Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion. Eva is owned by others that make more money than I do (People like Hideaki Anno and Gainax, for example).
However, I DO own this story. I wrote it, for people to enjoy, not to plagiarize or sell for profit. Please do not claim it as your own, or try to make money off it. If you want to repost it, just send me an E-mail if you want to translate it or post it on your site.
Comments and Creative Criticism are always welcome. Please send all E-mail to: willzwpi.edu. No flames - we are all better than that.
Thanks: Special thanks goes to numerous people. I appreciate all the help everyone gave me, and I appreciate their letting me pester them a lot. Special thanks to Sethralavode, Peorth and Kyokki.
Dictionary: Verdammte – Damned (German).
Danke Gott! - Thank God! (German).
Comments: I know, the hiatus is over, but the break was well worth it! It was more work than anything, so returning to writing's a nice return to the norm of being lazy. 8P I hope to update quicker than I have in the past.
And now, WillZ presents:
Chapter 8: Converging
Asuka finished peeling the bandage from around here eye. She felt her skin being pulled by the tape, and was grateful that this was the last time she would have to worry about removing the vile wrappings, if all went well.
She dropped the refuse to the ground and hesitated, fearing the worst. Slowly, she opened the eye. To her surprise, the world jumped into focus almost immediately. DANKE GOTT! Her eye was finally healed!
Resisting the urge to dance around foolishly, Asuka began planning. She needed to find Shinji before the verdammte silence and loneliness drove her insane!
It also concerned her that there had been no new restock of supplies for the past few days. She did not like the thoughts drifting through her mind that, the four meal boxes left were all she was going to get. Shinji had provided more water for her, which was a small comfort.
She finally stood up, looking at the world in a more positive light. The world was brighter than it had been in a long while. She decided that she would finally head south today to see if she could find herself some better shelter; the weather was turning surprisingly cool, considering how temperate the climate had been since Second Impact.
Her smile slipped from her face. How blind she had been! All the evidence was there in front of her, and she had stupidly ignored it because she wanted to be the best Eva pilot! She almost wished Rei had never given her the knowledge of those events! She could still almost hear the albino girl's whisperings in her ear, warning her to never let history repeat itself. Ever.
But… How COULD Rei know all that, anyways? She still couldn't fit that piece of the puzzle into the grand scheme of things. She didn't want to make the piece fit, fearing she wouldn't like the answer.
After bundling her scant possessions together, she hoisted the bundle onto her shoulder. With so few meal boxes, two blankets, a half-used medkit, and a few extra shirts and shorts, she felt more like a vagabond instead of a fifteen-year-old college graduate.
With a sigh, she turned from the campsite – her home for such a short time – wishing that she could get back all her possessions, even though she knew that they were probably destroyed in that final battle. She wished she could have worn her sundress again, especially since it had been a gift – her only gift – from Kaji. She missed her ceramic kittens with a ball of string, a graduation present from the commander of Nerv Germany. She missed the green dress that her surrogate mother gave her, and the… The list was too long. Lifting her hand, she grasped the pendant around her neck through her shirt.
She didn't know why she had put it on, either, but she had; even with how much its touch seemed to pain her, she wore it close. Maybe it was the fact that it was now the only thing she still possessed that anyone had even given her. Maybe… No. She had to stop trying to backpedal; she knew the reason she wore it, as much as she knew that she looked for the reason's face at least three times a day.
She hated to admit it, but she had been a fool for too long. If luck were on her side, then today would be the day she could finally see Shinji.
Shinji had awoken early to go watch over Asuka as she slept, but was surprised to see her moving through the camp already. He noted her bandage was gone, and he was surprised. He had expected her to never see from that eye again, especially with his endless memory of how she had obtained the injury. Shinji sighed in relief as she buried the bandage in the small refuse pit she had dug with her hands the night before. He was glad to see that at least ONE thing had gone right since witnessing Unit 02 being devoured. He couldn't wait for the day when the husks of those automated Evangelions, their arms outstretched in mimicry of being crucified, were gone as well.
He crept behind a tree, gazing at her in wonder. She was so beautiful, and yet, he wasn't worthy of even being in her presence. The only thing he could ever do was pilot that damned beast, and he wasn't anywhere as skilled or effective as Asuka or Rei in the long run. He had just been incredibly lucky enough to make it seem so.
He hated the Eva more than he hated himself. The Eva had taken Mother from him. Eva had taken Rei.
Eva had hurt Asuka, damnit, and it was that he couldn't forgive.
Ever.
Asuka was still gathering her belongings together, so he watched her. She had fleshed out a bit more since their personal nightmare had ended. She wasn't fat – far from it, but at the same time, she seemed frail in comparison to how she used to be before hell had broken loose. She also seemed to be moving a lot slower, almost as if she couldn't find her usual supply of energy.
Shinji gulped as she bent to pick up more supplies. She had turned her back to his position, and bent her body down, giving him a good view of her backside.
Shaking his head, he made a hasty retreat before he made the same foolish mistake he had made when he visited her in the hospital.
Asuka turned towards the tree line, hoping that her mind wasn't playing tricks on her again. She could have sworn she had heard something, and now she felt anxiety building inside her again. Was it Shinji? Was it an animal? Maybe it was something worse?
She made up her mind. Instead of heading south as originally planned, she was going to head north, towards Tokyo 2. If the mysterious person was Shinji, then he'd more than likely follow, especially after she left some indication of her exodus. If not, then she'd just as soon avoid becoming a snack for any wild animals, thank you very much.
Picking up her meager supplies in their newly-assembled package, she slid into the makeshift shoulder straps, and took off.
"Please follow, Shinji," She whispered, wishing that he would hear.
If he really were there, that is.
Shinji stared in horror as Asuka began her journey northward. He wasn't ready for this! He hadn't had any time to get the few supplies he recently found out from the wreckage of metal and burnt flesh in the remains of the armored car he found several miles west.
"Think, Shinji," He said, ignoring the fact that he had indeed talked to himself, "She's not going too far like that. It should be easy to catch up to her."
As if grasping an epiphany, he realized exactly where she was going to.
Tokyo 2. Nothing else made as much sense. It was still the closest inhabited area to Tokyo 3. Nerv had purchased all the land for miles around the city. He remembered reading that at some points from the city's epicenter, civilization lay at least one hundred miles away.
"Yes. She's going to Tokyo 2."
Haring off, he made his way to his new supply of foodstuffs, hoping that he had guessed her destination correctly, and could catch up to her with little difficulty.
Asuka lay beneath a tree near the road, trying to regain her breath. Though the road was smooth and untouched by the conflict at Nerv, the incline through the hills had been more than she had anticipated. Wiping sweat off her brow, she glanced back the way she had come.
"Still no sign of him," she sighed to herself, wishing for Shinji to come walking up the road with a Frootie IceeKup in each hand.
If she was going to make a wish, she might as well make it a good one.
She was about ten miles, to her estimations north and east of her camp's locale – she could still see a good portion of Nerv Lake from the road each time she had looked back. It was an enormous hole, to be sure. She didn't know if she should be more amazed at the hole, or the displaced swath of land retaining most of its perfectly circular shape. Either someone had planned exceedingly well, or there were forces at work she didn't even want to fathom.
In her head she could still hear Rei's faint voice whispering, urging her to never repeat the past.
It was something she was taking more and more to heart each day.
With trepidation, she arose from her resting spot. She was trying to delay in hopes of seeing him, and she knew it was foolish; if he really wanted to see her, wouldn't he have shown his stupid face to her before this?
No. She had to realize that right now, she was responsible for her own situation. "If" this. "If" that. Too many "ifs" for her to rely on. She wanted to wait, but she knew that if she didn't go now, she ran the risk of either of them starving to death. She didn't want to be the one to make them leave, but what else was there for her to do? No food waited for them in the new lake. The amount of wildlife and wilderness between them and civilization held too many creatures for her tastes. She wanted a warm bath, maybe a nice meal that didn't consist of beans or mystery meat wouldn't be amiss, either.
With the thought of better food and a warm bath in her head, Asuka replaced her pack on her shoulder and continued on.
Shinji's lungs felt as if they were on fire. He had raced forward as quickly as he could, making his way through the ruins of the military vehicle in what felt like record time. He raced off again towards the campsite, hoping to catch up to Asuka before she had reached the road.
That was not to be the case though; he hadn't seen a trace of her after her footprints reached the broken tarmac that marked the border of the ravaged city.
"She couldn't have found transportation, could she?" he argued with himself. He felt dizzy, and his lungs felt as if they were pulling in gouts of acid rather than the crisp, cool air that permeated through the trees here.
"I have to catch up to her," he said, trying to gain his second wind. He had gotten her into this; he needed to make sure she survived, even if it killed him.
Shinji's lungs still ached, but he pushed himself onward. He didn't run, but he did manage a quick walk. He had to remind himself to go at a steady pace so he could catch up, without overtaking her. He needed to. If something happened to her, he would never forgive himself.
Asuka stopped a moment to rub her shins. Her legs felt like they were burning, except for the stabbing pains in her shins. She decided that, with the sun now past its apex, and the full heat of the day broiling her like a salmon, that this would be the most opportune time to stop for the night.
Crashing to the ground with aplomb, she covered her eyes with a sweat-soaked arm, wishing that the aches, pains and heat would go away. She didn't feel hungry in the slightest; her body was running solely off adrenaline, and the accompanying dizzy feeling is what told her she should give up for now.
Reaching into her pack, she took out the water and gratefully tipped the bottle over her face, slightly cooling her. She could almost swear she saw steam emanating from her as the water balanced itself with the temperature. With a small, groan, she turned to lie on her side.
Just in time to see something the way she come slip off the road.
Weakly, she got up, dropping her makeshift pack.
"Shinji?" She called out. Not even a chorus of cicadas answered her.
She got to her feet, making her way to where she had seen the movement. She was hungry and thirsty, now that she rested, and her muscles didn't want to respond to her wishes, thus, when she reached the spot she hoped to find Shinji, all she found was grass and gravel.
Slowly making her way back to her meager supplies, she tried to will herself to ignore the pain, but long days malnourished and catatonic, as well as her injuries in her Eva made her realize just how vulnerable she still was at this point in time; she feared she was going to be on the road to recovery for quite a while longer.
Shinji released the breath he had been holding. What unfortunate luck that he caught up with his quarry, right as she rolled over to see him. With rabbit-like reflexes, he made his way into deep cover, concealing himself as best as he could in the thick underbrush of thistle. He ignored the scrapes, barely registering their burning sensation across his scalp, face and hands.
He stayed there a bit, expecting her to come looking for him again. After about an hour, he snuck up to where she had set up her makeshift camp. She occasionally glanced around her, looking as though she expected an attack at any given time. He frowned at her nervousness: Where had the mighty Asuka he knew and admired gone to? She seemed more fragile than any time he could remember; even after the Nerv agents had found her naked, emaciated, and withdrawn into herself.
There wasn't much he could do though; he couldn't face up to her. Not yet. It had all gone wrong! He didn't want her to be here suffering, yet he couldn't live without her. What was he to do? He wanted to run away. He wanted to leave her, and forget about her and all the horrible memories.
But he knew he couldn't. Ayanami had made sure of that. She had burned the world's voice inside of him, making him wish that he could just rip that piece of his mind out. Through it all, he could hear her soft whisper "Don't ever forget. Never repeat the past." Like a mantra. She had infected his mind with the litany, and it seemed his memory took it to heart.
He saw Asuka standing on the desk of the carrier, her dress whipping in the wind. He saw her face close to his, a tear falling down the bridge of her nose. He saw her fingers on his nose, as, once more her eyes closed while she kissed him. He could almost swear that he was having difficulties breathing from her firm grasp of both his nose and mouth.
Why wouldn't these images go away? Wasn't he tormented enough? Each day, each night, he saw his pitiful life wash over him over and over, as Rei's voice implored him to never forget the past.
He wished Kaworu could have helped him to forget. The albino boy had been one of the few points in his life where things had been... Calmed. That's why he felt such affection for the other; Kaworu was not interested in using Shinji, as everyone else had been.
Kaworu had just wanted to spend time with Shinji, no strings attached. He somehow knew Kaworu's flirtatious manner had had nothing to do with using him either, and that had been a comfort in and of itself. But Kaworu had known that his interests didn't include Kaworu, for the other had seen how upset Shinji had been over Asuka's abrupt dismissal from piloting Eva.
He needed Kaworu's insights. Badly.
Unfortunately, he could never use that route, as Kaworu had been crushed in the hand of his own Eva. Everyone he ever cared for, or wanted to have care for him had been taken away, and most of them had been his fault. He tried to ignore the thoughts, but without his DAT player, the thoughts just kept coming, from his own insignificance, to thoughts of how Rei had betrayed him by allowing Asuka to be returned to this forsaken place with him. He had wanted Asuka safe, above all else, and now, he wasn't sure if he could offer her the protection she deserved. He didn't even want to think about what would happen if he destroyed her as he had Kaworu or Touji.
He knew he shouldn't beat himself down over Touji, but what would have happened, if he could have disabled the 13th angel long enough to get his friend out? He had been so STUPID! Instead of saving his friend, he foolishly fought his father and left both his friend and himself scarred forever.
Feeling worse by the minute, Shinji decided that, like Asuka, it was time to call it a day. He would sneak the supplies to her in the morning, or possibly sometime tomorrow night. He wasn't sure if sleep would come, but he decided to try anyways. Maybe his dreams would be good for once, too.
Curling himself into a protective ball, he closed his eyes. Maybe tomorrow would bring about something better. Maybe…
He awoke with a start. He checked his bearings, making sure Asuka hadn't found him during the night. He looked up to see the sun was much further from the horizon than he had wanted. It was going to put a damper on his plans to get supplies to the redhead quickly and quietly.
Cautiously, he lifted himself up from the ground, hoping that his luck would keep Asuka asleep for a bit longer.
Fate was against him, it seemed; the location Asuka had camped was devoid of any signs of her stay in the small clearing. Cursing himself, he gathered the scant supplies he found, and scurried off in pursuit of her.
Bright blue eyes looked at the road, feeling dismay at the steep upward slope. A few car parts could be seen at sporadic points, but fear that they were new had been quickly put to rest by the reddish color of nature taking it's course on the exposed metal.
She sighed as she took the corner. Part of her knew that nobody was ever going to travel these roads for a long time, while the other part remembered Misato's driving. It was hard to dissolve extensive conditioning to such trauma; she was still certain that Misato could have taken on an angel and won in her blue GTO with relative ease, had she been given the chance.
That thought made her feel ashamed. Misato had been a wonderful person, and now… Now only ones still alive to carry on were a very scared boy and girl. Why had she ever thought of herself as a woman before? She had all but thrown herself at Kaji, wishing for him to acknowledge her worth, and each time, he had kindly rejected her. He had been doing her a favor, she knew, but she also could see that Misato had been his one and only love.
Just as she knew she was Shinji's.
She stopped, startled. Could Kaji have known? It was impossible to conceive, but then, why had he written the coordinated attack with HER, and not Rei, who seemed to be perfectly synchronized to with their fellow pilot.
She shook the thought away; the past no longer existed. They had to keep taking it day by day, to live for the future, else they could kill themselves thinking too long on the consequences stemming from their actions. There was a balance, she knew, but, as she plodded along, she couldn't see it.
But… Why had Kaji written it with her in mind?
She tried thinking of other things, but they didn't seem to help, as her thoughts would find something that would lead her to her friends. She already missed the banter between Hikari and Touji, and she found that the loss of Rei and Kensuke with their clumsy attempts at a relationship left her just as empty.
And Shinji…
She knew he was out there. She knew he was avoiding her. She just wished… No. She had to stop beating herself up over this! Asuka had made mistakes, but she was ready to make amends for them with all her heart.
She hadn't been able to tell him anything about how she felt, and that was more disheartening than anything else. She could feel the weight seeping into her, the further she walked. She just wanted to cry until she couldn't cry any more.
After a while, Asuka noticed a rather large building in the distance. The way was still very hilly here, and she could make it out easily each time she approached a clearing. If she pressed on, she would be able to make it well before sunset. If her feet and legs didn't give out, that is.
With new determination, she reshouldered her makeshift pack, focusing all of her energy into her new objective.
Shinji could see where Asuka was heading, and it filled him with dread. The building, he knew, had been abandoned right before Second Impact by the scientists he now knew came from Nerv. He had heard his father speak of the place several times to Shinji's custodians as a possible place for him to live.
He had never been in the building, and he really didn't want to be in it now, especially since it had fallen into such disrepair in the last five years, especially with the current attacks on Tokyo 3 by the angels. He knew the whole thing was a deathtrap waiting to happen, but what was he to do? He couldn't catch up to her, or pass her to incite some sort of detour.
In short: he was stuck. He was going to actually have to prevent her from entering the building.
In person.
Closing his eyes, he took calming breaths. It wasn't as difficult as it sounded. He had talked to her countless times in the past.
And he remembered that most of those conversations had been far from pleasant, but there were those times that he held onto like gems: Those few times when she had been more than just civil to him.
With renewed hope and determination, he made his way towards Asuka.
The sun hung a bit lower than its zenith as Asuka neared the entry to the building. She had made excellent time, since most of it was a slight decline. Still, she was winded enough to take a long rest in front of the dingy, broken glass doors. The building itself was covered in vines on the eastern side, but no signs of aggressive wildlife emerged to claim its uneventful, squarish building.
By this point, Asuka would have been thrilled to see a chipmunk skitter across the road, instead of contend with the silence.
After a moment, she slowly made her way to the glass doors. Slowly, she opened the door, trying to prevent the dangling glass from possibly crashing into her foot. She was still recovering, and didn't need any more injuries at this point in time.
Just as carefully, she closed the door, advancing further into the sunlit depths of the building.
Shinji gasped for air. He hadn't realized how exhausted he was, with his urgency to catch up to Asuka driving him on. He could see her disappear into the maw of the potential monster, but was too winded to call out to her.
With determined steps, he advanced. He needed to get her out of there as quickly as possible.
The building stilled seemed homey, despite the dirt and dust everywhere. There were a few webs, but all-in-all, the condition inside looked to be as stable as the structure outside. Asuka wanted to set up camp first, but curiosity drove her to look inside further for anything that could prove useful.
Shinji opened the door, ignoring the cashing of the glass behind him, as the door closed with a bang. He had to get to Asuka – it was all that mattered at this point. He tried to gather enough breath, but his lungs just wouldn't fill properly. He was dreadfully out of shape he feared. Dropping the boxes with a clang, he hurried in, following Asuka's footprints in the dust.
Asuka heard the crash of the door, and the subsequent crashing of the glass to the floor. She turned around sharply, listening for the sounds of approaching footsteps.
It was then, that the floor beneath her finally decided to protest.
"What the…" She began, but didn't get a chance to finish, as the floor cracked, quickly spreading around and away from her. Before she could react, the decayed masonry gave way, and she was falling. Asuka closed her eyes, bracing for the impact she knew sould be all too soon.
Shinji saw Asuka spin to face him, when the floor suddenly started to crack all around her. Without thinking, he sprinted forward, using every ounce of his strength to catapult himself towards her. He reached out his hand as she started to fall through the hole.
Asuka felt something catch her arm and suddenly, she was dangling in the air. Her arm was scraped and her hand felt slightly numb as the pressure cut off her circulation. She finally looked up to see the most wonderful thing in the world.
Shinji, his hair matted from sweat, held her arm firmly in his hands and was now attempting to pull her up.
"Shinji!" She gasped. She still couldn't believe he was there!
"Help," He gasped. He sounded as if he had run a marathon, "Can't hold on."
Asuka tried to grab hold of the broken flooring, but each attempt was met with crumbling concrete. Where the concrete wasn't powdery, the metal looked as if it had been sitting in the air for too long. There seemed to be more rust than actual steel.
"Help." He repeated. His face was turning red from the strain of holding on to her.
The redhead reached her free hand up, grasping his hands. She very carefully tried lifting herself up enough to plant her legs into the debris around the hole.
After a moment, she had her knees secured between a bit of the rusted metal, she was able to give enough slack to allow Shinji a chance to change his grip.
Bright blue eyes stared into deep blue and, in countless moments, Asuka had managed to get her waist and hands planted onto the remains of the floor while her feet still dangled into the hole. Minutes later, they both lay gasping on the floor.
"Don't" Shinji began, gulping air between words," EVER. Do. That. Again."
All Asuka could do was nod in agreement. Old abandoned buildings were NOT good shelter.
After they regained their breath, they both got up, still unable to really communicate with each other. They had gone so long without talk, that neither was sure what to say to the other.
Finally Shinji made a decision. He needed to know.
"Asuka," He began, but was cut off as more of the deteriorated floor cracked under him, tilting him backwards. Before Asuka could react, Shinji had disappeared into the ever-increasing hole. When Asuka finally recovered, she looked over the edge of the hole, barely making out the crumpled shape of the boy below her.
"Shinji!"
However, I DO own this story. I wrote it, for people to enjoy, not to plagiarize or sell for profit. Please do not claim it as your own, or try to make money off it. If you want to repost it, just send me an E-mail if you want to translate it or post it on your site.
Comments and Creative Criticism are always welcome. Please send all E-mail to: willzwpi.edu. No flames - we are all better than that.
Thanks: Special thanks goes to numerous people. I appreciate all the help everyone gave me, and I appreciate their letting me pester them a lot. Special thanks to Sethralavode, Peorth and Kyokki.
Dictionary: Verdammte – Damned (German).
Danke Gott! - Thank God! (German).
Comments: I know, the hiatus is over, but the break was well worth it! It was more work than anything, so returning to writing's a nice return to the norm of being lazy. 8P I hope to update quicker than I have in the past.
And now, WillZ presents:
Chapter 8: Converging
Asuka finished peeling the bandage from around here eye. She felt her skin being pulled by the tape, and was grateful that this was the last time she would have to worry about removing the vile wrappings, if all went well.
She dropped the refuse to the ground and hesitated, fearing the worst. Slowly, she opened the eye. To her surprise, the world jumped into focus almost immediately. DANKE GOTT! Her eye was finally healed!
Resisting the urge to dance around foolishly, Asuka began planning. She needed to find Shinji before the verdammte silence and loneliness drove her insane!
It also concerned her that there had been no new restock of supplies for the past few days. She did not like the thoughts drifting through her mind that, the four meal boxes left were all she was going to get. Shinji had provided more water for her, which was a small comfort.
She finally stood up, looking at the world in a more positive light. The world was brighter than it had been in a long while. She decided that she would finally head south today to see if she could find herself some better shelter; the weather was turning surprisingly cool, considering how temperate the climate had been since Second Impact.
Her smile slipped from her face. How blind she had been! All the evidence was there in front of her, and she had stupidly ignored it because she wanted to be the best Eva pilot! She almost wished Rei had never given her the knowledge of those events! She could still almost hear the albino girl's whisperings in her ear, warning her to never let history repeat itself. Ever.
But… How COULD Rei know all that, anyways? She still couldn't fit that piece of the puzzle into the grand scheme of things. She didn't want to make the piece fit, fearing she wouldn't like the answer.
After bundling her scant possessions together, she hoisted the bundle onto her shoulder. With so few meal boxes, two blankets, a half-used medkit, and a few extra shirts and shorts, she felt more like a vagabond instead of a fifteen-year-old college graduate.
With a sigh, she turned from the campsite – her home for such a short time – wishing that she could get back all her possessions, even though she knew that they were probably destroyed in that final battle. She wished she could have worn her sundress again, especially since it had been a gift – her only gift – from Kaji. She missed her ceramic kittens with a ball of string, a graduation present from the commander of Nerv Germany. She missed the green dress that her surrogate mother gave her, and the… The list was too long. Lifting her hand, she grasped the pendant around her neck through her shirt.
She didn't know why she had put it on, either, but she had; even with how much its touch seemed to pain her, she wore it close. Maybe it was the fact that it was now the only thing she still possessed that anyone had even given her. Maybe… No. She had to stop trying to backpedal; she knew the reason she wore it, as much as she knew that she looked for the reason's face at least three times a day.
She hated to admit it, but she had been a fool for too long. If luck were on her side, then today would be the day she could finally see Shinji.
Shinji had awoken early to go watch over Asuka as she slept, but was surprised to see her moving through the camp already. He noted her bandage was gone, and he was surprised. He had expected her to never see from that eye again, especially with his endless memory of how she had obtained the injury. Shinji sighed in relief as she buried the bandage in the small refuse pit she had dug with her hands the night before. He was glad to see that at least ONE thing had gone right since witnessing Unit 02 being devoured. He couldn't wait for the day when the husks of those automated Evangelions, their arms outstretched in mimicry of being crucified, were gone as well.
He crept behind a tree, gazing at her in wonder. She was so beautiful, and yet, he wasn't worthy of even being in her presence. The only thing he could ever do was pilot that damned beast, and he wasn't anywhere as skilled or effective as Asuka or Rei in the long run. He had just been incredibly lucky enough to make it seem so.
He hated the Eva more than he hated himself. The Eva had taken Mother from him. Eva had taken Rei.
Eva had hurt Asuka, damnit, and it was that he couldn't forgive.
Ever.
Asuka was still gathering her belongings together, so he watched her. She had fleshed out a bit more since their personal nightmare had ended. She wasn't fat – far from it, but at the same time, she seemed frail in comparison to how she used to be before hell had broken loose. She also seemed to be moving a lot slower, almost as if she couldn't find her usual supply of energy.
Shinji gulped as she bent to pick up more supplies. She had turned her back to his position, and bent her body down, giving him a good view of her backside.
Shaking his head, he made a hasty retreat before he made the same foolish mistake he had made when he visited her in the hospital.
Asuka turned towards the tree line, hoping that her mind wasn't playing tricks on her again. She could have sworn she had heard something, and now she felt anxiety building inside her again. Was it Shinji? Was it an animal? Maybe it was something worse?
She made up her mind. Instead of heading south as originally planned, she was going to head north, towards Tokyo 2. If the mysterious person was Shinji, then he'd more than likely follow, especially after she left some indication of her exodus. If not, then she'd just as soon avoid becoming a snack for any wild animals, thank you very much.
Picking up her meager supplies in their newly-assembled package, she slid into the makeshift shoulder straps, and took off.
"Please follow, Shinji," She whispered, wishing that he would hear.
If he really were there, that is.
Shinji stared in horror as Asuka began her journey northward. He wasn't ready for this! He hadn't had any time to get the few supplies he recently found out from the wreckage of metal and burnt flesh in the remains of the armored car he found several miles west.
"Think, Shinji," He said, ignoring the fact that he had indeed talked to himself, "She's not going too far like that. It should be easy to catch up to her."
As if grasping an epiphany, he realized exactly where she was going to.
Tokyo 2. Nothing else made as much sense. It was still the closest inhabited area to Tokyo 3. Nerv had purchased all the land for miles around the city. He remembered reading that at some points from the city's epicenter, civilization lay at least one hundred miles away.
"Yes. She's going to Tokyo 2."
Haring off, he made his way to his new supply of foodstuffs, hoping that he had guessed her destination correctly, and could catch up to her with little difficulty.
Asuka lay beneath a tree near the road, trying to regain her breath. Though the road was smooth and untouched by the conflict at Nerv, the incline through the hills had been more than she had anticipated. Wiping sweat off her brow, she glanced back the way she had come.
"Still no sign of him," she sighed to herself, wishing for Shinji to come walking up the road with a Frootie IceeKup in each hand.
If she was going to make a wish, she might as well make it a good one.
She was about ten miles, to her estimations north and east of her camp's locale – she could still see a good portion of Nerv Lake from the road each time she had looked back. It was an enormous hole, to be sure. She didn't know if she should be more amazed at the hole, or the displaced swath of land retaining most of its perfectly circular shape. Either someone had planned exceedingly well, or there were forces at work she didn't even want to fathom.
In her head she could still hear Rei's faint voice whispering, urging her to never repeat the past.
It was something she was taking more and more to heart each day.
With trepidation, she arose from her resting spot. She was trying to delay in hopes of seeing him, and she knew it was foolish; if he really wanted to see her, wouldn't he have shown his stupid face to her before this?
No. She had to realize that right now, she was responsible for her own situation. "If" this. "If" that. Too many "ifs" for her to rely on. She wanted to wait, but she knew that if she didn't go now, she ran the risk of either of them starving to death. She didn't want to be the one to make them leave, but what else was there for her to do? No food waited for them in the new lake. The amount of wildlife and wilderness between them and civilization held too many creatures for her tastes. She wanted a warm bath, maybe a nice meal that didn't consist of beans or mystery meat wouldn't be amiss, either.
With the thought of better food and a warm bath in her head, Asuka replaced her pack on her shoulder and continued on.
Shinji's lungs felt as if they were on fire. He had raced forward as quickly as he could, making his way through the ruins of the military vehicle in what felt like record time. He raced off again towards the campsite, hoping to catch up to Asuka before she had reached the road.
That was not to be the case though; he hadn't seen a trace of her after her footprints reached the broken tarmac that marked the border of the ravaged city.
"She couldn't have found transportation, could she?" he argued with himself. He felt dizzy, and his lungs felt as if they were pulling in gouts of acid rather than the crisp, cool air that permeated through the trees here.
"I have to catch up to her," he said, trying to gain his second wind. He had gotten her into this; he needed to make sure she survived, even if it killed him.
Shinji's lungs still ached, but he pushed himself onward. He didn't run, but he did manage a quick walk. He had to remind himself to go at a steady pace so he could catch up, without overtaking her. He needed to. If something happened to her, he would never forgive himself.
Asuka stopped a moment to rub her shins. Her legs felt like they were burning, except for the stabbing pains in her shins. She decided that, with the sun now past its apex, and the full heat of the day broiling her like a salmon, that this would be the most opportune time to stop for the night.
Crashing to the ground with aplomb, she covered her eyes with a sweat-soaked arm, wishing that the aches, pains and heat would go away. She didn't feel hungry in the slightest; her body was running solely off adrenaline, and the accompanying dizzy feeling is what told her she should give up for now.
Reaching into her pack, she took out the water and gratefully tipped the bottle over her face, slightly cooling her. She could almost swear she saw steam emanating from her as the water balanced itself with the temperature. With a small, groan, she turned to lie on her side.
Just in time to see something the way she come slip off the road.
Weakly, she got up, dropping her makeshift pack.
"Shinji?" She called out. Not even a chorus of cicadas answered her.
She got to her feet, making her way to where she had seen the movement. She was hungry and thirsty, now that she rested, and her muscles didn't want to respond to her wishes, thus, when she reached the spot she hoped to find Shinji, all she found was grass and gravel.
Slowly making her way back to her meager supplies, she tried to will herself to ignore the pain, but long days malnourished and catatonic, as well as her injuries in her Eva made her realize just how vulnerable she still was at this point in time; she feared she was going to be on the road to recovery for quite a while longer.
Shinji released the breath he had been holding. What unfortunate luck that he caught up with his quarry, right as she rolled over to see him. With rabbit-like reflexes, he made his way into deep cover, concealing himself as best as he could in the thick underbrush of thistle. He ignored the scrapes, barely registering their burning sensation across his scalp, face and hands.
He stayed there a bit, expecting her to come looking for him again. After about an hour, he snuck up to where she had set up her makeshift camp. She occasionally glanced around her, looking as though she expected an attack at any given time. He frowned at her nervousness: Where had the mighty Asuka he knew and admired gone to? She seemed more fragile than any time he could remember; even after the Nerv agents had found her naked, emaciated, and withdrawn into herself.
There wasn't much he could do though; he couldn't face up to her. Not yet. It had all gone wrong! He didn't want her to be here suffering, yet he couldn't live without her. What was he to do? He wanted to run away. He wanted to leave her, and forget about her and all the horrible memories.
But he knew he couldn't. Ayanami had made sure of that. She had burned the world's voice inside of him, making him wish that he could just rip that piece of his mind out. Through it all, he could hear her soft whisper "Don't ever forget. Never repeat the past." Like a mantra. She had infected his mind with the litany, and it seemed his memory took it to heart.
He saw Asuka standing on the desk of the carrier, her dress whipping in the wind. He saw her face close to his, a tear falling down the bridge of her nose. He saw her fingers on his nose, as, once more her eyes closed while she kissed him. He could almost swear that he was having difficulties breathing from her firm grasp of both his nose and mouth.
Why wouldn't these images go away? Wasn't he tormented enough? Each day, each night, he saw his pitiful life wash over him over and over, as Rei's voice implored him to never forget the past.
He wished Kaworu could have helped him to forget. The albino boy had been one of the few points in his life where things had been... Calmed. That's why he felt such affection for the other; Kaworu was not interested in using Shinji, as everyone else had been.
Kaworu had just wanted to spend time with Shinji, no strings attached. He somehow knew Kaworu's flirtatious manner had had nothing to do with using him either, and that had been a comfort in and of itself. But Kaworu had known that his interests didn't include Kaworu, for the other had seen how upset Shinji had been over Asuka's abrupt dismissal from piloting Eva.
He needed Kaworu's insights. Badly.
Unfortunately, he could never use that route, as Kaworu had been crushed in the hand of his own Eva. Everyone he ever cared for, or wanted to have care for him had been taken away, and most of them had been his fault. He tried to ignore the thoughts, but without his DAT player, the thoughts just kept coming, from his own insignificance, to thoughts of how Rei had betrayed him by allowing Asuka to be returned to this forsaken place with him. He had wanted Asuka safe, above all else, and now, he wasn't sure if he could offer her the protection she deserved. He didn't even want to think about what would happen if he destroyed her as he had Kaworu or Touji.
He knew he shouldn't beat himself down over Touji, but what would have happened, if he could have disabled the 13th angel long enough to get his friend out? He had been so STUPID! Instead of saving his friend, he foolishly fought his father and left both his friend and himself scarred forever.
Feeling worse by the minute, Shinji decided that, like Asuka, it was time to call it a day. He would sneak the supplies to her in the morning, or possibly sometime tomorrow night. He wasn't sure if sleep would come, but he decided to try anyways. Maybe his dreams would be good for once, too.
Curling himself into a protective ball, he closed his eyes. Maybe tomorrow would bring about something better. Maybe…
He awoke with a start. He checked his bearings, making sure Asuka hadn't found him during the night. He looked up to see the sun was much further from the horizon than he had wanted. It was going to put a damper on his plans to get supplies to the redhead quickly and quietly.
Cautiously, he lifted himself up from the ground, hoping that his luck would keep Asuka asleep for a bit longer.
Fate was against him, it seemed; the location Asuka had camped was devoid of any signs of her stay in the small clearing. Cursing himself, he gathered the scant supplies he found, and scurried off in pursuit of her.
Bright blue eyes looked at the road, feeling dismay at the steep upward slope. A few car parts could be seen at sporadic points, but fear that they were new had been quickly put to rest by the reddish color of nature taking it's course on the exposed metal.
She sighed as she took the corner. Part of her knew that nobody was ever going to travel these roads for a long time, while the other part remembered Misato's driving. It was hard to dissolve extensive conditioning to such trauma; she was still certain that Misato could have taken on an angel and won in her blue GTO with relative ease, had she been given the chance.
That thought made her feel ashamed. Misato had been a wonderful person, and now… Now only ones still alive to carry on were a very scared boy and girl. Why had she ever thought of herself as a woman before? She had all but thrown herself at Kaji, wishing for him to acknowledge her worth, and each time, he had kindly rejected her. He had been doing her a favor, she knew, but she also could see that Misato had been his one and only love.
Just as she knew she was Shinji's.
She stopped, startled. Could Kaji have known? It was impossible to conceive, but then, why had he written the coordinated attack with HER, and not Rei, who seemed to be perfectly synchronized to with their fellow pilot.
She shook the thought away; the past no longer existed. They had to keep taking it day by day, to live for the future, else they could kill themselves thinking too long on the consequences stemming from their actions. There was a balance, she knew, but, as she plodded along, she couldn't see it.
But… Why had Kaji written it with her in mind?
She tried thinking of other things, but they didn't seem to help, as her thoughts would find something that would lead her to her friends. She already missed the banter between Hikari and Touji, and she found that the loss of Rei and Kensuke with their clumsy attempts at a relationship left her just as empty.
And Shinji…
She knew he was out there. She knew he was avoiding her. She just wished… No. She had to stop beating herself up over this! Asuka had made mistakes, but she was ready to make amends for them with all her heart.
She hadn't been able to tell him anything about how she felt, and that was more disheartening than anything else. She could feel the weight seeping into her, the further she walked. She just wanted to cry until she couldn't cry any more.
After a while, Asuka noticed a rather large building in the distance. The way was still very hilly here, and she could make it out easily each time she approached a clearing. If she pressed on, she would be able to make it well before sunset. If her feet and legs didn't give out, that is.
With new determination, she reshouldered her makeshift pack, focusing all of her energy into her new objective.
Shinji could see where Asuka was heading, and it filled him with dread. The building, he knew, had been abandoned right before Second Impact by the scientists he now knew came from Nerv. He had heard his father speak of the place several times to Shinji's custodians as a possible place for him to live.
He had never been in the building, and he really didn't want to be in it now, especially since it had fallen into such disrepair in the last five years, especially with the current attacks on Tokyo 3 by the angels. He knew the whole thing was a deathtrap waiting to happen, but what was he to do? He couldn't catch up to her, or pass her to incite some sort of detour.
In short: he was stuck. He was going to actually have to prevent her from entering the building.
In person.
Closing his eyes, he took calming breaths. It wasn't as difficult as it sounded. He had talked to her countless times in the past.
And he remembered that most of those conversations had been far from pleasant, but there were those times that he held onto like gems: Those few times when she had been more than just civil to him.
With renewed hope and determination, he made his way towards Asuka.
The sun hung a bit lower than its zenith as Asuka neared the entry to the building. She had made excellent time, since most of it was a slight decline. Still, she was winded enough to take a long rest in front of the dingy, broken glass doors. The building itself was covered in vines on the eastern side, but no signs of aggressive wildlife emerged to claim its uneventful, squarish building.
By this point, Asuka would have been thrilled to see a chipmunk skitter across the road, instead of contend with the silence.
After a moment, she slowly made her way to the glass doors. Slowly, she opened the door, trying to prevent the dangling glass from possibly crashing into her foot. She was still recovering, and didn't need any more injuries at this point in time.
Just as carefully, she closed the door, advancing further into the sunlit depths of the building.
Shinji gasped for air. He hadn't realized how exhausted he was, with his urgency to catch up to Asuka driving him on. He could see her disappear into the maw of the potential monster, but was too winded to call out to her.
With determined steps, he advanced. He needed to get her out of there as quickly as possible.
The building stilled seemed homey, despite the dirt and dust everywhere. There were a few webs, but all-in-all, the condition inside looked to be as stable as the structure outside. Asuka wanted to set up camp first, but curiosity drove her to look inside further for anything that could prove useful.
Shinji opened the door, ignoring the cashing of the glass behind him, as the door closed with a bang. He had to get to Asuka – it was all that mattered at this point. He tried to gather enough breath, but his lungs just wouldn't fill properly. He was dreadfully out of shape he feared. Dropping the boxes with a clang, he hurried in, following Asuka's footprints in the dust.
Asuka heard the crash of the door, and the subsequent crashing of the glass to the floor. She turned around sharply, listening for the sounds of approaching footsteps.
It was then, that the floor beneath her finally decided to protest.
"What the…" She began, but didn't get a chance to finish, as the floor cracked, quickly spreading around and away from her. Before she could react, the decayed masonry gave way, and she was falling. Asuka closed her eyes, bracing for the impact she knew sould be all too soon.
Shinji saw Asuka spin to face him, when the floor suddenly started to crack all around her. Without thinking, he sprinted forward, using every ounce of his strength to catapult himself towards her. He reached out his hand as she started to fall through the hole.
Asuka felt something catch her arm and suddenly, she was dangling in the air. Her arm was scraped and her hand felt slightly numb as the pressure cut off her circulation. She finally looked up to see the most wonderful thing in the world.
Shinji, his hair matted from sweat, held her arm firmly in his hands and was now attempting to pull her up.
"Shinji!" She gasped. She still couldn't believe he was there!
"Help," He gasped. He sounded as if he had run a marathon, "Can't hold on."
Asuka tried to grab hold of the broken flooring, but each attempt was met with crumbling concrete. Where the concrete wasn't powdery, the metal looked as if it had been sitting in the air for too long. There seemed to be more rust than actual steel.
"Help." He repeated. His face was turning red from the strain of holding on to her.
The redhead reached her free hand up, grasping his hands. She very carefully tried lifting herself up enough to plant her legs into the debris around the hole.
After a moment, she had her knees secured between a bit of the rusted metal, she was able to give enough slack to allow Shinji a chance to change his grip.
Bright blue eyes stared into deep blue and, in countless moments, Asuka had managed to get her waist and hands planted onto the remains of the floor while her feet still dangled into the hole. Minutes later, they both lay gasping on the floor.
"Don't" Shinji began, gulping air between words," EVER. Do. That. Again."
All Asuka could do was nod in agreement. Old abandoned buildings were NOT good shelter.
After they regained their breath, they both got up, still unable to really communicate with each other. They had gone so long without talk, that neither was sure what to say to the other.
Finally Shinji made a decision. He needed to know.
"Asuka," He began, but was cut off as more of the deteriorated floor cracked under him, tilting him backwards. Before Asuka could react, Shinji had disappeared into the ever-increasing hole. When Asuka finally recovered, she looked over the edge of the hole, barely making out the crumpled shape of the boy below her.
"Shinji!"