Chapter 21: The Dark Ocean

Life it seems, will fade away, Drifting farther every day
Getting lost within myself, Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live, Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me, Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be, Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real, Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me, To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn, I was me, but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try
Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

Tai kept walking in to my room, giving me updates on how close they were to finding Will. Of course, none of it mattered. I was too sure that he was dead. I had drifted aimlessly through the past three days, completely convinced that I had done something wrong. I wondered why I hadn't realized that he was giving himself up. I thought I could have stopped him, if only I hadn't been so stupid. And now he was gone, and Myotismon was leading everyone on a wild goose chase for him in the digital world. So I went to school, just like normal, sat through my classes, taking notes robotically, went home, did homework, again robotically, then laid on my bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering how I could have been so dumb. It was my fault that he was gone now. I had encouraged him to keep trying to close the portals, I had escaped when he stayed behind to protect everyone, and now I had to live with the fact that I had failed him. He had something he was trying to figure out, something about the sand, and I couldn't help him any more.

Gatomon stayed with me most of the time, but she wasn't much help. She kept on telling me that it wasn't my fault, and that Will was still alive, just like Tai and everyone else. It only made me feel worse. The entire time I didn't even realize what was happening, until I fell asleep one afternoon.

I dreamed that I was walking down a street. It was snowing outside, in big, wet flakes. There were no cars on the street. I was a simple, two lane road, with big trees along the edges. The snow was catching on the tree branches, and it made them look almost beautiful, as they bent down under the weight of the snow. I walked down this street, unsure of where I was or why I was there. One of the tree branches broke under the weight of the snow, and it fell down into the road. I stared at it, wondering why it had fallen, when none of the others did. Was it especially weak? Did too much snow fall on it? How could more snow fall on it than the other branches? It was an odd thing to question, but dreams are odd things in themselves. Nevertheless, I continued to watch the branch as the snow again began to pile up on it in the road. The snow wasn't sticking to the road. Apparently the road had been salted, because the snow all melted when it reached the road. This one branch, however, kept some of the snow off of the road, and that snow was piling up on top of it. The branch that had collapsed under the weight of the snow now seemed to be a refuge for it. For some reason, it surprised me. Now I wondered why this branch was saving the snow, when the snow had apparently killed it. Of course, it didn't have a choice. It fell in the road, and the snow started falling on it. But why did it have to work that way? It was some kind of cruel injustice that the snow could kill this branch off and then use it as a refuge from the salty street. I started to become angry at the snow, for showing so much indifference to this branch. Something in me just wanted to grab the branch and shake all of the snow off of it, perhaps just to give the branch that one last dignity. I walked over to the branch and bent down next to it. It was one of the oddest sights I had ever seen. For some reason, the idea jumped into my head that the snow wasn't showing the branch indifference, but the branch was indifferent to the snow. The branch didn't care what the snow did to it, it was still there to catch the snow, and save it from the road, just like it had been when it was still on the tree. The branch continued to protect the snow, even though the snow had knocked it down. Once again I found myself amazed at what seemed like such a simple phenomenon. Then the dream began to disappear, fading away into blackness, leaving me to wonder at the branch sitting on the street collecting snow.

I awoke slowly, unsure of where I was. I somehow felt different from when I went to sleep. Slowly, I opened my eyes, but my ceiling did not greet me. Instead, a bleak gray sky did. I brushed my hand along the sand next to me. It took me a second to realize that I was lying on sand, staring up at the sky. I slowly sat up, and I was greeted by a massive, black ocean. It slowly dawned on me that somehow I had slipped into the Dark Ocean. Looking to my right, I saw the lighthouse, shining its black beam ever seaward. I turned my gaze back to the ocean. It was o dark, and so big. It seemed to me that it must be endless. An endless body of water encompassing all the sorrow in the world. It reminded me of Apocalymon. He was made up of the sorrow and pain in the digital world, and this ocean now seemed to be a reincarnation of him. I closed my eyes and turned away. I longed to recall the dream, with the branch that caught the snow even though it didn't seem logical to. But that dream seemed far away, and I still didn't understand why it was. There was something missing from the dream, and I couldn't find it. I opened my eyes again to look at the sand. Will had contemplated the sand when he had brought me here. He wanted to know why it landed where it did. I picked up a little bit in my hand, and dropped it, watching the grains scatter about the beach. I suddenly wanted to find the answer to Will's question, almost as if it would be a last tribute to him. I wanted to know what controlled the sand, and why it ended up there. I felt like I had to understand it. I had a duty to Will, to find out what, and where, and why, whatever I could about the sand. And I'd find out about the branch too, if I could. Why it kept on catching the snow. Perhaps they were related. Perhaps the branch knew why the sand falls the way it does, and that's why it kept on catching the snow. I resolved not to leave that spot until I understood it all, the sand, the snow, the branch, everything.

But I couldn't keep that promise. As soon as I made it, I was relieved of it, almost as if by fate, like all I had to do was make that promise and everything would be okay again. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something near the water by the lighthouse. I turned slowly, and saw Will, climbing up out of the water, with Drakamon trailing behind. I almost thought that it had to be a mirage, or perhaps some kind of dream again. Will sat down and reached into his pack. He pulled his shirt and sweater out of it and pulled them on, and then put on his shoes. Forgetting the promise I had just made to myself, I stood up and began to slowly walk over to them. As I got closer I became increasingly sure that it was them, and my pace quickened, until I was practically running. I was only about a hundred feet away when he noticed me. He watched as I ran toward him. I was almost crying. As soon as I got there I wrapped him up in my arms and squeezed him tight. He was really there!

"Uh, Kari, you're suffocating me," he squeaked out. I let go of him. I hadn't realized how hard I'd been squeezing.

"Sorry," I said with tears still in my eyes. "I just thought, I thought you were dead." I guess Will understood, because he hugged me this time, and I was happy to lean on him and cry for a minute or so, even though he was soaking wet.

We finally released each other, and I stared at him for another few seconds. "How'd you get away?" I asked, still barely able to believe he was there.

"That's a long story. I'll explain it later," he said. "How did you get here?" he asked. His question woke me from my long reverie. It was as if I hadn't really understood that I was in the Dark Ocean before, and I suddenly realized that I had let myself slip here in my despair.

"I . . ." I couldn't seem to answer the question, and it was because I was now asking it of myself. I had brought myself here by refusing to believe, and forgetting hope.

"I guess I haven't been thinking very clearly lately," I said. "I forgot some of the things my friend taught me."

Will just smiled at me. "You know what; I had the same problem a little while ago. It's not fixed yet, but I'm working on it."

"How about we fix it together?" I asked.

"That sounds like a good idea," Will said. "I think it's time we went back to our world." I just smiled and nodded. Will pulled out the dark crest again, and gripped my hand as Drakamon wrapped around his leg. Slowly, the Dark Ocean began to fade into blackness.