Author's Note- Omg…I'm so sorry once again people. I know I'm horrible at this whole fanfiction stuff. I'm just a lazy person. Thank you people for bearing with this horrible piece of crack literature. I haven't been writing probably because of lack of inspiration. Also I'm writing another fanfic based on me and my friends in a game called MapleStory. Lol…Gomen Nasai everyone. This one might be a bit cruddier than the usual fic…but please bear wit meh…As soon as I freeze a whole 2 liter bottle of Dr. Pepper and consume it, it's going to be inspiration city for meh!
Disclaimer-(looks around worriedly) er….N4rv70'z not mine! (nothing happens) All right! W007! Using l337 workz! (747 crashes right where Ink is standing) Crap….
Ramen Bowl 13 (Woooo, unlucky number!)
The festivities has come and gone. The decorations have all been pulled down from various houses. But the snow is still falling every few days to keep a white, clean, blanket of snow on Konoha, keeping it snuggled coldly.
Naruto strolled down the street, a bit annoyed at today's mission. What the heck was that all about anyways? Find a lost cow! Some mission! The old farmer sent them on a wild goose chase all the way till dawn. That was when they all realized that the supposedly lost cow was still in its shed asleep!
Naruto gritted his teeth. A perfectly good day wasted. It could have been spent on training! Or better yet, Ramen!
Naruto arrived at the Ramen Bar and plopped down into an empty stool.
"Three bowls of beef curry ramen!" he barked.
"Right away!" said the old owner as he moved around the kitchen collecting the right ingredients for beef curry ramen.
Naruto sighed and looked around the bar. It was partially empty, except for two heavily cloaked strangers sitting next to him. Naruto cocked his head and stared at them. They each had bowl of untouched, still steaming, miso ramen. The two sat there, not speaking, and not eating either. Their faces were shadowed by the large, bamboo hats on their heads.
Naruto shrugged as the owner placed a tray with three bowls of beef curry ramen in front of him. Naruto cheered happily and dug in.
As Naruto ate happily, the two heavily cloaked figures next to him shifted uncomfortably.
"Kabuto…are you sure that Sasuke is going to come here?" said the first heavily cloaked man.
The second cloaked man, obviously Kabuto, replied silently, "Yes, Orochimaru-sama, if my information is correct, Sasuke should be coming anytime now to proclaim his undying and gay love to Naruto."
"…….," Orochimaru was silent at first, "Kabuto…you're a genius!"
"Thank you sir."
"How do you do it?"
"Well…," drawled Kabuto with as he reached his hand up to push his glasses up the brim of his nose, "I have been spying on Team Seven, and it appears that Sasuke would insult Naruto and sometimes injure him, now after years of studying human nature and the human mind, I learned that during a human's teen years, when there hormones are extremely high, they tend to hurt the ones that love, though illogical, that is what seems to be happening between many people."
Orochimaru sweat dropped, apparently Kabuto put a little to much thought into this.
Kabuto continued, "Another reason is because he seems very much like you sir, his hunger for revenge and for power. He can somehow naturally know where great power is, which is you, so you aura of high power will attract him like a magnet!"
Orochimaru rolled his eyes, maybe it was time Kabuto got a hobby, something that didn't involve him.
"Wait…so your saying that Sasuke is gay?"
"Quite correct sir."
"Hm…"
"Yes sir, I know we all have our dreams…"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well, I naturally assume that you're a power hungry, immortality seeking, pedophile…"
"……"
"Don't worry sir, I won't judge you for who you are, because I am completely loyal to you."
Orochimaru gave a sideways look at Kabuto, this was getting weird, maybe Kabuto needs a vacation or something.
"What makes you think I'm gay?"
"Well, for starters, you use lots and lots of white makeup on your face and mascara…"
"It's not makeup," growled Orochimaru, "it's my natural skin tone, and I don't need to sleep…that's why I have black spots around my eyes…"
"Er…my sincere apologies, but also, the body before the one you are in right now was a woman's body…"
"And?"
"Well…it was a woman's body!"
"Hey! I just wanted to see what it was like okay? I thought trying new things out was a good thing."
"Right, your totally correct, but on the last part, you are completely obsessed with Sasuke!"
"How does that make me a pedophile or gay? I just want his powerful bloodline in my array of jutsus and also his body."
"See! Right there! You said you want his body! It makes it sound like you're a gay pedophile right there!"
"Hey, now that's crossing the line, I'm docking your pay!"
Kabuto quieted down, "What pay? I don't get paid, my only salary is that you let me live another day…"
"Oh right…than I'm giving you a paycheck from now on."
"Really!"
"And I'm taking it away now."
"Aww…."
"Heh."
"Wait! Orochimaru-sama! I think its Sasuke!"
"!"
And it was, Sasuke strolled down the road silently down to the Ramen Bar. He arrived and bypassed the two cloaked figures. Sasuke suddenly paused and looked at the two figures. The cloaks suddenly tensed. Sasuke shrugged and plopped down next to Naruto.
There was only one seat separating Orochimaru and Sasuke.
Orochimaru started trembling under his cloak.
"Sir, please, you must refrain from your usual urges, we have a mission to accomplish remember?"
Orochimaru settled down. He wiped some perspiring sweat off of his forehead.
"Thank you Kabuto," he said shakily.
It was silent as Naruto wolfed down his ramen with Sasuke sitting there, watching him intently.
After Naruto's third bowl, he noticed Sasuke.
"What are you doing here?" Naruto shot at Sasuke.
Sasuke was taken back very suddenly, "Me! Oh, uh…I h-have a question…"
Naruto squinted at Sasuke with suspicion.
Sasuke suddenly blushed and looked down at his sandals, "I was, uh, wondering if…if..if…"
Naruto sat there with a bowl of ramen still in his hand staring at Sasuke with an annoyed expression, "Well? If what?"
Sasuke suddenly blurted out what he was going to ask, "If your gay!" Sasuke suddenly slapped both his hands over his mouth.
"WHAT!" came from three people in the bar immediately. The two cloaked figures stood up with surprise.
Naruto and Sasuke looked back at the two. Kabuto and Orochimaru froze, this was not good, they might've blown their cover!
Kabuto whispered to Orochimaru, "Sir! I think its time we activated Plan B: ESCAPE!"
Orochimaru nodded.
Kabuto suddenly loudly said to the owner of the ramen bar, "HA! We're not going to pay for the bowls of ramen we have ordered! Now we will run off without paying! You better not follow us!"
The ramen owner gave Kabuto a look.
Kabuto sweat dropped, that didn't come out the way he planned, "AWAY!"
Orochimaru and Kabuto scurried away at a rapid pace from the Ramen Bar, leaving a trail of dust.
Naruto, Sasuke, and the Ramen Bar owner all stared at them as they ran off. The Ramen Bar shrugged and collected the two bowls of still steaming ramen that had not been consumed in any way. He than walked over to Naruto and gave the two bowls to him.
"Here, on the house…" the old man turned away and started peeling some onions.
Naruto's eyes sparkled as he stared at the two ramen bowls. Faster than the speed of light, the two bowls were suddenly licked clean in less than a second.
Naruto burped a contented burp and turned back to Sasuke.
"So," he said, "what did you say?"
Sasuke gulped, "Uh…if you were gay or not…"
Naruto's eyes widened and he stared at Sasuke. He backed away from Sasuke, leaving his seat.
"W-what!"
Sasuke suddenly blushed and started twiddling his thumbs, "I…er…um…uh…"
"Oh my kami! You're gay aren't you! You were trying to ask me out weren't you! EWWW! I didn't know you swung that way! Get away from me!" with that, Naruto ran off to kami knows where.
Sasuke sat there alone, with the sound of the owner's peeling of onions. Suddenly a poof was heard, and behold! Hinata sat in the place of Sasuke.
Hinata was blushing madly and she was smiling derangly.
"Naruto's….NOT GAY!" she cheered inwardly happily. Her mission was complete. Naruto was not gay, and that put her heart at content.
Hinata happily rose from her chair and frolicked off towards the direction Naruto went, probably to spy on him again.
THE END