Disclaimer: You all know I don't own RD!
Well - I wrote the one shot mostly coz I couldn't face more hw yet, but even more because MSN wouldn't let me open emails or send/recieve messages - Stupid thing! Anyway, just a little fic for Bex, Sian & Lar...but there's not much of a plot as such - Just random stupidity and fangirlness really...
Too Many Time Machines
Lister, Rimmer, Kryten, Cat and Kochanski all sat at a table in the corner of the cafeteria, whispering.
"So!" Cat began brightly. "What stupid escape plan are we going to fail at this week?"
"What are you on about?" Rimmer asked snarkily.
"Weeeell – Something happens, we try to escape, plan fails, something majorly bad happens, we all nearly die – It's the same every week! – Even an idiot could see that!" Cat smirked and Rimmer glared at him.
"Guys shhhh! Krissy has something interesting to say." Lister said before all eyes turned to Krissy.
She opened her mouth to speak something possibly interesting but more likely rude, insulting and irritating…However she never got the chance to speak as her head suddenly and tragically (Yeah right!) got sliced off in one fluid moment by Bex holding a massive samurai sword, who had appeared in a Time Machine a few seconds before.
"What the FUCK!?" Lister cried before being grabbed and kissed by Bex who then giggled childishly.
"My Daily Goal List – Kill Gay Ryan for insulting Craig – Check. Build very sci-fiy and impossible time machine…Not Check. Steal very sci-fiy and impossible time machine from ZK – Check. Murder Kochanski – Check. Kiss Lister… (giggles) CHECK!...What have I forgotten?...Oh yeah! – (YOINK!)" Bex finally stopped babbling and giggling, grabbed hold of the more than a little terrified Lister, and programmed the Time Machine to take them back to her bedroom.
"Um…Okaaaaaaaay." Rimmer muttered, shifting slightly as the now headless body of Kochanski started to lean on him.
"MIKE TEAVE ROCKS!" A voice shouted and everyone groaned as another freak appeared in another time machine that had the words "ZK's Time Machine MK II – DON'T TOUCH!" Clearly printed on the side
"Oh god." Rimmer muttered shaking his head – Why did they insist on torturing them like this?
"Mmmmm! You're so cute when you're petrified!" Sian giggled and just then another Time Machine appeared. This one had the words "ZK's Time Machine MK III – SERIOUSLY! STOP STEALING MY STUFF!" Emblazoned in angry red letters on the side.
"My baybay!" Lar yelped as she hopped out of the Time Machine and took hold of Rimmer's left arm, 'accidentally' knocking Kochanski's dead body to the floor with a thump in the process..
"I got here first! Besides – You already have The Doctor bound, gagged and drugged! Don't be greedy!" Sian retorted, pointing to the form of The Doctor in Lar's time machine and grabbing Rimmer's right arm.
"SO!?...Oh fine! – You can have him for now and I'll swap you Hammy for him later – Ok?" Lar gave in, letting go of Rimmer, allowing him to be dragged off by Sian before getting back into the time machine and disappearing with The Doctor.
Just when Cat thought everything had calmed down again yet another time machine appeared, this time saying "ZK's Time Machine MK IV – CAN YOU PEOPLE EVEN READ!?!?"
"Hey." ZK herself grinned, before yanking Cat into the Time Machine and disappearing with him before he even had time to blink.
Kryten was now alone…He probably would have said something right about now or felt lonely…but unfortunately he had short circuited out due to confusion, impossible events, and Kochanski's blood infecting him like water just after he lot her head…