Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. I made some changes that you might notice: First, I re-title the story from "His Obligatory Divorce" to "Tell Me You Love Me". The original story was intended as a one-shot, one chapter story and the original title was fine but now that I have a multi-chapter story going I thought a title change was appropriate. Secondly, I have titled the chapters.
I like to remember the good things in life so I have decided to dedicate each of the remaining chapters to a good cause:
I would like to dedicate this chapters to my beloved parents, gone but never forgotten ...
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A child cannot fully repay the debt that is due to a parent. As a child you take them for granted. They're always there and they are frequently at your beck-and-call. You go through life thinking mostly for yourself and again, taking them for granted. Then one day it happens, it hits you like a ton of bricks, it's all been a charade. They are not indestructible, it doesn't last forever and they are going to leave you, alone. With all of the things going on in their busy lives this topic wasn't even on their radar screens. A whole new set of untested emotions rose to the surface, emotions they had never had to deal with before. They had to face the facts; they would eventually be alone …
"Keep the change." He said as he handed the driver a fifty. Before he knew it they were alone at the curb, not knowing what to do. They were numb. She was exhausted. He turned to face her just as she slumped to the ground. He lifted her and encircled her with his arms and lifted her off the ground. She rested her head on his shoulder and the tears came forth. "It's OK, everything will be alright." He said, unconvincingly. He led her up to her apartment and opened the door.
"Chandler, come quick! I need your help! Monica's distraught. She needs you! Take your fiancé and care for her. " He yelled.
The bond between his beloved sister and best friend had grown over the last few months, so much so that even Ross, usually the last to know about these things, could tell how they felt about each other. Chandler had told no one of his thoughts. Chandler wondered how he knew...
"Fiancé? Ross, what are you talking about? We're just living together!" replied Chandler, feigning ignorance.
"Chandler, you are so transparent! I know how much you love my sister. My guess is that you are thinking of proposing. Am I correct?"
"How did you know?" He replied.
"Once I got over the fact that my little sister was sleeping with my best friend I realized how perfect you are for each other. I was so upset with you for sleeping with Monica I became blinded to the fact that you might actually love and respect her. I'm sorry that I ever questioned your motives. I should have known that your intentions were entirely honorable."
"Do you think I should propose?"
Ross almost burst out laughing. He almost scoffed at the question being asked of him. He could not believe that Chandler would ask him, of all people such a question. What would he do with such advice, advice from a man with such a long history of unsuccessful marriages? Ross realized that Chandler was genuinely interested in his counsel.
"Chandler, are you sure you want advice from me, the divorcer?"
"Ross, who better than you has more experience in the field?" Joked his best friend.
Ross didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Instead he just said what was in his heart …
"I love you and you know how much I love my sister. You also know that I haven't been very successful at this marriage thing. With that being said I think that you should be true to your heart. You've known Monica for a long time. You've been friends for almost as long. There's practically nothing you do not know about her. Ask yourself what is best for her. Put her before yourself. Make your happiness second to hers and you will never go wrong."
"Thanks man. I appreciate it."
"Chandler, I am proud to be your friend. I would be ever so proud to be your brother-in-law. Follow your heart. Give your life to her. You will never regret it. I'm not telling you to propose tonight, tomorrow or next week but realize that time is short; we only have a limited number of sunrises and sunsets in this life. When you are ready then tell her so!"
"What's gotten into you Ross?"
"Chandler, Monica and I are getting a first-row seat to the death of our father. This is just the beginning of the end. He will probably survive the surgery tomorrow but eventually he will succumb to some illness or disease. Watching this drama play out makes you think. We really don't have a lot of time left on this planet! We are going to eventually die. Do you want to go leaving unresolved issues and feelings behind? Live in the moment, we may not have a tomorrow! Chandler, I have to get home and get some sleep. It will be a long day tomorrow for the both of us."
"What time is his surgery?"
"Dad's scheduled for 10 in the morning. Monica and I will have to get there pretty early. Mom will need a lot of support."
Before leaving Ross surveyed their apartment. Finding no sign of Rachel he asked "Do you have any idea where Rachel is? I was supposed to call her when I got back."
"No, I haven't seen her tonight. I'll tell her when I see her."
"Thanks man, I gotta go." And at that Ross walked down the stairs, across the street and up to his apartment.
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Under different circumstances he would have entered his apartment without regard to how much noise he made. Things were different now … he had a guest, a roommate. He did not want to wake her. He carefully inserted his key into the lock and passed into his apartment silently. The place was dim, with a few lights providing minimal lighting. "Home!" he thought, as he slid onto the couch. He slowly removed his coat and threw it onto a chair, missing it, he did not care; he was too tired to give a damn. There he sat for a few minutes, massaging his temples and trying to garner enough energy to get his exhausted frame up from the couch. He had to be up early the next morning. Ross had relaxed his body to the point that he had almost fallen asleep. He was brought back to consciousness by a pair of hands massaging his shoulders and upper back. It felt so, so good. Sitting in those uncomfortable hospital chairs had taken its toll. He was appreciative of the therapeutic massage he was receiving.
"Thanks Phoebe that feels soooo good."
"I'll have to tell her the next time I see her."
He recognized the voice. He just couldn't believe it was her.
"I thought I was supposed to call you when I got back?" He asked.
"Well, I got bored. I didn't expect you back this late. How's your dad doing?"
"He goes in for surgery tomorrow at 10. Monica and I are going to try to be there for Mom when they take him in. Oh, that feels so good!"
"Would you like something to eat?" She asked.
"I'm starving! Wait, did you make this food yourself?"
"Do you want a punch? I made this dinner and you are going to eat it!" She replied. "Do you want to starve or what?"
"It depends …"
"Fine, go hungry …"
"Rachel, I'm sorry. I am under a lot of stress and the only way I can seem to relieve it is to joke around. Please, I'd love to have some dinner. Could you bring me some, please?"
And at that his wife exited to the kitchen, soon to return with a dinner plate and drink.
"How is it?" She asked.
"Oh my God, this tastes good! Did you make this yourself?"
"I had a little help from Monica. All I had to do was defrost it and warm it up."
"Well, this is great. I really appreciate it. Why don't you grab some wine and come sit down? Didn't you want to talk? By the way, where's Phoebe?"
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Phoebe and I switched apartments. She's going to stay at Monica's and I'm going to stay here … if it's alright with you of course."
"Rachel, are you joking me or what?"
"No Ross, this is no joke. You said that you wanted me to stay and Phoebe saw us holding hands the other night. She knows about us."
"So now Phoebe knows …"
"And so does your sister."
"How did Monica find out?"
"I told her. I needed to tell someone and she is my closest friend."
"So let me get this straight, 4 of the six of us now know about our "secret". Don't you think we might as well tell Joey and Chandler?"
"In good time. So, do you want me to stay or not?"
"Rachel, don't you know me at all? At that moment he reached over to her and pulled her into his arms. He held her close and whispered into her ear. "I meant it when I said that I wanted you to stay. I'd like you to want to stay and never leave."
Ross was tired but it didn't matter. His father's health problems had sucked the life out of him. Her gentle touch and body warmth reenergized him. He took her hand as her released her from his embrace.
"Can you keep a secret?" He asked.
"Sure, what is it?"
"Chandler is going to propose to Monica!"
"When? How do you know?"
"Soon and I talked it out of him. We have to keep quiet and let Chandler ask her when he's ready."
Rachel contemplated what she had just heard. Her heart almost exploded with joy at the news. Soon she would have a brother, her first but only if she could just accept the fact that Ross was the one that she loved, that he had changed and that he would never cheat on her again. Rachel knew that Ross would make her the center of his universe. The pieces of a perfect and flawless puzzle were coming together. She was worried though, nothing so perfect had ever happened to her before. If she would just accept it she would soon have the most loving man and the best brother and sister she could have ever asked for.
Finishing his dinner Ross took his plate to the kitchen and uncharacteristically left it in the sink, dirty. He was too tired to be bothered by such trivialities. He returned to the couch.
"OK Rach, you wanted to talk? I'm here, I'm all ears. What's up?"
"I wanted to talk more about 'us" and about me moving in. Moving in with you was a big leap of faith for me. I'm scared."
"What are you so scared of?"
"I'm afraid of you and what you represent! I want you to understand why I am so gun shy. I was hurt so badly during our breakup. I don't think I would survive another. I talked to Phoebe and Monica and we came up with the idea for me to move in to your place on a trial basis. I'll stay a few weeks and then move back into Monica's place. It will give me a chance to see how I feel about our situation."
Ross was somewhat disappointed. He had hoped that she would want to stay permanently. He had to accept her in the condition she was in or else give up a chance to live, albeit temporarily with his beloved wife.
He continued, remembering why she still mistrusted him …
"Those were difficult times, you know."
"What, what are you talking about Ross?"
"The time right after our breakup, it was tough. We were both devastated and furious at each other. Do you ever try to remember what happened?"
"Not often." She replied. "It was a time of great sadness for me, a time that I would prefer not to remember."
"Rachel, we have to learn from the past so that we do not repeat the mistakes we made. Remember how we could not even be in the same room or do things together? You and the others went skiing without me because you couldn't stand to be around me."
"And you rescued us with some gasoline." She replied.
"It was the least I could do."
"I remember that day that you decided to pack the stuff I had left at your place in a box and returned them to me. And then I childishly demanded that you return my "Frankie Says RELAX" shirt."
"But then you gave it back to me." She replied.
"It didn't fit." He joked.
She laughed.
Ross's face went blank as a memory came to mind; a memory so frightening he only just then recalled it.
"Oh my!" He sighed.
"What, what's wrong?"
"A memory, a memory so painful I guess I've been repressing it these two long years."
"What memory? What was it about?"
He turned his head to face her and his mind became awash with emotions. His eyes were aimed at hers. They glistened with tears as they pierced through her.
"Chandler and I were coming up the stairs after playing racquetball. We were talking there in front of his door as you came out of your apartment, but you … you were not alone. My fears, my worst nightmares, they all came true as I watched you leave with him, with Mark."
"We just went out on a date." She replied.
"But you … you don't know, I've, I've never told anyone what happened after you left."
"What happened? Please Ross, tell me!"
"After you left I went with Chandler into his apartment. There I stayed while you were on your date, my eyes glued to the peephole. When you came home the both of you went into your apartment and, and you closed the door. I was so upset. I lost all self-control. I was going to burst into your apartment to save you, to take what was mine, but you and I were no longer together and only Chandler could see that. Chandler jumped on my back, trying to stop me. I carried him along until he grabbed the foosball table. It was a sight indeed. Me, carrying Chandler who was dragging the foosball table behind him! Thank God Chandler was there. He convinced me that you had moved on and that I needed to do the same. The feeling of dread left me but the feeling of sadness never did."
"I remember that day vividly. Do you know what happened between Mark and I in my apartment?"
"No, I'm not sure that really want to." He replied.
"Mark kissed me. You were right all along. He wanted to sleep with me, to help me get back at you for sleeping with Chloe, but … I couldn't do it to you."
"No?"
"No."
Both sets of eyes were set upon each other. Both glistened with the slightest hint of tears …
"Do you remember the time that you broke your rib skating with Monica?"
"You gave up doing that TV show on the Discovery Channel to take me to the hospital."
"I was seeking a little redemption, Rachel. I would have given my life for you."
There was another pause as both looked downward … their eyes were again wet with tears.
"Of course you remember Bonnie? Phoebe told me that she asked you if it was alright with you for her to introduce us. You said it was alright because you thought she was bald and you assumed she was no threat to you. When you saw that she had a beautiful head of hair you freaked out. Then you helped her shave it all off. I confronted you about it and you told me that you loved me. We kissed. I wanted for us to be together again. I could have cheated on Bonnie with you but I didn't. That's not the way I do things. I don't cheat. I had to break up with her just like I broke up with Julie. So that I could be with you."
Ross was on a roll. He was stating facts, not trying to hurt her.
"Months later you, you ask me to take another woman to the opera so that you can go flirt with that Joshuah guy at a club opening. I finally agree to help you get your man. I take Emily to the show and within weeks Emily and I announce our engagement. You tried so very hard not to show it … but you were devastated. I could tell."
His body, his mind were starting to buckle under the stress of the day. He continued, he was almost finished …
"I leave you in sadness in your apartment as I head to the airport and ultimately to London. You told me that you had to work … I knew you were lying. You discover something that our friends knew all along … that you still loved me. You had to come to London to tell me. You show up at my wedding. Your mouth told me congratulations while your eyes cried "take me!" I know now why you came to London, your eyes betrayed you. And I, I was so devastatingly in love with you that I said your name when I should have said hers."
Rachel's eyes again betrayed her as she could not look up from the floor.
"After we returned from London you felt compelled to tell me that you still loved me. I was not totally surprised. You told me this knowing that I was still married to Emily. I could have cheated on Emily with you but I didn't. I was married. Cheating on Emily with you would have been wrong."
Ross moved his hand over her hand and let it come to rest gently on it. She raised her head and he finished …
"Rachel, what, in all of our history, other than Chloe, gives you the idea that I would cheat on you? If I couldn't cheat on Bonnie or on Emily what makes you believe that I would cheat on you, the love of my life? Do you know, do you understand just how much more important you are to me then they ever were?"
They looked at each other not with eyes of sadness but with those full of love.
Ross was physically and mentally exhausted. He gently squeezed her hand and kissed her on the cheek, he was going to bed. Just before he made it to vertical he felt a tug, a pull that would not allow him to fully stand. He looked down and spied her eyes penetrating him. Her eyes were glassy but she was not crying. She wore a slight smile on her face …
"What?" He asked.
Before he knew it she had pulled him back down onto the couch. Within a half-second she was on top of him. He was under attack by her lips. She kissed every square inch of his face, finally settling on his lips. There, they lay for what seemed like eternity, kissing and hugging and rubbing each others arms and back. And then it happened. Her kissing slowed, her breathing became deeper. She began to kiss him with the intensity of a woman who had been without for a long time. Ross felt it too. He wanted her so badly. They were married after all … but something inside of him did not feel right. He was feeling those old feelings again, those that intoxicated him. He knew that he was becoming drunk with her, with everything about her. If he was going to do something it would have to be done quickly … with everything he had he pulled his mouth from hers …
"Rachel."
It took her a while to come out of her daze. Her mouth was open, her eyes were closed.
"Wha, wha, what's wrong? " She whispered. "I thought we were going to have sex?"
He gently grabbed her arms and repositioned her on the couch so that they laid side-by-side, with each laying their heads on the cushions so they could look into each others eyes.
"Rachel … I've never had sex with you and I never want to."
His reply confused her. They had had sex many, many times, both before and even once after their breakup. With her eyes half open, looking right into his she asked …
"What do you mean never? We've slept together hundreds of times."
"No Rachel, I've never had sex with you, I made love to you. I was in love with you from the very first time that we were together, right there in the museum."
A broad smile formed on Rachel's face as she remembered their first night together.
"For me … it's been about the love. Sex can be great but when you love someone the way I love you it is so much more. I've never had just sex with you."
As he gently stroked her hair he continued …
"Rachel, have you ever thought about the future, our possible future?"
"I've been trying to spend my time thinking about now, the present." She replied.
"I understand. But I want to you to consider the future for a moment. The way I see it we have three possible outcomes to look forward to."
Of all the changes that Ross had made to himself during his transformation one of the most striking was his maturity. It was not evident when looking at him, like his hair or clothes but it was oh so much more important. Instead of recklessly charging into the future, he had thought hard about his choices and considered the consequences of each.
"Three? What are they Ross?"
"One, our relationship can stay the way it is, in this limbo that it is in, somewhere between being just friends and being husband and wife."
There was a short pause …
"The second outcome is that we go back to being just friends again. We get to watch each other as we date other people. We get a front row seat to watch each other try to move on."
There was another short pause …
"The last outcome involves us staying together and committing to each other, forever."
"Rachel, I'm sorry but I can't make love to you, not right now anyway. I want you more than I've ever wanted anything in my life but we have to wait, no, I have to wait until you make your decision."
Ross had done everything humanely possible to convince her of his love and commitment to her. Now they were taking their relationship to the next step, they were going to live together, albeit celibately. He was happier now then he could ever remember but something nagged at him. He had done EVERYTHING possible and she was still unsure and untrusting. He would not pressure her for he knew that would push her away. In the back of his head was the issue of his father's surgery and the fallout from it. He knew he would lose him eventually, he just hoped that it would not be for a long time.