A/n: Paintin' at the park scene plus love-triangle angsting. Poor Kei.
DREAM OF FOREVER
soumanyon
Chapter 10
Even with a gun held to my head, I would never consider calling Sho insensitive. It's just that, especially with his childish enthusiasm, he sometimes overlooks things. That night that we went to the park to watch as Yi-Che put the finishing touches on her mural, I was exhausted.
I dozed as Sho drove us over, heated forehead resting against the cool window. My mind was hazy again, but this time it wasn't the pleasant haze that Sho's touches caused. I was so weak that I honestly could hardly hold myself up much less show any interest in Sho's chatter, but he didn't seem to mind.
I don't know if he shot any worried glances at me in the pauses that lapsed as he took a breath between his rambles. My eyes were closed against even the streetlights that now seemed blinding.
When we finally got there, Sho shut off the engine and got out enthusiastically. Moments later, he must have realized that I was still sitting there and came around to my side of the car, opening the door. I staggered out and I would have fallen down from the sudden bout of dizziness if Sho hadn't have caught me. It was embarrassing and I kept my head bowed from the worried gaze that I could feel on me.
" 'm fine," I told him, straightening and pulling at my tank top. I really should have worn a jacket.
Despite my reassurances, Sho's hand was firmly clasping my elbow and his other arm around my waist to support me as we walked to where Toshi, Son and Yi-Che were already gathered. Just a normal rabble of friends. All except me.
When they noticed us, Toshi ran over, grinning happily after seeing me for the first time in a week. He asked me why I didn't come back to their dinners after that night and I twisted my neck to look up at Sho, who was carefully avoiding my questioning gaze. He never told anyone that I ran off that night…
Son's greeting was more toned down, less enthusiastic. His smile was sickeningly fake to me but Sho accepted it and let go of me to give him a happy hug. I sagged a little with the loss of his support but no one noticed.
I looked away, biting my lip and hiding my shaking hands in the pockets of my pants. But I did manage to notice that Son's grip on Sho during the hug was quite a bit closer than most male friends and he held on to him for just a little too long.
Yi-Che wandered over and her brother guiltily let go of Sho. Sho opened his arms again to Yi-Che with a warm smile and she shyly returned his hug. This time, it was Sho doing the eager gripping and I realized with a stab to my heart that he hadn't gotten over Yi-Che at all.
Sho only let go with an embarrassed chuckle after Son cleared his throat loudly.
Everyone laughed at his lapse into his protective older brother tendencies again. Only Son and I knew that he was actually jealous of his sister and the man that, it seemed, still loved her. In that way, I suppose Son and I are on the same level. What a twisted love triangle.
Then the seriousness dissipated as Toshi asked indignantly for his hug and Sho swatted him upside the head. Everyone moved over towards the mural again. While we walked, I started to trail behind and it didn't take long for Sho to notice.
Breaking off his conversation with Toshi, he hurried back to my side and supported me again. This time, to my shame, I leaned much more on him. Even without all my other problems, the excruciating realization that Sho still loved Yi-Che despite the kisses that we'd shared would have still had me staggering.
How do you describe the pain that comes from loving someone so much and then realizing that they don't feel the same way? Even though there was always the nagging thought in the back of my head through everything that had happened hours ago, I hadn't been brave enough to really think on it and really think on the possibility. How do you describe the pain that comes from handing someone your heart and realizing that they'd rather have another's?
It's a terrible feeling of worthlessness.
I knew I was being selfish again. I didn't want to share Sho with Yi-Che. But then that evil nagging voice in the back of my head yelled at me. Why would Sho want someone like me when it was obvious he was attracted to Yi-Che? Aside from the fact that I was male, Yi-Che was, I could grudgingly admit, beautiful. She was gentle, innocent, patient, kind; everything that I wasn't.
It was obvious what kind of girl Sho liked. How could I compete with that?
God damn that fucking voice that reminded me so much of him. The same one from the first night…when all this had begun. God fucking damn him, the one who still wouldn't leave my head after all these years.
It was either my tightening grip or the fact that we were catching up to the group again, but Sho let go of me abruptly. When his hands returned, they were farther away and only barely touching me as he led me over to the empty park bench.
After I sat down, I tried to catch Sho's eyes but he'd already turned away, going to punch Toshi who'd made a crack about us being gay.
What do you know? Even an idiot can stumble on something once in a while.
I think I dozed off again because when I opened my eyes, Toshi and Sho had settled down.
"What are these?" Toshi asked, holding something up to the dim light from Yi-Che's lamp.
"Invitations." Son replied, "Yi-Che's finishing the mural tomorrow."
I snorted softly as Toshi gushed over the formal paper of the invitations. It wasn't as if he was still a poor little street kid. He had more than enough money now to buy all the pretty paper he wanted. But, I suppose, buying it for yourself and receiving it are different things.
"Ah…is…he coming?" Son nodded over at me, his question directed at Sho, who uncomfortably looked over to me for my answer. Being spotlighted sucks.
Why did I agree? Why did I reassure Yi-Che specifically that I would be coming? I suppose it came out of the same part of my mind that prompted me to kiss her to incite Son at the art gallery. Or was it to incite Sho?
Everything was all mixed up. God, I could hardly sit up straight. How would I keep my promise and attend her mural ceremony in broad daylight?
Everything afterwards was a blur. Sho, Son, and Toshi messed around some more as Yi-Che silent as always painted away at her giant painting. I simply sat on my bench under the pretense of watching them silently as I dozed, unable to even keep my eyes open.
Finally, when my hands were shaking so badly that I couldn't hide it even when they were tucked into my pockets, I cleared my throat weakly.
Still, Sho must have been paying attention because he heard me and hurried over.
I guess, even at that time of night and with only the light of Yi-Che's lamp, he could judge from my color that I wasn't having a great fucking time.
I think he made my excuses for me, once again, because when he returned to my side, he was leading me back to the car and back home again.
The car drive was a blur, entering the apartment was a blur, everything seemed surreal. Sho looked scared, even more than normal
And it hurt, dear god it was painful.
"D-damn…" I stuttered when we finally got back after a drive that seemed to last forever. It was amazing how fast I could deteriorate. Sho supported me back to the apartment where I retreated to my futon.
"Lights?" he asked, bending over me worriedly after taking off his shoes and checking the multiple locks on the door. I nodded, my eyes still closed against the blinding shaded lights around the apartment, they were too much at the moment. I could hear him going, feel the soothing dark as the lights were clicked off one by one and eventually his clumsy footsteps stumbling through the dark back to me.
"Better?" he asked and I nodded, forgetting that he couldn't see me in the dark. I could see him perfectly.
With a low groan, I leaned back, stretching out on the futon for only a minute while he found it and inched in next to me. Rolling my eyes, I gave him some space. It was a good pretense to hide behind when I was really trying to avoid touching him. Then he'd feel how cold my skin was and how slowly my heart was beating. I hated it when I got like this…it made me feel even more inhuman.
But Sho, it seemed, can't take a hint and only moved closer to me, practically pinning me against the wall. Touching me then was inevitable but to his credit, he didn't say anything about the goose bumps his warm fingertips raised or the shiver that goes through your entire body when you step into a warm building on a cold night.
Then the bastard took advantage of the fact that I was on the inside. I could feel his smirk on my collarbone as he kissed me.
It was a strange feeling. It was like a bizarre reversal of roles, that his lips were the ones on my neck and I was lying under him. An inane thought went through my head then, the random ones you get at the most absurd times. Sho would make one sexy vampire.
But I dismissed that thought immediately. I'd rather die than turn anyone.
I promised myself that a long, long time ago. I would never do something so cruel, so selfish ever again.
tbc...
Sort of a filler chapter and sort of not. It's necessary because it realigns us with the movie's story, which this fic was meant to follow fairly closely. This chapter and most of the next should seem very, very familiar. So you all know what's coming, I think. And you'll see my twist on it. It's a little AU but, eh, Moon Child has such a tight storyline that it's hard to squeeze plausible scenes among everything else. (Especially if you're throwing a yaoi twist on everything)
YaoiKitty, fujipuri, IceMaiden7, Essenity, Tixxana, Tenshi no Hoshii, skyofdestiny, 17dixiefair.dandyfine07, Myca, Pop'n'Roll, The Drinking Game