Sorry for the latest delay. This is getting more difficult for me to write. The words used to flow through my mind, now I struggle to find the words to put to paper ...

For those who follow this story, we are nearing the end ... in two or three chapters.

I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Brookegreen, who has been so kind with her reviews ...

Her friends believed that she had her dream job, that she was happy. For the most part they were right. She had her good days and bad days.

Today was a bad day.

It had been filled with meetings, deadlines and boring presentations.

A report was late. The fabrics had been ordered but had not arrived. Her boss yelled at her.

She had a bad day. Calling it "bad" was being too kind.

Only her dreams kept her going …

…visions of him and the time they shared together.

Five o'clock … it was time to leave, to escape!

It was Friday, she couldn't wait. They would spend the whole weekend together, hopefully alone.

Grabbing her coat she rushed to the elevator. She walked out of the building onto Madison Avenue.

Heading south she hurried to the subway station, hoping to catch the next train.

She became disappointed and frustrated, everything stood in her way.

There were so many people and there was so little space to maneuver in.

Flashing red and blue lights caught her eye, she slowed.

People; people everywhere, gawking at something.

An ambulance arrives with sirens blaring as the police push back the crowd.

A body … flowers … a man.

White lilies scattered against the cold pavement.

She worried.

"No." she muttered, under her breath.

She couldn't go on, she stopped, she had to see for herself.

"Excuse me, please, excuse me!" She yelled as she pushed her way through the crowd.

"You'll have to get back Miss." declared the policeman.

"What happened?" she asked.

"A cab came out of nowhere and hit this guy as he was crossing the street. He was running North on Madison in a rush, he never saw it coming. Do you know him?"

"I don't know, I can't see his face." She replied as she gazed at the body, covered with a cloth. "What was his name?"

"Gellar."

Her arms went limp. Her bag dropped to the ground. Her eyes pooled with tears. Her jaw dropped.

He knew. He could see it in her eyes.

She fell to the street.

"Do you know him?"

"Yes, he's my boyfriend!" She shrieked as the tears fell down her cheeks. Standing, she ran to the body, uncovering his face …

It was him.

She threw herself onto his body, "No!" she screamed, causing the crowd to hush.

"Ross, Ross wake up!"

"I'm sorry …he's dead."

"No, this can't be! We've been through too much for this to happen!" She cried as she cupped his face in her hands.

"Miss, these must be for you. We found them lying next to the body."

Kneeling next to him she lifted her head, just enough to catch a glimpse of what he was holding.

"We found these flowers and this …" said the policeman as he handed her a small box. Taking it, she rose to her feet and composed herself the best she could.

The fear of death and of a future that would no longer be stared her in the face. She gazed upon the box with dread.

The policeman grabbed her arm, providing the stability she would need to remain standing.

Slowly, ever so slowly she raised her right hand, placing it on the box, opening it her worst fears were realized …

"NOOOO! WHY GOD WHY?"

She fell into his arms as the ring fell to the street …

"Chandler, what would you like for breakfast?"

"How about some eggs and bacon, Monica?"

"Alright Chandler, breakfast will be ready in 20 minutes. You better be getting dressed. We have an appointment with the wedding planner in an hour. I don't want to be late!"

"Yes dear, I'll be ready." Replied Chandler.

The phone rang, Chandler answered it.

"Hello. Good morning Rachel. Oh sure, here she is."

"It's Rachel …"

"Good morning Rachel, … Rach … slow down. OK, sure, I'll be right over."

"Chandler, Rachel needs to talk so I'm going over to her place. I don't know if I'll be back in time to meet the planner. Could you call her and postpone our appointment until later today?"

"Sure, what excuse do you want me to use and what time do you want to meet?"

"Just tell her we had a family emergency. Any time after noon is fine. I've got to go …"

"What's wrong? Is she alright?"

"I don't know Chandler, she sounds very upset. I'll see you later."

A few minutes later …

There was a knock on the door, just before it opened.

Her friends flew through ...

"Rachel, what's wrong? You look like crap!"

Rachel sat on the couch, a mess. Her hair was un-kept. She had not bothered to wash up or apply any makeup. She hadn't slept much last night.

"I had a rough night Monica. I had the most horrible dream. I woke up around 2 and couldn't get back to sleep. I'm so tired."

"I'm so sorry honey. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes, you can be my friend. Please sit down and talk to me."

"Of course. What do you want to talk about?" Monica asked, as she reclined on the couch, next to Rachel.

"I'd like to talk about my dream. I'd like to talk about Ross and me, about all of us."

Surprised as to the scope and magnitude of the upcoming conversation, Monica was curious about her nightmare …

"Rachel, please tell me about your nightmare."

"Monica, I dreamt that I lost Ross!"

"What do you mean "lost" Ross?"

"I dreamt that he was killed on the street, run over by a cab."

"Oh." Replied Monica.

"Monica, that's not all … I dreamt that he was killed while coming to meet me at work. He was going to …" she said as she broke down.

"What, what was he going to do?"

Rachel composed herself through glassy eyes. She looked Monica straight in the eyes …

"In my dream, Ross's body was laying on the pavement, dead. The police found some things on him … and they gave them to me."

"What, what did they give you?"

"… a bouquet of lilies and an engagement ring!" She cried.

Seeing her friend in such sadness broke her heart. She moved in close and took her in her arms. She hugged her, telling her it was going to be alright. Monica felt the tears soaking her shoulder.

"Rachel, it's alright, you've been through a terrible fright. Ross is OK, isn't he?"

"When I woke from my nightmare I was so afraid … the nightmare was so real that I was afraid he was really dead. I looked … and found him sleeping peacefully next to me."

"Where is he now?" Asked Monica.

"He must have gone to the university. Last night he mentioned that he might have to go in for a few hours. He must have left me here on the couch to sleep."

Monica was curious. She wondered why this nightmare had upset her friend so much.

"Rachel, a nightmare can be a horrible experience. Why do you think you were so affected by this one?"

Rachel knew exactly why she was upset and she had her best friend in front of her to tell. She spilled her guts …

"Monica, the dream was so real! I really thought that I had lost him, forever! I guess the visit with your mother affected me a lot. I'm afraid of the inevitable … Ross and I will ultimately die and be apart."

"Rachel, the dream wasn't real. Your mind conjured up the whole thing while you were asleep. Yes, people die but the two of you have many years ahead of you. How you choose to live those years is up to you."

Rising off the couch and went into the kitchen to get them something to drink. Returning, she gave Rachel a diet Coke.

"Here, have a drink. You need it."

Rachel smiled at her friend. "I don't know what I would do without you Monica."

"Rachel, when you called you mentioned that you wanted to talk about you and Ross. So let's talk …"

Rachel paused. She wanted to know something and she didn't want to beat-around-the-bush to get an answer. She was direct in her questioning …

"Monica, tell me, tell me how you feel about us."

"About you and me?"

"No, how do you truly feel about Ross and me? We've been through so much together. Our relationship has affected each and every one of our friends too. You are no exception. You're my best friend and you're Ross's sister. How do you really feel about us? Do you think we have a chance?"

She considered her words. A "politically correct" answer would not be sufficient this time. Only the truth would suffice …

"Rachel, do you remember how excited I was when we found out that Ross loved you? I was so thrilled when I thought that my best friend and my brother would be getting together. When you broke up I felt your pain, both of your pain. Ross has loved you for so long, but when Carol discovered that she was a lesbian and left it affected him in ways that I think he never could comprehend. He went from a confident guy to one who was insecure and unsure of himself. I was hoping that he could overcome his anxiety and lack of confidence when he found you … but we all know what happened."

Monica paused for a moment. She remembered something …

She hoped that he saved it. Rising from the couch she proceeded to the bookcase, hoping that it was there. Searching through the shelves she came across it, a rather large album, filled with photographs.

Returning to the couch she continued …

"Rachel, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey and I have watched you and Ross dance in and out of each other's arms for five years now. We've seen you both through the best and the worst of times. We watched you love and hurt each other in the cruelest of ways. Through all this we've seen how much you truly love each other. We've always held out hope for you. You just didn't realize how much you both loved each other. You and Ross couldn't see it. You were too busy fighting. We hoped that one day you both would lower your defenses long enough to see it too."

Both Monica and Rachel had tears in their eyes, they weren't crying, just emotional. They were cherishing the moment …

Rachel wondered about the album …

"Monica, what's with the album?" as she pointed at the book on her lap.

"I … I put this album together for Ross while you were together. I filled it with pictures of the good times that you were having. I knew that what the two of you had would not be easy. I gave him this so that he would have something to hold onto, no matter what happened between you."

She passed the album to Rachel, who hesitated … taking a deep breath, she opened it.

The pages of the album were filled with memories, both good and bad, of their past life and love, with a smattering of photos of their friends and families. Leafing through the volume she came to a page that contained a pressed flower, a lily and an envelope with her name written on it. It had never been opened. She gazed at the flower and wondered about the contents of the envelope.

On the envelope she noticed a date, February 10, 1997.

She remembered … the day she wanted to go on a break. The night he slept with Chloe.

She looked at Monica …

"Did you put these things in here?"

"No. Ross must have added them after I gave it to him. Are you going to open it?" She asked.

Rachel looked down at the envelope and considered her options.

"Yes." She answered.

Taking the envelope out of the album she tore it and removed the letter within. She opened it and found a short note, written in calligraphy in thick black ink. As she started reading her eyes began to water …

Rachel,

How tired I am of this unbearable distance between us.

How I long to be in your presence and to hold you in my arms.

Have you forgotten me?

Grown mindless of me?

Tell me I am not writing into an abyss

or that is what will become of my heart.

Her eyes watered.

Her hand dropped to the couch.

She released the letter from her hand.

Monica, noticing her friend's condition picked up the paper, reading it. Her heart broke for them. She was shocked …

"Oh my God!"

"What, what's wrong?" asked Rachel.

"Rachel, did you see this, at the bottom of the page?"

She was so focused on his words that she did not notice the note at the bottom of the letter. Written in pencil she found those words that she had longed to hear:

"Rachel, you have taken my heart. Please take this ring and be my wife."

"Oh my God! Monica!" as she handed the letter back to her friend.

"A ring?" She thought.

She quickly searched through the album but could not find it.

"He bought me an engagement ring. He was going to propose?"

"It looks that way. Rachel, I'm so sorry."

Rachel threw herself onto her friend's shoulder. She cried. She thought about all the lost opportunities, all the love, all the pain, all the discomfort that they had put their friends through.

It took her a while to calm down. She considered the unchanging past. It was too late to go back, to fix things, to make up for their sins.

The future was another matter. "Tomorrow depends upon today." She thought. She took a deep breath and slowly pulled herself away from Monica.

"Monica, I need to show you something …"

"What, what do you need to show me?"

Rachel ignored her friend's question.

Monica fell silent. She had no idea where this was leading. She knew it was big, she just didn't know how big …

Rachel, on the other hand knew exactly what she was doing. Years of thick clouds had given way to clarity. It had become so clear. She knew what she had to do …

Rising from the couch she proceeded to the bedroom, returning moments later. In her hands she held a box, THE box, the box of memories. Opening it she inserted her hand and pulled out an audio cassette. Returning to the bedroom she retrieved her cassette player.

"Rachel, what, what's this all about?"

"Monica, your brother gave me this tape after we broke up. I want you to listen to a song that he recorded for me."

She took a deep breath …

The song played …

When it was finished she looked her friend straight in the eyes …

"Monica, I feel closer to you then I do to my sisters. You're more of a sister to me then they ever will be. I need to ask you the biggest favor of both our lives."