This chapter was so very hard to write (the hardest yet). I hope you enjoy it.

For those who seem to enjoy this story ... Stessa, Tina, rajen48, blebo92, BrookeGreen, hamilkm, floatlikeasponge and everyone else who has been kind enough to review.

A month later …

The phone rings …

"Yes, this is Dr. Gellar."

He pauses. He raises his left arm then drops it to his side in frustration.

"What? A staff meeting! No, I have plans! It's required? … Fine, what time? I'll be there!"

He hangs the phone up, disgusted.

"Who was that? asked his girlfriend.

"It was my office. The Dean has called a staff meeting for this morning, it's required and I have to go."

"What about your parents?"

"I'll have to call Monica and postpone our visit. This sucks! You know how hard it is for the both of us to find time to visit together. Our schedules conflict so much."

Rachel thought for a moment.

"Wait, why don't you go to your meeting and I'll go with Monica."

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Go, we'll be fine. It will give me a chance to spend some time with Jack and Judy."

At well over 6 feet he towered over her. Even in heels he dwarfed her by six inches. He looked down into her eyes; reaching for her hands he kissed her forehead.

"Thank you. My mother will be thrilled to see you. Tell her I love her."

"I will."

As he left for his meeting he turned and said "Thank you …"

So many times …

… Over so many years.

The door …

… So familiar.

There they stood, staring at the door.

She paused. She looked to her left at her friend.

"Are you ready?"

"As ready as you are." replied Rachel.

She took a deep breath and exhaled.

She raised her hand, made a fist and knocked on the door.

After a few moments the door opened. Greeting them was a smiling face, happy to see them.

"My little Harmonica!"

He grabbed his daughter and hugged her.

"Rachel!"

Releasing his daughter he gave Rachel a warm hug, as would a father.

"Thanks for coming; please come on in."

Closing the door he took their coats.

"Your mother is in the bedroom. She's been resting since she was released from the home. Go ahead, I'll make some coffee."

"Thanks dad."

The pair walked slowly towards their destination. A strange feeling of wanting and needing to see her mother was tempered by the fear of seeing her in her sickened condition.

As the pair entered her bedroom her face lit up. For a fleeting moment her illness was forgotten.

"Monica, Rachel, what a nice surprise! Come in and sit. Where's Ross?"

"He had to attend a last-minute staff meeting." replied Rachel.

"He was very upset when he found out about it, he so wanted to visit you. He's sorry he couldn't be here. He told me to tell you that he loves you."

Judy tried to hide her disappointment. "That's alright, it will give us girls a … a … a chance to talk."

"Mom, are you alright?"

"I'm fine dear; I just have problems coming up with the right words. This is what old age looks like." She joked.

Monica could tell. Her time was short. She knew that every day they waited was another lost opportunity, an opportunity to say goodbye.

One day she would leave … and Monica would never see her again, alive.

There the three sat, talking cordially for over an hour. Their conversation was interrupted occasionally by Judy's speech problem and by Jack, delivering coffee.

Slowly over the course of their talk Judy had become nervous and uncomfortable. She had lied to herself. She knew that her time as short. She had avoided having the "talk" with her only daughter for much too long. Towards the end of her life Judy had had the opportunity to look back at their relationship in retrospect. It was not something she could easily talk about. She decided to work up to it by first talking to Rachel.

"Monica, could I talk to Rachel for a few minutes, you know, alone?"

Her request surprised Monica. She had come to visit her mother, to try to talk about their feelings before her inevitable demise.

Rachel too was surprised by her request. She loved Judy. She was as close to her as she was to her own mother. She thought it inappropriate that she should stay and that Monica should go.

The pair looked at each other, waiting for the other to respond.

Finally, defeated, she rose and left …

An uncomfortable silence filled the room. Rachel's eyes gazed at the floor.

"I know … I know that I need to talk to Monica. R …Rachel, don't worry. I will talk to her; I just need to work up to it. I was h … h … hoping that we could talk for a little while. It will help me build up my courage."

"Oh, sure Judy."

"Judy, what would you like to talk about?"

"Let's talk about you. H … h … how have you been? It's been a long time since we talked last."

"I've been fine. I'm still working at Ralph Lauren."

"So, how is y … your love life? Are you seeing anyone special?"

It had indeed been a long time …

Judy had no idea as to what had been going on in their lives.

She was conflicted. She loved her and thought that she would want to know. She deserved to know the truth …

"Judy … I am seeing someone at the moment."

"That's wonderful!" exclaimed Judy, with as much strength as she could muster. "Tell me about him."

Rachel continued …

"He is tall and handsome and has big brown eyes …"

"W … w … what does he d … d … do for a living?"

Rachel let her eyes fall to the floor. She considered how to break it to her. She looked up and continued, somewhat uneasily …

"He works at the university."

"Oh, doing what?" Asked Judy.

"He is a professor there. He teaches and lectures and all …"

Perhaps because of her condition or better yet that she had given them up for lost, Judy had failed to make the connection that Rachel was trying to make …

"Does this young man of yours know Ross?"

Rachel again lowered her eyes. Biting her lower lip she quickly looked up again.

Judy finally saw the light …

"Oh."

There was a pause …

"How long have you been dating?"

"We've been living together for almost three weeks."

"Living together?"

She didn't know if it was appropriate but she was sure that she had to tell her. She didn't know how much longer Judy had left. This could be her last chance to talk to her ex-mother-in-law …

"Judy, I love you like my mother. I'm sorry but I need to tell you about Ross and me."

"Is everything alright with you two?"

"Judy, we are fine but it hasn't always been this way. Ross and I were married."

A look of utter surprise appeared on her face. It was a look best described as half way between elation and being heartbroken. Rachel had said "were" …

"You were married. S … so you're not married anymore?"

"Judy, we flew to Las Vegas to visit a friend. While we were there we had too much to drink and got married at a chapel. I can't believe they let us get married … we were so drunk."

"You, you and Ross had a drunken wedding?"

"Yes. When we got back from Las Vegas we decided to get divorced but there were problems …"

"W … w … what problems? I'm sorry Rachel, but you'll have to excuse my condition."

"That's OK Judy. You're sick. You need to take it easy. Do you want me to leave and let you rest?"

"N … no, I want to know. I want to be involved in my children's lives … until I can't be any longer. So what were these p … p … problems you were talking about?"

"Ross lied to me. He told me that would talk care of the divorce but he didn't."

"Why?"

"He lied because he was in still in love with me. He didn't want to get divorced."

Rachel felt low. She stared at the floor while Judy desperately tried to get her to look at her.

"And you did?"

"I didn't know how I felt so I signed the divorce papers with the name "Mrs. Gellar". I needed to buy some time. Later I moved in with him for a while when the apartment I lived in caught fire. Ross put everything he had into our marriage …"

Rachel lowered her head in shame.

" … but I didn't. He scared me so much that I signed the papers. Our marriage was over."

"Why d … d … did he scare you?" Asked Judy, curious.

"I was afraid of commitment. I was afraid of losing my freedom. I was afraid of redundancy."

Judy was again curious. Rachel was using past-tense to describe her fear.

"You WERE afraid?"

"I was afraid; I guess I still am a little …"

"R … Rachel, it's perfectly normal to be afraid. I was afraid when I c …c … committed to Jack."

Then she asked the question that she had always feared being asked …

"Do you love him?"

In the past Rachel would have scoffed at such an idea, even if she had been in love with him, she would not have wanted for her feelings to be made public. Things were very different this time. She had anticipated being very nervous and unsure when answering. She was not …

"Yes. I love him very much. We've both changed. We've grown."

Judy smiled. Her face lit up. She wondered …

"Rachel, would y … y … you have divorced Ross if you felt this way back then, when you signed your marriage away?"

Her question mesmerized Rachel. She had never thought of asking herself this before. She looked into her eyes and asked "This is a test, isn't it?"

"Yes, would you divorce him?"

She knew the answer …

"No. No, I would not. I love him so much. I guess the only thing I would ask of him is to have a real wedding with you and Jack, my parents and all of our friends in attendance."

"So you love him and you live together? What are the two of you waiting for?"

"What do you mean, Judy?"

"Rachel, look at me, I'm dying. This is the future that all humans inevitably face. N … n … no matter how much money or fame we have, we inevitably die. When we are young and healthy we are blind. We think that we will live forever. As we get older our eyes are opened. We r … r … realize that our lives are short and that it doesn't last forever."

She was getting tired. She still had to talk to her daughter …

"Rachel, would you please make me a promise?"

"Sure Judy, what is it?"

"Take care of him. His father and I will be gone soon. Monica will have Chandler and Ross will … will have you. He's a good boy. He's loved you for so long. He needs someone to watch over him. I c … c … can't think of a better person for the job."

Sadness, despair, and hopelessness are just a few of the feelings that she felt at that moment. It was all Rachel could do for her to take care of her son, to love him in her absence. She put everything she had into retaining her composure. She had to be strong for her.

Still, she cried …

"Judy, I promise. I will watch over him for you."

"Thank you, Rachel. Could you please ask Monica to come in? It's time …"

Two people …

So many feelings …

So little time …

How do you resolve a lifetime of issues in one conversation? How do you say goodbye?

They didn't know how to either …

Silence, breathing, two heartbeats ... a touch.

"So how are you and Chandler doing?" asked Judy as she stroked Monica's arm.

"Oh, we're fine mom. We're making plans for the wedding."

"When is the wedding again? I can't seem to remember anything these days."

Monica had always dreamed of planning her own wedding, picking out her own dress and doing it all with her mother and girlfriends. She had always thought that she would be engaged for at least a year before the ceremony. Reality forced her to change her plans. With her mother's condition deteriorating she was forced to compress a year's worth of planning into a month. She wanted her there. She only hoped her mother was still around to see her get married …

"The wedding is in a month. We want you and dad to be there."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world. You are going to look so beautiful in your dress. Did you pick it out yet?"

"Yes, Rachel and Phoebe went with me to Brooklyn to buy it at a bridal shop. You should have seen the place, it was a madhouse! I had to wrestle a woman for my dress!"

They both giggled at the thought. The ice between them was thawing …

An hour later … it had taken that long …

"Mom, can I ask you something? It may be tough for you to answer … but I need to know."

"Sure Monica. What is it?"

"I need to know why, why you favored Ross over me. Why did you love him more than me? I, I need to know." She said, nearly in tears.

"Monica, I know this is going to be hard for you to un … un … understand and accept but I did not favor Ross over you. I certainly did not love you any less than him."

"How can you say that? Even my own friends can see how differently you treated us!"

"Monica, calm down."

Judy was getting tired; it showed on her face and her slowed speech. She wanted to rest but she had to finish, to get it out.

Monica too knew that her mother was worn-out; she could see it in her eyes. The disease and the long conversations she had had with them had taken their toll. She knew she should let her rest … but she had to know, she had to have an answer.

"I know this is no excuse but, but … but I treated you the only way I knew how. I treated you the same way that my mother treated me!"

Monica sat there motionless. She needed the time to try to understand what she had just heard. There is a difference between hearing and understanding. She had heard what Judy had said, she couldn't comprehend it.

"You what? You treated me because grandma treated you that way?"

"Yes, I know it's no excuse. I, I'm sorry that I was so hard on you. You must try to understand, I was treated this way by your grandmother … it is the way I thought I was supposed to raise a daughter!"

Monica couldn't believe what she was hearing. She lost it …

"Mom, I can't believe what I'm hearing! Do you know how unloved and hurt that I've felt for so long?"

"Monica, I never meant to hurt you and I n … n … never stopped loving you."

Monica's yelling had been heard by the others. Just then Jack and Rachel entered the room, concerned.

"Is everything alright? We heard yelling." asked Jack as Rachel stared into Monica's eyes.

"Everything is fine." Replied Judy, as Monica shifted her eyes from Rachel to the floor. Attempting to put some distance between herself and her mother, Monica walked to the far side of the room.

"Judy, are you alright? It's almost time for your medications."

"Jack, I'm fine but very tired. Could you please give Monica and I just five more minutes? Then I promise that I'll t … t … take my meds and get some rest."

"Alright dear, five more minutes." Replied Jack as he shifted his gaze to his daughter, facing the opposite wall.

As the door closed the pair faced the impending quiet. With no available words to say the mother and her daughter endured the deafening silence, together.

The mother sat there facing her daughter, who would not face her. A bare wall was more comfort to her than that of the woman who gave birth to her. She couldn't talk … she didn't know what to say. It was too hard …

"Monica, we d … d … don't have much time left. I know that you don't like me very much right now and you might even hate me. I just want you to know that I love you. You are my only daughter. Do you know how hard this is?

Judy was exhausted and searching for the strength to continue. She thought it ironic that an entire lifetime spent with her daughter might very well come down to these last few minutes filled with carefully chosen words, words that she hoped would comfort and begin to heal the wounds of their past …

"Monica, I know I wasn't the best mother to you but I want you to know that I love you very much. I d … d … oh damn it!

Judy was losing the ability to talk. She struggled to finish …

"Monica, I'm so tired … I can hardly think. What I am trying to say is that I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave you and your brother and father. I love you more than I love myself. I don't want to go! This is being forced upon me against my will. I just hope to God that I have enough time left to attend your wedding. I regret that I will never know my grandchildren."

She couldn't avert her eyes any longer. She turned toward her mother. She didn't care that she was crying and her makeup was a mess. She had to face her …

"I will tell them all about you. I will tell them how good of a mother you were and how great of a grandmother you would have been. I will tell them that you left against your will and that you are sorry you couldn't be here for them. I will tell them that I loved you."

She wiped her tears with the cuff of her blouse …

"I will tell them that I was proud to be your daughter."