The Fifth Verse

You travel for many years. It's such a long time before you actually settle down anywhere. The way you see it, you've had two grave mistakes in your life. Leaving your mother, and leaving your adopted family. You're about to make your third one, though you don't know it yet.

Walking down that road seemed to take you so far from your memories. That's where you live now, really. Swallowed up and drowning in memories and daydreams. Your eyes have formed a glaze over them. You don't live in the present, just the past. You barely acknowledge people, and they all think you rude for it. You earn money by doing odd jobs, killing monsters really. You feel even if you don't want to live anymore, you should try and help as many people.

It's on that road you actually let your mind wander into the present. It's a brown, rough, dirt road, full of rocks and grass stubble. You stop, scuffing your feet across one of the patches. The trees around the edge of the road are orange and gold with the season's change. The sun casts through the leaves, making the trees take the appearance of being on fire. A soft wind blows, and the tall grass on either side of the road waves in response. Tipping your head back, you listen to the calming affects of the grass and leaves swaying in the wind. The sky is a bright, vibrant blue. There are clouds that scatter the sky, fading into the sky on the horizon. There are tracks from airships strewn across the sky, blending with the clouds. The wispy movements of the clouds remind you of the ocean. It looks like the froth of a wave as it raced up towards your feet so long ago, standing on the shore of Costa Del Sol. You've lost track of when it was the last time you went to the ocean. You've lost track of the year, the days. You've even lost track of where you are. It doesn't seem to matter to you, though, since all the mistakes you made. You can't help but think that this may of possibly been what Cloud felt like when he left Tifa and Denzel and Marlene. He left because of an incurable disease, and wallowing in the past. Maybe some of the things that go through your head, went through his. You have a new respect for the man, though it's been many years since you last seen him or even heard of him.

There's something about the town when you first walk into it. You know what it is, later. The town is small, dusty roads, with little old men who sit outside of the town bar playing checkers. A true cliche of the small hometown where everyone knows everyone. This becomes apparent, as many people sort of stare at you as you continue down the road. Sure, you know you're dirty and disheveled with travel, but mostly, it's because you're a stranger. You keep pacing down the road, ignoring everyone whose eyes follow you. You pause once to pick up the doll a few boys discarded when you gave disapproving looks. You hold it in your hands where it dangles limply and pathetically. Still, it is no doubt the love of a small girl's heart. It's hair is tainted with mud a leave bits, and the dress it wears is torn. It's got brown, yarn hair, and painted blue eyes and a red mouth, forever stuck in it's happy look of glee. You pity the doll. Honestly, you wouldn't be smiling in such a state. Course, you can't remember the last time you smiled.

You hold the doll loosely in your hand as you walk into the store. You purchase some supplies, and the owner eyes you warily. You sigh, tired with the strange looks. You place the doll on the counter top with no words. You don't use your voice anymore unless it's absolutely necessary. The man looks at it dubiously.

"We don't sell toys."

You glare, "I found it..."

"Oh! I recognize this! Little Sera's doll...hmm, she'll be heartbroken." The man frowns deeply.

You feel a pang of guilt twist your heart as you think of the time Marlene lost her teddy bear 'Schnuckums' that her father gave her when she was three. You remember she had a pet name for it, too. "Schnucks."

The man fiddles with the leaf bits in the hair and sighs.

"Where does she live?" You ask.

He looks up, surprised.

"I have...a little sister...who was devastated anytime she was separated from her teddy bear."

The man grins, holding out the doll, "Up on the corner...last house on the left. Can't miss it. Last time this happened, she was sitting out on the porch crying...so you should be able to find her easy."

You thank the man, and then take the doll and leave. Making your way down the street once again, you ignore the stares and snickers at the fact you're carrying a doll. As you near the last house, you see as the old man said, a small girl sitting on the porch sniffling. She's got bright red hair that hangs in bouncy curls, and her toes are scrunched up as she cries.

You say nothing but merely sit the doll down beside of her on the steps. She looks up, surprised. She must only be about four or five.

She gasps, "Sophie! Thanks." She says, picking the doll up.

You stare at her for a moment, and then turn and walk away.

It's on your way out of the town you happen upon the old man and the house. He's trying to pull out a weathered 'For Sell' sign from the yard of a broken and abandoned house. You pause, watching him struggle for a moment, him, unaware of your presence.

"Here, Grandfather, let me help you with that."

The old man looks up, surprised, and then sighs, backing away and scratching his balding head. You reach out, giving the sign a sturdy tug, and it slips easily from the dry earth. This brings your gaze up to the house. It's a good size home, but it's broken. The shudders are hanging ascue, and the fence around the porch is broken in places. The paint is peeling in places, and the grass has grown as tall as your waist. In the distance you see a cliff edge. You turn back to the old man, who had been studying you. You ask him if he bought this place, and he replied no.

"Then why are you taking out the sign?"

"No one's going to buy this place! Even if I do clean it up..."

You ask him what he means. He begins with a 'when I was younger' line, and you almost groan in frustration, but stop yourself. He tells you a small family lived there.

"Mother, Father and son. Father passed on about ten years into the marriage...and when the boy was in his late teens, he disappeared one night...and they found his mother murdered out back. Neighbors said they heard her calling for him for the longest time, and then she just...stopped. Many speculate that it was the son...drove mad by voices in his head. Lady in a store overheard him talking...but he was the only one around...they never found him or his body...think he may've thrown himself off the cliff when he realized what he'd done...some don't think it was 'im though...say it was a stranger who came to town...and he was a strange stranger...course, I can't remember..."

You can't help but ask, "What were their names?"

"The family? Oh...uh..." He scratches his chin, tilting his head back. "The...the Alems...The father was...Marcus..Michael? I can't recall...but the woman's name was Annie...and her son was Shiloh."

You sigh in relief.

"Though I think she called 'im Shale...can't recall really...but anyways...this old house can burn to the ground...I don't really care what happens...I just don't want to deal with it anymore." With that, the old man turns and thanks you, and leaves you standing and staring at the old house.

You camp outside of the town and remember. You hated your name, Shiloh...you asked your mother for a new one...and she came up with a solution...a combination of your first and last name. Sh and Ale...Shale...It's two weeks before you return to the house and just move in. You figure it'll take the townsfolk a while to notice, or they just won't care. Either way, you figure the house your mother lived in shouldn't just rot away.

It's about fifteen years later that you reinstate yourself with society. You spend most of those years fixing up the old house. You repaint it to the pale blue it use to be, rehang the shudders, fix the fence, paint the porch, replace the doors and windows, mow the grass, plant some flowers, rebuilt the old barn, and fixed the furniture through out the house. It's a good way to occupy your time, and a good way to try and make up for everything you've done. You only go into town when the need calls for it. Even then, you keep yourself hooded. The townsfolk don't try to make friends with you, they acknowledge your presence, but still none of them even know how old you are nor what you look like. You figure it's an advantage in case you ever do need to show your face. After you fix everything possible in the house, you need another hobby. One that's long term, and that'll take up your time. You build a fence around the barn you built, and begin to raise chocobos and other livestock. It isn't easy, especially for one person, but it works for you. You have plenty of time to do what you need to, and can sell the animals or milk or eggs for money. It's a good way to live, you figure, at least for now. You don't know how long you can keep up the facade though. You don't know how long until they begin to question your presence. It's on one of those days when your selling and shopping that you see her. You're buying a bit of bread when you just happen to look over. She's standing in the midst of a few other girls, each of them giggling with teenaged fantasies, no doubt. She's different though, focused on the task at hand. She's got wavy, red-blonde hair that hangs down to her feet, and she looks up, as if sensing someone staring. You see her eyes land on you, dark brown eyes with a tint of red to them. They remind you of Tifa's eyes. She's got one of those apple shaped face, with dimples and she smiles at you. You nod your head in acknowledgment, and all of her friends gasp at her boldness. Even from where you're standing you hear their whispers of 'do you know who he is?' or 'he's that man from the hill' or 'how old is he anyways?'. You turn quickly, and walk away, not bothering with the rest of the days needs.

After this, you find yourself entering the town on more occasions, looking for any excuse to spot her again. It's two weeks before you finally do. She's sitting on the porch of her home, and you recognize it as the home of the little girl from all those years ago. You realize that she must be the little girl, and you feel sick suddenly because of the interest you have in her. But is it really wrong, you counter yourself. Honestly, you know you haven't grown in body, and you haven't grown in mind. You haven't lived through anything that would make you older there, you haven't even had a mid-life crisis, and if you were really of age, you'd be well past one. Really, the only way you aged was by the tragedies that made you what you are today. Isn't that sort of like Cloud and Tifa? You remember their story of Nibelhiem, about how their families were killed. Tifa told you once she felt she aged a thousand years that single night. It's the only way she aged, but still, she was no older.

You wrestle with yourself with this for so long, you don't realize she's walked up to you until she says hello. You jump, knocked suddenly from your stupor. You say nothing, and she just smiles and asks if you're a mute. You shake your head no, though you figure you should've shook it yes. It'd be a good way to get out of here before you got in trouble. She says her name is Sera Mals. She asks your name then, and you can't help but reply to her. She's got the voice of an angel, you figure it has to be of an angel. It's sweet, and she's very friendly.

"Shale." You reply softly.

"Gotta last name?" She giggles.

"...Strife."

You don't know why you say that. You figure Cloud and Tifa must be married by now, and if they were, and you were Tifa's and Cloud's 'son', then couldn't you take their last name? It would be better than taking the name of some long dead murder suspect you figure.

"So you're not as old as they speculate." She says, more to herself.

"Huh? Who?"

She blushes, "Oh, my friends...they all thought you were an old foagie! Wait till I tell them...you don't sound old at all."

"I'm only twenty three."

"But there's been a man there for quite a while now...and you'd been just a boy..."

"Must've seen my father."

The lies roll off your tongue. You don't know why you want Sera to accept you, you just do. These are all plausible things, are they not?

You act like Cloud did with Tifa. You're afraid to ask her to do anything. She rejects every man that asks her. When you finally do though, she says yes. The two of you become close very fast after your first talk. She does most of the talking, though, like Tifa did with Cloud. She understands that your past is a touchy subject. You tell her you came to the house about five years ago when your father passed on. He left it to you. She only asks once about your mother, and you say nothing. She gets the idea, and she doesn't press. It's a wonderful experience, being with Sera. You feel guilty, though. Deceiving an angel, you figure it must be the ultimate sin. Still, her smiles make the guilt disappear, and you spend even more time with her. You buy her a necklace for her eighteenth birthday, and she just flings her arms around your neck and smiles so big. Her parents love you, think you're wonderful for keeping the old house up and running. They still don't see how you can do all the work by yourself, and Sera's brother comes around every now and then to help out. The two of you become fast friends. He's got an infectious personality like Sera...like Tifa...

It's a three months later when it happens, out by the barn.

You get your first kiss there...and it's anything but romantic, she tells you, giggling afterwards. After all, you were standing in ankle deep muck shoveling manure while she stood on the bottom railing of the fence to lean over and kiss you, but you don't care. She's the only woman you'll ever love like that.

It's on your year anniversary that you tell her you love her, and that you take her for the first time.

"And feel the love my angel, today,

just open your heart up and pray."

You get married a year later, Sera taking on the name of Strife.

You have a child the next year. While you never spoke of your mother, she knows she's important to you. So when the child turns out to be a little girl, Sera says you should name it for your mother. You broad over it for maybe half a second, the problem being who you choose. Tifa? Or your real mother, Annie? You come up with a decision. Tifannie. Sera gasps, and asks if that was really her name...she thinks it's beautiful, and she can think of many pet names for your new baby. Sera holds Tifannie in her arms, and she smiles up at you, big. She says she's got your eyes.

It's when Tifannie turns seven that you see the problem resurfacing. You can see Sera aging, and you swallow, facing grim facts. You kiss Sera on the forehead, and she looks at you questioningly, and you walk out, standing by the cliff that had led to your demise so long ago. You curse Kadaj again. It's a name that you haven't let yourself think of since you left Tifa and Cloud so many years ago. You can't even recall how many years it was since you last saw them. Standing there, you regret it, but it's the only thing you can do. You watch Sera sleep after you make love to her one last time. You won't know for quite sometime that this led to your second child. A baby boy she names after you.

You check in on Tifannie, giving her a kiss on the forehead. She stirs, looking up at you.

"Daddy?"

Your heart swells. It's such a word that can bring upon such happiness, to know you have a child.

"Shh, go back to sleep, Teef."

"I can't now."

"How bout I sing you a lullaby?"

"You can sing?"

You don't answer. Instead, you sing of it what you know. She's nearly asleep as you finish it. Maybe one more verse would've put her out, but you can't remember it.

Guilt has never been more present in your life. You can never make another mistake like this again. Walking away, you make it seem as if you fell from the cliff at night. Walking a path through the grass, and then shaking the dirt up around the edge, it's the best you can do. You pull a button from the sleeve of your shirt and lay it on the ground, beside of rock. It's a poor attempt of a faked death, but it's the best you can do. All you can think is that maybe they'll believe you trip and fell to your death. Maybe...

They'll find it ironic that a boy who lived around fifty years ago died the same way, or at least that's what they speculate. You wonder if they'll notice the fathers of this house died when their children were of the same age. They won't care though. At least the girl is okay. At least their Sera is okay. The stranger and his son that appeared so quickly roughly twenty five years ago left such an impact on all their lives. They were sad to see him go, and held a memorial service. Some expected foul play, though not from the family. They knew the kind hearted stranger knew that cliff all too well.

You sigh, at least they'll still have Sera, and Tifannie...gifts from God...angels that walked the earth.

However, the reason you didn't really throw yourself from the cliff that night is because you've got one last thing you have to do before you die, if you'll ever die.

You've got one last angel to see.

Tifa.

Breathe my child, it's all okay.

Don't cry anymore, my love today.

Love is life, and life is love,

Fly away my beautiful dove.

In your dreams, sleep peacefully

Tomorrow will be better, just believe

So breathe my child, it's all okay

Don't cry anymore my love today

I'm here for now, this moment I say

I'm here for good, in your heart I'll stay.

And feel the love my angel, today,

Just open your heart up and pray.

A/N: Man, I'm cruel...ah well...not much more to go...and it was soooo long this chapter...I'm really not for made up characters, usually...but Shale needed some love...but so SAD...thank you guys SO much for all the reviews...they're very kind, and keep meh happy! Loves ya lots!