Chapter Four
A few weeks later, in the dark of night, I went out for a walk along the streets of Jein.
I had lived very comfortably among my new friends. After a week I was moved from my closet to a room with an old cot in it. I found out, at about the same time, that Goombuckle had been the only person living in the old run-down farm house. I had also learned from talking with people around town that the reason it was left abandoned was because it was believed to be haunted. I figured that Goombuckle had something to do with that.
I enjoyed talking with Goombuckle at night before going to bed. He always had some story to tell or a new song to play. I'd buy him something every once in a while with some of the money I "earned". They were just small trinkets but he would take so much joy in them that it appeared he'd bring them with him to the grave. When he wasn't playing his conga he'd finger them or polish them. One was a small, and I mean very small, iron horse I had Bungle craft for me. Another was a nice looking wooden star I had paid Mr. Slimble to make. There were others that I had procured from one place or another but Goombuckle seemed to take special interest in these. I wished I could make him something. I knew it would be above all the other things I had given him. But I never tried because I knew I couldn't.
Other than that, the others and I would walk through town almost every morning. I met a lot of people in west Jein and slowly became at such ease that the idea I might be recognized simply vanished. Our little group was, in fact, thieves. Midas enjoyed his job very much, which seemed to bother David. Michelle didn't seem to notice this aspect of Midas and eagerly took the portion of coins Midas divvied out to her.
Michelle and I had been drawn to each other over time because we were the only females in the group. We didn't talk much, certainly not as much as Goombuckle and I did, but we had a sort of friendship that went without being said. We knew we had each other's back if the other was ever in need. She would do my hair sometimes, though her own was too short for me to do anything with. Yet she seemed content to just look at mine. She would always talk about my hair when she did it. I appreciated the compliments but felt a little odd. She made it clear that she didn't like her own hair that much and really liked mine. I suppose it made me a little uncomfortable to have her talk like that, because after Mr. Slimble's comment I had decided I really liked my hair too.
It had dawned on me one day that perhaps David was the best off out of all of us. Goombuckle and I obviously had no real home. Midas and Michelle were always ready to lift something of value. David, on the other hand, never appeared to enjoy any of the slightly less noble things we did. If he ever agreed on anything it was only grudgingly. He also seemed to have no problem up keeping his clothes. I suppose I must have been a little blind to not have noticed the difference between his apparel and that of the others earlier. There was also the issue of what he would do once in a while at Slimble's stand.
After the first time I saw him he had made sure he was a little more discreet about it. Most of the time I could have sworn that I was just seeing things but I still had a feeling he was doing it. I tried to find out what he was doing after I was at least a little sure that he had done it, but he would always find some way to get me to move along if he saw me heading to where he had done it. I swear that if I could just have gotten an idea of what he was doing I'd have left it alone.
That was what I was out there that night to do; to find out the truth about David. To find out why he was constantly against stealing and why his clothes were never too old. And once I found out his living conditions, I'd ask him what he did at Slimble's stand.
I was sticking to the shadows as best as I could with the full moon. I suppose I could have chosen a better night to do this on, but I had become impatient. I wanted to know now and a couple weeks simply wouldn't do. I used every dark corner I could find and slowly followed him through the city. He looked back occasionally and I'd stop breathing. I knew if I got caught it could end with my funeral, which might be a reason not to actually ask him about Slimble's when I came to his home.
To my surprise David, at one point, stopped heading towards East Jein where I expected him to go and ducked down an alley back towards West. I lost him for a moment and approached the alley very slowly and quietly, in case he was still there. When I peeked around the corner I saw him swiftly walking down the street on the other side. I followed quickly and ended up knocking over a barrel. To my amazement I started a dog who ran out of the alley and down another street. Having heard the barrel David had turned around and put his hand on his dagger. He saw the dog and must have assumed it was the cause and eased up a bit. I made sure to be more careful of what I was doing.
David approached a large house on the main street that led into Jein. I had been on this street once before and knew that it was a mask of the real Jein. The upper class of Jein lived on this one street and made sure to keep it looking nice. I was shocked to see David pause once more at the door, mutter something, then simply open the door like he owned the place.
I avoided the windows by squatting down and made my way to an alley across the street from the house. The alley was lit dimly by the lanterns that burned inside the houses that had windows facing the alley. There was, however, a good amount of shadow to accommodate my hiding.
As I watched from my hiding place I saw David put his cloak on a hanger in the front room. A nicely dressed woman, not rich but at the same time not middle class, walk in and peck him on the cheek. He smiled and said something to her that I could not make out. The two then proceeded to walk out of the room and out of site. They next appeared in the room on the other side of the doorway. There was a large, round table set with more food than I've ever seen in one place before, unless of course you count the food wagon I had stowed away in to get to Baizine. They sat down and ate for a long time. A very, very long time for my hungry self. After they were done, David disappeared through a door again. I next saw him in a bedroom on the upper floor. He was dressed in very nice clothing now. He opened is window to the evening air and leaned out. He looked up and watched the stars, seeming to be some prince or something regal like that to me; perhaps a philosopher. Finally, after another incredibly long time, he took one last deep breath of the air and closed the window. The lantern in his room went out and I knew he was sleeping on some beautifully comfortable mattress.
I hadn't noticed it, but at some point during the time I had been sitting there, I had slowly risen to my feet and was now leaning on a window sill. I didn't even realize it until I heard a lady scream the words "peeping tom". I whirled towards where I had heard them coming from, which I suddenly realized was on the other side of the window I was standing outside of. I saw a wet lady running out of the room and wrapping herself in a towel as she did so.
I didn't miss a beat. I was off running a second later and heard the back door of the house explode open with the yelling of a man as I passed the back alley. I risked a glance back as I ran and saw a group of yelling men running after me with brandished swords and knives. I weaved my way through the network of alleyways that I had committed to memory as I tried to lose my pursuers. But they were persistent, and were able to look every way for me at each corner because they could run faster.
Somehow I ended up in East Jein to my chagrin. The men had apparently stopped at the unofficial dividing line but I kept running. I wasn't sure what had drawn me here, perhaps my subconscious longed to find Philippe for protection. But now that the danger was gone, the overt danger at least, I had complete control of my mind and I knew I wouldn't have found him. I ran a course back towards the outskirts without the slightest hesitation.
I was almost out of there when a man leapt from the shadows and right into my path.
"Hey there baby," he said slyly. He grinned for a moment, then it faded away. "What the-"
I hadn't wasted the moment he had. The second he jumped out five feet in front of me my hand had gone to my dagger. It was only about two seconds between when he first showed up and the result. Somehow in that time I had drawn my dagger and plunged it deep into his chest. He didn't see the dagger until it was in him because of the cloak. I left it in him a second longer and he stared at it in horror. Then I ripped it out, not straight back from him but along the rib so that it left a long bloody gash. Was that all self-defense? Or was there some anger in the attack? Yes, perhaps. I'd decide to which question I was answering later.
I didn't think on the whole way back to the farm. I had learned by now that thinking was bad after things like that. There was simply too much to think about. The way to do it was to forget about it for now and reintroduce it little by little during the next couple of days.
When I had ran directly to my room I must have scared Goombuckle, because it was common of me to come and sit down with him for a while. He had come after me quietly and slowly after a few minutes. I heard him coming down the hall, taking his time, trying to be quiet about it but not being very good at it. He stood next to my doorway, because there was no door to my room, and was silent a little longer. He probably had his back against the wall like it would be a little more privacy to me. I was busy staring blankly at the ceiling meanwhile. Finally he cleared his throat and started speaking.
"Are you alright, Chris?" he whispered softly from the hall.
Was this the first person I have killed? I thought.
"Was it really that bad, Chris?"
No, you killed Philippe.
"Chris, I'm sorry. Whatever happened, I'm sorry it had to happen to you."
No, I didn't kill Philippe, the others did.
"Can you give me some kind of clue that you're alright in there?"
But didn't you want him dead at that moment,
"Please, Chris, give me something. If your hurt I want to know."
Just because you cared only about yourself.
"I can help you, Chris. But only if you let me."
So you did kill him.
There was silence in the hall.
What are you saying? I didn't do it!
I thought I heard Goombuckle mutter something.
What about the other man.
There was complete silence, both in my head and in the hall.
Did you mean to kill him? Did you WANT to kill him?
The silence in the hall seemed to be going on for an eternity.
Then, my mind whispered, Did it make you feel better to kill him?
I broke down in tears and rolled out of bed. I took off my cloak without a thought and crawled to the corner. I didn't want to be comfortable. I wanted to be cold and scared and feel the cold, hard bricks against my back again. I didn't deserve anything. Not a thing. Not even this kindness that Goombuckle and the others had shown me. Not a warm feeling from anyone…
Suddenly, as I convulsed in the corner with my knees tucked as close to my body as they would go and my arms wrapped around to keep them there, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I slowly looked up and my tears turned my vision into one big light. I cleared my eyes on my shoulder and reassessed my world. There was a single globe of light floating in front of my face, doing circles. I batted at it with a hand, even though I knew where it had come from. The light flew back out of the room and returned with two more of its friends.
The new lights hovered a bit away from each other and a little above my eye level. The original one then began to swing back and forth, like a pendulum. I smiled at the picture it made and choked on a laugh. They shook with excitement and then flew around in a line, whirling and swooping. I wasn't sure why it made me so happy, but it did. I sat tucked in the corner but I held my head up and smiled and laughed a little as they gave me their performance. They ran around the room doing things and at one point ran up my hair that lay down my shoulders. Even though they never made a sound I understood their meaning. Because they spoke a universal language:
the language of the heart.
The thing that all beautiful creations come from.
I should have taken the advice I had given myself, that thinking about it was a bad idea. But all alone I could not do that. I realized then how much some kind of bond with some kind of creature was actually needed.
…
By the next day Goombuckle had helped me sort out my feelings. He was the closest thing, I found, to a father that I had ever had. Yet he was a friend at the same time and I knew I didn't have to like him and he didn't have to help me because of blood. That made him even more valuable than a father, or that's what I suppose he was to me, though it is very unfair to say so since I never had a real father. But I knew that he was at least as good.
One thing I had learned for sure the previous night was this: faced with uncertainty, the mind of most sentient creatures will believe what it wants to believe. It had occurred to me, though I didn't voice it out loud, that the two people who had gotten a close but obscured look at me, had seen me as two different sexes. The lady had obviously expected anyone outside her bathing room window to be a "peeping tom" or a boy. The guy shouldn't have been able to discern anything about me because of my body being completely covered by my cloak. This leaves only that he was expecting to assault a girl.
Before David got there in the morning I made Goombuckle swear never to mention the previous night to David. He swore he wouldn't and I instantly knew he'd keep his promise. But it didn't make me feel any less anxious when David came around. I knew that the commotion caused by me was certainly enough to wake him. Unless he hadn't been asleep when the lady screamed there shouldn't have been any way for him to have glimpsed me as I ran away, but there was that little bugging feeling in the back of my head that gnawed on my nerves. My logical side told me that David probably wouldn't bring it up because it risked him giving away where he lived. By his behavior on the way back to his house the previous night I assumed he didn't want anyone finding out where he lived.
"Hey, Midas, you weren't on Main Street last night, were you?" David called as he entered the front door.
My skin turned to stone.
"No, why?" Midas called back.
"There was a peeping tom out and I figured it could be you," David laughed.
"That's real funny, you looser."
"Really, they said it was a short humanoid and I just automatically thought: Midas."
"You know, this 'short' thing really isn't as funny as you think it is," Midas, who was conscientious of his height, shot back. "I'll have you know I'm one of the taller folks of my race."
"What's up with you, Chris?" David asked as he walked into the room.
I fumbled with the words for a second and David raised an eyebrow. Then I finally decided on a course of action. "You guys disgust me on how leniently you talk about peeping toms. I, for one, am appalled that anyone would think of doing such a thing." I made sure to hold my head extra high and look very angry.
David seemed to by it but I could tell he thought something was wrong.
The front door had opened again while I was ranting and Michelle now called over from the kitchen, "Whatcha' guys talking about?"
"We were talking about the peeping tom that was out in West Jein last night," David explained. "Did you here about it?"
"No," Michelle said through a mouthful of semi-fresh bread. She was walking through the door that separated the kitchen from the meeting room. "But I have to agree with Chris. You guys are pigs."
"What? I didn't say anything! It was all David!" Midas defended himself as he continued to focus on trying to remove a coin from the center of a stack on the table without causing them all to fall.
"Hey, I didn't really say anything about it, either! I was just teasing Midas!"
"So now it's funny to be a peeping tom?" Michelle demanded. I couldn't tell if she was just having her own fun or if she was genuinely angry.
"No, no! Of course not! It's just that-"
"Hey David, what were you doing on Main Street anyway?"
I knew I shouldn't have asked. I knew I was already risking too much. But I wanted to know how he'd respond.
I heard Goombuckle stop tapping his drum. I could feel his eyes on me.
David eyed me for a second and I made sure to keep an innocent look on my face, like it had just occurred to me and I wasn't implying anything. He seemed to accept this and cleared his throat, "I was helping Mr. Slimble close up his stand. He had fallen asleep and I happened to walk by on my way back to East Jein. I woke him up and helped him pack up."
Michelle and Midas, who had also stopped, obviously believed him and went back to what they were doing. Goombuckle acted the same way and I went back to running my fingers through my hair. I felt David look me over and knew he was doing the same to the others, and also knew that at the same time he was acting cool about it and just making it look like he was just looking around.
Nothing was said about that night from then on, not even between Goombuckle and I. It was buried, I hoped, and I wouldn't be stupid and risk exhuming it again.