Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Tooth Goblins
(Cold opening. Cut to Shake sitting on the couch as Meatwad is beside him.)
Shake: I haven't brushed my teeth in ages.
Meatwad: You haven't?
Shake: Nope and guess what? I'm going to prove to you that the Tooth Goblins don't exist.
Meatwad: What Tooth Goblins?
Shake: Well, I would tell you...are you cool?
Meatwad: Yeah, I 'm cool.
Shake: Tooth Goblins sprout out of the bottom of your teeth when you don't brush them and eat you alive!
Meatwad: NOOOOOOOOO!
Shake: What's the matter?
Meatwad: I never brush my teeth.
Shake: Run! Run before the Tooth Goblins get a hold of you!
(Meatwad runs out as Shake starts laughing. Opening credits. Cut to Frylock's room as he is typing away on the computer as Meatwad runs in.)
Meatwad: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Frylock: What's the matter Meatwad?
Meatwad: I never brush my teeth!
Frylock: Well yeah, I never brushed my teeth either. That's why I'm wearing braces because the decay on my teeth made it all crooked. What brought this up?
Meatwad: Master Shake told me if you don't brush your teeth Tooth Goblins sprout out of the bottom and eat you.
Frylock: Meatwad, that's ridiculous.
Meatwad: Nuh uh, it's the darn truth now. Because Shake…
Frylock: Because Shake is what?
Meatwad: ……a genius?
Frylock: No his a Master "Moron".
Meatwad: Damn, he been lying about his name all this time.
Frylock: No……..listen, it doesn't matter. The point is Meatwad, Master Shake isn't always right, Tooth Goblins won't sprout out of the bottom of your teeth if you don't brush them, okay?
Meatwad: Oh yeah…..okay.
Frylock: But it doesn't even matter anyway, you only have that one tooth.
Meatwad: Nuh uh, the other day I was feeling a second tooth in my mouth.
Frylock: Really?
Meatwad: It small though. Small as Hell.
(Cut to the lounge as Master Shake is watching the Brak Show episode "Time Machine" when the montage is on when Frylock hovers in.)
Frylock: Very funny Shake.
Shake: Yeah, I know. This show is hilarious.
Frylock: I'm talking about telling Meatwad that Tooth Goblins would pop out of his mouth if he doesn't brush his teeth.
(Brief silence.)
Shake: Also hilarious.
Frylock: He ran into my room scared as (BLEEP) Shake, you have to apologize to him.
Shake: For what? What did I do?
Frylock: You scared him for no good reason!
Shake: Oh I see, blaming the victim. Nice one Fryl….
(A Tooth Goblin springs into frame. Silence.)
Shake: What the Hell is that?
Frylock: It looks like a goblin with a tooth-shaped hat?
Schooly D: (narrating) Damn, what the Hell is going on here?
Larry the Tooth Goblin: How's everyone going?
Shake: Fine.
Frylock: What are you and what are you doing here?
Larry the Tooth Goblin: My name's Larry.
Shake: Hey Larry, it's Master Shake here.
Larry the Tooth Goblin: Cool, that's awesome……I'm a Tooth Goblin.
Frylock: TOOTH GOBLIN? What, but that isn't real!
Larry the Tooth Goblin: Yeah…….now who's the smart one.
Shake: Look at the Fryman on Campus now, he dumb as all Hell!
Frylock: This is crazy……I mean, where did you come from?
Larry the Tooth Goblin: That meat guy's mouth.
Frylock: Meatwad!
Larry the Tooth Goblin: Yeah…….is that his name or what?
Frylock: What have you done with him?
Larry the Tooth Goblin: Nothing in particular, I mean…….the others are hanging around him while I'm here distracting you so…
Frylock: THERE'S MORE OF YOU GUYS!
Larry the Tooth Goblin: Yeah, that Meatwad, meat guy, meat dude……he ain't been brushing his teeth too good.
Shake: What, his TEETH. His only got like what, one?
Larry the Tooth Goblin: Nah, around inside his mouth somewhere a second tooth is coming out.
Frylock: Yeah, he told me about that.
Shake: Oh (BLEEP), if the Tooth Goblins are real.
(Silence.)
Frylock: Yeah?
Larry the Tooth Goblin: We're listening.
Shake: Then that means Tooth Goblins are going to sprout out of my mouth!
Frylock: Aw hell Shake, you haven't brushed your teeth either!
Shake: And I've got more teeth then Meatwad does, even though I keep telling him I don't have teeth because I disown that fact. But his so stupid, I can tell him the sky's purple and he'll think I'm right!
Frylock: Oh…..
(Shake's teeth explode as ten Tooth Goblins all rush out.)
Larry the Tooth Goblin: Oh, it's my old fraternity brother Mike! How you doing?
Mike the Tooth Goblin: I've been doing great, how bout you?
Larry the Tooth Goblin: Couldn't be any better.
Mike the Tooth Goblin: What you doing these days?
Larry the Tooth Goblin: You know, I've been living in some piece of meat's teeth, what you been doing?
Mike the Tooth Goblin: I've been living in some milkshake's teeth.
Larry the Tooth Goblin: Wow, you think you know a guy huh?
Mike the Tooth Goblin: Yeah, yeah. Hey, what ever happened to your sister?
Frylock: WHY ARE YOU ALL HERE!
(Silence.)
Mike the Tooth Goblin: To kill Master Shake.
Frylock: Why?
Shake: Yeah, why?
Mike the Tooth Goblin: Because we feel like it.
Larry the Tooth Goblin: It's punishment.
Mike the Tooth Goblin: Yeah, punishment for not brushing you teeth.
Frylock: Do you really need to kill us and oh my God……..what about Meatwad?
(Cut to Meatwad's room as a big fat Tooth Goblin hops in to frame next to Meatwad.)
Meatwad: Hey, how you going?
Fat the Tooth Goblin: MY NAME'S FAT!
Meatwad: Really………….well that name is truly uninspired.
(Cut back to the lounge.)
Larry the Tooth Goblin: He should be fine just as long as he doesn't cross paths with Fat.
Frylock: What kind of name is "Fat"!
Shake: That is the most stupidest name ever, I mean c'mon what was his brother's name "Thin" what about his sister, was her name "Whore", oh God…..soooo stupid!
Larry the Tooth Goblin: Don't let the name fool you, his evil. Evil as Hell.
Mike the Tooth Goblin: Isn't he that cannibalistic Tooth Goblin.
Frylock: OH NO!
Larry the Tooth Goblin: Yeah, he eats other Tooth Goblins and if someone pisses him off that isn't a Tooth Goblin, he'd eat them too.
Frylock: Oh no, I've got to warn Meatwad.
Shake: Don't worry, his too stupid to piss anyone off.
Frylock: Yeah, well……..okay. What's with all the other Tooth Goblins being so silent?
Larry the Tooth Goblin: They're probably just not every talkative.
Mike the Tooth Goblin: I eat their lungs.
(Silence.)
Larry the Tooth Goblin: Why?
Mike the Tooth Goblin: They just pissed me off.
Tom the Tooth Goblin: What, what did we do?
Shake: I thought you said you ate their lungs?
Mike the Tooth Goblin: Looks like they're learning to talk with lungs.
Tom the Tooth Goblin: You ate my lungs, not my voice box!
Mike the Tooth Goblin: I knew I was meant to eat something.
Tom the Tooth Goblin: Whether you did or didn't eat my lungs, I would've been able to talk. Except it's hard for us to breathe.
Shake: "Us", what are you, there spokesperson or something?
Tom the Tooth Goblin: Well, all the eight or nine other Tooth Goblins are young so yeah, they're kinda shy so…
Other Tooth Goblins: (BLEEP) YOU (BLEEP)-EATER MOTHER(BLEEP)ER, YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH (BLEEP), YOU STUPID DICK!
Tom the Tooth Goblin: Oh……..I guess they're not shy.
Pot the Tooth Goblin: Damn right, (BLEEP).
Larry the Tooth Goblin: Shut up Pot.
Shake: POT! You guys, you…..some of you guys have weird as names.
Mike the Tooth Goblin: Some of them had parents under the influence when they were born.
Pot the Tooth Goblin: MY MOM WAS HIGH, BITCH!
Mike the Tooth Goblin: Sorry Pot.
Pot the Tooth Goblin: You better be.
Tom the Tooth Goblin: Man, if we're going to kill him we're no doing a very good job.
Larry the Tooth Goblin: Who we killing again?
Mike the Tooth Goblin: That Mister Shake, Master Shake, you know that milkshake guy.
Frylock: Listen, I don't care I'm going to see if Meatwad's fine.
Shake: His fine okay!
Frylock: Well, I'm just going to make sure.
(Frylock hovers out.)
Larry the Tooth Goblin: Well, here's our chance!
Shake: Chance to do what?
Larry the Tooth Goblin: You know….
Pot the Goblin: WE'RE GOING TO KILL YOU, DICK!
Shake: You do not need to raise your voice at me!
(Frylock quickly hovers in.)
Frylock: WHERE'S MEATWAD!
Shake: Ugh……did you check his room.
Frylock: Yes! No one was in there, not even that…..fat guy, what's his name…..
Tom the Tooth Goblin: Fat?
Frylock: Yeah, he wasn't there either!
(Silence.)
Shake: Damn.
(Fat the Tooth Goblin hops in.)
Fat the Tooth Goblin: HEY! How's everyone going?
Frylock: Where's Meatwad?
Fat the Tooth Goblin: Meat who?
Harry the Tooth Goblin: Wad! Wad!
Fat the Tooth Goblin: Oh, yeah, thanks Harry.
Frylock: Well?
Fat the Tooth Goblin: Well what?
Frylock: Where's Meatwad?
Fat the Tooth Goblin: Oh, that guy I ate him after he told me I should grow up after I told him I was recently divorced and live in a cardboard box the size of a mailbox.
Frylock: Well………that's really sad.
(Fat the Tooth Goblin hops closer to Frylock.)
Fat the Tooth Goblin: That wasn't sincere……..was it?
Frylock: Of course it was.
Fat the Tooth Goblin: It better have been, other wise I'll eat you!
(Frylock starts looking shocked. Cut to Carl's house as Frylock and Shake knock on the door. Carl opens it up, mad.)
Carl: WHAT?!
Frylock: Can we stay in your house for a couple of weeks.
Shake: More like the rest of our lives!
Frylock: Shut up Shake!
Carl: Why?
Frylock: Because Shake and Meatwad didn't brush their teeth and Tooth Goblins exploded out of it.
Carl: That kinda resembles my story, except I care more about my story!
Frylock: There's Tooth Goblins in your house?
Carl: Yeah, I haven't brushed my teeth since Shake blew up all my toothbrushes apart of some "experiment".
Frylock: SHAKE!
Shake: What? I was just trying to prove Tooth Goblins didn't exist to Meatwad.
Frylock: And along the way you proved they DO exist.
Carl: So, you wouldn't want to come inside. Or anytime for that matter, because…
(Tooth Goblins rush over and start eating Carl as Frylock and Shake hover and hobble out quickly. Cut to the pool as they are both inside.)
Frylock: Poor Carl and Meatwad.
Shake: Well, they're gone. Ashes to ashes, space oddity, all that jazz. I mean, we could have fun all on our own living in this pool.
(Silence.)
Frylock: I rather kill myself.
Shake: Then do it, they're some man-eating tooth goblins in Carl's and our house. I'll have fun all on my own in this pool, LIVING in this pool.
Frylock: You'll go insane in moments.
(Silence.)
Shake: Probably right about that.
(A Tooth Goblin bobs up from the water.)
Swimmy the Tooth Goblin: My name's Swimmy, I noticed you had a pool so I swam in through your pipes.
(Cut to the lounge as all the Tooth Goblins are running around the house as Shake is watching TV.)
Larry the Tooth Goblin: Hey, who's that guy?
Shake: That's Dracula.
Mike the Tooth Goblin: Who's that guy?
Shake: Dracula's son.
Pot the Tooth Goblin: Why is there another Dracula and why is he…
Shake: C'mon, no high guy can be that stupid. It's Blacula. I can't believe Frylock got me back in the house, trying to get him to TOLERATE you, tolerance never got anyone anywhere.
Tom the Tooth Goblin: Well sorry!
Shake: No I'm SORRY for ever not brushing Meatwad's teeth!
(Cut to Frylock's room as he is trying away as Swimmy smashes himself from the floor as water sprays everywhere.)
Frylock: SWIMMY!
Swimmy the Tooth Goblin: Sorry.
Frylock: That's alright, I suppose.
Swimmy the Tooth Goblin: While getting up here I destroyed all the neighbor's cars and then blamed it on you!
Frylock: WHAT!
Swimmy the Tooth Goblin: Yeah I also set some houses on fire so they could melt so I could swim in the melted houses.
(Silence.)
Frylock: No one could be that irresponsible not even Shake when…..
(Swimmy pushes the computer off the desk as it explodes.)
Frylock: YOU DESTROYED MY COMPUTER!
(Frylock hovers out quickly.)
Frylock: That's it!
(Swimmy then starts following him.)
Swimmy the Tooth Goblin: Wait, wait I didn't mean to….
(Frylock hovers in the lounge.)
Frylock: We've tried reasoning, we've escaping and then we tried tolerance but now, it's payback.
Shake: You destroyed his computer, didn't you? You're in for it now!
(Frylock starts begin to blast all the Tooth Goblins.)
Larry the Tooth Goblin: We can settle this without using violence!
Pot the Tooth Goblin: That'll make us hippies, dude.
Mike the Tooth Goblin: Shut up.
(Frylock begins blasting all the Tooth Goblins as they become stronger and stronger.)
Shake: Damn Frylock, they're sucking power out of your beam making them stronger.
(Silence. Frylock stops blasting them.)
Frylock: Wha…
(All the Tooth Goblins start beating up Frylock as Shake hobbles out of the house quickly.)
Shake: SOMEONE CALL THE EXTERMINATOR!
(End credits.)