A/n: A chapter that does not gloss over Kei. And him, being a vampire is definitely not all fun and games. eep.
DREAM OF FOREVER
soumanyon
Chapter 8
I don't know where I was planning to go but anywhere away from all the staring was fine. Preferably a small dark corner.
I hated letting myself get into these fucking group moments. I'd always end up beginning to enjoy myself and forgetting everything important until something kicked me harshly back into reality as if to say, wake up, that isn't your life anymore. This is.
Life liked to fuck me over.
So I climbed the stairs back down to the koi tanks, making my way between them. As I was passing one tank near the wall, I saw a glint under the rim and bent down, curious. Ah. As much as Shinji tried to cooperate with Sho's fruitless attempts to get him off drugs, he was never strong enough to kick them completely.
Holding the little bottle in my hand, I half-entertained the idea of whether they were really so useful for escapism.
But I wasn't so stupid.
Hearing someone crashing down the stairs that I assumed to be Sho, I tossed the container into the nearby tank and headed out into the shop where we'd have more room to talk.
It was, of course, Sho and he followed me into the shop, sitting down on the counter next to me.
"Kei…" Sho began, his voice uncertain.
I cut him off, "Save it. He said it himself, didn't he?" I mused back to that hurtful scene, "A monster, a vampire…you know?"
Sho protested, of course. It's so like him, always unbelievably innocent, unbelievably naïve, "You're not a monster!"
I chuckled bitterly, looking down at my hands,
"I am," and then we lapsed into the familiar conversation we've had so often, each delivering our lines perfectly after so many rehearsals, "Aren't you afraid that one day…I'll turn on you?"
I didn't have to look up to know that Sho was rolling his eyes, trying to cover up his insecurity with arrogance, "As if you'd dare!"
I don't know what prompted me to do it. I'd never challenged his boast before, never felt the need to. Our little skit had always ended up lightening the mood but this time, for some reason, was different.
"What if I did?" I asked my hands quietly before stealing a glance at Sho. He seemed baffled by the departure from our usual script,
"What if…you—no, you wouldn't." he protested, his voice proclaiming utter surety and trust in me. I don't know what provoked me to break that trust.
Before he knew what was happening, I had pulled him down to my level, tilting his head to bare his neck and then, before I knew what I was doing, my fangs had punctured that beautifully exposed jugular.
I had only meant to scare him a little, show him how capable I was of becoming a monster. I hadn't meant to actually taste his blood.
Everything that I'd ever feared about drinking Sho's blood was true and came crashing down on me. The taste was wonderful, anticipation hadn't disappointed. It was a million times better than I had ever imagined. Hot and thick and full of life and I could taste that from only two drops.
Only two drops, because something overcame the overwhelming flood of my vampiric instincts and I pulled away. I shoved Sho away from me, almost making him topple off the counter as I wiped my mouth with my sleeve. I had only drunk two drops, there wasn't anything to wipe away but it still felt like it.
Sho seemed stunned. The punctures on his neck were dripping down to his collar but he didn't seem to care. He stared at me, complete shock in his gaze. I don't know what masochistic tendencies prompted me to screw myself over even more,
"You see?" My tone was oddly triumphant after pushing away the only one I had in the world, "that's how easily I can turn on you."
And then I promptly deflated, my head spinning as it flooded me with the realization of what I had done. My stomach rebelled and I slid off the counter, heading to the door. I needed to leave quickly. I felt like I was going throw up any second and my eyes burned with the effort of blinking away any hint of moisture that tried to gather.
"Kei!" Sho had apparently been startled out of his daze by my sudden departure and latched onto my arm. I bowed my head. I can't say I wasn't expecting a half-hearted attempt to keep me around. But to face the truth, he didn't want to touch me any more than I wanted him to touch me.
"Sho, you're good with change. You'll be better off without me."
"No, Kei!" his voice was surprisingly fierce and determined. I told myself that I didn't dare hope that he still somehow saw something in me but hope is a stubborn, stupid thing.
"Kei, please!" Sho pleaded, "Don't go!"
And then the anger came in a flood. I wrenched my arm away from his grasp. I was angry at him for tempting me when we knew we shouldn't, I was angry at Toshi for bringing it up, I was angry all over again at the bastard that turned me into a vampire, I was angry at the entire fucking world but mostly at my own fucking self,
"I'm a monster!" I yelled, completely losing control, "Don't you see, you idiot? I'm a monster!" Sho looked like he wanted to cut in but I continued my rant. It felt good to scream all my bottled up, secret guilts to the world, "I should be dead, I should've died a long time ago instead of wasting your life." The anger was dissipating, leaving me darkly depressed as I tried to plead with him. He had my arm again.
"Sho…you don't need me anymore. I'm holding you back. I'm…" I motioned around, frustrated at not being able to find the right way to put it into words, "I'm a poison to the world. I ruin lives." I looked up at Sho, remembering again that moment when he found me on my birthday, leaning against that wall and so ready to die, "Let me go, Sho. Let me die."
Sho just stared down at me, some strange emotion in his eyes. It wasn't pity, for which I was thankful. It wasn't anger. It seemed like some deep sadness but instead of the passiveness that usually comes with such sadness, it was fierce, sharp, determined.
His eyes were wide but he seemed completely sure of himself as his grip on my elbow eased and slid to my shoulder and then the back of my neck, tilting my head up as he bent down.
I shoved him back,
"Sho, what the hell are you doing?"
He blinked, then smiled a more serene, calm smile than I'd ever seen on his face, "kissing you."
I heaved a frustrated sigh, raking my hand through my hair, "Sho, didn't you hear anything I just said?"
He nodded, still smiling like that,
"Kei, I lo—"
"Sho, your food's getting cold!" Shinji had hobbled down the stairs during our little fight and now knocked aside the screen separating the koi tanks from the store, finding us,
"What are you guys doing?" his eyes narrowed, seeing how close we were. Then his eyes trailed to the still wet, brownish stain on Sho's collar and further up to the two small punctures, almost hidden under the shadow of Sho's jaw.
His eyes flew back to me in accusation and his jaw worked as if he wanted to say or do something. But luckily Sho intervened,
"Oh, food…!" he walked past his older brother like a little boy again, ashamed at being caught during a private moment. He didn't look back.
That left only Shinji and I in the room alone and it was awkward as hell. We both knew that he had pieced together some of what happened, the most incriminating parts and he was pissed as hell about it. Sho was, after all, his little brother and I was the monster out to get him.
He turned to leave, and I thought things would be left unsaid between us but just before he passed the screen to the tanks, he paused,
"Get the fuck out of my store."
And he left, following Sho.
tbc...
Ack...if you don't hate Shinji yet...you will.
Tixxana, Essenity, kokoro no kizu, YaoiKitty, fujipuri