A/N: Sloth is only a supporting character in the following story, but I wanted to throw this in anyway. Also, as you may have noticed, these are completely unconnected stories. Some will take place in alternative universes (Greed comes back to life a couple of times because I love him), some earlier than the stories before them, etc.(This one, for example, takes place at the very beginning of the series, maybe even before.)

Roy: (hic) I've (hic) got the (hic) hiccups (hic hic). Someone (hic) scare me.

Riza: (points to Bradley) That man is the sole commander of the most powerful martial force in the world, and he can't remember his own phone number.

Roy: (hic) That's not (hic) what I (hic) meant.

Story 4: Congratulations, You're a Dog of the Military

"Ok, the important thing to remember is that the only reason people sign up for the Military is that they get a paycheck, a gun, and a license to kill," Fuhrer Bradley whispered under his breath to his secretary-in-training, glancing nervously around the hallway as though he expected a bevy of rabid weasels to jump out of one of the doors. "So that tells you the kind of nuts we have to deal with. Your best bet is not to make any sudden movements."

Sloth laughed softly, writing "watch out for crazies" as a joke on the clipboard she had brought. She was so happy to have this job, and she was determined not to screw it up. She was going to prove to Envy, once and for all, that she was NOT a lazy tramp.

"Seriously, they're insane. Except Hawkeye here," Bradley smiled brightly at the pissed-off blond woman barreling down the hall in the opposite direction. "She's cool."

Saluting quickly, Riza managed a smile, which she quickly dropped in favor of a "someone's gonna die" frown, resuming her power walk.

When the Lieutenant was out of earshot, Bradley dropped his voice again. "No, she's one of the worst of them. Look out for her, because, Riza, she'll cut you. Just give her a reason,"

More apprehensive now, Sloth glanced back over her shoulder as they walked, almost bumping into the three men coming her way.

"Hello, sir!" one of them said, saluting in a preoccupied sort of way. "Have you seen Lt. Ha-,"

"She went that way," Bradley interrupted, pointing after Riza. The men went pale and dashed off. "That was... um... Havoc, I think, he's a desperate virgin and easy to push around, Falman, who's the perfect case study of a serial killer, and Roy Mustang, a mentally unstable Ishbalan veteran with suicidal tendencies and the goal of taking over the government and becoming Fuhrer by any means necessary."

This one threw Sloth a little. "Sir, that's treason! You could have him killed,"

Bradley shrugged. "He's harmless, though. Crazy, but harmless. Oh, and I've never had a problem... but I've heard he's the kind of stud crumpet who can't imagine a woman who wouldn't want to conceive a child via him, so keep some mace on you."

"Sounds like my ex-husband," Sloth muttered.

"You were married?"

"Life begins when your husband leaves and the kids think you're dead," the secretary-in-training chirped.

"You're going to fit in around here just fine."