out his Keyblade, summoning the massive doors of Kingdom Hearts.
"Roxas!" he hissed.
His Other Side (was that really necessary, now that he was free?) started herding his fellow members out the double doors.
"We'll explain everything outside where we're safe. Larxene, please stop trying to kill Sora. Hey Lex, help me with this lug Saïx (who got knocked out by his very own claymore)."
It was, at least, heartening to hear the happiness in Roxas' voice, even if he knew it was only drawn from his own memory. The guilt was practically gone.
"Sora!" he whirled around (and decapitated a bunch of Shadows in the process) to see his Other standing on the other side of the door, the Organization dusting themselves off behind him against the perpetually twilight sky of Twilight Town.
The Heartless were advancing mercilessly. Now he knew what Riku must've felt.
He ran to the doors and took a deep breath, knowing his fate was sealed.
"Too late! Roxas, close the door!"
His face mirrored utter disbelief. "Are you crazy!" he yelled back at him.
Bringing the Organization back was the craziest thing he had ever had the nerve to do. But he had to do it, for his conscience's sake.
"Roxas, please, help me shut the damn door!"
"Sora---"
"Lock it after you close it. I'll lock it from the other side. Then this door'll disappear, and the darkness inside with it." And, of course, me inside it. The messes I get myself into. "Please, Roxas."
His Nobody shut his eyes tight as he pushed on the door. "You'll get out, right? They still have to kill you, you know."
Sora grinned as he pulled on the other side. "I'm looking forward to that."
"See you."
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He faced backward as he locked the door's Keyhole.
Locked inside Kingdom Hearts.
This was going to be a long day.
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