Declaimer: I own nothing…
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4th Stage – Anger
The worst state of mind – to have too many thoughts.
That's what I was currently having. Thankfully, thoughts concerning a story, not a certain guy, or rather two guys.
I'd just coma back from the LDB event two hours ago and after some fresh-up, I'd decided to start with the story immediately. That way I could write as much as I remembered and then just arrange the story as I like.
So I was sitting on my bed, surrendered by my 6 notebooks, with my iBook open and many loose notes that I'd just written because some memories had popped up into my head.
What was the worst – too many memories.
Imagines from last two days (many, many imagines!) were just like little kids in my head - jumping up and down and screaming: "Pick me! Pick me! I'm more important! Write me first!"
But the work was good. It brushed all other thoughts aside.
I'd got a little come back to reality from my journalistic world because of my mom. She'd called ten minutes ago wanting to bitch about my grandparents. Usually I was the one defending them but in that case I'd had to agree with my mom. I would be also furious if they do something like that to my boyfriend.
Not good thing thinking about the boyfriend.
Ugh!
I'd tried to call Dean after I'd come back but I'd just got the voice mail.
Again!
Suddenly there was a knock on my door. Knowing that Paris was out I had to get up and get it.
Weird, there wasn't anyone outside.
Then I looked down on my doormat and spotted a gorilla mask, a bottle of champagne and some of my things, including my digital camera.
I picked them up and smiled. Nice of LDB guys to remember about me.
I eyed the bottle. Not that I knew much about drinks but that one looked expensive. I put it down on the coffee table along with the gorilla mask. Funny thing, I hadn't found out why they'd chosen gorilla.
I checked my camera. There were photos on it. I started to go through them. The first one was the picture of piece of paper with "In Omnia Paratus" scribbled on it. Then there were pictures from the event, starting with the one of Logan and me after, during and before the jump.
I remembered my feelings during the jump. Mostly the overwhelm sense of freedom and confidence that I could do everything!
I was glad that I'd jumped.
The next picture was of Finn and me. It'd been just before the jump. We'd been standing close, Finn's arms around my waist. That had been when he'd convinced me to jump.
He'd been right in everything he'd said.
Then there were pictures from other events. Mostly the pictures of me.
Why they'd done pictures of me. And who'd done them?
When I reached the last one my jaw literally hit the floor. Finn and me in the forest, when he'd whispered those words about Vegas.
I had to admit, the picture was good. We looked quite comfortable with each other. Like a couple shearing their private secretes.
Well yeah, what he'd said had been secret. I hope still was.
Who had done those pictures. Why?
Great! I was back to my confusing state!
I really needed to focus on the story but now the pictures had driven away all my concentration.
Who?
Logan had taken my camera. But there were pictures of him too, so that meant there had had to be at least one more person.
Why?
I had no idea.
I plopped down on the couch and sighed.
Too many question, too many question!
I looked at the last photo once more. I smiled dryly. At least I was sure now that he remembered me!
Why he had been behaving like that, I had no clue.
Earlier, when I'd said yes to the jump, he'd followed me to the platform and set some protect cord around my waist, whispering "carpe diem, Love".
Then nothing. I hadn't seen him after that. Like he'd disappeared somewhere. He hadn't even come back to Yale with us. Again I'd been blindfolded and Logan had been the driver. At my question, he'd told me that Finn had been in charge of "closing" the event.
Weird thing. I would never imagine Finn as a master of organization.
But what could I say, I'd never imagined myself getting married in Vegas either.
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Next day was better. I'd woken up in better mood, mostly because of the work I'd somehow managed to do yesterday. I'd written 5 drafts of the story, one close to perfection.
Any disturbing thought hadn't been popping up in my mind this morning.
Now I was done with my first class of the day and I was heading towards the coffee kiosk for my favorite drink. I was ten meters from it when my cell rang. I checked the ID.
Dean.
I smiled, I missed him and wanted to tell him so much about the trip and the story. Of course excluding Finn from it.
"Hey Rory," he greeted me in rush and didn't even wait for my respond, "Look, I know that you wanted to meet today but I can't. Lindsay has broken some pipes in our apartment and I have to fix it. It will take a while so it'll better to cancel our plans. I don't know when I'll have a free evening but I'll call you soon. I have to go now. Bye!"
He cut me off. Just like that. He hadn't even waited for some reaction.
I started to become angry. After hadn't seen and talked to each other for nearly two weeks now, he'd talked to me for 30 seconds, announced that he had to cancel because of his ex and hung up.
Not a word about missing me or something!
Nothing!
I snorted with irritation as I reached the kiosk. The long line did no good to my state either. The good mood from the morning was long gone.
Everything because of the call from my boyfriend!
Usually that kind of call, meaning from the person you cared about, should set you in the good mood.
Not this time!
Mostly because my boyfriend had been more concern about his ex's pipes than me! Not even a little question about me or if I came safe from the trip!
ARGH!!!
"Finn is a master!"
Finn? The red attention light fleshed in my mind.
"Yeah man, jumping from that platform only with umbrellas! Beautiful!"
In the line in front of me stood two guys I remembered from the LDB event. They didn't spot me or recognize me.
"Better even than in Colorado. Shame, he didn't think about jumping into the water, like they did once before. That would be something!"
"He considered it but that would be too much dangerous because of that height. The first stunt like this was from a low bridge."
They were talking about the event. Apparently Logan had been right about Finn arranging everything.
I listened to more carefully. My journalistic instinct was alert. Or maybe I was alert because they were talking about Finn.
"Masterwork! How can Finn and Huntz always do the best work? By the way, did you see that blonde chick Finn has picked up yesterday when we got back. Man, that was a pair of fine legs!"
Great, here we were again! The Finn we all knew and loved was back! Please someone shot me. And I'd thought that he was different.
"Really? I thought that he was interested in that reporter girl. He told us to stay away from her."
Whoe?! What!!!
"Yeah, I thought so too, but maybe she was too smart for his liking. You know that Finn doesn't go after too smart girls. Less complication and trouble…."
The conversation faded away as they walked away from the kiosk.
I was standing there frozen, processing what they'd said.
Dear husband had told guys on the event to leave me alone.
Then he had been nice to me, even more then nice!
After that screwed some other girl!
Bastard!
"You want something?"
Yes, his head on silver plate.
I blinked and looked at the man in front of me. I shook my head and come back into the reality.
"No!" I cried a little too loud because the coffee guy winced, and flew away from there.
I was on a mission!
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They always said that people could do terrible things in affection.
I was really hoping that I would do something like that in this particular moment!
Anger just blinded me!
First Dean and his talk about Lindsey's pipes, now this!
I needed to do something!
Something really drastic!
Quickly!
I didn't even realized my paths until I was standing before a certain blue doors. I knocked and without waiting for permission, flew into the room.
Ups!
I broke away some huge make out session.
Not important!
He looked at me with shock as he tried to get up from the couch and the girl underneath him. He wasn't very careful judging by the moan of paint the girl made as he pressed his elbow to much into her stomach.
"Ace?" he managed to asked.
"No the British Queen! Yes Ace, or better Rory, because that is my name, or rather Lorelai but that not the point!" did I mention that I had a tendency to rant when angry, "the point is that you can't remember me even after spending two day in my companion! But why I am surprised?! It's no wonder seeing with who you are friends with!"
Logan had finally got up and was standing in front of my with an uncertain look on his face. The girl on the couch was looking terrified by me. No wonder. I could imagine what I looked like. The final state of madness in the whole glory.
"Ace calm down!" Logan tried to understand what was going on. I crossed my arms on my chest and waited for some elaboration. It would be interesting to see how much time needed the great Huntzberger to get back into thinking with his mind, not with the residence of his pants.
"Of course I remember you," he tried to be charming by putting a wide smile on his face.
Wrong way mister! You are not going to get any bonus point from a girl when you just laid on top of the other one.
"I'm just surprised to see you."
"OK Huntzberger cut the crap! Where is he?"
I only managed to confused him more, "Who?"
"Finn! For Christ's sake! Where is he? Where dose he live? Where is he screwing some girl? Where is he eating? Pick what do you want! Just tell me where can I find him at this moment!"
Logan was probably too much shocked to see me like this and terrified by me because he only managed, "Third doors on the right."
"Thank you. Carry on," I said to them and backed out of the room, "Sorry to interrupt!"
I was on the corridor again.
Funny thing that in spit of my angry, my mind was capable to think properly.
After I'd heard what had those two guys had, I'd wanted to have some "talk" with Finn. At once my mind had led my towards Logan's room. I hadn't known where Finn lived but I'd known where Logan's dorm was.
Simple.
So here I was. In front of the dear husband's door. I took depth breath and stepped inside without knocking.
The sighed before my eyes didn't work like balsam on my anger.
Oh no.
Just the other way.
Again, all I could see was red.
"Well, well, well! What we have here?" I asked with mock innocent in my voice, putting my hands on my hips and tapping my foot.
That guy at the coffee kiosk was right – those were long legs. She managed to circle them around Finn's middle and have more than half of them hanging from the couch as she set on his lap.
They hadn't heard me when I'd entered because they'd been rather busy, but my voice had managed to break them away from each other. They both turned and looked at me. The blonde with irritation and Finn…
I didn't know what that expression on Finn's face meant.
"I terribly sorry to interrupt you," I could imagine that I looked like a demon of anger and madness right now, with those red sparks shooting from my eyes, "But you have to excuse us for a moment," I turned to blonde with fake sweetness, "my husband and I really need to discuss some of our marriage problems!"
If I wasn't so pissed off I would rather enjoy the expression on the blonde face. She jumped up from Finn's lap and looked at him with shock.
"Husband…?"
I didn't let Finn to respond to her.
"Yes, that right! Sorry if you are surprised but you need to know that he had a problem with his too big ego and…"
Finn interrupted me. He got up from the couch and grabbed my arm, "Rory…"
No! It was my turn now!
"Oh no, no mister," I pointed an accusing finger on him, "Listen to my carefully. I don't know what are you doing but I have enough! Stop that game you are playing! You are going to fix it! The whole mess you did."
"I thought that it takes two to…" he cut in quietly. I wasn't supposed to hear it but I did and cut him off.
"Yes it takes two, but I don't care anymore. I wanted us to fix it together, to help each other but you are a jackass who didn't even remember me! Then you acted so nice and all. But that was only a play. You are a bastard who lie to everybody. So I don't care anymore! You are going to fix it and then I don't want to hear from you or to see you ever again!"
I knew I was yelling but couldn't stop myself. All those emotion that was inside my from so long were getting out at that moment.
"And you," I turned to the blonde, "Listen to a little advice – he is not worth it. He won't remember you tomorrow, he's probably forgotten your name already! And all the things he is saying are bullshits. That tattoo you must have seen is not from any Kirgyzstan princess. Or if it is – the princess in currently standing in front of you! And Kirgzystan is not a monarchy!"
The last one was towards Finn. Again if I paid more attention to him, not only screamed at him, I would spotted hard and hurt look in his eyes. But I didn't.
I spun around and my eyes met the shock expression of Logan. He was standing by the door with disbelief on his face. I didn't care that he'd heard. Currently my mind was glad that I'd finally snapped at Finn and got everything out form inside me.
"A little late for the warning," I said to Logan, smirking in the familiar way as he always did, "An if you had any problem with my name ever again, asked Finn. He has it tattoo on his arm."
"Remember Morthson, fix it!" I added with my hand on the door's knob, "Or you would really regret that you came to Vegas at that time."
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I was lying on my bed. Thankfully I wasn't looking at my ceiling because my eyes and the whole head was covered by my pillow. The ceiling memories weren't the best in that moment. Any memories weren't good at the moment.
So I was thinking about the proverbs and idioms.
It was weird how right they were.
For example: It's easy to be wise after the event.
The simplest way to describe my current state.
What the hell had I done?!
I thought that I hadn't been mentally right an hour before.
How on earth I could do something like that?!
By the way I'd snapped at him, I'd accused him of everything. I'd brought out all of my anger at him. And not only the angers towards him but also the anger towards my grandparents and Dean.
He wasn't the only one to blame. The whole marriage had been probably my idea in the same part as his.
What was the worst, I yelled at him especially because of Dean. I had been more mad at Dean and his canceling on us again, than at Finn.
It wasn't my business what Finn was doing and with whom. The only thing that was connecting us was a stupid mistake that could be fix easily. But I'd done the national tragedy out of it.
Ironic – I'd been worrying myself about Finn keeping his mouth shut. He didn't need to – I'd done all the talking by myself. Judging by Logan's shock face he hadn't known a thing about the whole marriage. Well now he knew!
And I'd hurt Finn. He hadn't say anything but it'd been clear by watching his eyes. I had no right to judge him that way. I didn't know him but accused him of being a bastard in front of his friends.
I was felling bad. Really, really bad.
I'd had enough problems already and I'd just got myself another one, by my own wish mind you. I'd had an easy to deal with problem – "hey Finn remember me? I'm your drunk wife, can we get a divorce".
But no, I had to make a disaster from it! And hurt other people!
I just heard a knock on the main door. My bedroom's door were ajar because Paris was having her relaxation time and according to Terrence she needed to fill the whole dorm, including my bedroom, with positive fluids. In that case, positive fluids were smell of rose candles and Indian ginger incense, and some relaxation music called "Depths of the ocean".
There was some murmur from Paris as I heard her got up and opened the door.
"Morhtson?" she sounded surprised, "What the hell are you doing here?"
I set up straight quickly. She had to mean other Morthson.
"Hello to you too, Geller. I'm fine, thanks for asking," came the respond in too familiar accent voice.
What he is doing here?!
"What are you doing here," Paris repeated her earlier and my mental question.
"Are we going to stand here or you let me in?" Finn sounded a little irritated.
"What do you want?"
Paris thankfully, was Paris and she didn't let him so easily. I was frozen on my bed. Paris had asked a good question? What did he want here. Maybe he came here to bitched at me about my outburst.
"Is Rory here?" I heard his question. So it was sure he came to me. For what?!
"What do you want from Gilmore?"
"Are you here guardian?" he mocked but I could here that the his irritation was getting up.
But Paris was unaffected, "She's not here."
Funny – why did she lie to him? Maybe she'd sensed that I didn't want to see him. The roommates-bonding?
"Really? So why there is a light in her room?"
"She left it that way?"
How did he know which room was mine?
"Let me check," apparently Paris didn't convinced him as I heard the quick footsteps in the living room. I panicked and lay down on my bed quickly covering my head with the pillow again. Weird choice but I didn't have much time to think.
"Morthson, you can't…" I didn't hear the rest of the words because my bedroom door were closed, cutting Paris's voice for good. Then I heard my lock. He locked us inside the room.
Oh God, what I got myself into?
He was silent and I didn't dare to move.
After few minutes I heard a sigh and then he spoke, "Are you going to say something?"
My mind was blank again. An hour ago I was screaming my lungs of at him and now I didn't know what to say. So I chose to stay in my previous position and didn't make any sight that I live.
He didn't buy it.
"I know that you aren't sleeping. It's not possible to sleep with air source cut by the pillow all the time and hands clutched so tightly around said pillow."
Damn he is too observant!
"Suffocate yourself with a pillow is not the best option to deal with your problems, either," he added.
His voice was soft and he didn't sound mad. I heard movement and then the side of my bed cracked a little under his weight.
"Rory!"
I sighed. There was no point in continuing that show. I put the pillow aside and looked at him. He was sitting at the end of my bed, eyeing elves at my pajama pants.
When I'd got to my room after my rant at him and the whole regretting thing had started in my mind, I'd decided to stay in bed for the rest of the day. That's why I was in my "bad mood pajamas" as my mom always put it.
"I'm sorry" I finally blurted out.
He looked at me and asked with a little smile, "For?"
"C'mon. Don't make it harder. I know I'm a moron. I'm really sorry."
He was just sitting there smiling and playing with my feet.
What was exactly going on right now?
He was looking closely at my feet, "You have really small feet," he commented.
And…?
"What's wrong with that?" he was confusing me and even scaring me a little.
He locked his eyes again with mine and smiled, "Nothing," he replied picking one foot, placing it on his lap and started to massage it, "I just like when woman has small feet," he explained.
"Oh," that was the only thing I could say.
He raised an eyebrow, "Aren't you going to comment it?"
"Huh?"
There were sparks of humor in his eyes and I could bet that he was fighting the smirk to creep into his face.
"That's the part where you snapped at me about liking a lot more in woman than small feet."
Smart ass.
"I snapped at you enough today," I replied quietly while looking down.
That was wrong. He wasn't supposed to be here, all nice and all, after what I said to him.
I couldn't faced him. I wanted to run away as always but couldn't because he was still sitting there and keeping my foot in his lap.
"Rory?"
I didn't respond and didn't looked at him. That was safer. I felt guilty enough and it was getting worse by looking at him when he was just sitting there and massaging my foot. Which was great, by the way.
"Rory, look at me."
When I didn't, he moved closer to me, getting more of my legs onto his lap and putting one finger under my chin to raised my head. I was force to look into those green eyes.
"You shouldn't be sorry about your little show earlier. I admit, you were a little harsh but you were mad at me because of my behavior last few weeks. And I hope you got a little carried away with your word," he smiled. God he had so nice smile, "I hope you aren't thinking about my that way all the time, are you?" he asked and I could see the twinkle of humor in his eyes. I couldn't help myself and smiled at him.
"Mostly" I responded teasingly.
"Better mostly than always," he smirked and winked at me playfully, "we are making some progress."
He moved me a little so now we were sitting closely facing each other, he with his legs Indian style and my legs on top of his. I should really protest, because that position was to much familiar to the one he'd been in with that blonde earlier but I was too much comfortable that way. If every woman react like that to him, no wonder he is so popular among the females.
"I am not mad at you. Everyone has a right to yell a little from time to time. So beside the fact that I didn't recognized you and made Kirgzystan princess of you, are you mad of something more?" he asked taking my hands and locking our fingers together. He had so big and warm hands that I would melt under his touch right away if I didn't focus hard on his words, "And about the princes thing. Ever since that night in Vegas I've been telling the story to my female companions and each of them believed me. But I have to say I didn't think much about truthfulness of my story."
I snorted, "That proves that you have a really bad taste in girls. Especially while being drunk."
The things had changed in one moment. I was no longer frozen by him or terrified of his reaction about my outburst. I was just old Rory who could say anything and be comfortable with it. I also had the felling that he was comfortable in that situation too.
"See love, that's the thing," he ignored my "Don't call me by pet names" and continued, "Those girls I usually pick sober and then get drunk with them. The last one I'd picked up drunk was you and I cannot say I did bad," he raised his eyebrows suggestively, and I hit his arm playfully, "But we are talking about you being piss off at me, not my taste in girls. So any other problems beside one forgetful husband? Maybe another one somewhere, but this time is you that didn't recognized him?"
I glared at him and opened my mouth to comment that lame joke but he was quicker.
"Oh bad, bad joke. I'm sorry love. That are side effects of shock I had today because one pretty lady yelled at me."
He was still talking about it. I must have had hurt face because Finn was alert within a seconds. He put his hands on each side of my face to have a better sight of my face.
"Okay love, I told you already that I am not mad at you." He started to stroke my checks with his thumbs, "So what's the matter?"
I looked down, not wanting to meet his eyes and asked quietly, "You really didn't recognized me?"
That fact was really bugging me and I desperately wanted to know the answer. Not knowing exactly why.
He nodded, "At first."
"Meaning…"
I looked at him. His face was really handsome, with dark complexion and those intense green eyes. He was smiling softly. He released my head and locked him hands with mine again, not breaking the eye contact.
"At the coffee kiosk with Marty I couldn't place you. It was bugging me the whole day but I only managed to find the answer in the evening."
I wasn't able to bit my tongue on time and asked, "Before or after you've slept with Tina?"
He looked at my confused, "Tina?"
"The girl you were looking for the next day," I explained.
"Oh!" he said and carried on with some hesitation, "After," he admitted and paused again, "How did you know her name?"
I could say he wasn't very comfortable talking about other girls with me. I wondered why.
"I overheard her conversation with a friend at cafeteria. I guessed by what she'd said. And found out about the princess."
He looked down to cover a slight smirk but I caught it anyhow, "Not funny!" I said poking my finger into his chest. The Vegas night came back to my mind and the imagine of me poking him into the bare chest.
Okay Gilmore focus!
He was watching me with some interest like he was reading my mind.
God I hope not!
"So we have everything out – that's all the reasons why you were so mad at me?"
"Not exactly. Why didn't you talk to my normally after you'd recognized me?"
"Well… what can I say… just I wasn't sure how to approached you. Let just say that I wasn't exactly myself at our first two meetings."
"Some here," I murmured but Finn didn't comment.
"At the LDB event… I didn't want to distract you from your work?" he finished with a smirk but I could tell that he was hiding something.
I raised my brows at him, "Like hell you didn't, especially with the Vegas comment."
"Sorry! I couldn't help myself," he grinned, "So anything more?'
I looked down at our still clasped together hands. Maybe I should tell him about Dean. I wasn't sure about it. My hesitation was broken by Paris's yell.
"Gilmore I'm going out! You are alive there?"
Finn chuckled, "Nice of her to be concern after nearly an hour," then he yelled back to Paris, "Yes Geller, she's good. I just cut her head off with the blunt razor but she wasn't suffering much!"
I couldn't helped and giggled but Paris wasn't amused, "Funny Morthson! Gilmore if you don't make any sound beside the moan of pain in ten seconds I going in and you had to repair the lock yourself!"
"And what about the moan of pleasure. They are hard to tell apart many times?" Finn wanted to know.
Despite the pleasure I was having because of them yelling at each other through the closed door, I decided to end it. I didn't want Paris to bash here and see us together in bed, although we weren't doing anything embarrassing or something.
"I'm fine Paris, you can go!"
"Good! Bye Morthson!" and we heard the slam of the main door.
Finn was laughing hard with his head bent down, "What would she say if she come here and spot us like that?' he finally managed to ask.
"To get her a five minutes warning because she need to change the batteries."
"Huh?" he looked funny with the confusion and I laughed at him.
"Long story, and like always in Paris case, needs a lot of explanation so I spare you now. By the way how do you know Paris?"
"I have some lectures with her," he told me but seeing the question on my face, he added more, "I'm pre-med also. I chose chemistry first but changed it during my second year."
He was pre-med? How on earth?
The shock on my face must've been clearly visible because he smirked as he started to get up from the bed.
"Yes, love I know, shocking. And that's why I have to leave you now although I would rather stay with you all day. I had a class. The same that Paris by the way."
I got up too and followed him o the living room. I was really sorry that he had to leave, we had a good time together just talking.
"How long do you know Paris?" he asked as we reached the door.
"We want to high school together. Chilton" I added and he smirked. Somehow the smirk wasn't so much annoying anymore.
"Oh Chilton! It looks like we have a lot common friends that have attended that school."
I bit my lips. Louise and Madeline came into my mind.
Finn was probably reading my mind, "Don't worry love. I didn't tell Louise and Madeline anything. Nor Logan," he leaned towards me again and whispered in my ear, "And I love the pajamas. Hope to see you more in them," he winked at me, "And don't worry about anything, I'll deal with everything," he added and then brushed his lips over mine lightly.
"I'll see you soon, Rory."
And he was gone.
There was only one thought on my mind then – it was good to have a husband that could put you in good mood.
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AN: The talking about their marriage is not done yet.
Hope you like this one.
Review – pretty please;)
EdithVery special thanks to: Hopes2High, princetongirl, LazyBoyGilmore, Shinyobjectslover, xanth75, Moelli, just hidden, Coffee91, just call me fred, Escaped-Star, fliccolo, Chelle5, mrmp, CurleyQ, gilmoreluver08, Alidyoxenfree, andrea kamille, megliz716, Molinhas, BrCl Girl, Macyn Blue, XxCrazy4CassidyCasablancasxX
And to:
finnlover – thanks for so kind reviews and noticing my mistakes
Irish-Chick13 – I glad that you decided to stick with the story, hope you won't be disappointed, the events will go a little quicker now…
And thanks to everyone who's read;)
Review!!!