Match Making Mayhem

Nightshade: Well, after we all figured out Kinzu now has a girlfriend, we can go back to work. Sasoku's out of the hospital and we're ready to give some people a major case of heart break. Next is...um...Tsugi? Um, so what's your problem?

Tsugi: I can't seem to find a match. I think it's because of how violent I am...

Nightshade: Ok then. Well, have you tried anger manag- George Bush! (Nightshade and Tsugi both whip out flame throwers)

Both: Die.

Bush: I declare war! War!!!

Nightshade: We'll see if you can declare war with your arms burned off.

Bush: Ack! (Burned to little dust heap) Curse you democrats!

Nightshade: Where were we? Ah yes. You can't find a match because of your temper?

Tsugi: Well, I just don't think there's anyone good enough for me.

Nightshade: I think your hallucinating. Is there a reason your so violent?

Tsugi: No, I keep a level head most of the- pervert! (Points at Jiraya and pulls out foldable pocket machine gun)

Both: Get lost jerk!

Nightshade: (throws grenade)

Tsugi: (shoots gun)

BIG BOOM.

Nightshade: Were did you get that machine gun? I have one just like it...

Tsugi: (winks) I stole it from your room.

Nightshade: I like your style.

Tsugi: We seem to have a lot in common. Maybe-

Nightshade: Uh oh. Evil calamari. (Whips out knife and cooking hat) Seafood is on the menu! (Chops calamari)

Kinzu: OMG. That's gotta be the fastest seafood dinner ever cooked.

Tsugi: I love seafood. (Eats calamari in five seconds)

Kinzu: 0o That's...the fastest I've ever seen anybody eat anything...

Sheshruke: Not true! I once swallowed a melon in 2 seconds!

Nightshade: I didn't need to hear that...

Tsugi: Well, more about my problem. Do you have any suggestions?

Nightshade: Maybe you could...mutant bonsai potatoes at four o'clock.

Sheshruke: (looks at watch) It's only 2:30!

Both Nightshade and Tsugi: Eat this. (Throw microwaves at potatoes)

Huge Explosion.

Both: You know, I think I like you.

Kinzu: Did...did he just say...?

Sheshruke: I'll have to commit suicide now. (Falls to the floor limply)

Sasoku: I never knew Nightshade even had feelings at all. I assumed he came from Mars.

Nightshade: Shut up. Looks like our gang just keeps getting bigger. Now then, let's move on to our next hopeless loser. Hinata, what's your problem now?

Hinata: Well, I tried ignoring Naruto but it isn't working. I can barely restrain myself from blushing when I see him...

Nightshade: My only advice to you is to just tell him.

Hinata: O-ok...I'll try...

Naruto: Hey Hina-

Hinata: NARUTO-KUN, I LIKE YOU!!! (faints)

Nightshade: Was that so hard?

Naruto: Wow Hinata...I had no idea...

Tsugi: What an idiot.

Nightshade: I know, right? Dumb ass.

Kyorusa: You two have lots in common. So, when's the wedding?

Nightshade: (giant pulsating head) There will be...NO...WEDDING!

Kyorusa: Just you wait...

Nightshade: What a...stupid...ugh.

Kinzu: Pwnage.

Tsugi: Don't annoy him. If he really is just like me, then he can get ticked off easily.

Sasoku: Oh yeah...I remember this one time, when-(crushed by coffeequick machine) Oh no! It's back! Yiiiiiiiiiii! (Runs around with machine chasing him)

Nightshade: You know, I think we could all use a break. Let's go walk in the park or something.

Kinzu: Sounds romant-

Nightshade: STFU. (Whacks Kinzu's head)

Kinzu: Ouch. I'm gonna feel that in the morning.

In the park...

Nightshade: Ahhh...what a dismal day. I love watching the terror on little kid's faces when I explode their jungle gyms...(snaps fingers causing a huge explosion) What a great day.

Sasoku: What the...give me back my coffee you stupid jerk! (Chases little kid)

Kid: Nooooooo! Mommy!!!!

Tsugi: Nightshade-kun?

Nightshade: What?

Tsugi: I think that kid over there needs some terrorizing.

Kid: (dancing in a field of flowers) Lalalalalala!!! I love my life...

Nightshade: Shall we?

Tsugi: Sounds good to me.

A few ebil minutes later...

Kid: (tied to tree from tire swing) Waaaaaah!

Nightshade: Breaks over. Let's go!

Inside...

Nightshade: Next up is Gaara. What is your problem now?

Gaara: I have this attraction to my teddy bear. But she...(sniffles)...doesn't like me...

Nightshade: Okaaaaaaay... maybe you should take this to a therapist...

Gaara: Good idea! I love pandaz...(drools)

Temari: Gaara! (Smacks Gaara) Snap out of it!

Gaara: I will kill you all. Sand Coffin! (Loads of sand come out gourd)

Nightshade: Ha! (Shoves cork in Gaara's gourd)

Gaara: What the...?

Tsugi: (kicks Gaara's sand armor)

Gaara: I will kill you all...someday...somehow...probably at the turn of the century...

Temari: Please excuse us. (Drags Gaara away)

Nightshade: I hate this job. This place is getting crowded.

Sasoku: I think it was easier when it was just us ruining people's lives.

Kyorusa: Well now it's all of us. Deal with it.

Sasoku: Next up to the chopping board is...oh no...it's returned! (Runs away from coffeequick machine) Have mercy!

Nightshade: sigh...

Shino: I will now recite a song dedicated to my bug friends. Johny boy...Johny boy!

Everyone: Shut up.

Sasoku: Not in the-yeow!

Coffeequick: All your base are belong to us.

Sheshruke: More plagiarism! You people are asking for a law suit!

Nightshade: Now that's over, let's get on with the show. Next we have the Hokage, Tsunade.

Tsunade: Let's cut to the chase. I want to find a strong man. Someone who will appreciate me.

Nightshade: You seriously do have problems.

Tsunade: I also want man who likes my body.

Jiriya: Right here baby!

Nightshade: Sasoku, do away with him.

Sasoku: (looks like a mangled cat) Yeah...sure... (throws rock at Jiriya) Take that...

Nightshade: I think it's time to turn in for the night. I'm really tiered... so is everyone else by the looks of it. See you next time.

Nightshade's Corner

Nightshade: Bet you didn't expect that, huh? Well, this isn't a romance story, so don't expect anything like that. Next chapter will be more on the funny side. I promise. See yuz! (Poofs into thin air and reappears in trash can 2 feet away) I gotta work on my dynamic exit...