Disclaimer: Love Hina is not mine, it was written by Ken Akamatsu, and animated by Tokyo TV. This is an out of character Keitaro, if you didn't realise!
What if Naru was actually right? Maybe Keitaro isn't just a misunderstood, clumsy and naive fool, maybe he is in actual fact - a pervert.
Keitaro, the Pervert: Part 3
Keitaro was relaxing in his room when the girls burst in. Fortunately for him, he was actually studying rather than looking at anything incriminating - although, if that had been the case then he would have locked the door, of course. He allowed himself to be frogmarched downstairs by Motoko, while frantically running alternate scenarios through his head to prepare for whatever was coming.
When Keitaro saw the television in front of him, and the strange box with the three-eyed Molmol design on it, he knew what must have happened - and who was responsible. The worst-case scenario had come to pass, and much sooner than he'd expected.
"So, pervert," began Motoko, "what do you have to say to this, then?" as she pointed to the screen displaying the hot springs.
Keitaro worked hard to make sure he only displayed a puzzled expression, and not the irritation that he actually felt. At least he'd had enough sense to plan for this eventuality, and now it was time to put emergency plan A into effect.
"Err, the hot springs?" he said, trying to sound stupid.
"Yes, and broadcasting from your perverted little hidden cameras!" shouted Naru, waving a fist in Keitaros face and making him take a step backwards before being sharply restrained by Motoko. "Who else would hide these things then, eh?"
"What? It's not me!" Keitaro shouted, quickly. "Have you found granny Hina's security system, then?"
"Security system?" replied Naru uncertainly. Had granny Hina had a security camera network installed? It did sort of make sense, somehow...
"Yes, I remember her mentioning it!" interjected Keitaro, quickly. Don't lose the momentum! Keep them wrongfooted and keep it simple. "I've been looking for it ever since I got here..." he continued, before quickly breaking off and looking guilty.
"Yes, I bet you have, you pervert!" responded Naru, true to form. Give her something to feel aggrieved about, and she'd forget everything else! "Well, you can just forget about ever finding it now! We're closing it down, and fortunately before you could ever get your perverted little hands on it."
Motoko reluctantly released Keitaro before pushing him down into a seat.
"You just stay here," she warned him, "while we go and clear things out! Kitsune, keep an eye on him!" and with that, she stormed off with Naru, presumably to find and remove any cameras around the house.
Keitaro finally let out a sigh of relief. That had been a close one, but he'd managed to dodge a bullet. Good thing the girls were so predictable.
"Oh, sempai! I knew it couldn't have been you!" Shinobu burst out, with a slight blush. "I always said you were a good man! But, I wouldn't have minded you seeing me in the hot springs..." she continued, before quickly running out, scarlet with embarassment.
"And, you could always see me with a little less on..." commented Kitsune, "...if you'd be willing to negotiate the right price, of course." she continued, with a seductive smile. When Keitaro started his glazed expression, she rolled up a sleeve by an inch or so. "There, you've seen a bit more of me - that should be worth a week's rent! Bye-bye, peeper!" and Kitsune wandered out, laughing - leaving Keitaro all alone to work out what to do next.
The next day, Keitaro woke in a foul mood. He'd checked the camers, and as she'd promised, Motoko had eliminated every one of them. He hadn't dared ask what she'd done with the equipment - probably destroyed it, knowing her. A dreadful waste of money, but the loss of his line of income was more worrying. Still, he'd already made a tidy amount from what he had, and the videos and pictures he had in stock were worth a lot.
However, things had just become too risky. He needed to make money fast, and get out before things became dangerous. With this in mind, he contacted Haitani and asked him if he'd be interested in buying the whole Naru album for a serious amount of money - Haitani had gone quiet, but wanted a meeting at lunchtime. Maybe he'd get a sale - otherwise it would just have to go to one of those magazine publishers Keitaro knew.
Keitaro also made a call to Shirai, and in a few terse words mentioned that if they could meet up in an hour, he had a picture of a certain 'older woman' available for Y5,000. Shirai didn't hesitate to agree, as Keitaro mentally kicked himself for not demanding double.
Meanwhile, Motoko was puzzling to herself over a pile of electronics. She'd looked at the concealed cameras, and something had been bothering her all night - now she came to look again in the daylight, it came to her. These devices ran on small batteries. How could they possibly have kept running since granny Hina left months back? Surely someone had been maintaining them?
She also remembered the locations that they had been retrieved from. Some just didn't make sense for security cameras, although it was possible they could have slipped to give a view of something not intended. Also, she was sure that one of them was in a section of wall replaced by Keitaro recently. How could he not have noticed it?
A further visit to Keitaro, and a talk, were in order.
However, Motoko was out of luck as at that moment, Keitaro was hurrying to the front door. He'd quickly grabbed the composite photo of 'Haruka', plus a floppy disk containing the image file and dropped them into a plastic bag. It had taken him a while to find his clean gloves (no fingerprints thankyou very much!) and he was now going to be late for his meeting with Shirai. He grabbed the 'Naru - golden' album, slammed the closet shut, raced down the stairs, and was out of the building before Motoko arrived to knock on his door.
Receiving no answer, Motoko had no scruples about opening the door and looking in. Keitaro's room was as messy as ever... even the closet door was swinging open, no doubt having been hurridly closed. Wandering into the room, she noticed something odd about the back of the closet, and opened the door to see better. Yes, there seemed to be an improperly closed panel there...
Shortly afterwards, the people of Hinata heard what sounded like thunder in the distance, and began to bring in their laundry.
"Here, take it!" said Keitaro out of the side of his mouth as he thrust a small bag into Shirai's hands. Shirai wasted no time in checking out the contents, as Keitaro counted his money.
"Heh, heh, this is golden!" sniggered Shirai with a perverted grin as he checked out the 'picture' of Haruka from every angle. Shoving it back in the bag, he saw the other object in there, and pulled out the floppy disk. "What's this, then?" he asked, blankly.
"Its a disk with the image file on it," replied Keitaro, all the while looking around for anyone who might have seen the exchange. "You don't think I'm going to keep that on my machine, do you? I'm having no evidence whatsoever at home - and you should be careful, too. Haruka would whip the skin off your bones if she caught you with that..."
He trailed off when he saw Shirai's nose running a red stream at the thought of Haruka's whip.
"You're a sick bastard, Shirai," Keitaro commented dourly, "and if you ever mention my name in connection with this, I will see that you die slowly."
Shirai, however, was still wrapped up in his fantasies. Keitaro shook his head, and quickly made tracks towards his meeting with Haitani, leaving Shirai to his own devices. Eventually, Shirai packed up his things, and wandered off in the direction of the teahouse.
"A hundred thousand yen, and it's yours." remarked Keitaro, as Haitani flipped through the album with one hand and held a blood-soaked tissue to his nose with the other. Haitani blanched slightly at the figure - or maybe it was just from blood loss.
"A hundred? Where am I supposed to get that sort of money from?" shouted Haitani. Keitaro noticed that he didn't debate the price, though.
"That's your problem," Keitaro countered. "This might be the last available, so are you in or not?"
"Yeah... I'll do it, somehow..." whispered Haitani, softly. "I should have it for you by tomorrow... can I keep the album until then?"
"Dream on!" scoffed Keitaro, swiping the object from out of Haitani's hands. Inside, Keitaro was cheering to himself. If he could just do as well on the other books, he'd be able to cut and run this weekend. He might even be able to patch together some more fakes to sell that mug, Shirai.
"Haruka-san, he's been there for hours... he just sits there drooling and staring over here, with that perverted expression on!"
Haruka's last waitress was complaining to her about that customer in the corner. To be truthful, Haruka has noticed already how he'd been staring at her, with that flushed expression on his face. She was going to try to ignore it - he was a paying customer, after all - until she also noticed that his hand was below the table, moving rhythmically on something...
"Right, that's enough!" she said between clenched teeth, and started over to where Shirai was sitting.
Seeing her heading in his direction, Shirai panicked. He picked up a bag next to him, dropped it on the floor, scooped it up again, fell over, and fled out the door with his fly undone. Back at the table, the waitress was cleaning up.
"At least he left money here to pay the bill," she groused as she wiped the table. "Ewww... whats this sticky stuff on the seat??"
It was not much loater when the waitress brought something to Haruka's attention.
"I found this over there under the table. I don't know what it is, but some customer must have dropped it?" she said, as she handed over what appeared to be an unmarked floppy disk.
"No idea." replied Haruka. "Here, stick it into the computer here. Maybe there's something on it to tell us whose it is?"
A few mouse clicks later, and a picture appeared on the screen. Haruka looked at it for a few seconds, before her cigarette fell to the floor, bitten in half.
"Haruka-san... I had no idea you were so big..." commented the waitress before being frozen by a glare as Haruka drove her fist into the monitor screen.
Haruka ejected the disk, and walked out without a word. She remembered now, that was the seat where the pervert had sat. She needed to find out where this disk had come from, and for that there was only one person to go to.
"Suu-chan, do you know who made this disk?" Haruka asked, dropping a bushel of bananas and a floppy disk into Suu's lap.
"This? Oh, easy!" replied the hyperactive foreigner. "Look - it says on the label!"
Haruka looked at where Suu was pointing to the word "Mitsubishi".
"No." Haruka said through clenched teeth. "I need to know who owned it, who created the file on it. Not who manufactured it..."
"Okies! Why didn't you say so? I don't think it I can do it though... I'll just take a look at the files... ooohh! Harauka's a naughty girl! When did you pose for this, then? Looks like all the Urashimas are perverts!"
Haruka ground her teeth as Suu prattled on. At least she was doing something as she talked. The next thing to do would be to search for that sticky-handed pervert from earlier... A vague memory seemed to remind Haruka that the pervert was a classmate of Keitaro? Hopefully, Keitaro could help find him for her. Once done here, she'd go and ask him.
"Haruka-san! Stand aside!" Motoko shouted, her sword out and ready.
Keitaro had come home, only to be met on entering by what appeared to be an incoherent, homicidal Motoko. He had barely dodged her attacks, which seemed to be more deadly than usual, when Haruka had appeared and placed herself between them.
"No, Motoko, you shall not harm my nephew!"
"Aunt Haruka! Am I glad to see you!" sobbed Keitaro while cowering behind her. She slapped him without taking her eyes off Motoko for a moment.
"Harauka-san, I have seen evidence with my own eyes that this man is a pervert of the worst kind! I intend to see that justice is served by spilling his blood! His neck will be cleanly severed by my blade..."
"It's true, Haruka," added Naru, stepping in from the side. "I've seen it too. There's no doubt about it - he's been peeping and spying for months..."
"I must kill this demon - only then can my honour be regained..."
"No! You will NOT kill him, I tell you!" Haruka interjected, implacably.
"And why not? Give me just one good reason why I should spare the life of this worm?"
"Because," said Haruka, her eyes narrowing as she turned to look at Keitaro, "it would be too fast, and too painless. You see, Keitaro," - and at this point, Keitaro felt hope drain away leaving nothing but a warm wet patch in his pants - "you see, I KNOW WHO MADE THE PICTURE!"
Keitaro crawled backwards, but the wall was in the way.
"Do you know what a GIF header block is? Do you know about image software automatically initialising the Author field?" Haruka spat out. "Well, neither do I. But I am assured that it amounts to definite evidence that YOU are not only an idiot, but also to blame for a bit of 'artwork' that I discovered. And you are going to talk, Keitaro, and tell us all what we need to know. And then, you will receive your just desserts..."
Outside Hinata-sou, the courtyard was clear apart from a large wooden block in the centre. Bound, Keitaro (wearing a traditional costume) was half led, half forced forward to kneel at the block. Motoko stepped forward, carrying the ceremonial sword.
The girls stood in front of him.
"To think I once found you attractive!" said Naru, with contempt. "Your true self is now revealed, and you are less than the dirt on my boot."
"Thieving bastard!" said Kitsune. "You didn't even cut me in for my share! If you're going to use my picture, I want a good percentage! Besides, I may be a flirt, but I'm not a tart. I don't go that far."
"Sempai... how could you? I trusted you! Was it all a lie?" Shinobu looked up sadly. "I even lo.. liked you! Now I see that you just wanted /that/... you betrayed me..." she looked torn apart.
"You stole my honour," said Motoko, sternly, "but today - I will regain it!"
Haruka and Naru held Keitaro as Motoko advanced with the blade.
Shortly after, a scream rang out over Hinata-sou, and the sound of a blade biting into wood.
Epilogue.
It was later in the evening. Haruka and Motoko were in the lounge, with Naru and Kitsune.
"Is that Shinobu coming?" asked Haruka, hearing a noise in the corridor.
"I think so," replied Motoko. "Slave! The door!"
Keitaro, head bowed down, walked painfully over to open the door for Shinobu. The blue-eyed angel walked in, glancing at Keitaro with a glance of contempt before placing the silver dish she carried on the table between Haruka and Motoko.
The dish held nothing but two small cooked morsels, impaled on silver skewers.
"Ah, dinner..." said Haruka, as she and Motoko took one each. They both glared vengefully at Keitaro before taking a sharp bite and consuming the snack with relish. Keitaro winced visibly as they did so.
"Naru-sempai, I am sorry that there were not enough for you to also partake," commented Motoko. "However, as you see, soon there will be four more..."
And she indicated Haitani and Shirai, trussed up in the corner and fainting with fear.
Author's notes
Ouch. But Keitaro deserved it.
Finally finished! It certainly took long enough. The epilogue scene had me crossing my legs as I wrote it, I can tell you (I assume you all guessed what Motoko and Haruka ate?)