Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. Work; getting sick; more work; these things tend to get in the way. This is the longest chapter to date. I hope it doesn't stop you from enjoying it … I had a lot to say.

The Second First Date

It had to be special.

It had to be just right.

"How often do you get a second chance?" She thought.

It was weird …

It was them.

"I just invited my husband on our second first date." She thought. "Where will I take him? It has to perfect."

Rachel hadn't been home from Ross's for an hour before the phone rang.

"Hello? Jill, hey, how is the concert?" She asked as she strained to hear her sister over the din of the stadium. "You're not coming back? Why?"

Jill and Bob had hit it off. She would not be returning anytime soon.

With her evening now freed up Rachel thought, she thought hard. She considered the consequences. She and her spouse had been quiet, they had kept their secret well. Only the two of them knew.

Things change … people change. Her feelings were changing and she needed a friend. Could she trust in another for help, to provide sound advice and respect her wish for secrecy? She had decided to call her sister …

"Monica, are you busy? Do you have the time to talk?"

"Rachel, I always have time for you."

"Monica, is anyone there with you now?"

"Yes. Chandler and Joey are here watching sports. What do you want to talk about?"

"Monica, I need to talk to you in private, just the two of us. Can you come over?"

"Sure Rach, is anything wrong?"

"No, nothings wrong. All I can say is that you need to prepare yourself. I've got something very important to tell you. It's a secret, a secret that I cannot keep from you any longer. Can you come over now?" Rachel asked.

"I'm on my way." She replied. "Chandler, I'm going over to Rachel's for a while."

"Is everything all right?" he asked.

"Everything is fine. She just wants to talk about something, it's probably about Jill. I'll make sure to call you if I will be late." And she was off.

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"Would you like some wine?" She asked Monica.

"Sure, do you have any Port?"

"Sure, I'll be back in a minute." replied Rachel.

Sipping her wine she began …

"So what's up? You scared me a little before, on the phone."

"Monica, how long have we been friends?"

"Let's see. Mmmmm, it's been over 20 years, we're like sisters!"

"I need you to swear that you will not tell anyone what I am about to tell you."

"OK, I swear, so what's with all the secrecy?"

"You know before when you said we were like sisters?"

"Yes, well we are like sisters you know."

"Monica, we are sisters, sisters-in-law."

It took Monica only a moment to process the information …

"You never got the divorce did you? Asked Monica.

"No, we didn't. Remember the night that Ross and I were supposed to sign the divorce papers? Well, I signed them "Mrs. Gellar" to buy some time. Ross had said things that lead me to believe that it would not have been in my best interest to sign them. Since that night we have talked a bit and I am beginning to accept him the way he is. I'm beginning to trust him again."

"So you are going to stay married? Are you sleeping together? Are you pregnant?" Monica asked, expectantly.

"Monica, we haven't even kissed since Vegas. The closest we've been to each other is a peck on the cheek."

"So why have you decided to tell me this now?" asked Monica.

"Well, I feel like I needed to get this huge burden off my shoulders. I need your help!"

"Help with what?" Monica asked curiously.

"I asked Ross out on a date. I need help planning it. It, it has to be perfect!"

"I'll help you. You know how I like to plan these things."

"I know, that's why I called you." Replied Rachel.

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Traditions were meant to be broken.

She had never asked a man out before.

She was the one to pick him up.

He waited for the knock … he did not have to wait long.

She took his breath away.

He had a feeling that their future depended on that very evening.

"Shall I call a cab?" he asked as he looked past her, down the street.

"No. Why don't we just walk? It will give us a chance to do something we haven't done much of, talk."

"Is it far?" Ross asked, curious as to where they were going.

"Not really. I wish is were farther though."

"Why?" he asked, curiously.

"The longer the walk … the more we can talk." She replied.

And so they set off on their journey, heading south toward lower Manhattan.

She did not want to waste a moment. "While we walk can I ask you some questions?" she asked.

"On one condition." Replied Ross.

"What?" she asked, curious.

"All I ask is that you hold my hand."

"Alright, that sounds fair." She said, not trying to hide her excitement.

"OK then. Ask away."

"Ross, you've told me many times that you love me. When did you first know that you loved me? Was it in high school?"

"I liked you almost the minute that I first saw you. You and Monica became friends when you were little kids. That liking turned into a crush when I was in the 9th grade. I think I first fell in love with you shortly after you moved in with my sister, right after you left Barry. I think it was about the time that you girls wanted to learn to play poker. Remember?"

"How could I forget?" She replied. "You were so arrogant until I took all your money at the end … good old full house."

He thought for a second and considered his words. "Four of a kind." He replied.

"Excuse me?" she asked, becoming very curious.

"I remember now." He replied as he looked up to the sky.

"Remember what Ross?"

"I remember the first time I truly loved you. Four of a kind." He replied

"Then tell me. What does "four of a kind" have to do with anything?"

"You were trying to escape from your waitress job at Central Perk by interviewing at Sach's. The woman called and told you that you did not get the job. You were devastated but you still wanted to play so we did, remember?"

"Yes, I remember." She replied.

"Then you decided to up the ante for the last game of the night. You and I bet everything we had, we even borrowed from our friends. When it was all over you had won the whole thing. You were so happy."

"It made up for losing the job at Sach's and it put you in your place!" She replied.

"Four of a kind …" he replied.

"Ross, why do you keep saying that?"

"Because I had four of a kind."

"You what? You, you let me win? Why?"

"I discovered at that moment that I wanted to be with you, to take care of you but I couldn't, so I folded. It was all I could do for you at that time. I could have taken the money but I knew that you needed it more than I did … and you were so happy."

"You did that for me?" she asked.

"Yes, but I was hoping that there would be an "US" at some point in the future."

"Ross, I need to know something."

"The interrogation continues?" he quipped.

"No, I just need to know about how you felt about something about our breakup. I need to know so that I can put it behind me."

Ross stopped walking, he knew it would come up. He had prepared himself for the eventuality. He just had to put the words together for maximum effect. He looked into her eyes.

"You are going to ask me if I still thought that we were on a break." He asked.

"How did you know?"

"Rachel, I know how important this one question is to you. I've got to tell you that the question of whether we were on a break is not at all relevant to why we broke up." Ross replied, slightly raising his voice.

Rachel was taken somewhat aback by this. Her digging had exposed something and she wanted to know what.

"So you think that whether we were on a break or not doesn't matter?" She snapped, ripping her hand out of his grip.

Ross knew exactly what had to be said. The issue needed to finally be put to rest. He wanted her to understand how he felt. She needed to know his shame.

"Rachel, I am sorry I raised my voice. The time that you allow me to spend with you is very precious to me. I am going to tell you how I feel and then I am going to ask you to not ask me about it again. I am tired of this! That time of our lives was very painful for both of us. It's very difficult for me to talk about it. That being said I realize that sometimes you have to revisit the past before we can move forward."

His words were well said but she wasn't interested in beautiful words, she wanted an answer.

"So, were we on a break or not?"

"It doesn't matter." He replied.

"Why, why doesn't it matter to you? It matters to me!" Rachel replied, now starting to get emotional. Their evening was beginning to fall apart. She still needed her answer.

"Rachel, at the end of our relationship we started drifting apart. You spent a lot of time at work and less time with me. I was happy that you had found a job you liked but I was also angry that it became more important to you then me."

Tears began to form in her eyes as the horrible memories of the past welled up within her. It was as if they had traveled back in time. She was angry and was still waiting for her answer.

"Ross, my job was not more important to me than you!" she hissed.

"Rachel, people, rich or poor, have the same number of hours in the day. We spend our time on the things that mean the most to us. Toward the end I became despondent, I felt alone, and abandoned. I did not handle it well."

"You can say that again! You still haven't answered my question. In your opinion were we still on a break?" she demanded.

"Alright! Whether we were on a break or not is irrelevant. When I called you that night to talk and I heard Mark in your apartment I made a decision. Instead of going home and cooling off I stupidly slept with another woman. For months afterward I argued that we were on a break to justify it but in reality it really didn't matter. It is the fact that I did it that matters."

Tears filled his eyes as he tried to finish. "What does it say about a man who would cheat on the love of his life the same day that he thought they had broken up?"

At this point Ross looked away from her, took a deep breath and started walking again. He had no idea where they were going or even if they were still on their date but he did not want to look at her. His pain, his shame was unbearable. Rachel, taken aback by his revelation just stood there looking downward, her mouth slightly open. Coming to her senses her feet started moving. She could move like the wind when she needed to.

"Ross! Slow down!" she begged.

Hearing her call his name he stopped, slowly turning around to face her.

"When did you change your mind about our breakup?" She asked.

He could tell that she was tired from running so he looked for a spot to sit. Spotting a vacant bench he grabbed her hand and lead her to it.

"Rachel, I never changed my mind. I have always felt this way."

"Even when you were busy professing your innocence?" She asked.

"Even when I was busy professing my innocence." He replied. "Rachel, after our breakup we had our opportunities to be together again. Remember the beach house in Montauk?

"I remember." She replied.

"Remember when I confronted you about you balding Bonnie?"

"Yes."

"I pointed my finger at you and said that it was you who wanted to break up, not me. You told me that you were angry at me but that you never stopped loving me. I am going to show you something, you have to help me though."

"Show me what?" she asked, becoming very curious.

"It's quite simple and it will help you to better understand how I feel about the whole "break issue, OK?"

"Alright. What do you want me to do?"

"Sit here and don't move." He replied, stepping back from her. "OK, now imagine that we are fighting and you blame me for something that happened between us. You are really mad at me. Now lift your hand and point it straight at me. How many fingers are pointing at me?"

"One." She replied.

"Now twist your arm a little and look at your palm. How many fingers are pointing at you?"

"Three." She replied.

"Now can you understand my shame? While I was blaming you for abandoning me I was ignoring the fact that I had a choice, to sleep with her or not! Rachel, I can't say I am sorry enough and I can't take it all back. I can truthfully tell you that I am not the same man who cheated on you three years ago, I'm not even the same man you married in Las Vegas!"

The pair paused for a moment. The truth had tired them. They caught their breath. He was the first to resume.

"Can I ask you some questions about you? It will help me better understand why you are having problems trusting me."

"OK, what?"

"How many men have you seriously dated, for more than a month and that you thought you loved?" He asked. "I just need you to think of a number, you don't have to tell it to me."

Rachel considered the question. She thought and counted. She took longer than he thought she would and it made him a little uncomfortable.

"Alright, I have the number. What's your second question?"

"Of those men, how many of them cheated on you?"

At this she looked down, her eyes were filled with sadness. Ross had his answer.

"Rachel, think about all who betrayed you. Who were you the most angry at when you found out?"

She raised her eyes from the pavement to meet his. Again he had his answer.

"Rachel, when we love and trust someone we give them a power over us, a power that can be used for good or bad, a power that can be abused. I'm sorry I abused the power that you gave me. I'm sorry that I ended up being just like all the rest.

Ross and Rachel had been sitting on the bench for quite some time now. The truths they shared had come with a price. They were on a date; a date they hoped would be a happy one. Instead of a light-hearted time they were both quite sad. It was Ross who would attempt to correct this.

"Look at this, I'm on a date with one of the most beautiful women in the world and here we sit, moping on a street bench."

"One of the most beautiful? You told me that you thought that I was the most beautiful woman in the world!"

"I thought so too but I reconsidered. I now think that my sister is the most beautiful in the world."

"What? You think that your sister is more beautiful than your wife? You are not earning any brownie points with me!" she said as she playfully impacted her fist in his shoulder.

"Ow, Hey, that's spousal abuse!" he replied. They smiled.

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The sun was beginning to set behind the skyline of lower Manhattan. They were now well into their date but had traveled only a few blocks from his apartment.

"Hey Rach, what plans did you have for our date?"

She jumped to her feet. "Oh my God! I forgot about my plan!" she shrieked. Grabbing his hand and setting a heady pace they flew toward their destination. Within 15 minutes they had arrived.

"The Blue Note? Rachel, you know how much I love Jazz but this place is expensive! The cover charge alone is $50 a person!"

"Ross, you're worth it. You know that this is the best Jazz club on the planet. I just hope that they honor our reservation."

The Blue Note was, in fact the most popular Jazz club in the world. Located on West 3rd street, just south of Washington Square Park. The club had hosted the very best of the best of Jazz greats such as Tony Bennett, Ray Charles and Dizzy Gillespie. Demand for seating in the club was so great that reservations were required, in advance. Monica and Rachel had done their homework but because of their pause at the bench, they were late.

"Green, party of two!" she barked to the Maitre De, hoping for a positive response.

"I'm sorry, but you are 30 minutes late. Your table has been given to another party."

"No, no, you can't do that!" she exclaimed.

"I'm sorry, there's nothing else I can do for you."

"No, please …" she begged.

"Rachel, it's OK …" Ross interjected, trying to ease her disappointment.

"No, no it's not Ross! I had the whole evening planned out! I wanted it to be special."

"Rachel, I'm out with you, how much more special can it get?" He replied.

Having heard what he had said and realizing that she would get nowhere with the management she turned towards him and walked past, taking his hand and leading him out of the door. Outside the club she turned to face him with a saddened face and a tear in her eye.

"I'm sorry …" is all she was able to get out of her mouth before a pair of large hands gently grasped her face and pulled her towards him. He had caught her by surprise. The kiss was short but sweet. She had missed his flavor, his scent. It was their first kiss as a married couple. When it was over it took her a minute to recover, to open her eyes and return to reality.

"Thanks, I needed that."

"I meant what I said. We could go to Burger King and that would be fine so long as I am with you." He replied. And so they set off …

It didn't take the couple long to find a place to dine. The restaurant was modest, the menu, unremarkable. It didn't matter. They were together. Rachel had soon given up her disappointment of the Blue Note. After eating they mutually agreed on a trip to the past. It only took 15 minutes to travel back 15 years.

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"Oh I love this music, I grew up on it." She said. "Lets find a table and order some drinks."

Located on Varick Street, the Culture Club played the very best of the 70s and 80's. The club had a retro look, more than a decade out of touch with the present. Before they knew it they were dancing. They would not dance for long …

"Rachel, is that you?" The man asked.

Rachel recognized the voice. She turned her head to face him.

"Greg, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here with James and Colleen from work." He replied, pointing to another table in the club. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?"

"This, this is my friend Ross." She replied.

"Nice to meet you Ross. Are you two dating?" he asked, interested in finding out about her availability.

"No." replied Rachel, flustered, hoping to keep their secret. "We're just friends out for some fun."

Unknowing to Ross, Greg had had his eyes on Rachel for quite some time. She had flirted with him in the past. He was very handsome and tall. She had been interested. All that changed with the fallout from Vegas. Greg knew nothing of what had transpired between the two. Ignorant to the facts he made his move.

"Hey man, mind if I cut in?" he asked Ross.

Emotionless, without either anger or fear Ross dropped his eyes to her. He could see that she was alright. He knew that keeping their secret was important to her.

"Sure, no problem as long as it's OK with Rachel."

She was worried. She looked into his eyes, searching for any sign of anger or jealousy. She could find no sign of it. She squeezed his hand for a moment, letting him know that she understood.

"Well, if you don't mind Ross then OK Greg, let's dance."

Returning to their table Ross took a few sips of his drink and got his first chance to survey the inside of the Culture Club. It was almost completely full. As his eyes made their way through the crowd he saw someone who stood out. She stood out not because of flashy clothes or exposed body parts but because of her conservative dress, long red hair and large pouting lips. She had taste, she had class. She saw him staring at her and smiled. He returned the smile, slightly dipping his head in recognition of her attention.

Rachel was getting uncomfortable. She was dancing with the wrong man. She had wanted to dance with Ross. Neither had let the world know of their legal bond as they had never bought the outward sign of their union … the rings. She looked over at their table just in time to see Ross staring and smiling at someone to her right. Unable to twist her head in that direction she had to wait as she and her partner turned another partial turn, enough for her to see the object of his attention. Her knees buckled as she came into view. "My God, she's beautiful!" she thought. Her heart sank.

Under normal circumstances he would have pursued her. Things were not normal. He was in love, he was committed. He was not about to make the same mistake twice. He looked away, never to see her again.

Rachel and Greg were on their 3rd dance. She was upset, almost panicked, but she never let him know it. She had thought that she was through with this, the insecurity, the lack of trust. She thought that she could trust him again. She looked again to her right, only to find the red-head gone. Turning back to their table she gasped. He too was gone. Time slowed as she examined each detail of the table. Her drink was there but his was empty, lying on its side. "Alone?" is all she could think to herself. As if by cruel irony the lyrics of the song that was being played in the club tormented her …

Standing here helpless
Where do I go
If you leave me alone?
Where do I turn now
If it don't work out?
As for as I can see
This isn't the way
That you said it would be...

Don't leave me like this
Don't leave me stranded
If you walk away now
You leave me empty handed
Don't leave me like this
Don't leave me stranded
Don't leave me now
Don't leave me...

Wasn't it you
Who brought me here
To the place lovers go?
Just look at these arms
Reaching out to you
You said that you'd always care
I just turned around
And there's nobody there…

Don't leave me like this
Don't leave me stranded
If you walk away now
You leave me empty handed
Don't leave me like this
Don't leave me stranded
Don't leave me now
Don't leave me...

She considered all the facts as she continued dancing. She trusted him … or did she? He had said what was in his heart and she had believed him … or did she? "Who was he truly? The past Ross or had he truly changed?" she thought.

"Rachel, are you alright?" Greg asked.

She came back to reality and proceeded to react in the only way she had ever known … she panicked.

"Greg, I … I gotta go!"

"Rachel, what's wrong. You're crying."

"I'm, I'm OK. I've just got something in my eye. I've got to go to the ladies room." She said as she bolted towards their table.

The table was indeed empty. There was no note to indicate where he had gone. At this point she was in full panic mode. Her eyes filled with tears. Her worst fears were again being realized. She quickly scanned the room hoping to catch a glimpse of him. Unable to find him she sank further into despair. She walked and then ran as fast as she could through the mass of people. She could barely see through her tears. Unable to find him and with makeup running down her cheeks she decided to withdraw to the ladies room to compose herself. As she ran she failed to notice the large body blocking her path. The impact stopped her instantly, sending her reeling. A pair of strong hands saved her from the fall.

"Rachel, what's wrong?" he asked.

Relief filled her body. She had found him. How would she explain her condition to him? She knew what she had to do.

"I, I was dancing, and I, I saw you staring at that girl. Then you both disappeared. Where is she?" she demanded.

"Rachel, I have no idea who she is or where she has gone off too. I did look at her and yes, I smiled to be polite but then I looked away so as not to lead her on. As I looked away I tried to grab my drink but instead knocked it over, spilling it all over myself. I came here to the restroom to clean up."

His explanation made perfect sense. She could find no deception in his eyes.

"Ross, how did you feel when I was dancing with Greg?" She asked, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"To be honest, I was a little jealous. I had wished you were dancing with me but I trust you so I was cool with it." He replied. "Rachel, I did a lot of stupid things to cause our breakup but everything that happened was caused by one thing."

"What?" she asked, wiping away even more tears.

"Fear! I was afraid. Fear is the enemy. It killed our future together because I was afraid! I just need to believe me …"

"What Ross?"

"… that I'm not afraid anymore!"

She believed him as she had never done so before. He had discarded his fear. She wished that she could do the same.

"Rachel, why don't you go clean up? I'll wait for you right here."

"Alright, I'll be right back." She replied.

She returned to him shortly, having recovered from her ordeal yet she could not hide her shame and embarrassment. She could not look at him. In an effort to comfort her he took her hand.

"Would you like to dance?" he asked.

"No, I'm tired. Can we just go home?"

Walking hand-in-hand towards the village Ross found himself in deep thought. He found himself very disappointed. He had done his best to earn back her trust. The incident at the club had shown how much progress he had made … and how much work remained before him.

"Rachel, I want to thank you for a terrific evening. I had a great time."

"Ross, how can you say that after what happened at the Blue Note and at the club?"

"I told you before that I would have enjoyed doing anything with you just so we are together. I'm your biggest fan." He replied.

"Even after the scene at the club?"

"Especially after it. It shows me two things: first that you really do care a lot about me and second, that I still have a ways to go to earn your trust.

As they approached the East Village, Ross had a craving for coffee and he knew right where to get it.

"I know you are tired but I could sure use some coffee right now. How about you?" he asked.

"That would be nice. Let's go." She replied.

As the pair approached Central Perk they spied a tall blonde running from the café.

"Phoebe!" cried Rachel.

Upon hearing her roommate's voice Phoebe cut a hard left and ran to the pair. When she arrived she was winded.

"Phoebe, what's wrong?" He asked.

"Fire!" is all she could say as she bent over, trying to fill her lungs with air.

Credit goes to HEART for the lyrics from the song "Stranded" from their CD "Brigade".