Kamio was sitting on the front porch looking absolutely spent. No one had come to let him inside last night like they had promised they would. So, yes, he had spent the night outside.
At first he figured he would be like camping, but quickly he found that it was not. It was cold, it was hard, it was uncomfortable, it was… lonely.
He had seen a coach run by and drop off some mail a little earlier. The coach waved to him, but he did not wave back because it was partially his fault that he had to sleep outside. Only now had he finally decided it was time to see what was in the mailbox.
He trudged over, opened up the box and discovered that the letter was addressed to HIM! He ripped it open and almost risked ripping the contents in half but thankfully that did not happen.
He must have been in the rhythm while he was reading or something because it took him like two seconds.
"ME?" Kamio yelled. "ME! I WON! I WON THE INDIVIDUAL CHALLENGE! I GET TO CHANGE THE FAMILY AROUND!"
He ran up to the door and went to fling it open to announce his victory to his family and tell them their new assignments when he remembered the door was locked. He pounded on it but by this time, the family had learned to ignore him.
So he started running around the house and checking all the windows but they were all, of course, locked as well. He finally came up to the window in the kitchen where the family was all sitting and pressed his face against it, pounding on the glass.
The family looked over at him.
"When is he going to learn…" Oishi shook his head.
"Wait, I think he's holding something…" Shishido went over to the window and peered at Kamio as he pressed the letter up against the glass as well.
Shishido read it carefully and then looked back at the rest of family.
"I think we should let him in…" he said.
After Shishido explained, the others agreed that letting him in was essential. So Kamio was promptly allowed back into the house.
"YES!" Kamio dropped to his knees and kissed the hardwood floor. "I'm back in the rhythm!" Then he paused. "I mean…the house…"
He looked slightly embarrassed because everyone was a third year around him and he had just acted silly.
So he cleared his throat and stood up.
"I suppose I should tell you what my new plans are for this family." Kamio said slyly.
"Yeah…" said the others half-heartedly.
"All right, this is the beginning of my long list of changes." Kamio started pacing in front of the family that was all lined up in a row. "I am now the Dad." Pause. "OISHI!"
Oishi winced.
"You are now the PET!" he announced. "The…OUTSIDE PET!"
"But I make such a good Mom!" whined Oishi.
"Next up!" Kamio continued. Pause. "Well, I don't really care about the rest of you. Itsuki…you can be the Brother… Shishido… the Mom and Sengoku, you can be whatever's left."
"HA!" said Shishido, pointing. "YOU'RE the Sister now!"
"Yeah well…you're the Mom, have you noticed?" Sengoku retorted.
"Lame!" Shishido cursed.
"That's enough!" said Kamio. "As the Dad in this household, I order our outside Pet to go where he belongs." Kamio grabbed the door, opened it and then pointed dramatically outside.
"Aw man…" Oishi said sadly as he took off his apron and handed it to Shishido.
"I'm not wearing this." Said Shishido as he dropped it.
"Good bye." Oishi said to the family as he stood right outside the door. "I enjoyed being your Mother."
He clenched his fist dramatically as Kamio slammed the door.
"YES!" cheered Kamio with an over enthusiastic arm motion. "I am SO taking a shower!" He ran into the bathroom and then all was silent.
Team Six"Well of COURSE I would win because I am SOOO amazing!" Atsushi said as he paraded around the house while holding the sealed envelope that was addressed to him. "And FURTHERMORE—"
"Just OPEN it already!" yelled the rest of the family.
"We're getting tired of you just parading around the house holding that sealed envelope addressed to you!" said Ryou.
"And for all you know, it's not really saying that you won." Oshitari pointed out.
"Of course it says that." Atsushi said confidently. "Who else would win?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Kaidou demanded, standing up and getting all IN ATSUSHI'S FACE!
Atsushi cowered in fear and used the envelope to put some distance in between himself and Kaidou.
"I think what he means is that your project in the Dad competition was terrible." Akutsu stood up as well. They both towered over Atsushi. "And he thinks that I didn't give it my all in the Pet competition. And he thinks that Ryou could have done something to protect his controller in the Brother competition. And—"
He looked back at Oshitari.
"Even though his opinion is correct this time around, he believes that Oshitari's cooking is terrible." Akutsu finished.
"It's all your fault that you ate my food." Said Oshitari with a shrug.
"I never said any of that!" Atsushi put his foot down. "Except the part about Oshitari's cooking, but that's a given!"
"Open the stupid letter!" Ryou commanded.
"FINE!" said Atsushi as he opened it up. Before he could start reading it, Akutsu tore it away from him and read it out loud to everyone.
"So…the teachers happen to think that you did the best out of all of us." Kaidou crossed his arms. "And now you get to choose how the family is going to be arranged. Interesting."
"Yeah!" said Atsushi, wiping some sweat away because he was pretty sure he was going to die just then. "And I'm going to start by making SOMEONE ELSE be the Mom so we don't get sick anymore!"
He looked around and tried to figure out who would be the best cook. He knew he couldn't cook, he knew his brother couldn't, he DEFINITELY knew Oshitari couldn't, and after going back and forth between Kaidou and Akutsu, he finally just said,
"Kaidou! You're the Mom now!"
Kaidou turned around and glared at him and Atsushi flinched.
"I'm just guessing that you would be the best cook out of all of us!" Atsushi assured him.
"What makes you think something like that?" Kaidou said angrily.
"I don't know!" said Atsushi. "Process of elimination!"
"Well, what about the rest of us?" Ryou said.
Atsushi's demeanor immediately changed. "PET!" he pointed at Ryou.
"Jerk!" whined Ryou.
Atsushi chuckled cruelly. "And I certainly know that I want to be the Dad." He said.
All that remained was Oshitari and Akutsu. And they were to be assigned either the Sister or Brother. Since he feared Akutsu more than Oshitari, he gave the Brother to Akutsu.
"At least I don't have anymore responsibilities." Said Oshitari, leaning back in his seat. "You'll soon find that being one of the Parents is quite tedious."
"Just so you all know, I'm NOT cooking." Said Kaidou as he stood up and stomped all the way out of the room, leaving big Kaidou-sized footprints in the ground.
Everyone else sat in that room for a little while.
"I wish we still had a television." Atsushi said.
Atsushi, Ryou and Oshitari gave a collective glare to Akutsu who just ignored them like it was his JOB.
Team Seven
"There is a fifty-eight percent chance that Tetsu and Jirou stayed up all last night." Said Renji to Inui as the two of them stood in the doorway of the living room.
"Fifty eight percent?" Inui repeated as he adjusted his glasses. "What gave you that number?"
"Well, Jirou and I are supposedly meant to share a bed." Renji answered. "But he did not come to bed last night."
"Considering I slept in Tetsu's bed and he never kicked me out of it, I will say that there is a ninety-five percent chance that they stayed up all night." Inui said.
"They could have slept in the living room." Renji pointed out.
"I did not take that into account." Inui admitted. "Let us compromise. I believe there is a…"
"Seventy-seven percent chance that they stayed up all night." Renji interrupted. "You were going to say that, weren't you?"
"Oh Renji." Said Inui since Renji was his best friend ever.
They went into the living room to see Jirou sleeping on the floor and Tetsu standing up from the comfy chair.
"Hm…" Renji and Inui both said at the same time.
Tetsu jumped in surprise. "Oh man." He said. "Jirou JUST fell asleep as you guys were walking in and I could finally go to bed…"
"So you two stayed up all night, then?" Renji inferred.
"Yes." Said Tetsu. "He made me!"
"How did you let him push you around?" Inui asked. "You are at least a foot taller than him. In a physical encounter, there is a one hundred percent chance that you would win."
"Yeah but…" Tetsu started. "He was just so excited and I didn't want to let him down and he's a third year and…I just wanted to be cool…"
Tetsu lowered his head with a sniff just as Sanada rounded the corner.
"What's with everyone?" he said. "Why are you all so emotional? We have mail, and it's for a certain Renji."
He handed the letter to Renji.
"Nice entrance." Inui commented.
"Thank you." Said Sanada confidently as Renji opened up the letter.
"It seems as though, out of everyone here, I performed superiorly so I get to switch our roles around." Renji said. "That's not saying much about all of your performances."
"What do you mean you get to switch our roles around?" Tetsu asked.
"I get to assign a new Dad, Mom, Sister, Brother and Pet." Renji answered.
"Oh." said Tetsu.
"I will start with the obvious." Renji began. "I will be the Dad from now on."
"Yes." Said Inui.
"What is it?" Renji asked.
"There is a one hundred percent chance that you would ask me to be the Mom, and I was accepting." Inui replied.
"Oh Inui." Said Renji since Inui was his best friend ever.
"Well where does that leave the rest of us?" Sanada asked. "What are we now? Who's the Pet?"
"Well…" Renji went on. "There is a eighty-five percent chance that Jirou would not mind sleeping on the floor, so I will assign him the Pet role. And, not to mention the fact that he was probably the worst Dad ever."
"Can I have my assignment so I can go to sleep?" Tetsu pleaded.
"Certainly." Said Renji. "You can be the Sister."
"…Why?" Tetsu asked.
Renji shrugged. "It's random."
"Random?" Inui said, sounding as baffled as he can sound, which isn't all THAT baffled sounding.
"So I'm the Brother." Sanada concluded. "How disappointing."
Inui adjusted his glasses. "Ah, I see." He said finally. "Renji, I know your reasoning for merely switching Sanada and Tetsu."
"Do you?" said Renji.
"Yes." Inui answered. "There is a one hundred and one percent chance that you have already called Team Four today to establish which role in the family Yukimura has become. You wished to assign those two in the same role so, in the inevitable event of a competition, Sanada will be there."
"Is that true?" Sanada asked.
Renji stood there silently.
"Data never lies." Inui declared.
"Actually, it really was just random." Renji admitted.
"Oh." said Inui. "Never mind then."
Team EightYuuta awoke from his slumber on the couch early the next morning. He looked over at Shinji who was already standing (after sleeping on the comfy chair that apparently isn't as comfy to sleep on) because he had been awakened by the very same thing.
The door to the Kids room opened slowly and Bane and Jackal both stepped out. All four family members moved towards the bathroom.
Atobe's extremely loud bellows from the shower could probably be heard from miles away as he sang about how wonderful he was, and how he wanted everyone to be drunk just by being in his presence.
"Seriously?" Bane said to the other three.
"This is outrageous." Said Jackal, punching his fist into his palm.
"We have to do something about him…" Shinji agreed.
"What can we do?" Yuuta sighed.
Just then, the door opened up and all the steam from the bathroom shot out into their faces and nearly knocked them over. Atobe stopped his singing and as they looked up, he was standing there in a towel that was probably just a little too small for everyone to be comfortable with.
He looked down at them and then put his hand up in front of his face in ONLY the way he can. Then he proceeded to walk backwards all the way to the Parent's room while pointing at them.
Then, as the door closed, he immediately started singing again. And it's not like he was being quiet at all or anything.
"He's very strange." Shinji decided finally.
"You think so?" Bane said sarcastically.
"Yes, I do." Shinji replied.
The family got up off their arses and decided that since they were already awake, they might as well have breakfast. While they were all pouring themselves some cereal, Atobe entered in the most expensive looking outfit EVER.
They all stared at him in mid-pour.
"Good morning." He said.
"Atobe, we have to have a chat about something—" Yuuta began but Atobe put his hand up to stop him.
"Wait." He said. "This morning you received a letter. I took the liberty of opening and reading it for you, however."
Atobe handed Yuuta a piece of paper and a ripped open envelope.
"You can't open and read my mail!" Yuuta said angrily as he read it over. "Ha! I get to switch the teams around because I did the best out of everyone in the challenge! Well, from now on Atobe, you're—" But then Yuuta realized that Atobe was already the Pet. "Then… from now on I'M—" But then Yuuta realized that he was already the Dad.
So now Yuuta was sad as Atobe just stood there looking hilariously overconfident for no reason.
"Well…" Yuuta said, looking at the other three. "Does anyone have any preferences?"
"Could I be the Dad?" Shinji asked.
"No, I'M the Dad." Yuuta said.
"Then whatever." Shinji said.
Bane and Jackal agreed with the 'whatever' statement.
"So…I guess there's no change." Yuuta said with an exasperated sigh.
"I guess so." Atobe said, continuing to look confident as if he had done anything. "Now someone make me an omelet."
When he didn't get an immediate response, he raised one hand and snapped his fingers, and continued to wait.
The only response he got from that gesture was the rest of his family picking up their bowls and retreating to another room. Atobe looked disappointed, but then spotted the Lucky Charms and figured he'd just pour himself a bowl if no one was going to make him an omelet.
"Ah, what's this?" Atobe said as he pulled out the plastic toy that was inside. "It seems as though I got the Secret Decoder Ring this time."
The others weren't going to admit it, but that got them sad since they had all been striving for the decoder ring. That's why they were eating the Lucky Charms in the first place. DAMN YOU ATOBE!