(Meredith snatched the Lexzie from Derek, holding her while Alex made funny faces at his daughter to get her to giggle…Meredith saw Derek talking to Izzie and tried to eavesdrop.)
Derek: You remember the code to get in through the garage is 3500#...we'll be gone until at least 9:00.
Izzie: Ok.
Meredith: What are you two talking about?
Derek: What? Oh…I told Iz we'd babysit tonight…(she remembered seeing her husband giving Izzie money, but decided to let it drop)
Alex: Why are we getting a sitter if I have to work late? Uuugh…(he flinched as Izzie elbowed him in the ribs…)
(Meredith saw Bailey approaching and practically tossed Lexzie back to her mom…the interns scrambling to look busy. Finally their shift was over…Meredith was changing in the locker room that night…George and Cristina slumped on the bench trying to comfort Meredith as she checked herself out in the mirror.)
Meredith: I thought pregnant women were supposed to glow…how come no one ever talks about all of the sagging and stretching that goes along with it.
George: Your body is expanding to make room for a new life, Mer…it's a beautiful thing.
Meredith: That new life is not growing in my butt…why is my butt getting so big?
Cristina: It could be that Big Mac you had earlier…
(Meredith glared at her…trying to pull on her workout clothes from this morning, which were also getting snug…frustrated she crammed the clothes in her bag and slid her scrubs back on)
Meredith: That's it…I'll just wear scrubs until the baby's born.
Derek: (entering the locker room) I thought you were changing?
Meredith: I did.
Derek: You're wearing that?
Meredith: I am indeed…is that a problem?
Derek: Uh…no…definitely not.
Meredith: Good. (she stormed out…Derek giving Cristina a scared look)
(Derek tried not to make any sudden movements in the car ride home…sensing she was irritable)
Meredith: My shoes even feel tight…I am even gaining weight in my feet…how is that possible?
Derek: Sweetie, you're retaining water from being on your feet all day…it's normal…you look beautiful.
(She rolled her eyes…still pouting as they pulled up to the house…she headed upstairs to their bedroom to change…he followed her up…listening to her squeal as she entered their room.)
Meredith: OH…MY…GOD! (he was smiling as he stood in the doorway watching her check out all of the purchased Derek had sent Izzie to make today…a whole new maternity wardrobe…comfortable shoes…even some sexy nighties with room for her expanding waistline…a gadget to massage her feet after work…nearly everything you could think of to make the pregnancy easier. Tears were streaming down her face as she turned to face him.)
Meredith: (laughing) What…you don't want to see me in scrubs for the next four months?
Derek: No…and speaking of scrubs…let's get you out of those…(she giggled as he laid her down on the only bare spot on the bed not covered in new clothing.)
Meredith: (she held his face in her hands…looking into his eyes) How did I ever get so lucky?
Derek: You took advantage of me…I was drunk, vulnerable and good looking and you took advantage, remember?
Meredith: I did NOT take advantage of you…(she laughed at the memory of the night they met)
Derek: Wanna take advantage again? (she pulled his face down to meet hers…giving him his answer as her hands pulled his shirt over his head…her tiny fingers softly sliding over his bare back. He lifted her shirt slightly…smiling at her growing belly…kissing it softly as he pulled her shirt off…unfastening her bra…his mouth taking in her breasts…his hands sliding off her pants and panties…his mouth moved down over her stomach…gently spreading her thighs…his mouth moving gently between her legs. She ran her fingers through his hair as his mouth continued to work…delving deeper and faster…soft moans escaping her as the feelings of pleasure intensified.)
Meredith: Ooooohhh god. (she pulled him toward her…sliding his pants down…wanting all of him inside her…he obliged…thrusting softly at first…then with more urgency…the more she repeated his name the harder it was for him to hold back…continuing…out of breath…until finally he felt her body begin to shake softly…the moaning intensified as waves of pleasure moved over them both. He collapsed beside her on the pillow…pulling her into his arms…kissing her forehead.)
Derek: How did I ever get so lucky? (he pulled her closer…his hand softly stroking her expanding belly…they drifted off to sleep.)
(Derek felt a lump in his throat as he turned down the familiar street in Seattle…pulled up the driveway to the house…turned the key in the door and stepped inside. It was quiet…too quiet…he looked around at the empty living room…walked through the house and up the stairs…into the master bedroom…he sat on the bed…picking up a framed picture of him and Meredith from the nightstand…returning it to its place and heading down the hall…standing in front of the baby's room…the door shut…just the way he had left it when he last left the house…it felt as if he had just pulled that door shut this morning…but it had been nearly two years ago now. He turned the handle…opening the door…the familiar room…the empty crib a slap in the face…a grim reminder of all that he had lost nearly two years ago. He sat in the rocking chair as the memories came rushing back. His mind flashing back, remembering walking down the halls of Seattle Grace…seeing his wife…her expanding belly…she was distracted…seeming preoccupied as she charted at the nurse's station. He squeezed her arm, smiling at her as he walked up…instantly recognizing that something was wrong.)
Derek: You ok? (she was nearing her ninth month of pregnancy…so this was a stupid question…everything ached…everything was swollen…she looked downright miserable…but today the look on her face was something else.)
Meredith: I'm fine…I just…he doesn't seem to be moving very much this morning. I'm going up to see Dr. Watson in a few minutes just to be sure.
(Derek had gone along…remembering like it was yesterday the panicked look on his wife's face as the doctor worked to find their baby's heartbeat.)
Dr. Watson: It could just be the way he's positioned…it could be nothing…I don't want you to worry, but let's go ahead and do an ultrasound…just to be safe.
(This was one time when being a doctor was a disadvantage…as the image of their baby appeared on the screen they both instantly recognized the silence of the baby's chest…where his heartbeat should have been…and the cord wrapped several times around the baby's neck. Meredith began to vomit…inconsolable…Derek was there as she was forced to have her labor induced…as they saw their little boy for the first time...and the last. Meredith collapsed into his arms…at first taking comfort there, but soon guilt and depression took over. Her little girl from her first marriage many years ago had died of SIDS and now this. She blamed herself…hated herself…hated the world...and eventually convinced Derek that she hated him as well. She didn't' of course…it was her pain talking…her pain, and her love for him…knowing how much he wanted children…knowing she didn't have the strength to go through this again…so one day when he was at the hospital she packed up her things and she left. He had no idea where to find her. He spent months contacting her family…searching hospital databases to try to see if she'd taken another internship…it was as if she'd vanished. He still owned the house, had never had the heart to sell it…it sat, empty…as if waiting for them to come back. Derek still lived in Seattle…he had built a small cabin on the land where the trailer used to be. He spent all of his time there…and at the hospital…throwing himself into his work. Ellis was still at the nursing home in Seattle…he visited her often…in the beginning getting his hopes up as she would talk about Meredith visiting…but the "Meredith" that Ellis was talking about was still 12 years old…and a figment of her imagination. At the end of his visits with Ellis he always stopped to talk the Sheila, the receiptionist at the nursing home…begging her to tell him how he could reach his wife…she said she couldn't…he knew that…and the look in his eyes broke the woman's heart each time he asked. He had been fishing this morning when his cell phone rang..)
Derek: Hello?
Sheila: Dr. Shepherd…it's Sheila…
Derek: Yes…yes…is everything ok…is it Ellis…is she alright?
Sheila: She's fine…it's just…she has a...VISITOR…and I thought you'd want to know.
(He dropped the phone…knowing instantly what she was saying…he grabbed his keys…nearly killed himself getting there…he ran into the nursing home…spotting Ellis sitting in a chair by the window…he knelt in front of her chair…looking up at her with pleading eyes.)
Derek: Ellis…is Meredith here?
Ellis: She was…(his heart was pounding…his eyes scanning the room for her)
Derek: Well…where is she now? Do you know where she went?
Ellis: She scraped her knee when she fell off her bike…I think Thatcher took her out for ice cream.
Derek: (trying to stay calm…his eyes panning the room for Sheila) Thanks Dr. Grey…I'll see you later ok?
Ellis: Ok dear.
(Derek saw Sheila returning to her desk…she saw him as well…she shook her head "no" in response to the questioning look he was giving him. He walked to her desk…knowing she could get in trouble for calling him…but desperate to find Meredith)
Derek: Do you know how long ago she left?
Sheila: (whispering) Maybe 10 minutes.
Derek: (his head dropping) Ok…thanks. (he started for the door)
Sheila: She left in a Silver Ford Explorer.
Derek: (he turned back to look at her…tears in his eyes) THANK you. (she nodded…and he rushed off to look for her. He called Izzie and Cristina…neither had heard from her…he drove past her favorite restaurants…favorite bars…and now he was here…in their home…hoping maybe she'd have come back…but nothing…he drove to the airport…knowing he'd never spot her car in the thousands that would be there…knowing the likelihood of finding her would be slim, but he didn't' know what else to do. He wandered around for hours…finally slumping down on a bench…burying his face in his hands…he cried. It was late…very few flights left for this evening…very few people still in the airport…so he stood to leave…walking toward the exit…he stopped…spotting a woman that from the back looked like Meredith…but he had spotted hundreds of "Meredith's" today…and none of them had been her. The woman turned toward him…he couldn't breath…instantly he recognized the sparkling blue eyes that he had fallen in love with so many years ago…and that laugh…he heard her laugh…without looking he would have recognized that laugh. She was laughing at something the gentlemen next to her had said…the laugh quieted and smile vanished as her eyes met his. The man continued to talk…and then…he touched her arm…kissing her cheek…and telling Meredith he'd be right back. She was WITH him…they were together…she was with someone else…Derek's mind was racing…so relieved to see her…so confused to see another man touching her…and kissing her…his relief to have found her quickly replaced with anger…he had waited for her…looked for her and waited for her for all of these years…and she didn't give a damn…she had left…moved on…no goodbye…no explanation…no nothing. She recognized the hurt look on his face…he held her stare for a moment…and then walked away…storming past his "wife". He thought finding her would give him his life back…now he realized that was foolish…she had a new life now…and all he had…was closure.)
Meredith: Derek…Derek, WAIT. (he heard her footsteps behind him, but didn't stop, walked faster. He rushed toward his car in the dark parking lot…as he reached for the door she slid her body up against the door, preventing him from opening it. He backed away…his hands up…not wanting to touch her.)
Derek: Get out of my way! (He was glad it was dark…not wanting her to see the tears stinging his eyes.)
Meredith: I…uh…they said you still visit my mother…I meant to leave this for you at the nursing home…(she pulled a packet of papers from her bag…even in the dark he knew what they were…divorce papers). You can have your attorney look them over…but…I gave you everything, so…
Derek: (he snatched the papers from her hand…his face moving so close their lips were nearly touching…his thumb instinctively wiping a tear from her cheek) You didn't give me everything.
(She fell a few steps backwards…off-balance by his familiar touch…he opened the car door to climb inside)
Meredith: Derek…
Derek: Don't worry…I'll have my attorney look over them IMMEDIATELY. (he slammed the door in her face and sped away.)
Joe: Hey Doc…the usual?
Derek: Make it a double. (Derek slumped into a chair at a dark table in the corner…hoping the alcohol would numb the pain…knowing that it wouldn't. Izzy and Alex walked in…spotting Derek…they pulled up a chair at his table.)
Izzy: Hey…you ok? (her question answered as she glanced down at the table and spotted the divorce papers.) Did you find her?
Derek: Uh…actually she and her new boyfriend found me…so she could give me these…
Izzy: Oh…Derek I'm so sorry…I had hoped that eventually enough time would pass and she'd come back.
(He massaged his temples…frustrated…angry…his back to the door, so only Izzy and Alex noticed Meredith entering the bar…spotting them…and walking toward their table. It was awkward…they had been friends…but not only had she left Derek…but she had left all of them…without a word…leaving them to watch her husband self destruct…leaving them to help him try to pick up the pieces. They gave her a polite smile, but said nothing…his eyes were closed as he massaged his temples…trying to comprehend the day's events. His eyes shot open at the sound of a familiar voice.)
Meredith: (to Izzy and Alex) Could we have a minute?
Izzy: Sure.
Derek: NO…NO…we don't need a minute...I can sign my name to these in far less than a minute.
Alex: We'll get you another drink…
Derek: YES!…YES!…More alcohol…I definitely need MORE alcohol.
(Meredith took the empty chair left by Izzy…looking at him…knowing there was so much she should have said…not sure where to start)